lalalandman Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 Hi everyone. Just wanted to post an update for everyone. Let me just say, when you go NC, just stay NC. It's really best. Last time we spoke was in November, after 3 months NC. We broke up in May after 5 years. She texted me all this crap out of the blue about how she missed me, wanted me forever, tried a few guys but they weren't anything like me at all. How she wanted to see me. Blah blah blah. After a week I gave in, and basically we set up a meet. She bailed on that meeting. Then we had another phone conversation, and I basically explained to her that if we can't fix A, then B can't happen. Her main problem was loyalty and commitment, and she basically made up some excuse and hung up. So then she texted me on Sunday and asked again to meet. At the exact time we were supposed to meet, she texted me and said 'I'm getting my hair done. What are you doing later" I basically told her not to treat me like my time is invaluable. I told her I was meeting for her sake because of everything she told me. Her excuse was she missed me, but all she can think about was how miserable we were. I just told her that it's gone on long enough, and that I don't want to be dragged along anymore. My point is, just realize after a BU, usually whatever they throw at you is breadcrumbs. They really just want to go fishing to see if you're still around. From my experience, just stay NC. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 start rejecting her, stop talking about problems in the past or setting up boundaries. reject the **** out of her, if she asks you to hang out, say you are not interested, make her work at it, dont answer all her stuff, maybe 20% of it when you feel like it. She has you on a string, its your job to cut it and dangle a new one. say the opposite of what you would say if you 2 were dating. If she says she misses you, tell her, awww thats cute. Dont let anything she says or does bother you. If it does, stick to NC but if your ok with it, you can probably switch to NIC. Remember reject, reject, reject until she does a full court press. She will eventually Link to post Share on other sites
Zabs Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 start rejecting her, stop talking about problems in the past or setting up boundaries. reject the **** out of her, if she asks you to hang out, say you are not interested, make her work at it, dont answer all her stuff, maybe 20% of it when you feel like it. Remember reject, reject, reject until she does a full court press. She will eventually :eek:Wow...you have really shown your feeling Wislon! When I saw the first post and saw your name I soooo expected a different response! Nice one..you made my day! Though La...I'm afraid he is right. As a woman...when she starts doing stuff like that..she is keeping you as an option. She KNOWS how you feel about her and is teasing it out gradually...but this gradual process allows room for your self esteem to take a beating!!! How do I know this? Because I am ashamed to say I have done this with a guy...ok we weren't together...ok I wasn't ready for a relationship and ok...he was rushing me...but BOTTOM LINE...I KNEW HOW HE FELT ABOUT ME and should have been stronger in terms of making a decision. That decision made earlier this year...as I tried again..told him I liked him but it would have to be slow...he didn't listen..so I told him I can't know him anymore. That was the RIGHT/HONEST thing to do. Why? Because I couldn't give him what he needed. Follow the script from Wilson. Do not make yourself sooo available. It is NOT game playing. It is a true reflection of how things are set to be if you and her are going to be together again. Life is not dominated by one person...nor should it be expected so. You had a heartbeat long before you met her...interests...friends..That SHOULD not change. Set out your stall. Much love, Zabs xx Link to post Share on other sites
smokey bear Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 start rejecting her, stop talking about problems in the past or setting up boundaries. reject the **** out of her, if she asks you to hang out, say you are not interested, make her work at it, dont answer all her stuff, maybe 20% of it when you feel like it. She has you on a string, its your job to cut it and dangle a new one. say the opposite of what you would say if you 2 were dating. If she says she misses you, tell her, awww thats cute. Dont let anything she says or does bother you. If it does, stick to NC but if your ok with it, you can probably switch to NIC. Remember reject, reject, reject until she does a full court press. She will eventually What is a full court press? Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 I'm going to change my advice on this thread tonight when i get off work, stay tuned.... Stay tuned for incoming flames Link to post Share on other sites
Zabs Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 I'm going to change my advice on this thread tonight when i get off work, stay tuned.... Stay tuned for incoming flames @ Wilson...You are so funny! Please do:cool: Much love Zabs xx Link to post Share on other sites
Author lalalandman Posted December 18, 2011 Author Share Posted December 18, 2011 This is all sounding very interesting... Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 Long story short, Lala: It looks like she has no fear of losing you because she dumped you after five years, told you about other guys and all she had to do was text or call you a bit and you caved. This is why I advised to not respond. You need to do more than reject her, you need to be rude to her and then ignore her until you have moved on AND she propositions you to talk with her hat in hand which you then finally respond and say, "No, I don't want to talk to you and you know why! Kick rocks!" It is if she trys again after then you can speak to her on at least even ground if not holding the power (which you must use responsibly). Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 (edited) Long story short, Lala: It looks like she has no fear of losing you because she dumped you after five years, told you about other guys and all she had to do was text or call you a bit and you caved. This is why I advised to not respond. I honestly disagree with this. I think shes telling you something completely different, she wants to meet you, she wants you to stop being an idiot and setting boundaries and listen to her actions, not her words. Her actions say she wants to meet you. She's offered twice, thats a clear indicator of this. Guys rely a lot on words as truth and this is why most of us are here in the first place. What you dont realize at this point is you have 100% power of this situation. You are not going to get your ex back over night, possible over time or it might not, you have to make a choice. You have 3 choices, follow egojoes advice and walk away out of resentment, follow my first piece of advice and reject her constantly until she comes begging back 2 years down the road. Or the 3rd piece of advice, set up a meeting and meet her (I discourage you from doing this if you can not handle rejection). If you do do this, do not bring up the relationship at all, just a friendly meeting to say hey whats up and talk about pointless everyday things and then walk away. I will warn you, you will backslide like a champ. It will hurt for a couple days. It took me honestly 3-4 days the first time I met with her to recover from the backslide and I am a stubborn *******. Edited December 20, 2011 by wilsonx Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Wilson, you quoted only half of my post. My advice isn't about resentment it's about self-respect and healing. Sometimes the cold shoulder is a great kindness. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lalalandman Posted December 21, 2011 Author Share Posted December 21, 2011 She wants me to go to her place tonite. This is the 3rd time. WTF. I'm about to reject it Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 pump and dump Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 I hope you rejected it and told her to kick rocks. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 I agree with Ego Joe from my experience. I would tell the ex to f off. Or just completely ignore her. I can't stand it when they lie and BS. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lalalandman Posted December 21, 2011 Author Share Posted December 21, 2011 So here's how that went: Missed Call Her: Come over tonite. Her: Just come over after work Me: What's in it for me Missed Call Her: Just come over Her: I want to see your face Missed Call Her: Why is it u txt me then not answer my call Her: I miss your pretty face Me: You can see my face on a picture ha Her: Ok Her: As usual u are right. Bye Her: I'm always always pressing your ****ing buttons Me: Save the drama for yo mama Missed Call Me: I can't talk. Honest Her: Why Her: Just as well, I'm going to bed Me: I'm only available after hours Her: Why don't u come here after hours Me: I don't even know where you live Her: LB Me: I'm not driving to LB without an address. Absolutely not. Her: Well then I suggest you call me Her: What time Me: I guess before 12 Me: Hurry Her: Here's the address Then I went over and ate food and then she pretty much asked me to undress and get into her bed. So I did. Oh well Link to post Share on other sites
WiseOne1 Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 You really wanted a reaction? All you has to do is turn down sex. But we man find it hard to resist. Link to post Share on other sites
M2155 Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 And how does this make you feel? If I were in your shoes- well I don't know how strong your feelings are- but it would make her less attractive (again, not sure what you feel or are wanting). You just pretty much ignored her calls but she lets you come over and sleep with her... But I've been in her position and it's a frustrating feeling after he's gone and nothing has changed. You believe at the moment, everything is going to better. And yes, agree with the above poster saying no would have been even more frustrating. Guys aren't supposed to say No, it's like the last hope lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lalalandman Posted December 21, 2011 Author Share Posted December 21, 2011 I guess I feel fine. I left early this morning. I'm unsure if I'm supposed to feel an urge to see her again. I don't really feel like forcing anything. I guess if she wants to talk I'll hear from her. I'm leaving for Hawaii soon so I wouldn't even see her until 2012. I just feel whatever. I don't know what to say. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lalalandman Posted December 23, 2011 Author Share Posted December 23, 2011 So I've been with her everyday and slept at her place every night this week thus far. Not sure what's going on. We're always happy together, but she thinks in a few weeks we'll end up hating each other. I dont know, its sort of dramatic jibber jabber to me. But she is dropping me at the airport as I'm leaving to Hawaii for over a week and my car will be at her place. After 7 months she seems a little calmer. Last night she did end up crying over our past, the good and the bad, and I just sort of said I don't want things to be like they were before, ever, with any aspect of my life. At this point, even if she decided to turn and run, I wouldn't try and stop her. There comes a point in life where you can chose to make your life better. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 (edited) This is a phase on her part and the timing is just right, you have to kick her to the curb and keep healing She told you word for word how she feels. "but she thinks in a few weeks we'll end up hating each other." You need to ****ing listen shes telling you to end it. She hates herself for sleeping with you and feels guilty I dont know, its sort of dramatic jibber jabber to me. <----- This is your problem, you need to learn how to communicate with women She will respect you for it, dont sleep with her again. I could have slept with my ex the first time I met her and could have last night but I held truth. I told her I do not mess with another man's girlfriend. When she hit phase 4, you are going to be so mind ****ed you arent going to know what to do. Its best to keep her away If you want to see what phase 4 looks like in GIGS.... read my post on second chance forums "So Here It Is" This is me going through phase 4 and the conflict battle i have with myself. I still have this battle everyday Edited December 23, 2011 by wilsonx Link to post Share on other sites
smokey bear Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 ooooooooooooooooooooh i cant believe i missed this post Wilson....... pump and dump great advice lol LaLa listen to me very closely, this is gigs, you have this omans heart, stop panicing. If you want to keep her you have to do 2 things 1) you have to let her bounce back and forward, you can reduce this and change the power over to you by stop being so available, be very loving, be reassuring you want this relationship but at the same time cut down the communication via txt during the day etc and cut down your meetings to 50-75% of what your doing just now. Be busy 2 nights a week doing something else. she's telling you, shes telling you its too much she's getting of it. Back off and she will come round full swing and chase you 2) get yourself prepared she is going to go back and forth for the next 6 months, you have to let her bounce, every time she bounces away go strict nc, dont say anything just let her go and go nc. Get yourself mentally strong enough to deal with this. Everytime you feel eak or dont understand ht she's doing come back and read this post, Ive been waiting on this, what to do when an ex comes back from gigs stage 4. La La can i ask you some questions about your ex's gigs? Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 She's not 4 yet and this post is proof he can't handle 4. She's 6 months venting. Keep dumping her Link to post Share on other sites
leoc1973 Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 smokey I always take your advice but I think you might be too close to this one. You are thinking as if you are the girl in this case. Ok now what is your ex doing to you? and why do you want him even more? He is mind ****ing you! Lala needs to take wilsons advice and lay the hammer down on this broad! Watch how fast her ass straightens up! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lalalandman Posted December 24, 2011 Author Share Posted December 24, 2011 (edited) I turned down going to her place tonite. I don't want my car parked in her neighborhood for 10 days, and I don't want to rely on her for getting me to and from the airport. When I told her I was getting a shuttle, she said Thanks, now I can sleep in my bed alone. I didn't respond at all and shrugged it off. But you're right Wilson. I kept thinking about what she was telling me earlier. I'm not really feeling her negative attitude. To be honest, I'm feeling a little nervous about having had unprotected sex with her. Edited December 24, 2011 by lalalandman Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted December 24, 2011 Share Posted December 24, 2011 Then walk away .. 2 red flags for you she's doing extreme push pull with you. Just walk away and don't look back, learn from your past experience Link to post Share on other sites
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