alexa137 Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 what are the dos and donts of writing the person you love a letter or email saying that you want to know if you are getting a second chance or you are just someone for a booty call until he finds someone better? ive been wanting to tell this guy ive been involved with for months now, i just dont want to mess up, but most likely it wont go the way i want it to anyways! I want a relationship with him so here are a few things i want to tell him: you are special to me no one makes me feel the way i feel when im with you i have feelings for you, i have since i meet you and to be honest i love you youre the type of guy i see myself with sometimes i feel like im just someone for a booty call until someone else better comes along i dont know your feelings or intentions Im looking for a guy to have a life with writing this may finally get my answer, what i want to know even though it may not be want i want to hear I would hope that if you were involved with someone else you would leave me alone im just asking you that you want me in your life please find a way to put me there and stop playing with my feelings Link to post Share on other sites
twinkles Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 This is a terrible situation Alexa. Please don't send the letter. There is a reason you are feeling like a booty call..chances are because that's how he perceives you and that's how he is treating you. He will be happy to go along with this situation as long as you allow him to. If you want this uncertainty to end and if you want to know where you stand you must cut off all sex with him. Just tell him that you are looking for something more meaningful than casual sex. No I love you's, no your special. Saying these things won't mean a thing to him. Let him be the one who says them. Don't allow yourself to be used like this. You deserve so much more. He will never respect you if you continue to give yourself to him without any expectations or boundries. At this point his feelings don't matter.. yours do. If you lose him believe me you have lost nothing. Gaining back your self love and self respect are all that matters. Go find someone who doesn't make you feel so insecure and unsure. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 What twinkles said. Seconded - in spades. Link to post Share on other sites
sunflower11 Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 I think your first reason says it all "You want a relationship with him" If he wanted one with you, you would be in a relationship right now...just be honest with yourself. He doesn't want the same things you do and it doesn't matter if you open up your heart to him and tell him all those things you want to say, it won't matter to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Popehappycat Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 Why would he settle down if he's already getting the goods? You want a relationship, he apparently doesn't, your needs aren't getting met, his are. Unless this was always a FWB thing from the start, I'm sure he knows how you feel and pressuring him to commit will probably make him bolt. Just my opinion anyways. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alexa137 Posted December 16, 2011 Author Share Posted December 16, 2011 I dont know why he doesnt want a relationship with me, i am a good woman! to get the whole story you would have to read my previous post since about Aug, but to make it short, we meet on a dating site( we both wanted serious relationships) we dated, did everything a "couple" would do and more, i did things with him i never did in 20 yrs of dating with another man or all the men put together- so i def fell in love with him! ok so i have trust issues because every man ive been with has cheated or lied to me so its very diffcult for me! so 1 time he assumed i accused him of being somewhere else because i couldnt get a hold of him for help wt my car-so i got a little upset- things were going so good! so he stopped talking to me -weeks went by and i was depressed and devastated! crying everyday all day for weeks-I still saw him online on all the dating sites, but i dont think he was having any success, then we started texting again and i sent him an email 2 mths agotelling him he was the best man ever in my life and to possibly give me a 2nd chance, he said he didnt know and he would have to th ink about it-well since then we have been seeing each other about 3-4 times a month, drinks he invted me over i spend the night etc.. well of course my feelings have grown, a few weeks ago i kinda asked what is going on with us and all i got was his head back and a sign and why do i have to ask?! I just get men and why they answer a simple question!? either you want me in your life or not! its so simple! if i dont like someone i dont talk to them, text them or call them its called ignore!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is what his match.com profile says:(but yet he is playing games with me for months!) i just want to say pls make a decision? Looking for the One... Hello. I am a 33 year old living in Hagerstown, MD. I am looking for a woman between 22 and 45 years of age. Im looking for a woman whose not about games only into looking for a serious relationship. ... Link to post Share on other sites
Million.to.1 Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 Looking for the One... Hello. I am a 33 year old living in Hagerstown, MD. I am looking for a woman between 22 and 45 years of age. Im looking for a woman whose not about games only into looking for a serious relationship. ... If he treats you like this.. He obviously doesn't think you are "the one" This relationship will do nothing for your trust issues but make you even more insecure. You need to be strong and walk away from this. Stop trying to make him give you the relationship you want and free yourself to find it from someone else. He will keep using you if you hang around and let him. Walk away, be strong and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 Hi Alexa, I've been In this situation before too. I quickly got sick and tired and just cut him off. I couldn't take the disrespect and lies ( that they want a relationship, but they really don't) any longer. If you're not happy why stay with this jerk? I say let this jerk use someone else. Months later that ex contacted me. He begged, pleaded for me back. I told him tough luck, you should've treated me better. You just used me, goodbye. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 I could never understand why he only thought I'd me as a FWB either and nothing more. If they can't appreciate you, they're really re losers in this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
twinkles Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 When a guy wants you in his life he doesn't have to "think about it". He knows. You call him on something, he gets mad and punishes you by not calling you. If he cared he would wanted to set your mind at ease not distance himself. He'sgrooming you to not expect anything and be available to him when he wants you. He's not going to answer that question for you because he knows that if answered it honestly you'd be gone and his booty call would end. So he'll just keep you hanging. Don't fall for it. Let him go. He wasn't having success on the online sites. Don't you wonder why? Sincere people don't write on their profile looking for a woman whose not about games. If you ever read that take it as a warning signal. He's projecting. This guy is not worth your tears nor your time. If you don't handle this relationship in the right manner it could set you up for future failures in relationships. Learn to love yourself and respect yourself so in the future you will recognize these types of men and avoid them. Focus on yourself and learn to set up boundries of what you will or will not accept from a man. Write it down and read it again and again until it sinks in. Please get rid of this guy he does not love you. Do not tolerate this behaviour. Have strength. There is better waiting for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alexa137 Posted December 18, 2011 Author Share Posted December 18, 2011 but why keep playing with my feelings when booty calls are soooo easy to find anywhere you can get some online at the bar, social networks! and most likely he probably already is having sex with someone else, I can probably say knowing men that i havent been the only one in the past 7 months! he had gone out on other dates and there are many whores sluts whatever that give it up so easily! so why cant he just leave me alone??!! ugh and the other problem is there is no one else worth dating out there! ive met 7 guys the past year and they dont measure up to my standards! especially because I am looking for someone special, i dont want to waste my time anymore- im 41 and never been married or seriously involved with a man on over 20 yrs! i want someone to tell me they love me and actually care! im so done, rather be alone than deal with the pain and heartache i am writing a very short email to him and i dont care at this point if he gets mad at least i am telling him to leave me alone saying that we are not on the same level and hes wasting my time! hurting me etc Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 (edited) but why keep playing with my feelings when booty calls are soooo easy to find anywhere you can get some online at the bar, social networks! Because he can. You make it so easy for him. why make all that extra effort, when he already has what you're offering? and most likely he probably already is having sex with someone else, I can probably say knowing men that i havent been the only one in the past 7 months! he had gone out on other dates and there are many whores sluts whatever that give it up so easily! Whoah, hold on there! First of all, don't be so judgemental and critical of what others might choose to do. That's neither your right, nor your business. What others do is not your concern. what you do - is. If he's having sex with you, and others, then that simply means he's playing with you on the same level as them. Aren't you calling yourself a whore or a slut, then? so why cant he just leave me alone??!! ugh It takes two to tango, dearest. you've made it eminently clear to him that his behaviour is ok, so he's behaving that way because you throw his ball back.... And the other problem is there is no one else worth dating out there! ive met 7 guys the past year and they dont measure up to my standards! First of all, think about measuring yourself up to your own standards. until YOU treat yourself the way you think you deserve to be treated - nobody else will. You teach people how to treat you. if nobody comes up to your standards, they''re either impossible, or unreachable. especially because I am looking for someone special, i dont want to waste my time anymore- im 41 and never been married or seriously involved with a man on over 20 yrs! i want someone to tell me they love me and actually care! Don't give up so easily. I achieved this when I was nearly 50.... i'm so done, rather be alone than deal with the pain and heartache Oh stop now.... Don't host a pity-party for one, because it's a hideous place to be. gather up your dignity, self-respect, hold your head high and stare the world in the eye - and spit in it! i am writing a very short email to him and i dont care at this point if he gets mad at least i am telling him to leave me alone saying that we are not on the same level and hes wasting my time! hurting me etc Really? Don't bother.The best thing you could actually do is to fall off his radar, go totally silent, practice No Contact and let him try to figure out what the hell's happening. Whatever approach you make just panders to his ego. you care enough to keep him in the loop. it's those who care less, who control the most..... Edited December 18, 2011 by TaraMaiden Link to post Share on other sites
Author alexa137 Posted December 19, 2011 Author Share Posted December 19, 2011 well i already sent it yesterday, waited for responses for a few hrs and i just wanted to get it off my chest! heres what it said-now the healing and trying to get over him starts ok, so I've been wanting to say this for awhile now, I guess just scared that I will get a response that i dont want to hear, but Ive realized the past few months that we are not on the same level, I'm looking for something more meaningful than casual sex. Sometimes I feel like I'm just a booty call to you or just someone to hang out with until someone better comes along. I know pouring my heart to you, telling you I've fallen in love with you wont change anything. I dont know your feelings, your intentions. You were special to me and youre the type of guy I see myself with but I cant keep wondering if you will ever want to be with me, it just kills me inside. I'm sorry. Take care Link to post Share on other sites
Author alexa137 Posted December 19, 2011 Author Share Posted December 19, 2011 I disagree with this comment, i believe what other people do(that i am sexually involved with) is of my concern! I mean what if i get a disease? or something? its a double standard i guess-I mean if I am sleeping with 1 man thats the only man i am sleeping with! with men its so different, they dont care, they will sleep with 3 or 4 a week and not give a damn! Link to post Share on other sites
Bluebelle38 Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 ... but my gut instinct is he was off with someone else when you needed help with your car and instead of him being the bad guy he made it out to be you. I recently let go of someone i cared about and who I thought cared about me. If their heart isn't in it then you have to accept it. I can recommend a good book for you called 'Women Who Love Too Much'. Make it your Bible for a while. I'm sure you are a very good woman, but you come across as desperately wanting love and are prepared to put up with sh*t to get it. A good man will come along, but I suggest you get off dating sites and heal yourself before letting another man use you like this one obviously has. If he wanted to be with you, he would be. I know that hurts because I am hurting, but I will heal, and fast, because I know I will meet someone one day that doesn't have to try and see a future with me, or is going to think about it or whatever. Stuff that. Move on, girl. He's a dickhead. Link to post Share on other sites
twinkles Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Has he responded to your words yet? Link to post Share on other sites
Author alexa137 Posted December 20, 2011 Author Share Posted December 20, 2011 well not really, I had to send him a text and ask for his address b/c i bought him and his a christmas gift and still wanted to give it to them b/c it was not returnable and I was tired of looking at it! he said i didnt have to send it and gave me his address i told him that i would b/c i cant return it. then i told him i wasnt mad at him just hurt, he asked "why" my response was " you supposedly want a woman who is not into playing games but I feel like you have with me" no response! unbelievable! then i said well unless you in the area for the gym i can meet you somewhere and give it to you and he said he prob wouldnt be b/c hes still sick and busy with work etc,, i was like wow are you mad at me? he said nah but i dont know if ill have time to meet this week, then i said I guess when you said things like you were gonna be lonely in bed and other things I took it seriously, my fault, i guess, nothing! my finals words were " ok hope you feel better,I still have love for you! he said : thank you me too ok- i just dont get it! well i have realized that no matter what you say to him that has to do with feelings, thoughts or anything concerning that topic he DOES not reply, or say anything! even we were really dating- sook i took that actions speak louder than words and that made me think he really liked me! you know to take me to a family wedding, his nephews bday party, and many many other "couple" related places, you what i mean like were actually into dating. sorry my head is spinning! since may i have been wondering if this man likes me and how much and what he wants with me? i asked him for a second chance oct 15 b/c we didnt speak for almost a month before that and then he started texting me a few times week, so then we starting hanging out and having sex again so i start thinking is this my "second chance???"" ugh! why cant men just decide? hate me or love me? be with me or leave me the hell alone??!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Popehappycat Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Why don't YOU make a decision. He's not the only one sending mixed signals here. I'm not saying he's in the right, but you say one thing and then do another. You don't tell him you have to go and then keep finding excuses to talk to him or see him. You tried justifying the gift, but it's just another ploy to contact him. You're just reinforcing his belief that he can do whatever he wants, and you'll just sit there and wait. You're not going to get what you want from this guy, and the sooner you realize it, the better. Sorry if it sounds harsh, but that's my take on it. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 ....And I hate to sound like a 'yes-man' but I'm inclined strongly to agree.... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts