Narcissistic Personality Disorder or NPD

[chalkfarm]

I read this on the Infidelity forum. Athena posted it. Hope she doesn't mind my copying and pasting but I think it is real and honest and full of true emotion. Thank you Athena!

 

"Narcissistic Personality Disorder" or "NPD".

 

Do yourself a favor and ONLY hook up with women who KNOW it's 'just' a hook up and you have no ability to connect.

 

And don't ever get married (because you will destroy a good woman -- yeah, I KNOW you would pick a GOOD woman, because narcissistic men do this).

 

Narcissistic individuals cannot 'do' relationships. They leave a wake of destruction behind them.

 

It's not fair to a normal woman to have her heart broken because you would have a desire to be married. Narcissists cannot be faithful (which, btw makes you suspect ALL others of being like yourself). Narcissists have an eternal hunger inside themselves (to fill the hole) and they seek to consume via sex/ being admired/ PRETENDING to be like other people all around them. But they know they are not normal.

 

Everything emotional is studied... the only emotion they can truly feel is anger (sometimes sadness, for themselves, only, for their own pitiful situation).

 

Check out "Sociopath" too while you're researching "narcissist".

 

Good luck, strive to be a good man -- one day you'll spot her, but stay away from the genuine, strong, kind, loving, affectionate, beautiful, happy, strong girl (like I was) and let them marry a regular guy.

 

Athena also wrote -

 

Why not just f**k around with women who only want meaningless sex? You KNOW you are just plain incapable of maintaining anything more than a facade of a relationship, so you should just keep your distance from the Good and the Beautiful and stick with your peers.

 

Sorry, but I've had enough of these bs-ing mofo's who walk around hating women and yet targeting and deceiving the women, from their hatred for their (the men's) OWN deficits.

 

What?! You think you're 'better' than the common garden variety con man in jail? Nope, you are not. You are more like the murderers, who take.

 

Just stay the heck away from the normal loving women. Okay? Keep your deceptions, your hatred, your crimes, and your theft to yourselves. Keep your defects away from humanity.

[chalkfarm]

Keep your defects away from humanity!

 

I am writtin' this on my wall!

[Gentlegirl]

I love this Chalkfarm.

 

GG

[SoMovinOn]

I view that as putting the blame for (your) choices on someone else. It seems to be saying there are men who have some magic power over women to make them do things they don't want to do, or to make them make bad choices.

 

Jeezus... there are all kinds of people who screw up other people in the course of a relationship. Sometimes, it's that they change over time (become an alcoholic, drug user, other addict), sometimes they're just morons. No matter who they are, it's not like anyone has the ability to know someone before they take the time to get to know them. Even then, you can be with someone for years or decades before you really know them.

 

One could come up with a list of a thousand things someone shouldn't be, and people with those traits who should stay away from the good women (and men) to avoid screwing them up.

 

That's how we (humans) do it - we get involved in relationships, we learn... if we discover it's wrong at some point, we eventually get out. You cannot control who or how they are. You can, however, control how you come out the other side of a relationship. You can let it beat you down, or you can mine whatever good you found in it, even if that's just what you learned on how you might choose better next time.

 

How else are you going to do it?

[betterdeal]

I'm relieved that the DSM may drop the whole PD classification. I just hope the internet catches up with it sooner rather than later. Labels disable.

[bentnotbroken]

NPD personalities aren't gender specific. I can personally know of more than I care to.

[frozensprouts]

the quoted post may have came from a thread started by 'the other man', who was a young kid (23) who was saying that he was worried that he was learning to distrust women because he had run across so many married women/women in relationships who were willing to sleep with him even though they were married/ in a relationship. The quote was about him and his behavior, but after a lot of posts, it kind of came out that while he was making some bad choices and this was coloring his views, there was also more going on than met the eye.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=308623&page=2

 

he mostly just sounded like someone who'd had a few bad experiences and was judging all women by those experiences... he was worried about this and wnated advice on whether or not people felt he had a problem and if so, how to change his opinions.

 

this is just my opinion, and it may be wrong.

[pureinheart]

This is REALLY good CF

[Fabian Montenegro]

I found this post from another website.

 

Hello. I have lurked on this forum for the past few months. I do not ask for your advice. I simply have a genuine interest in your thoughts and wish to share my own.

 

I have been married for 11 years now. Within the first year of marriage, I cheated on my wife. For these past 11 years, I have had 14 mistresses. These trysts have lasted anywhere between 4 months to a year. My wife knows nothing. I feel no guilt or regret.

 

I have also been diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder. Sociopathy. Upon further introspection, I theorise that I have narcissistic personality disorder as well. I do not intend to see a therapist about this theory. The stigma that comes with one personality disorder is quite enough. Although, as I have learned, these labels are in fact becoming outdated as the DSM moves on.

 

If one were to ask about my tragic backstory, my reply would be this: I was heavily bullied during my formative years. I remember one particular day when I returned home from school. After a cruel psychological beating, that feeling of inner-warmth within me faded away. I was dead on the inside. With that, my ability to care for others was lost. It is a most melodramatic story, isn't it?

 

I do not consider my mistresses to be people. Though I cannot deny that I enjoy their company. I enjoy socialising with them. I also enjoy having sex with them, but that is merely one aspect of my relationships.

 

Of these 14 mistresses, 6 of them were in relationships of their own. Curiously, it was the single mistresses that felt the most guilty about what they were engaging in. Only 1 of these single mistresses did not require my reassurance to assuage their guilt. Of the 6 married mistresses that I have known, only 2 showed any outward signs of distress. Such unlucky husbands.

 

I will say whatever I need to, in order to foster relationships with them. It might be as simple as some playful flirting. It might be as complicated as constructing a web of lies. A second, fictitious life.

I am in an unhappy marriage. My wife doesn't love me. I'm only staying for the kids. I think that I have grown feelings for you. If circumstances were more convenient, we would be together right now.

 

After I feel satisfied with these extramarital trysts, I cut off all contact. These women know nothing about me, except for what I look like. I make sure to use an alias. I do not give them any personally identifiable information.

 

However, I glean no enjoyment from manipulating these women. I am not a sadist.

 

I am unsure of why I am so attractive to these women. To be honest, the shine of my wedding ring should chase them away. I am fairly average in appearance, so I don't believe it to be that. Perhaps it is my charisma.

 

There are some individuals that I consider to be people. My parents for instance. Close friends. My daughter, my dear princess. And my loving wife.

 

What are my wife's flaws that have caused me to cheat? When I massage her feet, they smell like corn chips. Sometimes, she gets the names of our 2 dogs mixed up. We have sex twice a week instead of four times a week. She forgets to pack up her socks.

 

Superficially, we have a happy marriage, so there should be no reason for me to cheat on her. This goes against my pattern of behaviour.

 

That is why I find my cheating confusing. In the past, I have never hurt people. Quite the opposite, I spoil people. I give them gifts. I go out of my way to help them. To please them. There is no rational reason to hurt people. The world would be a better place if we did not hurt others.

 

For me, it is as simple as eating a chocolate bar. I either do it or I don't.

 

Why do I cheat?

[SoMovinOn]

That says you don't believe in victims,but they do exist and men and women exploit each other all the time.

 

I do believe in victims, but I make a distinction between innocent victims (those who take no part in becoming a victim), vs. willing victims (those who, in some manner, make conscious choices to put themselves in a given situation).

[donnamaybe]

I do believe in victims, but I make a distinction between innocent victims (those who take no part in becoming a victim), vs. willing victims (those who, in some manner, make conscious choices to put themselves in a given situation).

 

Well, sure, if a woman saw a man's psych profile and still jumped in with both feet she would get what she deserves. But when does that happen?

Edited December 20, 2011 by donnamaybe

[SoMovinOn]

Well, sure, if a woman saw a man's psych profile and still jumped in with both feet she would get what she deserves. But when does that happen?

 

I was thinking more, in the context of this forum and discussion, if the woman were to see the man's wedding ring, it might provide a good clue for her to pass on whatever he's offering.

[whichwayisup]

I was thinking more, in the context of this forum and discussion, if the woman were to see the man's wedding ring, it might provide a good clue for her to pass on whatever he's offering.

 

And an OM should do the same. He sees the woman's wedding ring, it might provide a good clue for him to pass on whatever he's offering. This isn't gender specific.

[donnamaybe]

I was thinking more, in the context of this forum and discussion, if the woman were to see the man's wedding ring, it might provide a good clue for her to pass on whatever he's offering.

Is that the advice one should give your OW?

[SoMovinOn]

And an OM should do the same. He sees the woman's wedding ring, it might provide a good clue for him to pass on whatever he's offering. This isn't gender specific.

 

Right - just that Donna's comment talked about a woman asking a man for his psych profile.

 

I'd also add the same advice given to help people avoid being scammed in any way - if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

[SoMovinOn]

True that.But.....if MM weren't lurking around corners conning women into getting involved with them via lies, pity ploys and manipulations,none of us would be here.

 

Maybe in some cases, but in others, people go into an A knowing exactly what they're getting into.

[SoMovinOn]

Is that the advice one should give your OW?

 

If I ever wear a wedding ring again, and if I ever get an OW, yes - that would be good advice for her.

[donnamaybe]

If I ever wear a wedding ring again, and if I ever get an OW, yes - that would be good advice for her.

You have one - unless you've ended your A with your married woman...

 

So - the wedding ring really ISN'T an indicator of someone's psychological makeup. Right? Or they could just take it off.

[donnamaybe]

Right - just that Donna's comment talked about a woman asking a man for his psych profile.

 

I'd also add the same advice given to help people avoid being scammed in any way - if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

So then your advice is to never enter into an A? What a turnaround...

[Hazyhead]

Great thread, Chalkfarm. I hope the OW that struggles to understand why he continues to pick her up then throw her aside again reads it Hell, I'm a year... ish, out and it's still good for me to refresh my memory.

[whichwayisup]

If I ever wear a wedding ring again, and if I ever get an OW, yes - that would be good advice for her.

 

I think she was talking about you (being the OM) and your OW meaning 'MW'. Your MW wears a wedding ring?

 

I'd also add the same advice given to help people avoid being scammed in any way - if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

So, what you're saying is, in a subtle way that 'good advice' on here is too good to be true/ aka helpful?? Or are you saying that when a MW/MM gives their typical crap lines and lies, that if it's too good and too smooth, then it probably is? Sorry, not sure which one you meant. Sometimes words jump off the page a certain way/intention.

Edited December 20, 2011 by whichwayisup

[donnamaybe]

I think she was talking about you (being the OM) and your OW meaning 'MW'. Your MW wears a wedding ring?

Fact is, both he AND his - yes - OW (because he is married after all) are M. Whether someone wears a ring or not isn't the point.

 

 

So, what you're saying is, in a subtle way that 'good advice' on here is too good to be true/ aka helpful?? Or are you saying that when a MW/MM gives their typical crap lines and lies, that if it's too good and too smooth, then it probably is? Sorry, not sure which one you meant. Sometimes words jump off the page a certain way/intention.

And how does someone know it's "too good" and they should fear what they are hearing? Just because of the ring? Well, since A's are, at least to SOME people as indicated by prior discussions, a good thing, how is it that someone simply being married and looking for an A is suddenly an indicator of a psychological flaw and they are to be avoided?

 

It's a contradiction - all of it.

[SoMovinOn]

You have one - unless you've ended your A with your married woman...

 

That makes me the OM, not her an OW.

 

 

So - the wedding ring really ISN'T an indicator of someone's psychological makeup. Right? Or they could just take it off.

 

That is correct Donna. A wedding ring was never an indicator of someone's psychological makeup. It's an indicator of someone you'd not want to date, regardless of any psychological issues they may or may not have. If their are narcissistic MM preying on women, if they are wearing a wedding ring, women can avoid becoming their "victim" by ignoring anything else and just using the presence of the wedding ring as sufficient reason to not date them. Even if he takes it off, it can take months for the ring on his finger to go away.

[SoMovinOn]

So then your advice is to never enter into an A? What a turnaround...

 

You've confused me with someone else again, I've never advocated one enter into an A. ... or, are you confused that because I understand why people get involved in A's, you're imaging that understanding indicates endorsement?

[SoMovinOn]

So, what you're saying is, in a subtle way that 'good advice' on here is too good to be true/ aka helpful?? Or are you saying that when a MW/MM gives their typical crap lines and lies, that if it's too good and too smooth, then it probably is? Sorry, not sure which one you meant. Sometimes words jump off the page a certain way/intention.

 

I think people who can't figure out when something seems too good to be true, usually are those who end up being willing victims.