Totally pampering yourself as a first step of healing?

[Standard-Fare]

I want insight onto whether this seems healthy or not.

 

I'm in that raw, right-after-breakup mode right now... the phase of not sleeping, not eating, feeling punched in the stomach, and thinking about him all the time. In short – I'm in hell.

 

I know from experience that this will lift, and I will feel like myself again someday. But right now, I'm finding that the ONLY way to feel better is to go extreme with pampering and indulging myself. Examples:

 

- I'm spending money on frivolous stuff I maybe shouldn't: I got a massage, I got a facial, I went crazy on iTunes buying new music, I got some new clothes.

 

- When I do feel that spark of hunger (it's rare -- and I've lost 5 pounds since the breakup), I eat WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT. So, if I want a cheeseburger, I'm going to eat one. If cookies are the only thing I feel like eating, so be it. Because at least I'm eating.

 

- I know exercise would be great for me but I'm just not going to do it now. Why? Because I don't want to. And I don't want to force myself to do stuff I don't want to do right now.

 

- I've had some real binges of watching TV/movies... like, went through an entire season of one show in one night when I couldn't sleep.

 

I realize this phase of no discipline and doing whatever I godd*mn please can't last indefinitely. I realize I need to find more constructive ways of healing, for example accepting that exercise is important. But for right now, fresh into the breakup, this mentality seems to be my only way of comforting myself.

 

Any thoughts on whether this is a good or bad state for a freshly broken heart?

[solobeary]

To me that makes a lot of sense. Pamper yourself, then slowly add in "responsibilities" like exercise or healthy food when you can deal with it. If you were gaining lots of weight or using drugs or going on a bender that would clearly be a different story, but your way of coping seems to be bringing you a tiny bit of harmless joy in a dark time. I think that sounds like a really good way of coping.

[Philosoraptor]

I lost close to 20 pounds after my breakup. I just stopped eating all together. A few bites every few days was pretty much my standard. I also found that pampering myself really helped me. I went crazy (for me anyways) and redid my entire wardrobe. A grand total of less than $300 was spent making myself over and removing everything she purchased for me or she liked on me. Looking different had me feeling different. Soon enough I was jumping out of planes and just doing what I wanted to do.

[SelfCentered]

Do it! I went to friggin’ Iceland after my breakup! Cost me a fortune.

 

Okay…so it was already booked. But I went not caring about spending money on myself whilst I was there and usually I’m really tight with cash- even on holiday! But I just wanted to have fun and forget about her, I did, and I would do it again!

 

Also, don’t worry about the gym thing. I’ve only recently gone back to mine. Now I’m working out like never before and it’s making me feel great.

 

You’ll get there.

 

 

Don’t worry about spending money on yourself either, even during financially tough times like this. The way I look at it is I would have spent a lot on her over Xmas and her birthday (which is on the 27th~) and probably a fair bit more on NYE since I always ended up buying the drinks on nights out.

 

It feels kinda tacky to put a monetary value on a relationship, but the truth is they do cost us a fair bit! So you’re going to be saving money anyway, why not spoil yourself.

[Standard-Fare]

I'm setting a goal for myself to start to bring the gym into the picture this Sunday.

 

Honestly although I wish I had more of an appetite I needed to lose 5 or 10 pounds of post-Thanksgiving pudge anyway, so if I'm able to get that toned at the gym I'll be feeling more self-confident than ever. With my new clothes and all.

 

It ain't love, but it's ... something.