She did it AGAIN!! And here we go AGAIN! Merry-go-round. see this text..

[Livin Lrge]

Hi Mate,

I'm going through the same sh#t you are,

I feel your pain and the panic attacks and the thought of "if I could just do/ chat with her about ...... but at the end of the day these girls don't care what we have to say while we aren't on there mind.

In the process and its now been three years for me with her but 1.5 years of this up and down roller coaster ride.

watch out for the boundaries that will keep getting pushed further and further until one day you really reach rock bottom and your own health starts to fail because of the stress you have caused it.

I'm trying to get off the roller coast ride right now and going to do it slowly.

I'm kinda like you in a few ways, own my home, drive a great sports car and money in the bank and a sales manager making great money.

My girl was sexy hot every guy just wants to be with her.

we had great times and now for the last three months I moved a flat mate in who happens to be a great girl as I wanted some company and boy does my X have the sh#t about that one. Long story

In the end the right thing is to is let go and end it before you become just another number of the guys she has F**K Over.

run like hell

[a_bit_lost]

thanks Livin Lrge - sounds like a same situation you've had... Everything that witch told me has been lies, my folks saw through everything.. Shes just not right, most likely has borderline personality or narcissist. I no longer want to call, I DO WANT TO call, but there's no way my pride would allow it now. No way could I call up whilst shes MOST LIKELY lying next to other dude, I cant do that to myself, so I suppose that's improvement to a tiny fraction. I've just gotta get past this sh*t like yourself.

[a_bit_lost]

This girl totally played me time and time again... I mean it just makes sense as Wilson has said, totally her backup really, thinking about things every time she came back she would always have a subliminal additional reason, like 'things are so bad with my family right now', or just other sh*t like that... Blatantly I was there to make things 'good' for her at the present time.

 

As much as I am still checking my phone every moment, I do have harbour a great deal of hate for her and the cr*p shes put me through - I even told her that a few weeks ago during the huge arguments. What annoys me now is that im sure shes having a great time flirting around, hooking up with whoever, etc at the moment and loving all the activities in her crappy life.

 

As much as I do hopelessly care for her - two weeks NC today.. Three weeks sunday from the breakup. (well, other than the Unknown calls last Saturday night, which I'm so sure was her...)

[Livin Lrge]

Mate,

This is what I've come to learn,

There are many type of different girls that need to be treated accordingly.

For your girl and my girl you have to except them the way they are if your going to keep yourself from going nuts.

you have to understand that you and I will never really understand the things they do and we cant analyze it because girls tend not to use there logical side of there brain in most cases. So forget trying... Don';t ever try to understand them.

 

This is the way I see it.

You like/Love this girl but you need to know she is not the type of girl by the sounds of things to fall into marriage material or a Long happy relationship. lets face it unless she changes her attitude then forget it.You know this and so does your family.

 

Now that we have established that she's not marriage material lets see what options you have left.

You can choose to wipe her out of your life all together and ride the ruff road ahead or you can do what I'm doing with my situation.

 

What I've come to realize is if they are going to act the way they do you need to stop trying to understand them first of all.

You need to distance your self emotionally from them and dont give them your heart. you can like them but you can't open up fully to them. Be a closed book, She doesn't need that side of you and that's what turns them off. Adapt to the situation.

This girl is only after the short ride not the long ride. understand that.

Second, Let them be second best in your life, only do what the F**k you want to do, when you want to do it. let them work around your time not the other way around. show them that they are second best.

You need to quit worrying about them, understand that at some point the ride is going to be over and they will move on unless there attitude changes. I heard once that hot chicks are like leasing a car, at some point the lease expires.

You really have to realize that hopes for a stable relationship is not going to happen with this girl because of the way her attitude and mindset are.

But that's okay if you can work with it.

Think about this, if you stop putting in a lot of effort into trying to understand them and just understand her game.

PLAY HER GAME WITH YOUR RULES....

 

While you play her game go out and look for a new girl because you sure as f**K don't owe her any commitment or anything.

Just don't get attached and don't take her seriously.

Just enjoy her company when you do hang out again.

 

 

I hope you can see my point....

BTW This is if you want to see her again because I can bet my left nut that see will be back.....

Edited March 8, 2012 by Livin Lrge

[a_bit_lost]

Living large, you were right as was everyone.

 

New events - she emailed me yesterday midday saying the usual hope your ok, I still really care about you a lot... UNBELIEVEABLE

 

AND THEN

Last night I was out at a few clubs, she tapped me on the shoulder asked if I was ok, i just acknowledged her with a 'hi' and she walked off

 

THEN

 

later she came over again, I was VERY drunk, I don't even know what was said but it wasn't long but I remember telling her to piss off over and over and not hugely aggressively pushed her on the shoulder a few times, kinda two finger push away job not hard, her male friend mates come over ad almost start a fight, she's there shouting at me saying I can't believe you pushed me and it dispersed.

 

I had two withheld calls later and a couple of emails saying stuff like I can't believe you pushed me never thought you would be like that etc etc she said I could see you were hurt and angry and that's why I was calming you down etc. I replied in email something like 'I'm not interested. I want to erase you from my life' etc, to which she replied ditto.

 

Unbelievable. I should have not gone to that club, I'm too weak and not strong enough yet.

[a_bit_lost]

And it's put me right back I the beginning of healing as I've had more panic attacks and the works since this.

[buckylv]

a bit lost,

 

This is my first post ever in this forum but i read your original post from the first time you got with this girl and i knew then it was headed for a trainwreck. When you went back the second time, i was just shaking my head.

 

Your entire history with this girl reminds me of a story you have probably heard before. There was a girl walking down the street when she came upon a snake who had been run over. The snake pleaded with her for help so she picked it up and took it home. She devoted the next month to nursing that snake back to health. One day when she removed it from the cage, the snake bit her and slithered off into the grass. She yelled at the snake "why did you do this too me? After everything i have done for you". To this, the snake simply responded "you knew i was a snake you stupid bitch"!

 

I'm quite a bit older than you and have had some experience with women like your ex. You have to realize(which you are starting to do) that you are not wired to accept this girl and be with her. I have dated women who were both Borderline and bi-polar and it does sound like this particular girl suffers from them. The only thing you can really do at this point is go completely no contact with her. Dont waste your time writing her parents. She is going to twist this back on you and try to set you up as the bad guy and fall guy. At this point, there are too many raw emotions on your part in play and you really do jeopardize your health and well-being if you continue having any contact with this girl. Basically, you are at the point of no return. You haven't hit rock bottom but you will quickly if you continue and it will scare the crap out of you when you do.

 

I hope one thing you have learned from all this is that your material possesions mean nothing to know one. I have literally seen love interests before still hung up on ex's that were crackheads and in prison. Trying to impress someone with material wealth is a lesson in futility. You know how you impress someone? By living a happy fruitful life. The right girls will pick up on this. The kind of girls you really want to be with and build a life with.

[Livin Lrge]

New she would be back.....

[hotloader]

Yeh i'm back after another round with her!

 

Ok, i wrote here a while back in the summer, for background, and yes, against what everyone said we got back together for a second time

 

Ex GF - An actress or not My story... NC produced odd results, or not? - LoveShack.org Community Forums

 

Basically after the 6month'ish relationship post breakup (i'm pretty sure the breakup in the summer was because she was still very much into her ex bf of 5 years), she continued to text me every two weeks or so, sometimes more often, an odd call here and there etc, i was completely NC, as hard as it was! This went on for around 6/7 weeks. She would visit me whenever I dj'ed in the clubs etc, until one time she came in almost crying saying how much she did regret things. Etc etc. I still left it until I was literately bombarded with calls the following day/week and I broke NC to find out what was what, and the following things happened

 

• She begged with me to meet up with her - I met with her (secretly pleased that this was all going this way) and she explained that she was in a better place now, more secure, more stable and wants to get us back on track.
  
• I told her I needed time to think about things
  
• I went on holiday for a week, and when returned after a few little oddities we met again.
  
• Long long chats initiated by me in her company with her reassurance that she was in a much better place, her head was clear and everything else.
  
• I stated that we were back together and SERIOUSLY laid down rules, expectations and so on - as one would. She was ALL over me again, emails, calls, texts the lot.
  
• Things became good and to be honest, it was the best 8 weeks of our realtionship back on track - I took her away for a weekend, spoiled her, did the right things, treated her well, but still maintained a little kind of space and certainly didnt throw RIGHT back into it deeeeeply.
  
• The girl is an almighty flirt, more than i've ever seen, massively, even in front of my nose, very hard to deal with, she hyperactive a lot of the time, can act quite a depressant as well some of the time, but when things are good they're AMAZING. (BPD?!..)
  
• Things were a little hot and cold with us here and there, i maintained a strong proud position and didn't weaken.
  
• Then she went to a wedding party one night and the following day called me in tears effectively ending the relationship. (no invite for me I might add - rather suspicious whilst I did a little spying to find out who's wedding it was and it was a close friend of the 5year ex...)
  

 

This was now 4 weeks ago, AND SINCE her breaking up with me and me immediently going NC - YET AGAIN and doing the agreeing with the breakup etc etc, i've just had a text a week, a few emotional ones, a few thank you ones, a call and answer phone message (letting me know that she was doing great, and her job is good and blah blah - really random) AND then this last Saturday:

 

----

 

Why can I never seem to not contact you!!! And do u know what, I've done so much thinking, walking, going to the gym to clear my head and find me again, I've thought of ALL the things we used to do, all the chats, the playing around, everything we went through and taught each-other....how the hell can I not have u in my life!? I know it's normal to think and feel all these things. U are my best friend and I wish i could have u in my life, coz I hate u not in it at all! I have come to terms with that I got scared with loving you and Pete I do love you, love u so much! I will live with my decisions as at the time I thought it was right, I've never felt like that before It really scared me! Maybe that is what love does to some people and I certainly have not felt like that before so I did what I thought was right. I understand how u work after a break up and usually I do the same but I can't with u!! It's driving me mad Pete!! I no deep inside somewhere u must think of your girl too, even if it's only a Lil bit. I would like to think that u do, we had so much fun. Maybe one day I'll hear from you, maybe ur reply to this, I dnt no. I just had to say this, get it off my chest, as I speak what I feel and I'm a big softy (as u know) so i thought I would follow what i feel and reach out and let u no how I felt and just...have some peace of mind. And by all this I'm in NO way shape or form am I trying to make either of us feel worse, or make it harder or anything else like that. I think so so so dearly of u. I no we both can be happy in our lives, we are good ppl, hope life if well. Girl x

 

---

 

 

Please note, this happened last time round when she walked out and ended it, and continued lingering texts almost of a stringing like to them, to be honest there was no mention in it last time around of the whole love thing, this wasn't anything ever really said, this is what makes me wonder here!!

 

I've had nothing since last saturday when she sent this (1.5weeks ago), only a call from her at 5am the following morning. I have zero trust for this girl, but I have this almighty pull toward her, loved taking her under wing. Is this girl borderline personality disorder? God this text is playing on me massively and as the days pass it makes me want to break NC, please help...

 

STOP this behavior. Drop this woman like a bad habit and move on. It pains me to see how much you're reading into your current situation. You don't need the hassle. Pull yourself up by the bootstraps, ditch this girl and her issues, and move on with your life. You'll get over it. Breakups are like the flu. You'll be all twisted up inside for a while, but it'll pass.

 

I can also guarantee that she isn't reading into this as much as you are. In fact, I'd be willing to bet that she's thoroughly enjoying the state of confusion and conflict that she's placed you in. Do you like having your strings pulled by an emotional puppet master? Walk away, and don't allow yourself to be this emotionally invested in another woman ever again.

[a_bit_lost]

Thanks, everyone is right on here - I'm fully aware of that. The snake tale is very true and that's exactly it, thanks.

 

My health is suffering badly at the moment, im feeling disorientated. I woke up at 5 this morning and panicked and can barely do anything right now other than smoke - i'm at work now and feeling horrendous.

 

My main problem is that I cannot understand it fully, her motivations etc, but I will in time im sure. I'm sure she indeed loves the drama of this and puppeteering me, why else bug me like she did when I was out, any normal sensible woman would have clearly ignored me and not come over to talk to me. Kudos perhaps for me for telling her 'im not interested' but i'm sure in time she will be back, it'll probably make it more of a challenge for her now and hence knowing her she'll want it more.

 

I'm aware this woman is not for me - she is the snake as in the story. I'm massively back at the beginning now, christ last June she dropped me first time round. This situation won't end until I end it, I KNOW THIS.

[a_bit_lost]

And please define rock bottom, I think i'm there, as i've seriously considered ending everything.

[hotloader]

And please define rock bottom, I think i'm there, as i've seriously considered ending everything.

 

Ending the relationship or "ending everything" literally?

[buckylv]

And please define rock bottom, I think i'm there, as i've seriously considered ending everything.

 

 

If you're implying what i think you are, you need to reach out and seek help immediately with a qualified professional. I do understand your plight but i can guarantee one thing. In time, you will look back at this phase in your life and absolutely marvel at the idea that this girl could drive you to the brink of destruction. You will also thank your lucky stars that you picked yourself up,brushed yourself off, and lived and learned.

 

To break this down on a purely physical level, one problem is this girl has released chemicals in your brain that has changed your brain chemistry. Much like an addict who snorts a line of coke, this person is like a drug to you. Around her, your body releases more adrenaline and your brain releases larger amounts of dopamine and norepinephrine "feel good" chemicals. This is what gives you that craving and the only way to satisfy it or so you think is to have another fix which would be her. Then to further complicate matters, during sex your releasing oxytocin and vasopressin which is causing you to bind more to her. If these are all new emotions and chemicals, well then you can see how this can trick your brain. I'm not saying you've never been in love before, but maybe past loves have not fired up the neurotransmitters like this girl did.

 

The good news is you will survive. Eventually your brain will return to a normal state and then your more analytical thought processes will take over allowing you to make rational decisions not marred in a haze of chemicals.

[a_bit_lost]

Thank you buckylv, you seem very switched on and have analysed me well.

 

Indeed, when I see her I get that feeling (shaking, physical unease), she does too I could see in the way she was walking that she was uncomfortable after she saw me the first time that night in a bar at the beginning of the night, whilst I made for a quick exit.

 

As for seeking a professional, I already am - and in reference to ending, yes I mean ending myself to get away from this, its crossed my mind a lot of late. I have a phone session with my therapist tonight and two physical slots this week scheduled.

 

Perhaps that's it now and I'll never hear from her again, I know you guys will say you don't want to and it would be good if she didn't - but I think that's at the root cause of my pain, physical pain now - As you say like an addict who wants coke. The snag is i've said i'm not interested and to her that will make her want it more I bet given she's clearly BPD. I jump between feeling horrendously guilty one moment, to the next feeling in control and powerful given I "man'ed" up to her, to an utter mess.

[CaliBabe]

This pains me to see you like this. I can understand the toll it can take on you physically and mentally but NO ONE I repeat NO ONE is worth you "ending it all". You are very worthy of love and will only realize and enjoy being loved when you first love YOURSELF, truly.

 

I am telling you this from personal experience. I was left by the man I loved who I shared my life with for 7 years! I was a total mess and thought the same things you did, went through the same pain. To this day, 9 months later, I still love him with every ounce of my being.

 

But...

 

With the passing time I learned how to love me all over again. I learned what I liked to do and what made me happy. I found out I can make myself happy. It took me 9 months but I can say I am happy again. Maybe not every single day, but overall I am happy. And without him no less.

 

You can do this, I promise. You need time that is all. Please know that you are worthy of happiness and love, just be the one to give it yourself, no need to rely on anyone else to give it to you.

[hotloader]

and in reference to ending, yes I mean ending myself to get away from this, its crossed my mind a lot of late.

 

Dude, I've been there and it's not worth it. No woman is ever worth clipping yourself over. You must get through this so that you can set an example for yourself, because it's gonna make you so much stronger in the end. I'm not talking out of my ass either. I've been where you are, and I will never be there again. Make the decision now to do the same for yourself.

[a_bit_lost]

Thanks guys - I'm not going to do anything. I'm simply still riddled with panic.

 

I found an interesting post on bpdfamily.com where there is a poll of makeup/breakup cycle and some of the stories on there resemble my situation exactly, like looking in a mirror with the stories - proving to me that this girl is BPD. I know I have a part to play too and that I simply allowed it.

 

I feel hugely guilty for the events on Saturday night, for shouting at her in the club and it almost evolving into a fight. I am such a placid guy and hate any sort of head on confrontation like that, esp when she emailed after saying how horrible I was, like i'm the bad guy in all this - I am also empowered by me saying 'Im not interested' in reply. But all these emotions are all over the place now for me.

 

My therapist last night said that she would be feeling huge rejection right now, and guarantees this will spout another contact from her at some point.

[selena_cat]

oh and just to add two other things:

 

• When we did get back together she gave me an STD?!!! Everyone told me to get rid of her, but of course i gave her the benefit of the doubt...
   
  
• And she has a rather promiscuous history, which includes cheating on her ex, multiple times..
  

 

Idiot perhaps I am - But i saw the good qualities, not only that you know how it is when you're so incredibly wrapped up in someone and certainly their beauty..

 

 

Okay,now I'm actually angry at you,yes YOU! however I had to edit my response after reading the whole post.

You can be strong,and You can let go of this girl and go strict NC on her,I don't care if she beats down your door,someone like that I would get a temporary restraining order. Never think you are not strong enough to do it,pray for strength if you feel that you can't do it on your own.

Still I believe that you can and will because you are better than that. Post it all over your fridge,wall and PC.

I'll check on your thread to see howz it.

 

Remember NC NC NC,what did I say? NC.

Edited March 13, 2012 by selena_cat

[a_bit_lost]

Thanks selena_cat I need to hear that

[casper12]

Hi guys just been reading your posts, and i am in the same situation kind of which is extremley new (2days)my thread is called broken!, i admire your strength in staying strong with the no contact @davester!

And i have now become very confused after reading your posts WilsonX as the comments i have received are to drop and run as far as i can, so if you guys could take a look at my thread and maybe offer some advice!

[a_bit_lost]

Woke up yet again in a state of panic. Therapy last night was good and I was told NOT to feel guilty about the over dramatised events on Saturday night, as it was clearly her that blew it up to make me feel guilty.

 

When people say 'oh just forget it and move on', please enter my mind. This isn't quite as simple, as its simply like a drug, like another hit of heroine that I need - In fact this drug that I have is more powerful, so simply saying 'oh just move on', especially when i've been mirrored and everything else from a BDP woman isn't easy!

[a_bit_lost]

Well.... As I thought she'd never contact me again after last Saturday and the almost fight in a club followed by the emails sent as you'll see in my earlier posts here, last night I got both an email and a text saying something along the lines of 'my brothers passport people may call you as you were the countersignature and I don't know if they've contacted you but they might, don't know whether they've contacted you or not yet but thought I'd let you know'

 

Something along those lines was the text and email... I thought wtf?! Why bother 'letting me know' about this? I havent been contacted by the passport people and even if I did I would just deal with it.... WTF?! Seriously guys, is this just finding an excuse to contact me or something... Seems to be working hard to find reasons to contact - what do you think? Stringing right?

[a_bit_lost]

I mean what goes through her mind?!

[buckylv]

Hmm...a bit strange indeed. Sounds like she threw the line back in and is looking for a nibble from you. I noticed you referenced BPD in an earlier post? Are you referring to Borderline personality disorder or Bi-polar disorder? Without meeting this woman and by going just by what you talk about in these forums, it does sound like this girl could be borderline.

 

If that's the case you will never win here. Your only option truely is to walk away. I dated one girl in my early twenties who was textbook example of a BPD. She had been sexually abused i found out as a preteen and had severe abandonment issues. I lasted only 4 months with her and everyday was the most extreme rollercoaster ride anyone could imagine. At the time i knew very little of the disorder but after talking to a very well respected therapist, i found out that most don't even know they suffer from it. If by chance they do get a diagnosis, even returning to a somewhat realm of normalcy is tough for them. They must be 100% commited to their therapy and the success rate is still iffy. I have talked to many therapists who won't even treat them because of the emotional abuse they inflict.

 

All i can really say ABL is run. Run very far and as fast as you can. Don't look back. It's a no-win situation for you.

[a_bit_lost]

thanks buckly, yes I meant borderline.

 

Utterly weird I thought to get a text like that, there was no need for it. As you say throwing the rope out slightly. No emotion in the text purely a 'thought I'd let you know' message. Odd in the extreme, I mean tbh there probably isn't anything going on with the passport and she just needed an excuse to contact me.

 

I know my task is to run away, but I just wanted to see what you guys thought about this.