do we all just want to hear the nice things?

[chados]

I know there are other people out there. People who are better than my ex. The only problem is they aren't her, and she is what i want. I've already confirmed that =P

 

 

 

yes you share a history, a history is something you could share with someone else. remember this, people want what they cant have. and they miss what they dont have anymore. what would you say to your friend if he's ex started dating 1 week after the breakup? probably, let her go and move on?. you will not be able to realize this when your feeling like this. im in the same position except i dont think my ex is dating. do i want her back ? absolutely. but 2 months after the breakup im realizing that it could be for the best. but im still keeping the doors open

[lolita jade]

How long were you together? how long have you been split and are you in NC?

[ZimboGon]

True. I have been living my life, and i'm not TOTALLY opposed to dating other people. But the door will always be open for her, and if she doesn't take it within the next few years and i'm still single, i'm pulling her back in haha.

 

She really was a sucker for me and my romance. I'm still shocked this all happened.

[Jono85]

I personally wouldn't be able to handle the break-up without the thought that we could get back together. My ex left me for another guy, and before that when the relationship was great i gave her everything. I even sold most of the stuff i owned to finance some trips for us. I basically lived my life for her to some degree. She was pretty much the reason i got out of bed.

 

So, without the hope that she is in GIGS and is coming back, i would be completely devastated. I mean, i'm quite certain she is the person i want to be with and without that notion i would feel completely lost in life.

 

So yeah, i come here for hope and to hear nice things. If i hear anything bad my heart just sinks. However, i know i could never compare to some of the pain others are in. I'm only 20, i haven't had any kids.

 

no offense but no wonder she left you for another guy. most women who have a good head on their shoulders (ie. not emotionally needy) don't want a guy like you, they want a guy who lives his life for himself, and shares it with her. you put your gf first, before yourself, that's very unnattractive. a girl wants a strong minded man, who doesn't NEED a girl in his life to be happy. she is lucky to be in YOUR life. you need to act like that. learn from this.

 

i suggest reading some books. possibly "the way of the superior man" to start. i can't believe you sold all your things to finance trips with her, wow.

 

one day you'll look back at this and think 'wow i was so pathetic back then'. trust me. live life for YOURSELF. accomplish YOUR goals, dreams, and the girls will come flocking. but never put their needs ahead of your own (maybe if you're married or something).

[ZimboGon]

How long were you together? how long have you been split and are you in NC?

 

We were together almost two years. A month since the breakup, two weeks no contact.

[lolita jade]

Never love anyone more than yourself. It is very unhealthy.

 

Your girlfriend is young and doesnt knowwhat se wants in life. she needs to live a little and so do you.

 

do you have confidence issues? I suggest you learn to love yourself and go out with your friends, it is more attractive if you are seen to be out having fun than indoors feeling sorry for yourself. there is more chance she will come back.

 

did you become a little claustrophobic towards her?

 

some questions to ask yourself?

[Rorschach64]

Just to defend Zim a wee bit here, so because he treated his ex really well it caused her to run away? I say bull honkey on that, it is just a sign of an immature person in my opinion because she just ran off to another person.

 

Though I will agree that living life for another person is rather not a good idea? I can understand that if she caused him to have a spring to his step and motivated because of her.

 

In terms of her coming back...don't plan on it, change that signature of yours man, and your ultimate goal is to...I dunno ,since I am going to assume you are probably young, earn a degree in a field that interests you and would love to work in. You can't sit around waiting for her to come back when their is a high chance of her not coming back, GIGs or not.

 

Plus pose this question to yourself, she left you once for someone else, which just shows she didn't think too much of you to begin with, what would stop her from doing it again?

 

Anyway...Jade, well yes you have kids but they are adults now right? No reason to be in any form of contact with the guy anymore and if forced to talk to him be polite and to the point. I know in your heartthat you wish he would come back, I know I feel the same about my ex, but your mind says hell no! Listen to your mind...

[Jono85]

Just to defend Zim a wee bit here, so because he treated his ex really well it caused her to run away? I say bull honkey on that, it is just a sign of an immature person in my opinion because she just ran off to another person.

 

there's a difference between treating a girl well (every man should do this) and selling your soul, so to speak, for a girl. he sold most of his possessions to finance trips for them! that is unreal. he's 20 yrs old. just by the sounds of his post, he was probably smothering her and extremely needy. she probably thought he was dependant on her, and he most likely is/was. that's not a man a girl wants, believe me. there are SOME girls that want that, b/c they have very low self-esteem, and cannot get quality guys. guys that are successful and don't NEED any girl to survive or succeed. sure they want to share their life with a girl, but their life doesn't revolve around a girl. that is unhealthy. a girl can see that.

 

a girl wants to know that if things get tough, or if she's unavailable emotionally for her bf for a while (maybe she's extremely stressed/busy with work, or maybe she's going through a lot herself), or physically unavailable for a while (maybe a business trip) that he won't go crazy and that he'll be strong and won't depend on her to make him feel secure. no healthy girls (mentally) want a needy guy, period.

[ZimboGon]

Just to defend Zim a wee bit here, so because he treated his ex really well it caused her to run away? I say bull honkey on that, it is just a sign of an immature person in my opinion because she just ran off to another person.

 

Though I will agree that living life for another person is rather not a good idea? I can understand that if she caused him to have a spring to his step and motivated because of her.

 

In terms of her coming back...don't plan on it, change that signature of yours man, and your ultimate goal is to...I dunno ,since I am going to assume you are probably young, earn a degree in a field that interests you and would love to work in. You can't sit around waiting for her to come back when their is a high chance of her not coming back, GIGs or not.

 

Plus pose this question to yourself, she left you once for someone else, which just shows she didn't think too much of you to begin with, what would stop her from doing it again?

 

Anyway...Jade, well yes you have kids but they are adults now right? No reason to be in any form of contact with the guy anymore and if forced to talk to him be polite and to the point. I know in your heartthat you wish he would come back, I know I feel the same about my ex, but your mind says hell no! Listen to your mind...

 

Thanks Ror. Well, i wasn't all over her at first. When we first started going out, she was head over heels for me. She was attached at my hip. I would be with my friends and stuff, and she only really had me. I would say stuff like, "Heh, if we ever break-up, it would never be her to do it."

 

But when i graduated and we started distancing ourselves, i felt her pull and it alarmed me. For the first time i felt like i could actually lose her, so i guess i did want to see her a lot more than i used to. The roles ended up reversing. There were other circumstances related to the break-up and a lot of things happened, so i don't think she would ever leave me in the same way if we got back together. She still liked me after we broke up. After being single and looking at things logically, it starts to make sense what went wrong.

 

I will live my life, and work on school and everything. Its just, she'll always hold a partiality to me in my heart and i will always be open to the idea of us getting back together.

[Rorschach64]

Jono,

 

I know where you are coming from where he sold all his crap for her and all that. I totally agree you shouldn't just plunder your stuff for her well being and all that. Though from what he describes after your post is that she was initally needy herself and then she did a 180 when he gave her what she wanted, sounds like my supposed attention whore ex fiancee lol, granted I didn't sell my stuff.

 

My ex had issues when I on the rare occasion went out drinking wtih my brother or went to the gym with my brother so I stopped drinking, it wasn't a big deal to me at all, and then I just put off the gym by 20 minutes to talk to her more. Basically I made minor adjustments to talk to her more, since it was LDR, but in the end I was deemed clingy, needy, and a pathetic loser. *shrug*

 

Now for you Zim...I dunno if she is the same as my ex..but in either case I was like you, "I will always be open to the idea of us getting back together" Logic sets in now and screams, "What are you stooooopid?! Hell no!"

 

Conclusion....hope is bad and attention whores suck.

[ZimboGon]

Jono,

 

I know where you are coming from where he sold all his crap for her and all that. I totally agree you shouldn't just plunder your stuff for her well being and all that. Though from what he describes after your post is that she was initally needy herself and then she did a 180 when he gave her what she wanted, sounds like my supposed attention whore ex fiancee lol, granted I didn't sell my stuff.

 

My ex had issues when I on the rare occasion went out drinking wtih my brother or went to the gym with my brother so I stopped drinking, it wasn't a big deal to me at all, and then I just put off the gym by 20 minutes to talk to her more. Basically I made minor adjustments to talk to her more, since it was LDR, but in the end I was deemed clingy, needy, and a pathetic loser. *shrug*

 

Now for you Zim...I dunno if she is the same as my ex..but in either case I was like you, "I will always be open to the idea of us getting back together" Logic sets in now and screams, "What are you stooooopid?! Hell no!"

 

Conclusion....hope is bad and attention whores suck.

 

Mmm, well originally what had happened was she was so dependent on me always being there for her that she lost all her friends. She was with me constantly, and whenever my friends contacted me to hang out she would always guilt me into staying with her. The second another girl talked to me, my ex was uncomfortable with me talking to her so i wasn't able to.

 

So, when i graduated and started taking classes, my friends all left out of state and i stayed to be with her. The thing is, i didn't have my friends anymore. She didn't have friends either, but at her age she had a strong desire to make them and hang out. She started to resent me for her not having friends. So, the more alone i felt in college i tried to reach out to her and she would pull away. It got to the point where she would blow me off constantly for her new friends, and when i told her i just wanted to see her sometimes she replied with something like, "I want to have friends and i don't think i can be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want that for me."

 

Thus, now that we broke up she's painted herself the victim telling everyone i was controlling and protective. When i wasn't. I was merely asking to see her maybe once or twice a week.

Edited December 15, 2011 by ZimboGon

[chados]

Mmm, well originally what had happened was she was so dependent on me always being there for her that she lost all her friends. She was with me constantly, and whenever my friends contacted me to hang out she would always guilt me into staying with her. The second another girl talked to me, my ex was uncomfortable with me talking to her so i wasn't able to.

 

So, when i graduated and started taking classes, my friends all left out of state and i stayed to be with her. The thing is, i didn't have my friends anymore. She didn't have friends either, but at her age she had a strong desire to make them and hang out. She started to resent me for her not having friends. So, the more alone i felt in college i tried to reach out to her and she would pull away. It got to the point where she would blow me off constantly for her new friends, and when i told her i just wanted to see her sometimes she replied with something like, "I want to have friends and i don't think i can be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want that for me."

 

Thus, now that we broke up she's painted herself the victim telling everyone i was controlling and protective. When i wasn't. I was merely asking to see her maybe once or twice a week.

 

 

 

she's young, doesnt know what she wants, or maybe she does. yes she wants new friends, but she want to be able to meet your friend, and she wants you to be with her friends. kinda obvious? not all the time of course. but just some days. if thats true, that she cant spend a few days alone with you. well then its her loss.

[Rorschach64]

I am sorry but this is sounding more and more like my ex fiancee lol. There are differences, obviously, but with the friends thing my ex had friends but she would talk crap about them, especially when they didn't hang out with her or blew her off, but she stayed friends with them. Hell she would talk crap about her family members too.

 

Similar with the friends thing though, she started blowing me off for this 'friend' instead of talking to me and yeah that should have screamed "Danger Will Robinson Danger!"

 

How it ended was at least similar in that she blamed me for everything via falsely accusing me of cheating on her. Cursed me out, bad mouthed me, and yet I was still very civil and polite.

 

Smells of attention whore still or some one that has no friggin' idea what they want/immature. I can't remember who said this but I am pretty sure it was Wilsonx, but yes people like her and probably my ex too will rearrange the whole relationship and reconstruct it so that you were a horrible person. Why? Well self defense mechanism, if you ever seen this one particular episode of South Park, the gay fish joke one, Cartman does the same thing to keep his ego safe.

[chados]

I am sorry but this is sounding more and more like my ex fiancee lol. There are differences, obviously, but with the friends thing my ex had friends but she would talk crap about them, especially when they didn't hang out with her or blew her off, but she stayed friends with them. Hell she would talk crap about her family members too.

 

Similar with the friends thing though, she started blowing me off for this 'friend' instead of talking to me and yeah that should have screamed "Danger Will Robinson Danger!"

 

How it ended was at least similar in that she blamed me for everything via falsely accusing me of cheating on her. Cursed me out, bad mouthed me, and yet I was still very civil and polite.

 

Smells of attention whore still or some one that has no friggin' idea what they want/immature. I can't remember who said this but I am pretty sure it was Wilsonx, but yes people like her and probably my ex too will rearrange the whole relationship and reconstruct it so that you were a horrible person. Why? Well self defense mechanism, if you ever seen this one particular episode of South Park, the gay fish joke one, Cartman does the same thing to keep his ego safe.

 

 

 

girls are often talking behind their friends back. could this accuse you for cheating be a way for her to easier find a reason to break up with you? even if she didnt believe it herself. i mean do you think she just took the easy way out? or was she that scared to loose you, that she started to believe that everything was bad.

 

i can relate to the friendpart a little. my ex didnt talk that much about her friend, but i know that one friend was talking about her, ignored her because she was spending time with me more often. funny thing is that now when we broke up, theyve started hanging out again. another funny thing is that i know that as soon as that friend will find a partner she will not be there for my ex.

 

if a guy starts to be with his girlfriend all the times, the other guys just say. this guy is whipped. and then theyre okey with it mostly. while girls are trashtalking them with every word in the book. and then freezing them out

[lolita jade]

I think we are all right what we have advised zim. We have all just said it in different ways and to varying degrees.

 

Rors,

 

No I don't have to talk to my ex at all but will be in postions through my life where I will have to. It is ok. I am listening to my head all too well and can do this now. I had a set back but I can do it.

[Rorschach64]

Chados,

 

Here is a link to the story, hopefully that can answer your questions. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t289896/

 

Anyway, yeah the other person typically screws you over big time and for some reason a lot of girls fall for these guys, it is amazing and down right stupid. Then again...people in general are stupid as hell.

 

Jade,

 

I was only suggesting that you don't have to make it easier for ya Set backs... it is funny with those they can just take you almost back to day one...and happen out of no where. Just gotta power through them, I wish there was a magical pill to get over these things, wouldn't that be nice?

[chados]

Chados,

 

Here is a link to the story, hopefully that can answer your questions. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t289896/

 

Anyway, yeah the other person typically screws you over big time and for some reason a lot of girls fall for these guys, it is amazing and down right stupid. Then again...people in general are stupid as hell.

 

Jade,

 

I was only suggesting that you don't have to make it easier for ya Set backs... it is funny with those they can just take you almost back to day one...and happen out of no where. Just gotta power through them, I wish there was a magical pill to get over these things, wouldn't that be nice?

 

 

 

damn, so cold.. i do feel for you, this is the worst thing you can possibly go through. the not knowing feeling. to me she seems insecure. shes young you know. try to move on, meet other girls, if wants you she will come back. i wish you the best.

[Rorschach64]

Yeah the not knowing feeling drove me to the internet wondering 'how to get back with your ex', googled none the less. Haha. Found this place and immediately ran to the second chances forum.

 

Only nice thing I heard out of this place was she was damn evil/cold/messed up but she will probably come back.

 

I guess without LS, I'd be still thinking I cheated on her and trying to weasel back in to the relationship as a friend.

 

Though I have found some one recently, though being on here seems rather contradictory to moving on, but I am on here right now because the new girl I am seeing is in India right now visiting her folks till next month so...boredom also to harass Jade. *shrug*

[chados]

Yeah the not knowing feeling drove me to the internet wondering 'how to get back with your ex', googled none the less. Haha. Found this place and immediately ran to the second chances forum.

 

Only nice thing I heard out of this place was she was damn evil/cold/messed up but she will probably come back.

 

I guess without LS, I'd be still thinking I cheated on her and trying to weasel back in to the relationship as a friend.

 

Though I have found some one recently, though being on here seems rather contradictory to moving on, but I am on here right now because the new girl I am seeing is in India right now visiting her folks till next month so...boredom also to harass Jade. *shrug*

 

 

i do believe that when they are acting cold against you, its often something they will regret. they feel trapped, but when they realize that nothing good comes out by partying every weekend. it might be to late

[lolita jade]

Cheeky Mr Rors, Harass me hmmmm.

 

I am out with the girls tonight and my ex is furthest from my mind

[chados]

Cheeky Mr Rors, Harass me hmmmm.

 

I am out with the girls tonight and my ex is furthest from my mind

 

have a great evening lolita. im also out tonight. exes are going down

[Rorschach64]

Have fun Jade You deserve it!

 

I think my ex acted cold for multiple reasons, other than what you mentioned, I think I honestly got her back in to the corner with what she was really doing and she actually admitted she might have been over reacting, which I obviously said well yes you are...that just made her freak out

 

Only way I would even remotely consider taking my ex back is if she brings her ass here to the US to visit me and talks to me about it then.

[lolita jade]

had a great night. we wore angel halos. don't think i was eligable for one though. mine slipped

 

is your ex not in the US Rors? i didnt know.

[chados]

had a great night. we wore angel halos. don't think i was eligable for one though. mine slipped

 

is your ex not in the US Rors? i didnt know.

 

 

sounds great:) i got no focus whatsoever on my ex when im out. great feeling.

[lolita jade]

Yes my son says I should party hard and go out loads to get over it