Morning headache. Fun times.

[akazid]

Is this the appropriate location for this post? No idea.

 

I'm not 'coping with a breakup' but more 'coping with a "wtf" situation'. Basically, no relationship but more of a 'wtf' situation.

 

I'm a male (27) and this person is a female (22/3). I've met this person before they turned 21 in, I believe, 2009? Not specifically sure. Nonetheless, I thought I knew this person well enough. Apparently I didn't.

 

The perception I received from this person is that they're well grounded, enjoyed architecture (Specifically with regards to church), and in general were a good person. Actually, she was a co-Valvictorian at the private school she attended and, from a distance, appears to have a good and supportive family.

 

In either case just recently I met up with her and spoke to her as I've been trying to meet with her since October. Yes, since October as there is a 250 mile distance between us and our schedules have to coincide and she has been extremely busy (The business I believe). Nonetheless, I should have seen this coming as this person has been very sketchy in returning emails and there has been little, if any, initiative from this person to contact me. I can come to terms with a person not being interested but I feel that I've been manipulated as I've listened to what she told me during a 'discussion' ...

 

1) She's dating/sleeping with someone 20 years senior

2) She's dating/sleeping with someone who has gone through a divorce

3) She's dating/sleeping with someone who is a coworker (Don't **** where you eat? ... like really?)

 

The above is a problem but not a huge one. It's more of a OK, she wasn't interested - and she actually confirmed this to me during the discussion. I saw something like that (her being in a relationship) coming but ...

 

1) She was/is/might be still dating/sleeping with a different co-worker which I'll call 'Ju".

 

The kicker? All these people are aware of one another. Like really, what is happening here - I thought I was a good judge of character but I guess I'm not.

 

The 42/3 year old pursued her while she was dating/sleeping with "Ju" but she noted, to the 42/3 year old, that she wasn't serious with "Ju" and hence he pursued her. They've had dinner and she has met his parents - etc. From my understanding *she enjoys the attention* and the reason she 'broke it off' (That's what it sounded like but it doesn't sound like she relaly broke it off ...) with "Ju" is becuase he wasn't contacted her for 1-1.5 months. He just dropped off the planet but recently got back in the picture.

 

To me, it feels like this person is just jumping from relationship to relationship to just get an 'emotional high' and a 'bad girl high' and really on a destructive path.

 

Right now I do not really want to be her friend. I feel really disgusted and manipulated by her as I was clearly strung along and she did NOT clearly communicate with me BEFOREHAND what she was doing. What she did do though is make a decision and communicate it to me AFTER all was done.

 

I'm looking to send this person an email regarding on why, even though I said during the discussion that I am, I can't be a good friend anymore. Actually, I do not want to be a friend to this person because:

 

1) They communicate information to me, always, after the fact not BEFORE.

2) They do not initiate communication nor are capable of making time to hang out.

3) To me, CLEARLY, this person has a totally different set of morals / ethis than I do.

a) 40 year old? Really?

b) 2 people? Whoa.

c) Someone after a divorce? Jeeze.

4) It just feels wrong trying to be calm around this person. Honestly, if I met the 40 year old I'd react very negatively.

 

Should I communicate to this person that I do not want to be friends? Should I just drop off the face of the earth? I really think I should mail this person a letter on why I will not give any initiative to continue a friendship with them due to their reactive and not proactive nature, their inability to communicate as a friend, and just a totally different moral set.

 

Like really, imho, this person is on a destructive path. They broke up with someone around 11/2010. They broke up with another someone around 8/2011 then slept around with "Ju" and now with "Ju" and the 40 year old.

 

Sorry for the book. I'm just really disgusted and don't know whether I should just stop my initiative to contact her without informing her or with informing her my intention. Honestly, she's not contributing to the friendship or in the initiative to stay in contact. The only thing I'm certain is that this person is going to the back of the line as far as friends go.

 

Actually, scratch that. I'm not certain about anything. Nonetheless, I don't feel like providing initiative into a friendship with someone who does not want put the initiative into a friendship and who clearly has different morals/ethics than I do. Bah.

[rnadom32]

There are two options here bro:

 

1. stop all contact and forget about her.

 

2. wait for her to figure out wtf she wants.

 

I'd go for option 1. All three girls ive known that dated old guys were seriously messed up.

 

If you want to wait around for her just play it cool. but dont expect anything from her ever.

[akazid]

I was reading something totally unrelated and this is what stood out for me. Basically, I'm going to voice my concerns and be helpful - basically all I can really do. I guess to each their own on how they lead their life.

 

"We come here and immerse ourselves, some for a few hours a week, some for ungodly hours everyday. The time we spend here, is neither of greater nor lesser value, higher nor lower use, than the time a four-year-old spends at the kitchen table, scribbling on a stack of typing paper, drawing purple cows with hats

 

My four daughters all like to color, and while they work on their projects, often pepper me for advice. I am happy to comply and to help. Cows sometimes have gas, yes, but no, they never explode. Yes, I am quite sure about that. Well, yes, they probably are best when colored brown, rather than purple. They may wear horns if you desire, but should never be drawn with hats, yes, you are quite correct on that. One of my children, is always very good, and listens to her mother. Another does as she pleases, and the result is Exploding Purple Cows With Hats. This is extremely disturbing to the first child, and often results in the most screeching, unpleasant exchanges imagineable. I think she fears the other children, might copy her sister's folly, and likewise waste their time.

 

In the end however, the results are all the same. The kitchen floor is littered with papers, and the universe has rotated by a few hours more, and no cracks seem to appear despite the many heresies committed." - On how people polarize on differences.