The official moment of CLARITY thread

[stitch702]

We all know it will come. We just don't know when or where. I'm talking about that epiphany, that moment of clarity, where we realize we are going to be ok and that we are truly happy even without our exes.

 

Did it occur when you met that other special someone new? Did it happen just out of the blue while strolling down memory lane?

 

When did that moment in time come for you? Share your experiences.

[smokey bear]

It wasnt a moment of clarity for me, it just gradually came. I havent seen anyone else so it wasnt that either, it just comes with time

[MillyRad]

Mine was kind of twofold and about a friend, not a significant other. After not spending much time with him for a few months, I realized how much more peaceful my life had become without my friend's drama. The second part happened after I'd had some time to gain some perspective on the situation. He did something to deliberately push my buttons and I was able to recognize what he was doing before I took the bait. It made me feel empowered that I was able to see through his shenanigans. It was bittersweet to finally realize that I was dealing with a mean thirteen-year-old girl, trapped in a fifty-something-year-old man's body.

[smudge21]

It's not happened with my current ex yet, possibly due to mutual friends, work, occasional contact from her... but I know one day it will happen. I know from past relationships that eventually that moment of clarity and freedom will come. The thing is though, it's not really a moment. It just seems that I no longer care. It happens over time and then I realise the ex doesn't mean anything. I can't recall it ever happening at a sudden moment, just like Smokey said.

 

I look back at previous relationships and realise that total lack of contact brought about the end though. These days, things like Facebook and having mutual friends means those feelings do last longer and healing comes at a slower pace. Total no contact is the only way to heal.

[Philosoraptor]

I gave it one last try and was denied. Made a fool of myself that day, tears and all. At that point I decided to not live my life for her. Since then I have made huge strides and have had so many adventures that I could never have with her.

[Standard-Fare]

I won't claim that I'm anywhere near to moving on, but this weekend I had my first major sense of RELIEF about my breakup, which happened over a week ago after a month-plus of an "It's obvious we're over but let's drag this out" limbo.

 

I was driving on the route I'd normally take to my ex's place, I even had to drive past his apartment, and I was expecting to feel anguish as I did. I expected to cry. I was even worried that I would give into some creepy urge like, driving right nearby to see if his lights were on or not.

 

But when I was in the area around his house, I actually felt grateful that I didn't have to go there. We'd been unhappy for a while so I'd recently grown accustomed to feeling this mild sense of doom every time I approached his place and walked up to his door. This weekend I realized I didn't have to feel that dread anymore, and I didn't have to feel the pressure to keep trying with a lose cause. And that was liberating!

[jquest1280]

aaagghh EPIPHANY. So many times, just to get away from it all, was I in the nearby coffee shop staring at my cup and waiting for an EPIPHANY. As with smokey bear, it never came, not by staring at the cinnammon sprinkling on the foam. Just by getting up everyday and going to work and reaching high until 4 years later I get a massive promotion that wiped the last thoughts of him off my mind.

 

Like Standard-Fare, I had to drive by his place sometimes. I know the anguish that comes with seeing his place again. But time heals. Eventually I was able to go to his area (it's on the way to a mall), and I'm past it before I realize, oh, that was his house. Not only did I not feel bad, I almost forgot about it completely.

 

Courage, kids - you'll all get there.

[CopingGal]

I had a couple of moments of clarity. I met with my ex as friends after we broke up. This is before I knew he cheated on me. My ex is very skinny. I am not. We when to a dinner and sat in a booth. The seats were VERY close to the table. I was uncomfortable. I wanted to move so we did, but he was irritated with me. The next table was a tight fit too, which was confusing to me, as I had sat in that booth before and there was no problem, but it was a long time ago. While I was sitting in that booth, I was looking at the booth I almost always sit in when I go to this diner. That booth was very different and it was roomy. I wanted to go to this booth so I could be comfortable, but I didn't want to irritate my ex again. It was at that moment, I realized the situation was an illustration to me that my comfort meant very, very little to him, and I realized how glad I was that I was not his girlfriend any more.

 

When he told me that he cheated on me and told me he used being with his mildy autistic son as an excuse so he could ignore my calls and talk to this other woman on the phone, I had another moment of clarity and realized how disgusting he was. When I texted him to stop contacting me, told him he was toxic to me, and told him to leave me alone, he called me a few days later to wish me happy holidays as if nothing had happened. It became clear to me then, how sick he was.

 

After he repeatedly harrassed me to the point that I had to get some advice from the police, it became clear to me that I should never speak to him again, ever, even if we bump into each other years later.