Popping the question

[Sw3etdev1L]

I felt like a train passed all over me and I got through with it.

My mother had cancer three years, I got diagnosed with an electrical problem in my brain, ended up my career with all those conflicts.. before that, I graduated from highschool not having been diagnosed, my parents fighting most of the time in the house and their divorce.

I really did feel like a train passed over me and I got through with it... as I could..

after those bitter moments, I got rid from some not good friends for me... and I was "left without what I used to call friends".

I am open to new friends, I have good friends now (not a lot), I am healthy, and well.. I guess I've grown out of those moments..

BUT... it has been two years since my mom died and one year two months I chose my new boyfriend.. which I really love.. and he is thinking about us getting married... there is a thing..

He is good, honest, hardworking, ambitious, business man..

I am spiritual, honest, doing my social service, wannabe happy type of person.

When we met, three months were "good".. I say good because I didn't want to be in love.. I wanted to remain cold not to get involve in a place which was no good to me.

I got to meet his family, he came to meet mine.

He started showing himself to me.. he is honest, caring, too caring, good, warm, expressive, naive kinda guy, and he is five years older than me...

He told me he had finantial problems at month 3 or 4 of the relationship, at first, he sold himself as if he was a wonderful catch... we had sex.. I got involved.

He went out of his job and was all anxious and stuff, I told him to go to a doctor, gave him anxiolitics.... I thought "what am I doing?"... kept on going out, got to know him... he told me all his story... he had lost all of his money, and was starting right from scratch, all his income... I was allready considering a formal relationnship and was doubting if he could be able to afford that... I wanted myself out of any possible conflicts. I decided to stick to him... his anxiousness, made me anxiiious at first... now I see he is a worried person... but I had my background which I was heeling... I thought... " is this for me ?"...

I decided to stick to him because he is hardworking, he is nice, treats me lovingly and that is not easy to find..

NOW, we're thinking about marriage..

sometimes I get all excited and stuff...

and he comes and tells me.. "I have money", sometimes he says "I don't have money".... sometimes he is all like "I have enough to live five years without any problem".. and truth is, he is starting up his business...

his anxious problem came because he wanted to be a millionare and was not accepting his reality that he had lost a money....

So....

I've been sick from sinusitis.. like three times this year, when before I didn't used to get sick...

sometimes I say it is from stress of the transition, stress from the possibility of marrying him, stress from not knowing yet the grade of my professional test, or maybe because carbamazepine is lowering my immune system... I DON?T KNOW..

I don't have my mom, usually I'd go with her and tell her.. everything and she'd be giving me ease, but I don't have her now..

I've been hanging out with him... throughout all his process too.. he has been making this new project of a job,, which I don't know it will work or not...

Funny cuz I am 26, almost 27 in like two weeks.. and I could easily say... I rather marry someone with money not to have any issues any more!.. but I have really come to love this guy... ****ing love.. I don't know how to express my feelings. Sometimes I worry, and he is not a very optimist guy... he doesn't help me feel in peace... his anxiety really gets to me sometimes... sometimes I even doubt if we're a good couple.. I mean..

my interests are: medicine, altruism, science, clinical nutrition, art, classic music, reading, family, friends, faith., chilling, yoga,

his interests are: economy, money, a business, family, friends, reading about economy,anguish, running

The thing is... I know him, popping the question is near.. and that kind of frightens me.. If he transmitted me peace and that he is good with himself, I'd be sure about getting married with him..but he really dreams big, and I hope he makes it... but then I ask myself.. "and what if he doesn't?"... I am being pessimistic...

I am also still mourning my mom... how clear would my decission be now about getting married with the influence of my mourning process after two years almost... and, this period of transition..

I sometimes feel the pressure.... where I live people marry young..

he is goodd, warm, great guy, shorter than me, goodlooking..

but I used to have these great looking classy, intelligent, smart, people with no money problems and ... I see myself deciding for him... I used to be so cold about this situation.. I really didn't want to have money problems.. I didn't... and I am choosing him with his money problems which by the way suck... I know I will work, I have a career... and no, I am not a gold digger.. but, any woman if you talk to her she'd say... I rather have someone stable than someone without economical stability... it is nature... I get anxious, I get all bummed out because my expectations were more than this... and although my expectations where more than that... he as a person measures up to all my expectations... I just hate his finantial stage in which he is.. Maybe I hate it more now than I would in any other occassion because I just came out of so many problems, that I hate to think of another one.. which doesn't even compare to the other ones but that I knkow exists...¿how good does it make me psychologically this relationship at this time?....

I want to feel at ease. ¿Is he the one?

hmmmmmmmm

Edited December 16, 2011 by Sw3etdev1L

[Tayla]

Please re-read your post ,it reeks of irony...him anxious? ANd you are serenity?

Learn to re-love yourself. I cannot see marriage will be do-able with the way the thread was conveyed. Get the "I' out of marriage...its a "we" venture....

Take care...and heal yourself...I think he and you can find happiness afterwards....

[Sw3etdev1L]

The thing is...

I am searching to get married, have babies, become stable...

He is searching to get married, have babies become stable...

...... I am still in college.

......He is starting his business..

His friends and surroundings are all super rich people and he is not..

so he feels he needs to be like them..

and I don't like that.

I used to be in peace, yes... not with him no..

but I do love him, this is why I've been tolerating it.

Peace is not there because, finantial stability is not there..

Do I love him? Yes... do we have money to buy a house, no...

children?? I can't even think about it..Ages 32, 27...

He doesn't know any of this, that I get impatient because I see him worrying... about finantial things most of the time.. I used to be in peace, but when I met him and he showed me he was not in the greatest places.. took me out of my confort zone.. I was not expecting that.. thats iit.

[TokyoG33kyGal]

cross the bridge when he actually ask to marry you. if he is not as financially stable as you were saying and focused on his business, being a millionaire...marriage won't be his priority.

 

have you guys talked about your future house, future babies or any plans if you actually get married? that will give you an idea of what kind of future he plans with you and if you can live with it.