Meeting up with my previous ex

[YouNeverKnow86]

Well I came on here due to my most recent ex breaking up with me out of the blue and it has helped for sure. It has also given me the opportunity to re-communicate with my previous ex. I am meeting up with her for a drink this weekend, I haven't seen her since I broke up with her 2 years ago.

 

What I am trying to say is make amends with the past and maybe you will get what you want in the future. I was the dumper in my last relationship but I always respected my ex. Now 2 years later we can meet up and have a drink......Work on a friendship.

 

Once again I am a firm believer that most of you will hear from your ex's one day.......You all seem like good people on here so there would be no reason for that not to happen. I am on talking terms with all 3 of my previous ex's (including one where I was the dumpee). The verdict isn't out on my current ex...........

[wilsonx]

So I have a question... whats this desire to rebuild a friendship from a previous ex coming from? Especially since you were the dumper!

 

Now dig deep because I am going to call you on bull**** when you sling it. I want you to post an honest answer so that everyone sees it. Think about it before you answer.

[YouNeverKnow86]

So I have a question... whats this desire to rebuild a friendship from a previous ex coming from? Especially since you were the dumper!

 

Now dig deep because I am going to call you on bull**** when you sling it. I want you to post an honest answer so that everyone sees it. Think about it before you answer.

 

Wilson,

 

Well first off my and ex and I have talked on and off over the past year but just never met up. It is not like I just randomly contacted her after my breakup, that would have been wrong. You are implying emotional support from a previous ex and I would agree if I did contact her out of the blue.

 

So theoretically my ex and I have been on talking terms......I think its always good to see someone that was at one point an important part of your life. Obviously we are now both over each other and have moved on in life. This is a separate from anything to do with my most current ex (the break up was 4 months ago so it isn't exactly too recent).

 

So the answer you are seeking is emotional support & selfishness......Which would be true if I wasn't on talking terms with this ex over the past year.

[wilsonx]

haha, I asked you for your answer.

 

Look what happened when I asked you for you to dig down deep and be honest. You made an excuse and try to validate what I may or may not have been thinking which is a reflection of something. Look in the mirror bro and be honest to yourself.

Edited December 14, 2011 by wilsonx

[YouNeverKnow86]

haha, I asked you for your answer.

 

Look what happened when I asked you for you to dig down deep and be honest. You made an excuse and try to validate what I may or may not have been thinking which is a reflection of something. Look in the mirror bro and be honest to yourself.

 

Wilson,

 

You can crap on me all you want and analyze what I am saying but it is the truth. Not everyone falls into every "bad" dumper thread category.......There is a reason I am able to stay friends with all my previous ex's (being dumper or dumpee). There just comes a point in life where you need to make a decision whether or not it is worth having an ex in your life or not. Too me there is no point to hold grudges, especially if time has past and you have both moved on.

[wilsonx]

I never labelled you as a bad dumper did I?

 

As for your own saying "If you both have moved on" Then theres no point in even meeting with an ex. Neither one of you care enough to even be in communication with another

[YouNeverKnow86]

I never labelled you as a bad dumper did I?

 

No but I am just trying to see where you are coming from on this? I have read a lot of your posts and you give a lot of great insight/advice but you do sometimes tend to criticize. I am just making my point before you call my "bs" like you said.....There isn't any bs though

[YouNeverKnow86]

I never labelled you as a bad dumper did I?

 

As for your own saying "If you both have moved on" Then theres no point in even meeting with an ex. Neither one of you care enough to even be in communication with another

 

Well you could also say that about a long lost friend......I mean all ex's at one point were a very good friend of ours correct? Moving on means that "you have moved on from the relationship", which we both clearly have.

[wilsonx]

I asked you for an honest answer, you still havent given one.

 

One thing that I want to say is actions speak louder then words. Homebrew called me out on my path to self destruction when I did the same thing you are doing. I knew what I was doing but was lying to myself for the reasons why.

 

I have watched smokey's posts here as well and they are very similar to yours recently. You as the dumper want to make amends and try to be friends years after a breakup. It honestly means, you haven't moved on. Especially if you have been in communication with her. Is it possible to be friends? I think so, I think you are saying one thing and doing another. What you labelled as you believed my thoughts are your true subconscious actions.

 

I am not criticizing you, I want you to be honest with yourself, dont even admit it in this thread. When I post, I do not care if people listen to me or not, as long as they listen to themselves and start being honest with themselves, then that's all that matters. You sir are not there yet. You get as defensive as one of my best friends that lost his 6 year girlfriend lately.

 

There's a buddhist saying "To Let Go Is To Love Yourself"

 

It speaks wonders about people on this forum including myself. I haven't let go yet either. At the same time, I have no objections or reservations about you seeking the possibility of reconnecting with your ex. If this is your true intention dont wall off and hide it, be honest about it or you are going to be in a world of hurt

Edited December 14, 2011 by wilsonx

[YouNeverKnow86]

I asked you for an honest answer, you still havent given one.

 

One thing that I want to say is actions speak louder then words. Homebrew called me out on my path to self destruction when I did the same thing you are doing. I knew what I was doing but was lying to myself for the reasons why.

 

I have watched smokey's posts here as well and they are very similar to yours recently. You as the dumper want to make amends and try to be friends years after a breakup. It honestly means, you haven't moved on. Especially if you have been in communication with her. Is it possible to be friends? I think so, I think you are saying one thing and doing another. What you labelled as you believed my thoughts are your true subconscious actions.

 

I am not criticizing you, I want you to be honest with yourself, dont even admit it in this thread. When I post, I do not care if people listen to me or not, as long as they listen to themselves and start being honest with themselves, then that's all that matters. You sir are not there yet. You get as defensive as one of my best friends that lost his 6 year girlfriend lately.

 

There's a buddhist saying "To Let Go Is To Love Yourself"

 

It speaks wonders about people on this forum including myself. I haven't let go yet either

 

To be honest Wilson there is nothing for me to make amends with in terms of this breakup because it was a clean break. We have been able to stay in contact after a year of no contact because there are no harsh feelings on both ends. You would be right if it wasn't a clean break and she was angry at me. My previous three ex's yes I have let go of for sure, I haven't let go of my most recent ex.

 

The only girl that is on my mind is my most recent ex, all my previous ones are yesterday's news and have no credence on my feelings/heart. What you are talking about can fall into the category of my recent ex and that is why I am here. I would be honest if this meetup with my previous ex had anything to do with making "amends" but it doesn't.

 

I was just making a point that people can be friends with past ex's and be able to appreciate them for who they are not on who you wish they were. It just shows through time people can totally have their feelings change and are not affected.

[YouNeverKnow86]

and to answer the following "to let go is to love yourself" well obviously I was able to do that because I moved on to my most recent ex

[wilsonx]

Question, would you have grabbed a drink with this ex while dating your most current ex?

[YouNeverKnow86]

Question, would you have grabbed a drink with this ex while dating your most current ex?

 

I would have told my current ex about the situation and if she didn't like it I wouldn't to respect her wishes. If she didn't care though I would meet up with her for a drink.......Then again I may have not done it either just out of respect for my current ex.

[Million.to.1]

To be honest Wilson there is nothing for me to make amends with in terms of this breakup because it was a clean break. We have been able to stay in contact after a year of no contact because there are no harsh feelings on both ends. You would be right if it wasn't a clean break and she was angry at me.

 

I was just making a point that people can be friends with past ex's and be able to appreciate them for who they are not on who you wish they were. It just shows through time people can totally have their feelings change and are not affected.

 

 

Sorry to interrupt boys, but I would just like to throw something in as the "friends with the Ex" thing is quite highly debated around LS.

 

 

I am recently out of a relationship where I was the dumpee. No cheating was involved, and there are no hard feelings resulting from anything that happened. It just wasn't working.

We have many mutual friends and will definitely see each other at some point in the future.

I am using N/C as a way to heal myself. My Ex would of happily stayed friends from day 1 of the BU if I had not insisted that N/C was necessary for me.

I really would like to one day be his friend. He is a great guy, who I love, but HE thought that we weren't working. But right now, I can't "be friends" because I still want him. I still see a future for us, and I will be extremely jealous when he meets someone else and falls in love. So I use N/C as a way to prevent hurt by seeing him happy without me. This is all ego/ pride stuff, and I will get over it in time and be able to see the bigger picture.

Ultimately, I course I want him to be happy. He deserves to be. And so do I. I just can't see happiness without him at the moment. And until I can see him without any agenda, (get him back, make him jealous etc ) then we cannot be friends.

I endeavor to move past my own demons surrounding this, and not pretend like I don't care / respect him when I do.

 

 

I think back to all my previous Ex's. Years later, I am "friends" with them all. Not like we hang out and go to the movies together kind of friends, but we are on friendly terms, might see each other at a mutual friends party, or chat on FB from time to time... That kind of thing. It is good. None of them do I have any desire to "be with" again or have any resentment for anything that happened between us... It's nice to know what they are doing, that they are happy, and share some laughs. I have love and respect for them all still. None of them were bad people who did anything deliberately bad to me. And having them in my life still does not mean that i have not "moved on"

 

I do agree with YouNeverKnow, that you are friends with everyone you have a relationship with. Sometimes, there is so much baggage and confusion between two friends who were in a relationship together, that it simply won't be reconcilable. But it's the same with some normal friendships too.

 

Friendship, understanding and letting go of the past and your agendas all come from love. Hatred, indifference, and anger all come from fear.

Anything that leads to more love and less fear is good in my opinion.

But these things take time.

[BoredAgain]

I think I understand where you're coming from, YNK.

 

I too would like to reconnect with a couple of my exes - not to become friends necessarily, but just because I'm curious to see where they are and what they are doing. Since I started dating my recent Ex nearly 5 years ago, I've hardly heard from any of them (I always thought it bad form to see Exes while dating somebody). It'll probably be a couple months before I actually take any initiative in contacting them, though.