Rant :/

[perfectlyflawed459]

So I sent my ex his birthday card yesterday and I feel very good about it. I don't expect anything nor am I hoping for anything from him. However today as I was driving home, I saw him driving out of my neighborhood, which means he was seeing that girl Ugh I was feeling so great too, but seeing him driving out out of my neighborhood KNOWING he was seeing HER was a punch in the gut. Damn it sucks that she lives in the same neighborhood as I do. Gosh I really miss him guys and it has only been three months NC if you don't count the fact that he broke NC by trying to approach me at a gathering. I just wish I knew if he even still cares, thinks about me, or misses me. Lord knows I miss him everyday and think about him, hoping that he is doing well and stuff. I know NC is best, but man I just want him back so badly. I would do anything.

[Thieves]

PerfectlyFlawed, of all things, I think in a way you should be proud of yourself that you took the time to send your ex a birthday card. Proud that you're attempting to still be a considerate person to someone who, yes, is actually causing you quite a bit of pain. That takes a lot to do, no matter how small a gesture it may seem. However, in another way, sometimes it's best just not to expect very much when it comes to those kind of gestures after breaking up with someone. There are a lot of emotions running high, and we may expect things deep inside ourselves... even when we feel we're not.

 

I know how it feels to want to do anything just to know one simple fact: whether they still care. What I would have given to know that about my ex! But I'm not sure if actually knowing that really helps a person move on. I know you were just ranting, but I thought I'd give my own perspective since I remember feeling similar to you when I broke NC. I kind of beat myself up for it, feeling 'pathetic' knowing that he was always going out to be with someone else, no matter what I did.

 

In the end, I just took it as a sign that, yes, I still cared for him... and while he might not think much of it at all, well, caring for someone is never really a bad thing. It took a long time to get that through my head, but it's finally starting to soak through.

[perfectlyflawed459]

Thank you for your perspecitve. I do not expect a reaction out of him nor did I send him a card to recieve a reaction. I did it because I really do love him and hope it at least makes him smile on his special day. I know he cares about me, it is just hard to remember that when he is out and about with someone else I have been feeling much better, I do not cry myself to sleep anymore or talk about him with my peers. That in my eyes is much improvement, which is a positive thing. I do feel like I have also become a better person as well from all this. I realized my faults and am working on getting rid of them. You are right though, it really isn't a bad thing to care about someone. Sometimes though, I just really miss him and that is when it hurts.