She did it AGAIN!! And here we go AGAIN! Merry-go-round. see this text..

[Mack05]

i cannot see beyond EVER getting over this. Everyone tells me given her previous she will contact me again. I mean jeeze, she got back in touch clearly with her 5 year EX months and months later after our first round together last year.

 

I cant see past her beauty in her stilettos and I cant see ever getting that again.

 

When we lose someone we love, sometimes we lose heart and faith. It’s hard to keep getting kicked in the gut. For me, I made a conscious decision to keep getting up from the knock downs. To keep believing, even all the evidence says I shouldn’t. To keep moving forward, when your whole body just wants to lay down. Quitting is easier, but when we finally achieve what we set out to achieve, all the hard work makes it worthwhile. We all have the choice to turn things around in our lives. For many of us on this site, our journeys have yet to be complete. We have taken detours, sometimes gone backwards. That is why when we finally reach our destination, the sense of achievement is so much more, then it would have been if it were easy.

 

This girl is not the right girl for you. In time you will see that. I'm hurting too my friend..Everytime in my life if the word 'quit' ever came into my head, I read this poem..You can't give up on yourself and I will (as many others on this site will be as well) here for you until you are strong again..

 

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit,

Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.

 

Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As every one of us sometimes learns,

And many a failure turns about,

When he might have won had he stuck it out;

Don't give up though the pace seems slow,

You may succeed with another blow.

 

Often the goal is nearer than,

It seems to a faint and faltering man,

Often the struggler has given up,

When he might have captured the victor's cup,

And he learned too late when the night slipped down,

How close he was to the golden crown.

 

Success is failure turned inside out'

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,

And you never can tell how close you are,

It may be near when it seems so far,

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit

It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

Edited February 28, 2012 by Mack05

[Mack05]

Also mate try to listen to your fav songs. Especially upbeat songs in the mornings. It really does help. This is a song you will never have heard of before, but it ALWAYS cheers me up and I'm pretty sure there has never been a song that's more upbeat!

 

[a_bit_lost]

Cant listen to stuff like that, thanks though, just makes me even more teary eye'd thinking about things

 

thank you though

[Mack05]

Cant listen to stuff like that, thanks though, just makes me even more teary eye'd thinking about things

 

thank you though

 

There are SO many things you don't want to do during a breakup, but you need to force yourself to do them. The last thing I felt like doing is exercising, but I got out of bed at 7:30am and headed to the beach and did a very HARD continous hour of circuit training. My legs and arms hurt so much, I couldn't even lift them. Would much rather got up at 8:30 and chilled in a jacuzzi bath and felt sorry for myself, before work.

 

Sometimes I don't want to listen to happy songs, but I do it. Even when it stirs up memories. I shed a few tears last night listening to songs. That is good. It is a part of the healing process. Mate its about pushing yourself. Willing yourself out of the mess that you are in.

 

'Going that one more round, when you don't think you can...That's what makes all the difference to your life'..

 

I see you rock bottom. I've been there. When your rock bottom you crawl inch by inch to get out of it. Those inches eventually become yards, then one day after alot of hard work and sacrifice, those yards become miles.

 

You have got to dig in and fight.....'Can't' is not an option right now..

Edited February 28, 2012 by Mack05

[Jono85]

in fairness, time and time previously she came back EVEN when i just started NC with her last time round twice, so she must have strong thoughts for me, else she would have been happy to walk away previously and never come back. SO i can't imagine that's she just happy and just over this just like that, not that I necessarily want her to be unhappy but i think you know what I mean.

 

it's sad it sounds like u don't even want it to be over yet. i'd wager quite a sum of money that if she crawls back to you again, this whole cycle just repeats itself. wonder how many cycles it takes for a lesson to be learned.

[a_bit_lost]

im doing ok guys.. im actually ok.. I think throughout this whole on off relationship with her she's never exceeded 10 days without contacting me during the other splits etc all over last year and this time still no contact from her. I am heeling I think. Its been a week and I'm SURE i'm better than I was last breakup around last time a week in.. im so sure of it. I think it would screw me if I saw her, BUT I WANT TO.. Which given this city isn't very big there is chance I will at some point.

 

The mornings are the worse, i am up and down between being fine, angry, miss her and then I question myself to think if I did everything I could in this and feel guilty. All friends say I did above and beyond with this woman time and time again, so i'm kind of ok with how I did things, i mean i'm not perfect but I tried to invest a lot into it despite everything.

 

Jono85 - Hmmm... not sure what to say.

 

My therapist, mother and everyone else says she's going to come back at some point and I need to be ready for that. I agree - but I don't think she will for a little while (unlike the other breakups where she'd text me weekly) Im still in love with the image of her, but Ive just got a new club/bar to DJ at every friday which i'm looking forward to, the only thing is that it is about a 2minute walk from her apartment.

Edited March 1, 2012 by a_bit_lost

[wilsonx]

A_Bit_Lost...

 

So I have been out of my element for the past couple of months and I did not really read and focus on the original text.

 

Summarize what her text in your first posts means to you.

 

After you do so, how long are you going to let her keep doing this to you. You are responsible for how you are treated. You have many options on how to initiate NC and move forward from there. How long are you going to be used for a rebound for?

[a_bit_lost]

A_Bit_Lost...

 

So I have been out of my element for the past couple of months and I did not really read and focus on the original text.

 

Summarize what her text in your first posts means to you.

 

After you do so, how long are you going to let her keep doing this to you. You are responsible for how you are treated. You have many options on how to initiate NC and move forward from there. How long are you going to be used for a rebound for?

 

wilsonx - I'm pleased you're here.. Thanks. Just to note, that text on page 1 of this thread was from the last episode with her when she dropped me and kept texting etc. Since all that build-up we got back together just after new year and again its ended last week, see above last 15-20 posts on whats happened etc. I just wanted to clarify that your question relates to the latest events..?

[wilsonx]

Yup. I have been reading this thread. I know what this is. I want you in your own words tell me what that text means to you from 3 months ago in the first post. Its crystal clear to me

Edited March 1, 2012 by wilsonx

[a_bit_lost]

thanks again wilson for checking in.. i did read the whole lot of this the other day.. Thats why i'm here + therapy... I'm blind to it I guess. I think I know what you're going to say, but WHY would she have wasted so long on saying she loved me so much, chasing me, harassing me, shouting at me in my house telling me that she I blew every ex away on the level on the love she had for me, SHOUTING AND CRYING THAT at me.. Bearing in mind this is all prior to the deal-breaker 'i want to do topless modelling' and I'm going to do it regardless of what you feel or think s*it.

[wilsonx]

I understand what she's doing. It's the mental bounce in a burnout/gigs.

 

At any time, you have the power to walk away and say no more. This is not going to end well for you if you continue.

 

At this point, you are aware and you can not blame her anymore. FYI when she comes out of this, she's going to be Stuck on her ex no matter what she says now. If you continue she will burn you into the ground to push you away.

 

Best advice for you, go NC and move forward without her

[a_bit_lost]

thanks wilson.. im sure as you've read she's initiated no contact. I told her I could do it with her because she gave me a deal-breaker, i backtracked after that a day and tried to get things to work desperately etc as I'm sure you'll see, desperately tried to talk through things and reach a compromise to no avail with her until she asked for NC. Just crazy that she should literately beg me and scream at me telling me she loved me so much a matter of weeks before and then to be here.. I mean i'm doing ok tbh this time round.

 

 

The story to summarise:

6months on - (ropey from the start as she was still with him) - She left as she was confused etc, i think she was playing other guys as well as well as her 5year ex.

2months off - She continued to text me even though i went nc quietly

2months on - She bought me dinner out, said that she was stable - she left again as she was 'scared of her love for me', yeh whatever!

2months off - Again, she continued to text me, this is where this thread starts from.

6weeks on - Telling me she loved me daily, sooo powerful emotions toward me this time, it felt different seriously, that she made a huge mistake, that she wants a life with me, that she changed for herself, that she was scared of loving me the way she did.

Off - Ended because she gave me a deal-breaker situation and didnt care how I would feel about it, and would do it regardless of what I felt.

 

 

Each time she has continued to text me, call, catch me out at DJ venues i play at etc until it reached a crescendo of I HAVE TO SEE YOU, I LOVE YOU I CANT LIVE WITHOUT YOU kind of thing (this has happened twice), but i mean so powerful, so full of emotion and everything else. Insane. Thats why I my councillor and mom say it will happen again and i need to learn to say NO.

Edited March 2, 2012 by a_bit_lost

[a_bit_lost]

i went out for a very casual drink with another girl last night, not really a date (i kept looking around thinking the ex may come into the bar I was at, she didn't), but this girl talked about her previous ex's so i decided to explain very briefly my now ex situation, and other things like what i do, what i'm about etc, when i gave her a lift home after in my car she said - OMG its no wonder this girl cant let you go, she'll never find anything better than you and soon realises that she can't. made me think a little..

[leoc1973]

A bit lost. Ok I have read the first 2 pages and the last 3 pages of this post.

 

I am just not understanding something. You really seem to have your act together as far as money stability and you say your a tall and tan and I am assuming decent looking guy who does DJ'ing on the side flies planes ect. Ok that being said I kinda have a decent job and am I guess above average looking but in no way anywhere close to what you have going on in your life. And since my breakup there has been flocks of women. I dated probably 20+ women and a lot of them made me miss my ex more but there were that handful that allowed me to say to myself wow there are some great girls out there.

 

Then I recently met one that just blows me away. Do I care about my ex? sure I do. Do I hope she is ok? of course. And don't get me wrong I was pining over her for a long time but when I came on here guys like wilson and a few others told me to grow a pair and man up! I really took that to heart and said to myself wow is there something I can't see? And after sitting there with my thoughts.... yes there was! She was just simply not worth it.

 

You were not with this girl very long and you should not have this kind of emotional connection to her. Not after a rocky 6 month relationship. I was with my ex for 6 years and I am finally moving on. You should be out dating and "whoring" around yourself a little bit. I don't want to hear that old fashioned crap because when you are old and on your deathbed what are you going to do? Tell your grandkids how honorable you were? No one really cares about your sexual partners. Go out and get laid!!! Its wired into a mans dna I don't care what a therapist or anyone says. Men are wired to spread their seed and if you don't start you are never going to break this tie to her.

 

As far as from her standpoint... Listen I talked to my ex and right now she is seeing a "you". Her and I are very open about our feelings and what things both good and bad go on in our minds. She told me that she feels bad because this new guy is "spoiling" her and he is falling in love but she just can't get that "feeling" for him. She tries and tries but she just can't feel the same way she felt for me. Yes I am the nightclub owner in her eyes. And the thing is that if a woman is missing something she will go try and I mean really try to find it in another man. Sometimes they do sometimes they don't.

 

What is happening is that she is trying to find a guy(you) that is all the things her ex of 5 years is not. Only problem is that she is in love with him and you are not him even tho she wishes she could combine the two of you.

 

She never healed between relationships and that makes her heart not truly available. Ask wilson and smokey about this. She just doesn't have her heart to give because she never took it back from the previous guy.

 

Dude you NEED to date other girls... forget the stupid therapist forget advice from family and friends and forget how beautiful and perfect she is on the outside because inside she is broken and probably not fixable(esp by you) The only way men get over women is by getting new women because we are wired from way back before caveman times to do so.

 

I don't really think there are many people out there that set out to hurt someone and I don't think in this girls case that she is trying either but the girl is confused and she is searching for something that she will probably never find in you. And to take something from wilson again. You have to set boundries and this girl has already been showed that she can go back and forth over your boundries and you will still forgive her.

 

Sorry if I am all over the place with my thoughts but I haven't had my coffee and the phone won't stop ringing but you get the gist of it!

[a_bit_lost]

leoc1973 - True... I know.. I hear what you're saying. I cant wait to say 'wow there are some great girls out there' - to be at that stage and i'm too sitting here with my thoughts right now. She is not worth all the hassle.

Edited March 2, 2012 by a_bit_lost

[a_bit_lost]

urrghhh... i dj'ed at a club tonight.. Luckily (i guess) she didn't come in, but my best friends were at a bar up the road they came to see me later and told me that 'SHE' was up the road at that bar. My friends are very loyal to me and said that they didn't acknowledge her existence in there, even though she realized my friends where in there. She didn't come down the club I was playing at tonight - However, I have received two phone calls using a 'withheld number', which isn't normal for this hour for me to get calls at all, let alone a withheld number. Her brother came into this club though with his friends not that that bothered me though.

 

Just feelin UTTER s**t, I dont know why given this. I suppose because shes out and about etc and I guess having a great time... URGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[a_bit_lost]

This has really set me back and I don't know why?! I guess just knowing that she was up the road at another bar has really freaked me out when I know that thats the kind of thing she always does anyway.. I'm not sure of those withheld calls were her and I know you all will say who cares. Feel like a bit of a set back just from the knowledge she was out and about last night and my friends say her all glammed up. Urgh totally lost today

[LZ2000]

i went out for a very casual drink with another girl last night, not really a date (i kept looking around thinking the ex may come into the bar I was at, she didn't), but this girl talked about her previous ex's so i decided to explain very briefly my now ex situation, and other things like what i do, what i'm about etc, when i gave her a lift home after in my car she said - OMG its no wonder this girl cant let you go, she'll never find anything better than you and soon realises that she can't. made me think a little..

 

Dude. Think of this as a good sign of better things to come.

 

You're quality man material in at least this girl you went out with. That's encouraging.

[a_bit_lost]

thank you. I've suffered for a long time with this situation.

[a_bit_lost]

Just spoken to my best friend who was at that bar, he said he was livid because she stood a matter of meters away at the bar and completely ignored him, she knows him well through me obviously, she knew he was there and saw him and stood with her back towards him laughing and giggling with her stupid skank glam friends, my friend said it was like the stuff she was doing was all so he'd tell me. I'm so f****ed with this, I'm loosing it

[LZ2000]

She's doing it on purpose I suspect. And she's probably doing this to make you feel bad and to make herself feel good, I believe.

 

Oh, just something I'd like to share, did you know that when you knowingly take revenge on someone, the chemical reactions in your brain at that time is just as similar when you are eating your favorite food?

[a_bit_lost]

im so cross!!!! and upset! all of it. Shes SUCH a b**ch, and has been to me! My own fault for letting this happen. She confided in my best friend when she was desperate to get me back in previous times, and then simply ignores him like this. Just shows what I have to come with this ludicrous situation.

[a_bit_lost]

i actually feel totally lost. like my legs want to move, does anyone understand this feeling.. Where wherever I am I don't want to be there, a sense of panic and just un-calm-ness. totally helpless, like I can only imagine the feeling of giving up a drug - completely twitchy, cant focus.. all of that.

[a_bit_lost]

i've just done a test from a friend who is on the same phone network as she is on and hid the caller ID to call my phone, and viola, it came up on screen with the same "Unknown" name.. Logic and everything points towards that it was indeed her that called me. Can only but shiver that this is going to rear up again as everyone has said.

[a_bit_lost]

I've got this awful feeling shes seeing someone else already :'( even though ive blocked her on FB I saw this guy has just befriended a load of her friends and I feel my friends were protecting me on what they saw on Saturday night... My best friend said she was doing things so he'd report back to me and it would make me jealous but he didn't really say what..... it's hit me tonight like a ton of bricks