Thinking about her because it's holiday season? Or my mind has been playing games?

[bestrong]

It has been a while since I last make a thread. I have been having been thinking about my ex quite often lately (we broke up a little over 2 years ago) and the dreams I had were awful. My dreams are always about being in the same room with my ex and her bf. She and I wouldn't say a word to each other but occasionally, when our eyes meet, there is pain in her eyes and it seems that we both know it's not appropriate to talk. I don't know why she creeps into my dream again. I hope it's because her birthday just passed ( I did not say anything to her) and Christmas is approaching, but I don't know if this feeling will go away.

 

A little story about us. We dated a few months before I left her country, I made plans to go back but she ended it a month later saying the feeling couldn't go further. Of cause, I did everything to try to save the relationship, begging, crying.. you name it but it wasn't until she said some very hurtful words on my birthday when I decided it's time to try to heal. We stop talking for a few months and last Christmas she asked me to go online. I did and she apologized for how she treated me after the breakup. That's when we started our cycles of conversation through email. Ie: we had our awkward hellos, and gradually we began to talk more, got more comfortable with each other and then she would bring up her bf and we'd stop talking. The last time we talked was in sept when she said she MIGHT be visiting my country with her bf and i finally realised she just doesn't care about my feelings at all. (She was complaining to me about her financial problems and I sent her a few hundreds to her because she couldn't afford to bring her dog to the vet.) She on the other side said we shouldn't talk anymore since she sees no point in talking if there is certain stuff we can't share. Well.. I agreed and I have been telling myself she has given up on us twice and I shouldn't be thinking about her anymore. It worked till early Dec when I was setting my goals for 2012 and all of a sudden I realized I have done a good job since she isn't in the plan. However, she popped up in my dreams starting that night.

 

I know I am going to fall in love again someday. I am not sure if I will ever pour my heart out to someone like that. Do i regret loving her? Yes and no. I regret losing a friend whom I adore and is willing to sacrifice myself for her. What I don't regret is loving her and have the opportunity to feel how much I am able to love a person and the time we shared. I guess I am very confused now, loving a person who doesn't even care about me =( meh.. I will be ok soon

[SelfCentered]

Dude...this is messed up. She broke up with you, then started treating you like an emotional punching bag? Telling you about her new bf and her new life? Don't do that to yourself man, that's a hell I can't describe.

 

And sending her money? That IS her using you. When someone cuts you out their life, they lose all those privileges. Cut her out now, go NC and get on with your life and live for yourself.

 

Any more engagement with her is just going to crush you. And for the love of god don't send her any more money.

[bestrong]

Yea man... I will not send her any more money. I am healing, but the holiday season has definitely affected me a bit

[Kamila]

That's why I'm not talking to my ex anymore. I don't want to hear his 'new conquest' stories. And if he dares to talk about that, then like you said, he doesn't care about my feelings !

 

It's true that the holiday season brings a faux veil of forgiveness and happiness. But that shouldn't apply for all situations you know. It's just nostalgia and after the season is over, we'll all get a new perspective from it.

 

Like Selfcentered said, start living your life and don't have any contact with your ex anymore.