foolishlover Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 So its been about 3 weeks since my BU and NC for those who have been following. A few days back i was feeling on top of this and felt i had a good grasp on it. During this time i just went to work, gym and then went home. Tonight i went to dinner with an old friend and his new partner of 2 weeks. Mind you, this old friend once had feelings for me, but the break up was too soon so i just wasnt ready. This old friend also had just broken off a LTR 3 months before and now started dating a new person 2 weeks ago. His new partner was very similar to me...same age...similar looks and style etc. They have only been together for a short time, but were very close and touchy. I dont know why, but seeing that made me upset because of the following reasons: 1. All i could see was my ex being able to find a new person and forgot about me instantly. I could see my ex being all close and touchy with a new person...and it made me sick and upset. 2. The new partner was very similar to me...but just a bit better in some respects...had more money, was better looking etc. It made me feel quite inferior and replaceable in the bigger scheme of things. Meaning that i will be replaced by my ex quite easily. 3. The time it took for my old friend to find a new partner and forget about his ex was quite quick. This means my ex will have the capacity to move on quite quickly and forget about me. It hit me that you know what...HE IS NOT COMING BACK. He may have said all those things about loving me forever and wanting to be with me when we first dated, but it means nothing.. I just want some thoughts and comments for those who are going through similar things or have gone through it. Any words are appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 Having to accept that a loved one is gone forever is the hardest thing possible. It's like giving up. We so want to believe that there's this small chance they're going to come running back, so we hang on, we hold onto that hope. Trouble is, we just end up feeling worse and never moving on. Plus, we become the type of person that our exs wouldn't find attractive. I know I was a much happier person when I first met her and so positive, but how I am lately is totally different. Seeing a happy couple, no matter who they are, will always upset you. You're healing and things like this will continue to happen, so try to work through them. You can't force the feelings out, they go on their own time. Also never presume an ex is having a great time, dating again, super happy, and all that, not even when Facebook says it. You don't know what's really going on and therefore as much as you can guess he's having a great life now, he may also be suffering as you are, but in different ways. You don't know, so don't torture yourself with these thoughts. You will have good days and bad days, but eventually those bad days will go. I know what it's like though to fear acceptance. I hate the idea that she's just fading into distant memory and that soon she will mean nothing to me. That scares me, and in many ways, that fear slows down my healing. I wish I could offer some kind of quick fix, but there is none. I only know that we all heal eventually and we do all love again. Link to post Share on other sites
69ways Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 you need to also realise that your ex will never find another you again and what looks better in your eyes might be defected elsewhere . my ex told me even after breaking p i was still the one for her and no one would ever match me....... so she can find anyone she wants, she wont find another guy like me, that I can promise and its the same with yours. its like a car, it might go faster than the last one you had but it burns more, insurance is higher and high maintenance. you are only doing this because ur ego/self confidence is destroyed. I cant promise u will heal, I have not, a year later..... Link to post Share on other sites
JFReyes Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 He may have said all those things about loving me forever and wanting to be with me when we first dated, but it means nothing.. I found this link on this site and it helped me, perhaps it will help you too... http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/dont-they-care-about-me-didnt-i-mean-something-to-them/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolishlover Posted December 17, 2011 Author Share Posted December 17, 2011 Thanks for the responses guys. It is so true 69ways. I do feel that my confidence has been destroyed. Before I met my ex, i was quite a comfortable confident person. I was happy with myself and wasnt particularly insecure. My ex always talked me down, flirted with other people and compared me with other people in the clubs, which really did make me lose my confidence. I guess thats when I see other people who are somewhat like me in a partnership, i feel that my ex will easily find someone like me, who is just better than me in every aspect. I feel im quite average now and i lost my confidence. But it is true...accepting that a loved one being gone forever is hard. I thought i accepted it when i envisioned it being at home alon, but then seeing other happy couples, my mind automatically imagines my ex living a happy new life and being all close and cuddly with someone else. It is really tough cause i love him and still need time to let go... Link to post Share on other sites
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