nowwhatnow Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 some days i still get really mad and hurt that he just broke up with me and never let me fight. because i would have fought, i would have fought with everything i had. i still cant believe he walked away from something so good. he never told me why and i will never understand. Link to post Share on other sites
fucpcg Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 Same thing happened to me 10 months ago, and fills my thoughts every hour of everyday. Not with the pain it caused after initial break, but I still have the thoughts. I don't get it at all, the cut and run. Link to post Share on other sites
perfectlyflawed459 Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 I am a year in, and I still miss him and not a day goes by where I do not think of him. He and I have been in NC for 3 months, if you don't count when he tried to talk to me at a gathering. It hurts, but it does get better. It helps to appreciate the positives things in life. Gradually, the pain lessens each day and then you find it within yourself to accept it, let go of any grudge towards him, and live your life. I can safely say I have let go my anger towards him and now all I harbor are the happy times we had and love for him. I think, for me, it is best that way. I have realized I love him unconditionally, but I have noticed definite healing. Link to post Share on other sites
motive2002 Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- long·ing n. A strong persistent yearning or desire, especially one that cannot be fulfilled. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It's funny how the further away from get from a person or experience, the better looking or feeling it can be. Time passed has a way of distorting how we see things, and putting them in an unrealistic light. Worsening this effect is unrequited longing.. or love from the other person. You are aware that you are the only one (of the two of you) that is having this feeling There is nothing weird, or abnormal about this kind of feeling. Songs and screenplays have been written with this type of thing in mind, and wouldn't you know, they are telling a story we can easily relate to. I'd bet good money there's a song you've heard, or a movie you've seen just recently that made you feel that longing. The harsh truth is that in reality it leads to nowhere. The human brain has a thing for longing.Who knows why.. but the longer you dwell there, the worse you will eventually feel. There will come a time where you must take on new challenges in life. Life keeps moving on whether we want it to or not, so the key is to embrace these new challenges and experiences fully and find new things to long for that haven't even happened yet. The ability to long for something is all yours, it's just a matter of pointing that "beam" of longing in a different direction. Do you long to one day travel to some place new? How about meeting a handsome stranger, or perfecting a recipe, or getting that room painted and reorganized? Move your "beam" into a different direction: The future. Link to post Share on other sites
Thieves Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 some days i still get really mad and hurt that he just broke up with me and never let me fight. because i would have fought, i would have fought with everything i had. i still cant believe he walked away from something so good. he never told me why and i will never understand. But, Nowwhatnow, don't you realize what you've just told us? You said that you get angry because he simply broke up with you and never let you fight for the relationship -- but did you ever stop to think that that's the reason why you're better off without him? Sure, you feel you would've fought with every fiber in your being to keep him from leaving you, and to change his mind... but he didn't even blink. He somehow and at some point calculated in his brain that it wasn't even worth watching you try to save what you two had -- nevermind that you would've tried. What does that truly say about him? My question to you is would you really want to be with a person, and I mean be with them for a long time, if they won't even allow you to fight for them? If they don't even want you to? And furthermore, should you really have to even prove yourself to someone who once claimed to love you and care for you? Should you really have to try to change their mind about something that is most likely out of your control? I believe you already know the answer to those, but your heart keeps telling you to fight. But, NWN, you cannot fight for something when he's already decided for himself that the outcome is a loss. I know it may hurt so much to hear something like that, more than anything, but it's a realization that we all have to come to eventually. As good as it would be to know why he walked away, it's not the main thing you need to focus on. The end point is he walked away, period. Forget words, why's, explanations. The outcome is the same. Look at the actions. His actions say it all, and they have said that you're much better off moving on to someone who won't just walk away from you and who will stay by your side when things get rough. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamila Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 some days i still get really mad and hurt that he just broke up with me and never let me fight. because i would have fought, i would have fought with everything i had. i still cant believe he walked away from something so good. he never told me why and i will never understand. Your nickname says it all eh ? " What am I supposed to do now ? What am I supposed to do without you ? " Hey, I said those words to my ex-boyfriend when he wanted me to leave. It's the strangest feeling ever. You're so alone in this world, in this relationship. The other has built a strong wall and you can't get through. The more a person resist, the more we try eh ? I'm also at a year and a half almost and really the feeling is still there, but more in an acceptance mode. It's okay to feel the way you feel, just don't let your guard down when he'll try to contact you. He mustn't give you false hope. It's going to be okay. Link to post Share on other sites
KS11 Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 I know exactly how you feel NWN. I've only been NC for a short time, having been told that i need to 'move on and get over me'. Although we were never together properly...i cant begin to accept that she can just let what we had wither away. From all the things that have been said, im just inconsolably hurt that she could happily just watch someone she claimed to be her 'best friend' walk out of her life. I wanted to be someone worth fighting for. Its like that saying about fighting for those you love, and im a firm believer of it, but i just wish something would click to make her notice. I agree with Thieves in everything you said about 'should you have to fight', it makes every bit of sense that they should appreciate you for who you are, but whats so hard, is trying to forget the memories there were once, where that person did appreciate you. I wish i could know what it was i did to suddenly change her mind. Im probably just speaking for myself here, but im finding it so hard, even with the pain shes caused me, to forget the girl i knew and grew to love. People may say its putting them on a pedestal, but if thats what it is, then so be it. Perfectlyflawed: I admire your strength so much! I dont know how you handle loving someone so much but not being able to be with them. I havent got that strength. Ive had people tell me that i was happy before i met her, and ill be happy again. And thats true, i hope one day i will be ok, but i dont think i'll ever experience how happy i was when i was with her. And that scares me. Sorry im rambling! Link to post Share on other sites
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