Author lalalandman Posted December 24, 2011 Author Share Posted December 24, 2011 I'm not really walking away as much as I am keeping my space and distance. Of course I love and care about her, but I am sort of nervous now. After we had sex the 2nd time, it was unprotected. I don't know how it came up, but she mentioned she was on antis, for yeast. I was like WTF. But she's had yeast before, and I never get that. Then the next night, she starts talking about how her roomie that she hates got an STD! I ended up cooking dinner that night, and offered her some wine that I bought. She accepted, and when I questioned, she said she lied about taking antibiotics!!!! Although I believe she is on antidepressant meds. But the thing is, she didn't take one sip of the wine!!! So not having sex with her for the time being. That whole thing just made me feel uncomfortable. I don't enjoy hearing her negative banter. I don't enjoy hearing her negative fortune telling. But if that's how she feels, then the best thing is to just back off. After all, It's not like I'm going anywhere, and she's definitely not going anywhere. So I'll just let our last 5 nice days and nights together settle in... I don't feel as attached as I used to be. I don't have any fear in letting go. It's that VALUE thing I suppose. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lalalandman Posted December 24, 2011 Author Share Posted December 24, 2011 ooooooooooooooooooooh i cant believe i missed this post Wilson....... pump and dump great advice lol LaLa listen to me very closely, this is gigs, you have this omans heart, stop panicing. If you want to keep her you have to do 2 things 1) you have to let her bounce back and forward, you can reduce this and change the power over to you by stop being so available, be very loving, be reassuring you want this relationship but at the same time cut down the communication via txt during the day etc and cut down your meetings to 50-75% of what your doing just now. Be busy 2 nights a week doing something else. she's telling you, shes telling you its too much she's getting of it. Back off and she will come round full swing and chase you 2) get yourself prepared she is going to go back and forth for the next 6 months, you have to let her bounce, every time she bounces away go strict nc, dont say anything just let her go and go nc. Get yourself mentally strong enough to deal with this. Everytime you feel eak or dont understand ht she's doing come back and read this post, Ive been waiting on this, what to do when an ex comes back from gigs stage 4. La La can i ask you some questions about your ex's gigs? Hey decent advice here. Sure ask away... Link to post Share on other sites
mike588 Posted December 24, 2011 Share Posted December 24, 2011 Hey, Completely changing the subject here but I used to live In Hawaii...Maui..which island ya going to? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lalalandman Posted December 24, 2011 Author Share Posted December 24, 2011 My mom lives North Shore, Oahu, close to Shark's Cove and Foodland Link to post Share on other sites
mike588 Posted December 24, 2011 Share Posted December 24, 2011 So you've been there before? Hawaii is beautiful...so are the women there. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted December 24, 2011 Share Posted December 24, 2011 Do you know what your ex is looking for lalala? One of the things you have to realize and ask yourself is if you can provide this to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lalalandman Posted December 24, 2011 Author Share Posted December 24, 2011 As far as I'm concerned, the best things I can provide are love and security. This she knows. Before she broke it off with me, she mentioned that she needed security. But the security she was talking about involved money. at the time I was in debt. Right before we stopped talking, I asked her what I could do to be a better boyfriend for the future. I made a list which I still have. Since then, I've gotten out of debt, $12,000 to be precise. I curbed my spending and stopped eating out. I cook constantly now. I became comfortable in my own skin. I look at this list at least twice a month. So hell yes, I know what she needs. I have it written down. But now I'm wondering, what is it I need, and can she provide it to me? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lalalandman Posted December 24, 2011 Author Share Posted December 24, 2011 To pay off the debt and become more financially stable again, I picked up a second job and was working 70 hour weeks. I'm at the airport so I don't have the list in front of me, but one of the things written down is she said I would always belittle her. Now to me, this is one of the hardest to deal with, only because I'm a natural critic. However, it's sort of the meat on my plate that I have to be consciously aware of. Just know, at first I was doing it for her, but after all the NC, I realized I was doing it for me, and I became a better person for it. Link to post Share on other sites
smokey bear Posted December 24, 2011 Share Posted December 24, 2011 Ok lala What your history How long together, age etc? What makes you think its gigs? How long have you been broken up? And what hass happened since? Nc? who breaks it, what has been said so far? My ex broke nc today, i asked two questions that ive waited months to ask and got answers, i dont remember the end of my gigs i need as much info as possible to see if i can round this baby home. My honest opinion is that you's wont get back together, but not because of her, because of you. I think your past the point of no return and very shortly you'll just drop all the pieces of your broken relationship on the floor and just walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted December 24, 2011 Share Posted December 24, 2011 (edited) She told you exactly what she wanted, security. It has nothing to do with money or debt . she wants emotional security through intimacy not sex. Now make that bitch respect you and dump her Tell her "I am not doing this anymore, you need to grow up, good luck" and walk away. Don't listen to Smokey on this You want proof that this works, look at Smokey right now and how much power she has Edited December 24, 2011 by wilsonx Link to post Share on other sites
Author lalalandman Posted December 24, 2011 Author Share Posted December 24, 2011 Smokey you're weird... As far as I'm concerned, gigs is just a crutch used by people who can't understand simply that they were dumped. Sorry. Furthermore, if gigs is real, then whyon earth are we giving credibility to those who have it by saying they have "power". As far as I'm concerned, people with gigs are powerLESS. To themselves. And why in the world would I take advice from someone who has gigs??? I've heard better advice from Tara maiden, Wilson and others. So Wilson, she said explicitly she required financial security. Emotional security I give plenty of. She's the one who is emotionally unstable. As far as I'm concerned, most chics are. That's why they need men. If anyone here has any effing power, it's me. I've become a better person and I'm comfortable in my own skin. I'm stable. I'm not attached to my ex. She's been the one to break NC on numerous occasions. You dig. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lalalandman Posted December 24, 2011 Author Share Posted December 24, 2011 My flight is so delayed. Link to post Share on other sites
smokey bear Posted December 24, 2011 Share Posted December 24, 2011 Ok ill watch and learn, i wont advise Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted December 24, 2011 Share Posted December 24, 2011 (edited) GIGS can be used as a label I agree. Real GIGS is the 180, the wishy washy and the other crazy egocentric behavior. Also, Lala you are very wise for your observation of people with GIGS being powerless. Edited December 24, 2011 by EgoJoe Link to post Share on other sites
Author lalalandman Posted December 24, 2011 Author Share Posted December 24, 2011 Thank you. SO my flight is officially cancelled until tomorrow morning at 5am. Apparently there is only one Hawaiian plane, which is missing a part, which is in Honolulu. The airport paid for my hotel, lunch and dinner. It's 2pm, and I'm sitting here alone on Christmas Eve blogging on LS in Los Angeles. Woohoo... Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted December 24, 2011 Share Posted December 24, 2011 Nice bash, but make sure your innocent before you call someone else powerless. I'm not going to stoop to your level. Just FYI Smokey is an older version of our exes, she's crazy. When a woman says financial security, her meaning is different then what we think of financial security. Would you like me to explain what she means. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lalalandman Posted December 25, 2011 Author Share Posted December 25, 2011 (edited) Well if you're saying that someone with gigs has power over me, then I disagree with that statement. I see how it could be perceived to be true, but it's a far cry from reality. Just my opinion. I understand that what a woman says vs what she wants can be different. But in this case, I ****ed my financials up. And she was aware. I had to dig myself out of a $15k credit hole. So when I tell you she said financial security explicitly, there's no hidden agenda. It is, thankfully now WAS, a hard fact. But sure I would like to hear... Edited December 25, 2011 by lalalandman Link to post Share on other sites
smokey bear Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 Well if you're saying that someone with gigs has power over me, then I disagree with that statement. I see how it could be perceived to be true, but it's a far cry from reality. Just my opinion. I understand that what a woman says vs what she wants can be different. But in this case, I ****ed my financials up. And she was aware. I had to dig myself out of a $15k credit hole. So when I tell you she said financial security explicitly, there's no hidden agenda. It is, thankfully now WAS, a hard fact. But sure I would like to hear... It means if she ever loses her job or gets pregnant or something and cant work, you'll be able to support her. Link to post Share on other sites
smokey bear Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 It means if she ever loses her job or gets pregnant or something and cant work, you'll be able to support her. Sorry let me edit that, not support her, keep her in the life she is accustomed too Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 Well if you're saying that someone with gigs has power over me, then I disagree with that statement. I see how it could be perceived to be true, but it's a far cry from reality. You are so full of ****. Stop lying to yourself Then I went over and ate food and then she pretty much asked me to undress and get into her bed. So I did. Oh well I'm not really walking away as much as I am keeping my space and distance. Of course I love and care about her, but I am sort of nervous now. After we had sex the 2nd time, it was unprotected. I don't know how it came up, but she mentioned she was on antis, for yeast. I was like WTF. Did you get tested? Nope! You went over every day that she called I don't enjoy hearing her negative banter. I don't enjoy hearing her negative fortune telling. But if that's how she feels, then the best thing is to just back off. After all, It's not like I'm going anywhere, and she's definitely not going anywhere. So I'll just let our last 5 nice days and nights together settle in... When she has negative banter, all you have to say is I understand how you are feeling or you are feeling annoyed or sorry you are feeling annoyed, whatever, then the negative banter ends. Listen for the feeling, not the action Just my opinion. I understand that what a woman says vs what she wants can be different. But in this case, I ****ed my financials up. And she was aware. I had to dig myself out of a $15k credit hole. So when I tell you she said financial security explicitly, there's no hidden agenda. It is, thankfully now WAS, a hard fact. But sure I would like to hear... She doesnt give a **** if you have 100000000000 dollars in debt, its either you do something about it or stop complaining about it. She wants emotional security, when you are stressed out, you distance yourself from her emotionally and makes her feel insecure. Shes telling you to put up or shut up. Listen for the feelings, shes feeling insecure around you when you stress about your debt, reassure her you arent going anywhere. I understand how you feel My ex said this to me the other day "I love him with all my heart move on" What was she telling me? I have to lie to you because I feel guilty about what I did to you and you deserve better. I told her I understood what she was saying and she offered friendship heistantly which I declined and I walked away Listen to how they feel, not what they say. If you master this, women will cave to you Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 (edited) Wilson. I think you have compromised your integrity. You're cow-towing to the emotional BS of UNSTABLE Women and lamenting others for sticking up for themselves. Lala, get tested, please stop talking to this girl and get your head right. Enjoy Hawaii bud, slay some tail out there (go for other tourists due to tranny population and wear a damn rubber). Edited December 25, 2011 by EgoJoe Link to post Share on other sites
Author lalalandman Posted December 25, 2011 Author Share Posted December 25, 2011 Thanks. I'm feeling very nervous. God I'm dumb. Link to post Share on other sites
leoc1973 Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 lala are you worried about her being pregnant or you having an std? or both? Smokey is speaking from experience she had gigs she wanted absolutely nothing to do with her ex now she is madly in love with him. Listen to wilson this broad wants you to take control. She is begging you to step up and be a man instead of running over there every time she calls. She probably invites you and you go running so quick that she probably says to herself ugh why did I just do that. If you blow her off a little bit she is gonna chase you. Damn it sounded like you had this girl so close to caving from that conversation you posted. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 (edited) All women are crazy and little girls.. my advice on communication and seeing 2 sides of the same thing is spot on and not bs Edited December 25, 2011 by wilsonx Link to post Share on other sites
Author lalalandman Posted December 25, 2011 Author Share Posted December 25, 2011 lala are you worried about her being pregnant or you having an std? or both? Smokey is speaking from experience she had gigs she wanted absolutely nothing to do with her ex now she is madly in love with him. Listen to wilson this broad wants you to take control. She is begging you to step up and be a man instead of running over there every time she calls. She probably invites you and you go running so quick that she probably says to herself ugh why did I just do that. If you blow her off a little bit she is gonna chase you. Damn it sounded like you had this girl so close to caving from that conversation you posted. Just the STD part. I'm probably being overly nervous but I'll get tested and get it over with. Last night I cancelled our plans and told her it was better to take a shuttle to the airport. Tonite I got stuck in this hotel, and there was mention of her coming by, but I told her I was leaving early and it would be inconvenient for her to come visit. I just need to get to Hawaii and relax. My ex was nervous about me taking a rinky-dink plane to Hawaii, but apparently we're flying on a new plane. I'll update my status tomorrow. Mahalo. Link to post Share on other sites
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