Feeling really down

[stitch702]

I've been doing really good with the whole NC thing for about a month and a half. I been looking at all the positives I have in my life minus the negatives which is just her...I have a great family, many wonderful and supportive friends, I'm outgoing, and have gone out to experience a lot of events out there. I thought I was really beginning to enjoy life being single although I really do miss someone being there.

 

Fastfoward to a couple of days ago...my ex attempts to call me then messages me on fb. I don't know why so I just kind of ignored it for now. I asked a mutual friend why is she trying to contact me now. Though hesitant the friend said that my ex had "hooked" up with somebody and regretted it...and wanted to talk to me about it....in my mind what is "talking" about that going to help anything?!?!

 

Anyway as of now, my world just crashed down on me. I feel like all my hard work just went into the drain, but I am going to pick myself back up because that is just what I do. But I really hate this pain right now, no words can really describe how really hurt I am. I want to move on I really do...I also feel that there is someone better out there for me, someone who will actually love me for me and all my faults, but at this moment I really dont think I could trust another person or love another person like i did her...I hate that perception as well becaue I know it's false, but I can't seem to snap myself out of it. I hate being this sensitive because I'm usually pretty care-free and happy go lucky...i feel like such a bitch right now. I just hate how sad I been the last couple of days...this is not me, I'm stronger than this. I just want all this to be over so I can finally be ME again...

[Philosoraptor]

It's not a good feeling thinking about your ex being with someone else... in any way. But the thing is they are bound to find someone else and share everything they shared with you with that person.

 

Like you, it was in my face. Not by anyone else, but by her. She has went back to the same guy she was with during previous breakups and told me personally that she felt like they connected better. Initially I was upset. Later I realized that just because I wasn't the one doesn't mean I am not good enough. No one is better than me, plenty are just as good, and you might connect with them better... but no one is better than me. I can list all of my good qualities and see how good I am.

 

You and everyone else here needs to believe the same thing. No one is better than you are, they might be a better match for your ex than you are, but no one is better.

[ussy]

I can relate to you in some ways. I was with my ex for 3 years until she left me (and got with another guy soon after). After 2 months of NC she phoned me and was crying telling me how much she loved and how she could "only be herself around me"... Anyway after that phone call she just went back to acting like she had previously, so keep up your guard and be clever. Keep the NC for now, been 2 years since i last spoke to my ex and im now with a new girl and honestly i haven't even gave my ex a thought in over a year. Its your life, try and enjoy it! Time is a healer, remember that.

[giveittofate]

How old are you stitch?

 

You sound just like me, so I had to respond. I've always been a very happy go lucky dude, with a lot to be thankful for. I got a great, fun job, seriously awesome friends, a supportive loving family, I'm healthy and happy...and just things always seem to work out for me, so for that I'm beyond grateful....my ex broke up with me just about a year ago and she was the first TRUE love of my life and this was the first real time in my 24 years where I experienced depression and heartache...it SUCKED, i literally felt like a zombie, a complete 180 from what I was prior to her...I haven't been on this site for a long time, prob like 5-6 months and I've been having fun, partying, going to concerts, and just being a big kid...life is really cool now, but I wont lie the holidays are tough...i do miss having someone there, but it will come when it's suppose...I'm still young, so I realize there's no rush to find the one.

 

My only advice to you is be very cautious of contacting her again...I tried like crazy to get her back and show her I was willing to really put in the effort to work on us...yet it didn't work. She's contacted me numerous times in the year, we even met up for dinner a few times, but it's for her selfish reasons...the first 6 months we broke up I blocked her and her friends on FB...I suuggest you do the same, no good can come from seeing her status's and new pics...the worst thing ever would be seeing her sitting on some dudes lap or something...be very cautious man...I'm friends with my ex now because she added me, but you better believe i blocked her, so i wont see ****...part of me doesnt care about her new life, and part of me doesnt want to see anything that might hurt my heart.

 

If I were you I'd leave her hanging for a while and if she truly persists a lot and makes a solid effort to get in contact with you then maybe perhaps have a little chat. I don't know what your intentions are? would you ever take her back?

 

remember she ended things with you, and "hooked" up with someone else shortly after...those were her choices...don't give her the stisfaction of hearing it out... obviously it will hurt you...give your time and energy to the friends and family that deserve the good in you...not someone who broke your heart...goodluck man

[stitch702]

Thank you ALL for your kind words. I appreciate the insight and the experiences you have shared with me. Although I feel like I have been going through this alone, I know that it's a feeling that is flawed. Everyone goes through heartbreak at one point or another and we learn from our experiences. I am what some may call a deep thinker at times, so my mind often plays tricks on me, but I am usually wise for my young age of 24 so I am able to snap out of it.....sometimes. It is those times that I need the insight and advice from others who are able to view the situation outside of myself. It is during these times I realize I am truly blessed to have the support of friends, family, and this forum.

 

As far as an update into the situation...I did not reply to her message and just left it that. I really care for this person and THAT is why I can't be there for her if she truly feels bad and wants to vent about what happened. At this point I am too emotionally attached to her so hearing about her "hooking" up with someone and her regretting it would kill me. I do want to be there for her, I really do....but not at the cost of my own emotional well being. If she really needs to vent...then she has her friends and her own support group for that. She doesn't need me in her life for that...I'm assuming she made it clear when she broke up with me.

[Thieves]

As far as an update into the situation...I did not reply to her message and just left it that. I really care for this person and THAT is why I can't be there for her if she truly feels bad and wants to vent about what happened. At this point I am too emotionally attached to her so hearing about her "hooking" up with someone and her regretting it would kill me. I do want to be there for her, I really do....but not at the cost of my own emotional well being. If she really needs to vent...then she has her friends and her own support group for that. She doesn't need me in her life for that...I'm assuming she made it clear when she broke up with me.

 

You're right, you know. About being wise for your age. I agree with all of what you've said above -- it's 100% true that if she truly needs to talk with someone about what she has done (such as "hooking up" with another person and feeling regret afterwards), then she surely has plenty of support that isn't related to an ex-boyfriend to help her get those 'dreadful' feelings off of her chest. Why she would even want to discuss something like that with you so soon and when the feelings from the break-up are still quite fresh is beyond me, and also sounds a bit 'fishy'.

 

So yes, you are very wise for recognizing that as much as you'd like to be there for her because you genuinely care, that it's not in your best interest to do so. You're putting yourself first, which a lot of us dumpees often have/had trouble doing sometimes. Very proud of you, Stitch, for not replying to her. Despite the enormous pain that I realize you're in right now, I can tell that you're already on the right path of thinking.