setsenia Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 Have any of you cut ties or someone else in your family cut ties with you and have later been asked by other relatives how that relative is doing or if you've seen them lately? Well, my husband's mother has always acted and talked like he doesn't exist and it seems not a lot of people inquire about her son, because they don't think she has one. However, everyone has parents, so the natural question that aries is, "how are your parents doing?" Before his mom and stepdad disowned us over facebook, they hardly made an effort to be in our lives anyways. When she had cancer, everyone asked how she was doing and we were forced to say "I don't know," because they never made an effort to keep us involved in anything. And of course than natural response is "Why?", "How come?" or wanting more detail. Anyways, since we decided them not being in our lives is for the best, how do we answer these questions without provoking more questions? We don't want to talk about it nor think about how much they've hurt us, so we want to be able to tell someone as politely as possible that they aren't in our lives without them wanting more information. Would appreciate advice, thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki82 Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 What I do when I feel it's needed is simply say, "I don't really have much of a relationship with my mom". Don't say it in an angry or sad tone. Just "casually" say it. It puts it out there and usually ends the conversation there. However, with close family, they may ask why... and from there you can give them a short and sweet, or give a polite smile and say you'd rather not discuss it right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author setsenia Posted December 17, 2011 Author Share Posted December 17, 2011 Thanks for the good advice, Nikki! I will definitely tell my husband to try this one! Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 It depends on how sober I am and who I am talking to. I erased my mother from my life about 6 months ago, at her advice that I had burned my bridges by moving away and getting married without her there), and most people that are close to me know why. I'm sure she has been badmouthing me to our family, but pretty much everyone has had her act like this towards them (my grandparents, my sister and brother, my uncle) so they know not to listen to her. Usually I just say that she is a toxic person (or some rather more colourful terms depending, again, on how sober I am and who I am talking to) and I have no contact with her. It's made it easier as I moved to another country and have no face to face contact with her or anyone that knows her, so it's more of a general question that I've been asked since we stopped talking. People tend to change the subject pretty quickly once I say I don't wish to speak to her. Link to post Share on other sites
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