One solace some people have: Your ex will never find anyone better than you

[Standard-Fare]

It sounds mean-spirited, but I truly think this is one form of solace some of us can claim.

 

As far it goes for me -- My ex was extremely good-looking (I can admit in a range above myself). So he will have no problem getting girls to have sex with him and even start to get involved with him. But once a woman goes deeper, she finds herself with a 31-year-old total pothead with the maturity of a 21-year-old and the hygiene of a child. Someone who doesn't really apply well to situations like "Let's meet Grandma" or "Let's go to my boss' Christmas party."

 

I've got my problems myself and I will probably never find someone whose face can devastate me so, or who I could feel so instantaneously attracted to. But I'm an intelligent woman who went as deep with him as any an intelligent woman could. He can find dummy party girls to f*ck him, but good luck with finding anyone of substance to start a life with.

 

Anyone else get comfort from the same line of thoughts in your own situation?

[fucpcg]

If you want to stick with that, it won't be true. Anyone in here who wants to take the stance that they were great and their ex will never do better, will never be a person who uses these experiences to learn and grow as a person. When we go thru a break up, there is always things that we got wrong as well in the relationship, including part of that being if this person we dated was so awful, why were we dating them. Unless you take the breakup and an opportunity to explore where you screwed up, you will never learn and grow. If you take the stance that ha he/she will never do betr than me, you wont grow, and by default someday they will do better.

 

And if this was a valid post, it would mean that of the 1000s and 1000s of posters in here, every single one was a better person than the one they are writing about. I'll never believe that one.

[Standard-Fare]

If you want to stick with that, it won't be true. Anyone in here who wants to take the stance that they were great and their ex will never do better, will never be a person who uses these experiences to learn and grow as a person. When we go thru a break up, there is always things that we got wrong as well in the relationship, including part of that being if this person we dated was so awful, why were we dating them. Unless you take the breakup and an opportunity to explore where you screwed up, you will never learn and grow. If you take the stance that ha he/she will never do betr than me, you wont grow, and by default someday they will do better.

 

And if this was a valid post, it would mean that of the 1000s and 1000s of posters in here, every single one was a better person than the one they are writing about. I'll never believe that one.

 

Totally legit point.

[Philosoraptor]

I also agree that in most cases your ex will never find anyone better than you. That doesn't mean they wont find someone as good as you or someone better than them, but they still wont be better than you.

 

I'm sure my ex will find someone that fits her better than I do. That doesn't mean that they will be better than me, but a better fit than I was. I also feel like I will find a better fit for myself and find myself happier with someone else.

[JFReyes]

I'm sure my ex will find someone that fits her better than I do. That doesn't mean that they will be better than me, but a better fit than I was. I also feel like I will find a better fit for myself and find myself happier with someone else.

 

Couldn't have said it better, thanks!

[Standard-Fare]

You know, even though I think fucpcg's point is really insightful and valid, I'm thinking of some situations with friends where it's been CLEAR that one partner wasn't going to be able to find a better match post-breakup.

 

For example, I have a friend who started dating her boyfriend while they were both in law school. In the time since, my friend has worked her ass off, become partner at a firm, bought a house, lost the 40 pounds she needed to. In the meantime, her boyfriend has been in an ongoing process of studying for the bar then failing (just failed the 5th time) while living with mommy and daddy, who support him because he hasn't held a job this whole time. Note, these people are both in their early 30s.

 

My friend broke it off and I can firmly say that she's in a much better spot than he is as far as finding a new partner. She's a catch. He's a loser. Doesn't mean he's a "bad guy," but no woman wants to sign up for the situation he's created for himself.

 

I think there are a lot of situations out there like this. It doesn't mean one partner has a better heart, is morally superior or whatever -- it means one partner will leave the relationship with much better prospects of finding a new person... while the other won't.

Edited December 15, 2011 by Standard-Fare