A letter to you...

[Celestine]

It's been a short three months but I can't let you go without telling you how I feel. People say I want to be a choice but I'm not going to be an option.

I wanted to be with you and therefore I made my decision. And I tried to figure out if we are on the same page. I told you I wasn't seeing anyone else besides you. You agreed with me and you said something that has been running through my head lately. You said only guys who are can't deal with one girl, would try to have side option. I guess that's true for you then.

It was you who complicated the thing between us. It was you who wanted to turn it from casual making out at parties into something more. It was you who wanted the day time dates to really get to know me. And it was you who said you couldn't believe that I could be even more a wonderful person than you had already seen.

Then suddenly you realized how fast it got so serious with us. You were afraid of what you yourself wanted. But you didn't talk to me, you opted for the easy way out. You just kissed her in front of me and then you still had the nerve to tell be how much you like me and how much you wished things were different but that you couldn't give me more than half of you right now.

But see, I can't do this. I cannot take a step back from what we already had. I can't be the girl you might be taking home at the end of the night.

I never asked for you to be a part of my life. I wasn't even that interested in you at first. But you were so utterly sweet and caring and made such an effort to win me over.

I was afraid things progressed too fast between us. I told you I was scared. I told you I wanted to run away. And you just held me closer and you said that it would be worth the risk.

And it was. Because it was beautiful and I've rarely been so happy.

I hope you find what you're looking for. I really do. I even believe you that you didn't want to hurt me. But you did. I like you a lot and I won't forget the short time we had together but I don't want to be your option. I just can't and I don't want.