whichwayisup Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 It's setting in. I did blow it. She deserves somebody better. Why? How could she do better? What can you do fix things so you won't feel she deserves someone better? Honestly, if you feel on uneven ground, move out and find a place together so it belongs to both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 Looks like she's in charge eh? So move... Permanently. Since you don't like the way it looks when she's in charge (her power play) end it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ARDriver01 Posted December 15, 2011 Author Share Posted December 15, 2011 Too many people on loveshack are all about ending it. Now, I've been through much, MUCH worse than this little thingy. We'll probably make it. If I took everything as a sign to run, I'd be alone and lame. Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 Too many people on loveshack are all about ending it. Now, I've been through much, MUCH worse than this little thingy. We'll probably make it. If I took everything as a sign to run, I'd be alone and lame. You two have been having the same argument for quite some time. She's told you to hit the bricks, now is your chance to go out there, rent your own APT & be your own, free man! Link to post Share on other sites
LoveTKO Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 Apartments..."f*** you".....throwing beers at each other...."stay out of my business"...smearing feces on pillows...kicking a$$...arguing....mullet haircuts...wife beater tank tops.....stripper poles.......what kind of Christmas party is this anyway? Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 Moving out doesn't need to mean ending the relationship. It means ending the current dynamic where you live at her workplace, as a guest. Has she ever demonstrated this "power hungry" behavior in other circumstances? If not, I'm inclined to believe that her job stresses her out a lot (coming home sour and angry), and your behavior is directly making it more stressful for her at work. Most of us have work stress, but we normally don't have to worry about what our SO will do that makes our job more difficult, or makes us look bad. You talking to the residents about apt policy CAN make her look bad. She's asked you to stop, you've persisted insisting it is somehow your "right", and yeah, now she gets snappy about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ARDriver01 Posted December 15, 2011 Author Share Posted December 15, 2011 Now THAT'S some high quality trolling. Good form sir! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 You want to complain about her, talk terribly to her and plot mean spirited actions against her. That's not loving behavior. There's no good reason to marry her when you participate this way. It's childish and mean of both of you. Move. Find out how to behave like a responsible mature adult. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ARDriver01 Posted December 15, 2011 Author Share Posted December 15, 2011 Okay... It was an immature display of rage. This isn't the norm for me. In fact, it's quite out of character for me. Like I said, I was fed up and I lost it big time. I've since apologized for the horrible things I said. What's next? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 Learn how to use the word 'unacceptable' and how to use it contemporaneously. Don't 'get fed up', which implies you let resentment and anger (that's hurt) build up until your filters were low enough for it to erupt. Deal with boundary breaches in real time. Be clear about those boundaries. State one boundary you feel is constantly breached and how that makes you feel. My advice to you is, if your fiance refuses to respect your boundaries, erase her. That's a two way street. Her communicated boundary is that anything having to do with the apartment complex is her job and hers alone. Respect that. Zip it. Do your part. What she does is up to her. You have no control over that. I'd heartily recommend PMC if the plan is marriage and children. Would you want a child to witness what went on the other night? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ARDriver01 Posted December 15, 2011 Author Share Posted December 15, 2011 Best post yet, thank you. We're currently schedules for PMC. I'm looking forward to getting to the roots of some of these problems befor the become a major wedge. Again, thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 The other thing - do you know a good reason why she would run to your best friend when she's mad at you - then stay with him so late? This seems completely inappropriate on her part. Have you discussed it with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ARDriver01 Posted December 15, 2011 Author Share Posted December 15, 2011 Yep.......... It's inappropriate but resolved. Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 (edited) ARdriver..I agree a lot of people here are telling you to cut and run, and I think it may be a little premature. One thing is you have not revealed a whole lot about your relationship, for example, how long you have been together and your ages. Another thing that seems to be surfacing is that you are both struggling for dominance in your relationship. To A's can get along, and it will be a struggle, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness. Edited December 15, 2011 by standtall Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 Yep.......... It's inappropriate but resolved. Good... I do have a quick question... I seem to remember from a while ago that you were a soldier.. if you were.. have you ever been tested to see if you may suffer from Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The reason I ask is the amount of hostile anger that I sense seems above the bar of normal and if really there might be something you should look into. It's hard sometimes on the internet to judge tone so it is hard to tell if the anger you post is really there or is just coming from your fingers. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 I find it a little scary that you can't even avoid anger at anonymous internet posters, most of whom are trying to help you. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 I think you have received some really good advice. I would like to speak as someone who has had to be in counseling for anger issues. It took awhile to learn a different way of handling things. A different way of communicating, but it was so worth. For those around me and especially for me. If you want to be with her and she with you, it is going to take a lot of work. Maybe living apart for a little while will help you both see more clearly what you want and how you wish to achieve it. I don't know if she is lording her manager's position over you, but your reactions is what caught my attention. I too remember you posting something similar before, so is there a pattern in play? If it is, do you want to continue it? Just something to consider. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveTKO Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 I find it a little scary that you can't even avoid anger at anonymous internet posters, most of whom are trying to help you. Are you saying that his issue should be resolved on Jerry Springer instead? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ARDriver01 Posted December 15, 2011 Author Share Posted December 15, 2011 Reboot seems to be taking this a little seriously... Link to post Share on other sites
LoveTKO Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 Reboot seems to be taking this a little seriously... What do you expect?...smearing feces on a pillow is a pretty disturbing, albeit creative, idea. You're going to have to open the windows, burn those pillow cases afterwards, and hire a hazmat team to make the apartment fit for occupancy again. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 Are you saying that his issue should be resolved on Jerry Springer instead? If only this were a trailer park instead of an apartment complex..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ARDriver01 Posted December 15, 2011 Author Share Posted December 15, 2011 Right?!?! It was a gross exaggeration to express how angry I felt. Now I feel like smearing feces on my monitor. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveTKO Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 Right?!?! It was a gross exaggeration to express how angry I felt. Now I feel like smearing feces on my monitor. You should have smeared feces all over yourself from head to toe, adorned yourself with those Christmas window lights that aren't allowed at the complex, and walked in on your girlfriend late at night, arms over your head like one of those creatures from a 1950's C grade horror movie.....Creature From the Black Lagoon or Swamp Thing! That would have been awesome... Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 I think I need a shower. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 Too many people on loveshack are all about ending it. Now, I've been through much, MUCH worse than this little thingy. We'll probably make it. If I took everything as a sign to run, I'd be alone and lame. You both have to learn to compromise and really hear eachother.. Put yourselves in eachothers shoes. As long as you both are willing to work together to make things better - This won't work if it's one sided. Link to post Share on other sites
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