she has to have the last word

[mick]

my girlfriend always has to have the last word, it is so annoying. why do people dso this andhow do you deal with it? she wont admit if she is wrong either.

[Tony T]

Wow, we have an epidemic of control issues today. Must be the alignment of the planets and stars.

 

People like to have the last word because they like to be in control. Though it alienates them from other people, pays not a cent, doesn't prove a thing, and has no other purpose under the sun, some people just like to get in the last word...no matter what. It makes them feel good about themselves when otherwise they probably have a pretty low self image.

 

Sometimes it's a habit. A lot of time they weren't allowed to argue on behalf of themselves as children in a dysfunctional family so as adults they have to be in total control of everything.

 

You deal with it by realizing it is no sweat off your back; you are no less of a person; you will not lose any money; you will not lose any friends; the world won't end; the stock market will not go up or down; the weather will not change; the world will not have to endure a nuclear war; nor will there be any other consequence of letting her have the last word. What's the big deal? I mean even the people in the next room could care less, much less the rest of the world.

 

Let her have the first word, too. Let her have all the words in the middle...and, of course, those final words at the end. It's no sweat off your back and you can just sit there and watch her make a royal fool of herself.

 

Get her bugle lessons and, if she really has this syndrome bad, she can play taps at bedtime...giving her the last word each night all over the neighborhood.

 

The only other character I can remember that ever insisted on having the last word was Porky, a pig, who used to say....duh,duh,duh,duh,duh,duh That's All Folks after his cartoons. Of course, he got paid for having the last word.

 

I think your best way to deal with this problem is to get a sense of humor about her pathetic need to have the last word and don't be annoyed. Just be glad when you hear it.

[Jenna]

Tony wrote; "Sometimes it's a habit. A lot of time they weren't allowed to argue on behalf of themselves as children in a dysfunctional family so as adults they have to be in total control of everything"

 

OMG!! How true is this!!

 

I used to find myself needing the last word A LOT- but not as much these days. (I am speaking in terms of arguements)

 

When my parents spoke- I was expected to sit down, shut-up and don't DARE to make excuses, voice opinions or attempt to defend yourself! Even if they were clearly wrong -I learned to do exactly what I was expected to do (see above). I remember the frustration I would feel- it was like being taunted-and not being able to do anything about it.

 

When I got older- moved out- and had relationships of my own- I was no longer under the restraints that my parents put on me- and I LET IT RIP!!!! My poor boyfriends- they must have thought I was mental- and maybe to some degree I was. I wasn't about to let someone tell me what to do- or speak disrespectfully to me-and I voiced my opinion in spite of myself! I took it to extremes- and alienated everyone around me. People didn't like me-and I could see it. I met a man- dated him- and he taught me patience. He showed me that it was possible to communicate without belittling to prove my point. He taught me to gracefully accept when I was wrong- without feeling like a failure. He proved to me that "control" is an illusion- people don't "take" control- unless others "allow" them control. He basically helped me "refine" (not change) my assertiveness so I could use it effectively. For this I owe him more than I could ever repay- maybe you could show your girlfriend the same things.

 

Ironically, when my parents speak to me today- we revert back to my childhood days. I still get belittled- talked down to and disrespected- and I still sit down, shut-up and.... (see above)- I do not attempt to have the last word- or defend myself (usually)- but I also don't let it effect my self-esteem anymore. I know that nothing I say will change them- or their ways- they are too set. But- I bet there is still hope for your girlfriend- and I doubt that she is a pathetic person- just a bit confused about the concept of control.

 

Good Luck-

 

Jenna

Wow, we have an epidemic of control issues today. Must be the alignment of the planets and stars. People like to have the last word because they like to be in control. Though it alienates them from other people, pays not a cent, doesn't prove a thing, and has no other purpose under the sun, some people just like to get in the last word...no matter what. It makes them feel good about themselves when otherwise they probably have a pretty low self image. Sometimes it's a habit. A lot of time they weren't allowed to argue on behalf of themselves as children in a dysfunctional family so as adults they have to be in total control of everything.

 

You deal with it by realizing it is no sweat off your back; you are no less of a person; you will not lose any money; you will not lose any friends; the world won't end; the stock market will not go up or down; the weather will not change; the world will not have to endure a nuclear war; nor will there be any other consequence of letting her have the last word. What's the big deal? I mean even the people in the next room could care less, much less the rest of the world. Let her have the first word, too. Let her have all the words in the middle...and, of course, those final words at the end. It's no sweat off your back and you can just sit there and watch her make a royal fool of herself. Get her bugle lessons and, if she really has this syndrome bad, she can play taps at bedtime...giving her the last word each night all over the neighborhood.

 

The only other character I can remember that ever insisted on having the last word was Porky, a pig, who used to say....duh,duh,duh,duh,duh,duh That's All Folks after his cartoons. Of course, he got paid for having the last word. I think your best way to deal with this problem is to get a sense of humor about her pathetic need to have the last word and don't be annoyed. Just be glad when you hear it.

[Queenie]

Tony - You just made my day. Thanks for giving me something to think about when my boyfriend has the last word with me - just wish me luck that I don't bust up laughing and ask if he wants bugle lessons.

 

Thanks again!

 

Queenie

Wow, we have an epidemic of control issues today. Must be the alignment of the planets and stars. People like to have the last word because they like to be in control. Though it alienates them from other people, pays not a cent, doesn't prove a thing, and has no other purpose under the sun, some people just like to get in the last word...no matter what. It makes them feel good about themselves when otherwise they probably have a pretty low self image. Sometimes it's a habit. A lot of time they weren't allowed to argue on behalf of themselves as children in a dysfunctional family so as adults they have to be in total control of everything.

 

You deal with it by realizing it is no sweat off your back; you are no less of a person; you will not lose any money; you will not lose any friends; the world won't end; the stock market will not go up or down; the weather will not change; the world will not have to endure a nuclear war; nor will there be any other consequence of letting her have the last word. What's the big deal? I mean even the people in the next room could care less, much less the rest of the world. Let her have the first word, too. Let her have all the words in the middle...and, of course, those final words at the end. It's no sweat off your back and you can just sit there and watch her make a royal fool of herself. Get her bugle lessons and, if she really has this syndrome bad, she can play taps at bedtime...giving her the last word each night all over the neighborhood.

 

The only other character I can remember that ever insisted on having the last word was Porky, a pig, who used to say....duh,duh,duh,duh,duh,duh That's All Folks after his cartoons. Of course, he got paid for having the last word. I think your best way to deal with this problem is to get a sense of humor about her pathetic need to have the last word and don't be annoyed. Just be glad when you hear it.