chados Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 Yes my son says I should party hard and go out loads to get over it you told me you felt like a failure. isnt that nice to hear from your son? great sign that HE doesnt see you as a failure right?. maybe you shouldnt part to hard, but you should go out and have loads of fun:) Link to post Share on other sites
Rorschach64 Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 My ex lives in singapore. Halos huh? Sounds fun Yeah remember booze = depressants and all that fun stuff. Moderate drinking and fun times, that's about it. Unfortunately, I've been trying to get drunk of late and nadda :| I am not even a heavy drinker! Have you ever done sky diving Jade? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lolita jade Posted December 19, 2011 Author Share Posted December 19, 2011 I would never party too hard I am a lightweight when it comes to drink. And would never drink alone that is a slide downhill to depression. yes it is good my son is encouraging me and cares for me. skydiving is my worst nightmare. my daughter has been but I'm a wuss. I am not so keen on flying for a start Its all do with having kids. You see dangers in things after then and realise you are not immortal I do have to do my bucket list though. Rors, does that make it easier or harder knowing she is in singapore? Link to post Share on other sites
RatsAreCool Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 I'm actually inclined to strongly disagree. Many times people take the "wake up and smell the coffee" route without considering the fact that a) nothing is set in stone and b) your ex is not (usually) your enemy. Barring of course any really obvious manipulations and so on. Taking the advice I have received entirely out of the picture--although I did have at least one person insult me in a roundabout way and have gotten a lot of angry comments--I've read a lot of stuff around here that seems demeaning to the ex when it's not clear that they have any negative intentions. And sometimes, it really IS hard to decide how you feel about someone. Haven't we all been there, where you have feelings, but you're just not sure if they're strong enough, or whatever? Like, having been a dumper before in a situation where my ex was an awesome person and just totally in love with me, but I knew that I couldn't love him back (honestly he bored the pants off me, and not in a good way), I know that it really is possible to want to check up on someone you have no feelings for anymore, and all that, and it's not necessarily an ego stroke. And yes, you do feel guilty when you hurt someone like that. People forget the times when they were the dumpers and how hard that can be, right after they've been dumped. And it definitely influences their advice. True, sometimes something is just staring someone right in the face and they can't let it go. But other times, maybe we should leave the harsh comments on the sidelines. Because maybe we all need the fantasy, at least at first, and maybe shaking someone out of it too soon, or too dramatically, doesn't do them any good. Maybe it just makes them cling to it even harder. Link to post Share on other sites
Rorschach64 Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Jade, Glad to hear that you know that drinking ain't the solution and it is very nice to have a supportive family. I know my mom, my brother, and my friends were there for me when my break up occured, hell even my Mom (I had no clue she emailed my ex about the break up) tried to reason with my ex using her marriage as an example. Oh I hear you on the flying bit, those stupid 22 hour flights (1 hour lay over in Germany/8 hour lay over in Tokyo) was miserable. First time I flew that much was after I finished watching Lost, so turbulance was miserable to me :| Though I heard sky diving is really insanely safe, so says my friend that was trying to do a bunch of dangerous stuff, would be a nice ego boost to actually do something that you are afraid of! I never had an issue with her being in Singapore which obviously shows I trusted her a bunch that gave room for her to do what she did or as the person that called her an attention whore said it gave her a chance to live two lives. She would come to me when she wanted a certain kind of attention and went else where when she was bored with me. It makes sense but so does the GIGs thing :| Rat, You're right that our ex's aren't the enemy but you know sometimes it requires that mentality to stick to NC. Like I said in a pervious post I never cursed my ex out, even when I confronted her after hearing about the other guy, but she didn't hesitate to result to vulgarity when I confronted. Yes nothing is set in stone, obviously. One day my ex might come back, even though I am trying to reinforce again that she won't, or whatever, you never know anything in the end. Of course, it is entirely possible for someone to check up on you, them being unsure of their feelings, their life choices, and them feeling guilty for what they did/said during the break up. Though in the end it is up to the offender to seek redemption/forgiveness because we can only forgive them so much in our minds. This is my personal opinion on the checking up bit of business, the ex has no right/privilage to know that since they decided to terminate the relationship, plus it can also be a guilt dump. I know the GIGs thing for a long time has made me hold on for awhile to my ex, still does to a little degree, because that dream you've been having since the break up will actually come true. The real horror is, after all the dust has settled from the inital patching up conversations and decision to get back together, to me, it is like "What now? How can I just go back to loving someone that called me a pathetic loser and the most idiotic person, then further more decided to leave me for someone else?" Then the dream/hope fantasy becomes a nightmare of doubt and subtle loathing that you put yourself in. I guess, that's where the true forgiveness, growing past the break up, and love comes in to play...a true test of the love you have for the person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lolita jade Posted December 20, 2011 Author Share Posted December 20, 2011 Rors, I am sure jumping out of a plane would be amazing if you could bring yourself to do it. I couldn't. My idea of going out of my comfort zone would be travelling alone, and joining activity groups, moving, starting business or such like. I do want to spend 5 years doing something outside of the box. I dont know what yet though? Rat, Yes we all start out first pleading with our ex's and bargaining, hitting the get your ex back sites, then on here going NC in the hope our ex's will come back after 3 weeks. Reality isnt so kind though although it can happen. We need to move on in most cases to have a chance to get our ex back. Reverse psycology makes us more attractive when independant not needy. We then become that mystery person again, which is a good thing. I believe contact can work after then in a positive way. Link to post Share on other sites
Rorschach64 Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Jade, Think about it like this, you got one life to live why live that life inside the nice comfty box? Jump outta that plane, like I said apparently it isn't that scary, but I am willing to bet after you've done it you'll want to go again I know one of the reasons I joined the military was to experience some crazy stuff and the enlistment bonus. Did some crazy fun stuff and some crazy not so fun stuff, like the gas chamber-- that was insanely miserable haha but I'd do it again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lolita jade Posted December 21, 2011 Author Share Posted December 21, 2011 Gas chamber??? Lovely. I'd rather jump out of a plane:) Link to post Share on other sites
Rorschach64 Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Yeah it is full of tear gas or something very uncomfortable to the respiratory system. Includes leaking nose, burning chest, ability to breath replaced with uncontrollable coughing and intense burning of the eyes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lolita jade Posted December 22, 2011 Author Share Posted December 22, 2011 Sounds fun...........Bring on the parachute Link to post Share on other sites
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