The defining moment of your healing

[SelfCentered]

Hi all

 

I've been thinking about this and wanted to know what others felt.

 

I remember during my last breakup, around 2.5-3 months in. I'd done it all: the begging her to come back, slagging her off to her face, sleeping with random girls to fill the void, crying to my family on the phone. Suffice to say I was in a bad way!

 

Then there was this one night where I went out with a few friends to a rock club. Now this wasn't just any rock club- this was (in my view) the best rock club in the U.K! And it was OUR club...for my group of friends this was the place we went to week in, week out. We knew the DJ, we knew the bouncers.

 

On this particular night nothing amazing happened. It wasn't too busy, we were not drinking more than usual. I left around 1am. At this point I had been leaving most nights early because of alcohol-depression. This time I was leaving because I was genuinely tired and wanted sleep.

 

As I walked home, I began to think about how fairly mundane the night had been- and I was happy. The past few months had been so hectic and dramatic. To have had a normal night out- like I did so often before she came along- was great. I was getting back to normality. I was getting through it all!

 

I always have remembered that moment as one of clarity. A crystallising episode where I knew I'd gone through the worst. I still had down times- sure- but nothing as bad as they had been.

 

Now, in this breakup I've been hankering for a similar epiphany! Of course, it's nothing you can force, and will happen when it happens. But I've had "moments" where I've felt it coming.

 

Either way, I know I'm healing.

 

Can anyone else relate to such a thing?

Edited December 15, 2011 by SelfCentered

[Philosoraptor]

My moment came shortly after I took my last swing at making things work. I did the begging and crying but was denied. I decided I am not going to live my life for her and instead live it for me. I started working on myself and even made a bucket list. Then I started making my own dreams come true.

[dicky_fish]

Which rock club was it? I could do with finding a good one in the UK

[stitch702]

I have had that epiphany as well with my previous break ups where you realize...wow I really am over that relationship. I believe most of them came at that 2.5-3 month mark...except for my first love, that took some time. I've just recently come out of a BAD break up too, but have seen slow improvements in my healing. I too am waiting for that moment of epiphany where I realize I am over her. However my most memorable moment of clarity from a previous break-up came at a moment like yours except I was at a house party. I looked around at my friends who had surrounded me as we were taking shots and I realized I was actually enjoying myself...I was no longer pretending to enjoy myself and I didn't feel alone...at that moment I also remember whispering to myself, "Goodbye (insert ex's name here), I'm really letting you go. God I really look foward to that moment this time around.

[lilyblue]

Reminds me of my exbf. We were hanging out with a bunch of friends out in the middle of nowhere this summer before we started dating and having a great time just doing nothing. He and I talked about it later and he said that's what he missed from his old life (he had been previously married) and he was glad that he was able to heal and was able to find those types of situations to enjoy again. We started dating shortly after that. After 6 weeks he went back to his exwife without telling me. Really healed it seems.

[motive2002]

When I think of the ex from 3 years ago, I remember what this "epiphany" was. It was when I told her off to her voicemail in the worst way imaginable, thus forever burning that bridge. i felt awful for a while after that, but I knew there was never any turning back. I had done the damage and it was completely over.

 

What happened was I decided to completely let go of any and all hope of reconciliation. There was no more denial, or negotiation, or rationalization... no more defending her actions (which was stupid). It was, and still totally is broken.

 

I didn't have to leave that nasty voicemail. I could have decided on my own to let go completely.. but something about burning that bridge left zero room for hope... and hope was what i needed to let go of most.

[Thieves]

Isn't it funny how we always seem to expect the big "epiphany" after a break-up to be this tremendous, sparkling moment of realization that completely uproots the ground from beneath you... when sometimes, it can turn out to be something as simple as a normal day where nothing too special at all happens, yet it just feels different for some reason? That's kind of how it was for me. It's quite hard at the moment to really point out a defining moment -- if there was one. I think it may have been about a month ago, when I realized that I'd gone days (and almost an entire week) without thinking of 'him'. Days! And I didn't even notice it until I really thought about it later on during, like I said, a very normal day...

 

Of course I still had some bad days after that, but that was the point where I knew it was truly possible for me to come out the other side of this entire heartbreak deal. Never thought I'd get there, but apparently I proved myself wrong.

[motive2002]

Isn't it funny how we always seem to expect the big "epiphany" after a break-up to be this tremendous, sparkling moment of realization..........

 

I've never been there myself. It was always a burnt bridge, or simply a new person for me. What's the old saying? "To get over someone you need to get under someone else"?

 

I'm mainly posting again because I love your avatar and your sig. Love the movie. Love the song. I guess it's my melancholy nature to be in touch with that stuff.

[Thieves]

I've never been there myself. It was always a burnt bridge, or simply a new person for me. What's the old saying? "To get over someone you need to get under someone else"?

 

I'm mainly posting again because I love your avatar and your sig. Love the movie. Love the song. I guess it's my melancholy nature to be in touch with that stuff.

 

Thanks! Very awesome movie. And Simon & Garfunkel? Major group in my "heartbreak music" playlist. They actually played that song at my job this week! Which was ironic, because if they had played it two months earlier, it would've fit my depressed mood perfectly. But I was still pretty happy.

[Kamila]

My epiphany:

 

I called up my boyfriend just to hear his voice. I knew something was up. Then he told me he had doubts about us. He said he didn't feel like going through with us. I tried to reason with him and tried to stop doing what he was doing (putting a black cloud over us). He started to scream and then said nothing. At first I didn't grasp what he was saying. He could have yelled all the bad names in the world over me, I still wouldn't get it ! He was trying to break-up with me and my clinging and being nice wouldn't make him change his mind. The epiphany happened at night. I couldn't sleep at all. I just stared at the ceiling, thinking about what has been said, about the relationship, about us, about all. Because he was my all, I would have sacrifed everything for him. But even that wasn't good enough. So that night my head took over my heart and that was it. The pain would start. No turning back. I knew we were over.

 

The second epiphany came a year later. Seeing a picture of him with another girl threw me back to my first epiphany and it was horrible. Not only did I knew that we were over, but with that picture it showed that he moved on and all hope was lost. I never got one phone call from him. That much I meant to him. That much I made him feel. I got sick to my stomach how someone could just 'abandon' you like that. The rose-tinted glasses broke.

 

Luckily with every pain and heartache a certain healing takes place. That is the only hope left to forget all or to even put the lost relationship somewhere in the back of my head.