colliejoanie Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 My first boyfriend and I reconnected as friends a few years ago. We unbelievably lived in the same neighborhood at the time....hundreds of miles from our hometown. We were high school sweethearts 20 years ago. He has since moved back to our home town. We've become friends again, and his wife knows we talk. I have absolutely no romantic feelings for him, other than the memories of that first love. He was older than me. Captain of the football team. etc. etc. It was magical to me at the time . But now we talk and I realize how different we are. The problem is that lately when we talk he mentions divorce A LOT. He mentions where he would live if he gets divorced. He jokes about how happy he'll be. How much more time he'll have. He's also said he's coming into my town and we should go get drinks. A) Is he really thinking about divorce, or is this just a guy joking? and B) is agreeing to drinks with him a bad idea?? Link to post Share on other sites
Feanor Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 He may not be thinking about divorce necessarily but he's definitely thinking about cheating on his wife. Go out for drinks if you want but he is most likely interested in you as more than friends. So you may have some drama on your hands if you get involved with this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 ^Agree with Feanor Link to post Share on other sites
Author colliejoanie Posted December 16, 2011 Author Share Posted December 16, 2011 Gah! It makes me mad that a guy who was once such a huge part of my life (and I his - i actually lived with his family for a while) would think of me disrespectfully. I wonder if by talking to him, I'm giving him the wrong idea?!?! He's always the one calling me. I will post on his facebook page every once in a while about college football, as our alma maters are rivals.....it's been really nice to have him as a friend..... Maybe I'm being niave in thinking married men can be friends with single women. Link to post Share on other sites
oldguy Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 I agree, it sounds like he would cheat & it sounds like he my be baiting you for your reaction. Link to post Share on other sites
Pasttense Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 I think you should only meet him is his wife is along. Otherwise wait until he is divorced. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 (edited) I think his wife is just tolerating you - how can she feel anything more? Edited December 16, 2011 by darkmoon Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 A) Is he really thinking about divorce, or is this just a guy joking? and B) is agreeing to drinks with him a bad idea?? IME, admittedly with MW's, the ones who talked the most about divorce and what lousy men they were married to were exactly the ones who stayed in their M's. I would concur with others that his talk is a method to create potential in you regarding this past love, long over for you, at this point anyway. If you aren't included as a friend to the marriage, I'd disconnect him. What's coming isn't going to be healthy for anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 I agree with everyone else. The divorce comments are bait to set the stage, so that you think the marriage is already over. If he hasn't already, he will start complaining about his sex life, so that you feel sorry for him. Then he will start throwing in sexual flirty comments to guage your reaction. If you laugh or respond positively, game on! He is grooming you to be his other woman. Meeting for drinks...he's thinking he'll loosen you up and get you feelin' a little nostalgic. He is likely bored in his marriage, but has no intention to leave. He wants supplemental sex and excitement. Men like this often target previous loves, because the feelings are often easily reactivated. It is easier for him to get you to think that you two have this unique connection, than to start fresh with a new woman. Marriages have ups and downs. Having babies is often a down time. If he has small kids, he probably feels neglected because his wife only has so much attention and love to spread around. The usual scenario is that the married guy loves his wife, and wants her attention. After babies, she's stressed, tired and all touched out. He see that she's busy attending to their kids, who he is also invested in, so he feels like a jerk for feeling neglected. But he has needs nonetheless. Instead of confronting the issue and risk sounding like a selfish as5hole to his wife, his solution is to get his needs met outside the marriage. The reason I don't think his divorce comment is serious is because most divorces are initiated by women. The men that do initiate divorce, usually have wives that are cheating, addicted, or mentally ill. Men don't usually consider boredom as a reason for divorce. Many cheating men don't even consider being in love with another woman as a reason for divorce. Once they have a wife, she is usually his wife for life unless she seriously f*cks up or SHE leaves HIM. Most men accept that marriages get stale and either deal with it or cheat. So if I were you, I would set some strong boundaries with this guy. Once you are together, drinking, laughing and reminiscing it will be a real slippery slope to affairland, which will lead to uneccesary heartache and drama for you, him and his family. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 Gah! It makes me mad that a guy who was once such a huge part of my life (and I his - i actually lived with his family for a while) would think of me disrespectfully. I wonder if by talking to him, I'm giving him the wrong idea?!?! He's always the one calling me. I will post on his facebook page every once in a while about college football, as our alma maters are rivals.....it's been really nice to have him as a friend..... Maybe I'm being niave in thinking married men can be friends with single women. You should be mad at yourself first! This guy is your EX!!! That means there was a romantic connection. Sure a married guy can be friends with a single woman.... but it's damn hard if she is someone you've porked in the past. How did you not think of this to start? Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 Yeah, he's trying to line you up as his piece on the side. Unless you are interested in that, I'd only have drinks with him and his wife -- which will never happen, as he's not looking to be "friends" with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author colliejoanie Posted December 17, 2011 Author Share Posted December 17, 2011 Thanks for all the feedback. I won't be meeting for that drink when he comes to town. I guess I was hoping my instincts were wrong . No, untouchable fire, I'm not mad at myself. We reunited when I was still married. His wife and family, my husband and family lived in the same neighborhood. My step son and his son were on the same soccer team. So when we reunited, our family lives were established. I have no alterior motives. Never have. It's a shame that he most likely does. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 I doubt any man that is actually about to file for - or is in the middle of a legal divorce is going to joke about it. He would more likely talk about how much its costing, how the wife is trying to run all his money, he wouldnt be joking about it when its that messy. And no, unless a single guy isnt attracted to you physically, he cant be genuinely friends with you. Hes either looking at you like fresh meat, or as a girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
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