TigerCub Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 Its been 1 year! Actually over 1 year since the A began to dwindle. But its been 1 year (today) since I wrote xMM my last email, told him what I know he lied about, told him that he's hurt me, told him I'm done. I can't believe its been 1 whole year. Its funny, in a way it feels so much longer than that. The feelings from the A have faded and left behind a distant image. Ending the A was the best thing I've ever done. I want any struggling OW/OM to know this: - You deserve a full time partner whom you trust. - You deserve to be loved fully - You have the power to end the A and move on. - It really does get easier with time, just be strong! I hope everyone is doing well. I didn't really want to talk about the A really, because it is in the past now, but I felt a 1 year anniversary is definitely an achievement worthy of a little moment's attention TC Link to post Share on other sites
oldguy Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 congratulations? Although I don't think people should be praised for not doing the wrong thing, cheating, wife beating ect. I am sorry for your hurt & what you've been through, congratulations on your year Link to post Share on other sites
Author TigerCub Posted December 15, 2011 Author Share Posted December 15, 2011 congratulations? Although I don't think people should be praised for not doing the wrong thing, cheating, wife beating ect. I am sorry for your hurt & what you've been through, congratulations on your year haha, I know what you're saying. But maybe its not congratulations on not doing the wrong thing - but congrats on finally doing the right thing - sometimes that's difficult. Thanks so much Link to post Share on other sites
Fight4Me Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 TC, I have a great deal of respect for you because I've seen you come out of this a gracious classy woman. I'm really glad you have stuck around because there is so much wisdom in your responses to others. I raise my glass to you, and wish you great joy and contentment in the years to come! Link to post Share on other sites
Author TigerCub Posted December 15, 2011 Author Share Posted December 15, 2011 TC, I have a great deal of respect for you because I've seen you come out of this a gracious classy woman. I'm really glad you have stuck around because there is so much wisdom in your responses to others. I raise my glass to you, and wish you great joy and contentment in the years to come! You are so sweet and kind with your words. Thank you, that means a lot to me. Cheers and happiness to you Link to post Share on other sites
East7 Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 (edited) TC, you and proud of you mon chou.. I am happy you have learned so much and you have a better and honest relationship. No more waiting, no more confusion, no more false hopes and smothered dreams, no more lies and heartache. Life is so much better lived with honesty and a full time partner. Everyone deserves better than the Affairs crumbs of love. We had to learn it the hard way. It has been a little more than 1 year for me with some relapses in-between but it seems so far now. Time is a healer...It was the most painful relationship I have ever experienced in my life. Hell, never again ! Edited December 15, 2011 by East7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TigerCub Posted December 15, 2011 Author Share Posted December 15, 2011 TC, you and proud of you mon chou.. I am happy you have learned so much and you have a better and honest relationship. No more waiting, no more confusion, no more false hopes and smothered dreams, no more lies and heartache. Life is so much better lived with honesty and a full time partner. Everyone deserves better than the Affairs crumbs of love. We had to learn it the hard way. It has been a little more than 1 year for me with some relapses in-between but it seems so far now. Time is a healer...It was the most painful relationship I have ever experienced in my life. Hell, never again ! oh East , Thank you for your support (as always ) You're absolutely correct about all of it. A's are no good for anyone - its so much better to live a more true and honest life without blinders and needless pain. (This really isn't meant as a way of judging those in an A - I know they are painful, so I'm not judging) but for me now, its very true. I'm so proud of you too - you have done amazingly well! Lessons learned, eh - its all good ttyl mon chou Link to post Share on other sites
SunsetRed Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 TC, you and proud of you mon chou.. I am happy you have learned so much and you have a better and honest relationship. No more waiting, no more confusion, no more false hopes and smothered dreams, no more lies and heartache. Life is so much better lived with honesty and a full time partner. Everyone deserves better than the Affairs crumbs of love. We had to learn it the hard way. It has been a little more than 1 year for me with some relapses in-between but it seems so far now. Time is a healer...It was the most painful relationship I have ever experienced in my life. Hell, never again ! East, I agree, this has been the most painful break up I've ever been through. I actually felt it as physical pain in my body. I'm 3 months NC now and am feeling disconnected from him. Still...the pain is there. I hope I dont still feel this pain a year from now. I plan to do NC until the bitter end. Its my only hope for mental survival. Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 Congrats to you my dear. One year is momentous. I wish you well and please continue to stay strong. Link to post Share on other sites
Gentlegirl Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 Tiger, It's a good feeling, non? Hard, hard work but the best feeling in the world to know that you are no longer a dirty little secret. I am exactly one week off a year's NC. Contact is only likely to occur now if he instigates it. Cheers.... a much more peaceful christmas for both of us that 2010???? GG Link to post Share on other sites
East7 Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 oh East , ...........its so much better to live a more true and honest life without blinders and needless pain. (This really isn't meant as a way of judging those in an A - I know they are painful, so I'm not judging) but for me now, its very true. I'm so proud of you too - you have done amazingly well! Lessons learned, eh - its all good ttyl mon chou I don't judge people that are still involved in A because I was at the same place before. It is very difficult to separate heart and mind..I knew it was wrong, I knew I deserved better than crumbs but I loved my MW so much that my judgment was blurred and I stayed in a dark place for a while until I was done and took control over myself. It was a difficult and dark path to walk through but yeah, I learned a lot. East, I agree, this has been the most painful break up I've ever been through. I actually felt it as physical pain in my body. I'm 3 months NC now and am feeling disconnected from him. Still...the pain is there. I hope I dont still feel this pain a year from now. I plan to do NC until the bitter end. Its my only hope for mental survival. Single OM and OW grieve a lot because their love is genuine and true, they are not the ones who are cheating, cake-eating or filling voids in their life. They give it all to their MM/MW and have only crumbs in return. They live a half life, while MM/MW live a life and a half. Link to post Share on other sites
Confused4Now Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 I don't judge people that are still involved in A because I was at the same place before. It is very difficult to separate heart and mind..I knew it was wrong, I knew I deserved better than crumbs but I loved my MW so much that my judgment was blurred and I stayed in a dark place for a while until I was done and took control over myself. It was a difficult and dark path to walk through but yeah, I learned a lot. Single OM and OW grieve a lot because their love is genuine and true, they are not the ones who are cheating, cake-eating or filling voids in their life. They give it all to their MM/MW and have only crumbs in return. They live a half life, while MM/MW live a life and a half. Once again East you took the words out of my mouth...Congrats to you TigerCub as well. I do know how NC gets you at a place where all that confusion and toxic kept your world upside down... Link to post Share on other sites
LadyGrey Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 Congrats tigercub! I hope 2012 is a wonderful year for you, filled with peace and happiness! Link to post Share on other sites
Author TigerCub Posted December 18, 2011 Author Share Posted December 18, 2011 Hi, I just wanted to thank everyone for their support and kind words. I really appreciate it. I hope that everyone finds what gives them peace of mind, love, strength and happiness Link to post Share on other sites
Hazyhead Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Hey TC! Congrats on the anniversary Only a year and you've completely turned your life around for the better. Good for you. You must be so ready for a great Christmas Link to post Share on other sites
Author TigerCub Posted December 20, 2011 Author Share Posted December 20, 2011 Hey TC! Congrats on the anniversary Only a year and you've completely turned your life around for the better. Good for you. You must be so ready for a great Christmas Thanks Hazy Its funny, even last year, after I wrote the letter to xMM - I went to Jamaica for xmas and had an awesome time! I was determined to just be free and pursue happiness. This Christmas will be more traditional and sweet cuz I'll be spending it with my bf ...Everything's coming up Milhouse (hehe, that's the dorky Simpson's quoting side of me shining through ) Happy Holidays :bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 I hope its me making a thread like this next year. TC - what did you put in this letter and what was its purpose? I am debating whether to write to him (prob email/text) before going nc Link to post Share on other sites
Hazyhead Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 I hope its me making a thread like this next year. TC - what did you put in this letter and what was its purpose? I am debating whether to write to him (prob email/text) before going nc IA, hope you don't mind me chiming in, unless you are absolutely certain that the letter is the utter last bit of contact he will ever have with (including not responding to his reply) then don't send one. But, if you want to, keep it simple. Don't dwell emotionally, hoping that if he reads your true feelings he'll think twice. Make the letter about you and your needs and how the relationship with him doesn't fulfil them. Let him know you need to live your life rather than watching it from the sidelines. Let him know that you are done and wish him well. After you have expressed yourself, send it and delete every method of contact. Be done once and for all. Hugs, Hazy x Link to post Share on other sites
Hazyhead Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Thanks Hazy Its funny, even last year, after I wrote the letter to xMM - I went to Jamaica for xmas and had an awesome time! I was determined to just be free and pursue happiness. This Christmas will be more traditional and sweet cuz I'll be spending it with my bf ...Everything's coming up Milhouse (hehe, that's the dorky Simpson's quoting side of me shining through ) Happy Holidays :bunny: Well, there ya go, a trouper from the get-go. You're an asset to this forum. Btw. Also fellow Simpsons fan, and love that ep of South Park with Butters as the pimp. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TigerCub Posted December 20, 2011 Author Share Posted December 20, 2011 I hope its me making a thread like this next year. TC - what did you put in this letter and what was its purpose? I am debating whether to write to him (prob email/text) before going nc I really hope so too IA With regards to the letter: I know me, and I know that if I didn't say what was on my mind, I would look back and want to say it and NC would not be NC. So I wrote the letter that told him how I know that he lied (even if I didn't have proof, I always connected the dots and knew he was lying but never really acknowledged it) So in the letter I told him of the lies I knew about. I told him that its a shame he mistook kindness for weakness. I told him what drew me to him and how we both seemed broken at the time, but that I'm not that person anymore and I'm done. I told him not to reply to that email, and that I want to put everything with him behind me to start my new year off right. I wished him luck and I signed off. I agree with Hazy, that unless you know you are sticking to your guns, don't write such a letter, because if you back slide, they will see it as weakness and they will capitalize on it. I wish you all the strength you need to be free and find you happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TigerCub Posted December 20, 2011 Author Share Posted December 20, 2011 Well, there ya go, a trouper from the get-go. You're an asset to this forum. aaaww, thanks Hazy, as are you. I actually remember you being one of the first people to help me through all this when I first talked about my A troubles. Btw. Also fellow Simpsons fan, and love that ep of South Park with Butters as the pimp. Haha, yeah I obviously love that one Do you know what I am saying Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Thanks hazel and tc - tc I'm much like you I don't feel I can leave it with words left "unsaid" I think I will draft it and send it closer to new year that way I can really think over whether to send it or not (sorry didn't mean to hijack this thread) Link to post Share on other sites
Author TigerCub Posted December 20, 2011 Author Share Posted December 20, 2011 Thanks hazel and tc - tc I'm much like you I don't feel I can leave it with words left "unsaid" I think I will draft it and send it closer to new year that way I can really think over whether to send it or not (sorry didn't mean to hijack this thread) No worries I think your plan sounds really good. Good luck IA Link to post Share on other sites
Hazyhead Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 aaaww, thanks Hazy, as are you. I actually remember you being one of the first people to help me through all this when I first talked about my A troubles. Haha, yeah I obviously love that one Do you know what I am saying Aww, thank you. Although I'm not around too much anymore, I'm touched to know I helped at some point. Have a fab christmas with your man Link to post Share on other sites
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