Phillyg123 Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 Broke up, kept in contact for a month afterwards and then she got with another guy which crushed me. There was a couple weeks and saying nasty things to each other and then we both apologized and went nc. A few weeks in she texts about a golf club sale going on, I ignored. A month later she texts me happy birthday on my birthday, I ignored. Now at 10 weeks nc and she just texted me asking how I was and then another message saying, so you probably won't reply, I was just thinking about you and hope you are well. I haven't replied. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
scobro Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 thats just being cruel why would dhe contact you if she has another guy?Maybe she feels guilty I know mine did but she wouldnt contact me or talk to me on the phone.She changed her telephone number and dismissed me out of her life completely which was hell for me but easier to heal.Her contacting you might make things worse for your healing process maybe change your number?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phillyg123 Posted December 18, 2011 Author Share Posted December 18, 2011 I don't know if she is with him still or even if they started dating in the first place. As soon as I found out that they had hooked up after a couple weeks I went nc and blocked her from everything. So i dont know what she has been doing the last 10 weeks. After reading a lot of posts on here it seems I should stick to NC. I would like nothing more than to get back with her but after she has been with this other guy I know I just couldnt. So sticking to NC is the only thing I can do I guess. Do you agree Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 She's fishing for info and you're doing so well to stay NC. Until she tells you something important or really apologises and tells you outright she wants you back, then ignore these breadcrumbs. Link to post Share on other sites
scobro Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 even if she wants you back why would you want her back? she has already hooked up with someone else so thats enough to just let her go... nc for life....i went back to my ex and it didnt last and she has moved on with someone else and it killed me dont understand how women can just jump from guy to guy after a relationship ends?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phillyg123 Posted December 18, 2011 Author Share Posted December 18, 2011 I completely agree with you Smudge and that is what I intend on doing. The way I see it is I dont know why she texted me. I could ponder it all day and ask questions on here but noone will know but her. Likely it is because she is missing me or perhaps its because she feels guilty or things didnt work out with her latest guy or maybe she is just curious or genuinley wants to know how I am. The answer is that I do not know and neither does anyone on here. The one thing I do know however is that she does want to speak to me, whether out of curiousity or missing me or any of the above, she has texted me because she wants to open a dialogue. This gives me the power as I have something that she now wants, I have the power to not reply and not give her the thing that she is craving. If I were to reply she would feel validated, get all the info she is looking for and thus take away all the current power I hold. Will this drive her crazy, perhaps, but this is not why I choose to do this. Scobro I think that the reason women jump into bed with the first guy that comes along is out of validation and huge insecurity. Women need to feel like someone likes them and quickly rush into a relationship to regain that closeness and emotional connection. This very rarely works and is why it is called a rebound. In a couple months when it fails and she realizes that this new guy doesnt come close to being the person you are you will get breadcrumbs like me. Women just dont realize how much this hurts men in a breakup when they immediately get into bed with another guy. That is the worst feeling For men it is different. For the most part we just miss the physicality of being in a relationship. Men do not rush to get into a new relationship but rather will try and sleep with women to regain the physical connection. Perhaps I am wrong, who knows. Either way I think that smudge is completely correct in what he says to ignore everything until there comes anything of substance. It is just hard sometimes because you are doing ok and getting over her and meeting new people and then out of the blue you get a text and it all comes flooding back, regardless of whether you reply or not. At least if you dont reply though, at least not at this stage, you are still holding all the cards and have some sort of power. Thoughts? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 I think you had the answers long before you asked the questions. The fact she left and got with another guy, then there was harsh words between you, kinda' sets the tone on how you proceed with this. She clearly hurt you and for that, she needs to realise that small things like this are not going to get you running back. However, if it keeps on then I'm afraid it will prevent any further healing so there has to be a cut off point, where you break NC and simply ask her why she's getting in touch. Whatever her reasons, she may need reminding of why you're no longer together and the fact she got with someone else. You can easily push her away whilst doing all this and also this will be the time when she shows you what she really wants. Basically, if she wants you back, nothing will stop her trying to get you back. You push her away, she'll try harder, that sort of thing. If she backs down and goes quiet again, then you'll have your answers. But all that depends on how long she keeps contacting and how long you ignore it for. There's no rules here, only you can decide what is right for you. Similar happened to me after 4 months NC but there was never any cheating or harsh words, in essence we were still friends but I simply had to say goodbye as I couldn't handle just being her friend. With that in mind, I have been polite and responded to the occasional bread crumb. I have no ill will towards her so therefore no need to be nasty, plus, I know that responding has always paused the bread crumbs, rather than ignoring and having them keep coming through. I guess it all comes down to how people break up, what happens, what is said, who is hurt etc etc. NC is always a guideline, not a rule. If you do or don't respond is entirely up to you. I'm sure from what I've read here, you'll do the right thing and be fine about it. Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 For the love of God and all that is holy. Do not respond. Look at all the girls sending messages to their Exes around this time. See any patterns? Don't bother feeding this broad's ego. Link to post Share on other sites
stitch702 Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 Do not reply...this is not the kind of person you want to spend a relationship with. If she hurt you before, she may very well hurt you again. Unless she calls and gives you a definite, "I miss you and want to be with you and I made a mistake." Then do not reply. These are just breadcrumbs which will mess you up. Even if she did reply with that I myself still would not reply. Think about the statistics out there, they're are so many girls out there in this world, why would you want to spend it with someone who has already left you for someone else for that matter. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smokey bear Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 Do not reply...this is not the kind of person you want to spend a relationship with. If she hurt you before, she may very well hurt you again. Unless she calls and gives you a definite, "I miss you and want to be with you and I made a mistake." Then do not reply. These are just breadcrumbs which will mess you up. Even if she did reply with that I myself still would not reply. Think about the statistics out there, they're are so many girls out there in this world, why would you want to spend it with someone who has already left you for someone else for that matter. Some peopleare too scared of rejection to come straight out with this. I wouls send one reply and one reply only. At this point after leaving for another guy and 1o weeks nc she could be thinking that she has no choice to ever get back with you because you wont forgive her. You need to let her know the door is open for recon but not to contact you for anything else. So something like, "I need space to heal and move on, There could be a chance for us in the future but right now i need time to heal" i wouldnt ignore her, she my think the door for recon is shut but you cant give her any power at all, especially if she has a bf. Also you cant give her reason to keep breaking nc for friendship or ego boosts Link to post Share on other sites
lolita jade Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 when I was trawling those get your ex back sites initially. One stated that after a short break you should text them something that would interest them. I bet the golf club sale text came from the advice on a get back with your ex site. This was Michael somebody on you tube. If you dont answer her texts at all you are risking not hearing from her ever again. She will give up, Link to post Share on other sites
chados Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 when I was trawling those get your ex back sites initially. One stated that after a short break you should text them something that would interest them. I bet the golf club sale text came from the advice on a get back with your ex site. This was Michael somebody on you tube. If you dont answer her texts at all you are risking not hearing from her ever again. She will give up, you should not ignore, you should simply tell them that its for the best to not talk at this point. so they stop contacting you. if they want something back, they will have to go for it not you. they did the dumping.. if they dont try to get you back its just not worth it. you could contact them later, but it would be better to wait a few months. because you need distance from the bad stuff that made the two of you break up. its probably better to reattract them with a new start then it would be for them to just take you back after 2 weeks. because the problem will still be there. this get ex back has some good points. but they are all the same. and its all about getting your ex back in 1 month.. even if its works its a big risk to get back that fast Link to post Share on other sites
Teuen101 Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 I was going to buy some land my ex out of the blue messaged me.. told me where some was.. I knew this was a breadcrumb...I wasn't rude ..I didnt bring up the past or what happend... I just said thank you =) an I'll look into it, But I've already found some and thanked her. I didnt bring up history. I didnt ask questions. She asked me how I was and i said just doing stuff on the net have fun, she made some crappy remark. I said thank you for the kind remarks however I must go now have a nice day.. she replyed ... don't get mad I'm just kidding..but whatever bye.. I said np and be safe.. left it at that and let it go.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phillyg123 Posted December 20, 2011 Author Share Posted December 20, 2011 I appreciate all of your responses and value your opinions. I do however not believe that replying would be a good decision to make. I am of the opinion that nothing less that a full fledged "i miss you and am so sorry and want you back" would be worth replying to. And even then I highly doubt that I would take her back. It would just make the decision a whole lot harder. I don't think I could live with myself if I took a girl back who decided that sleeping with someone else instead of re-establishing and working on our relationship was the better choice. I just couldnt respect her any longer. She has lost me, not the other way around, and maybe she is beginning to realize it, then again maybe she isnt. Either way I have something she craves right now, knowledge about my life and what I have been up to and whether I have moved on or am still in love with her etc etc.. What little pride I have left after this whole ordeal I refuse to relinquish to her just so she can satify her curiosity. I shall remain NC and am surprised that not more of you suggest I do the same. Link to post Share on other sites
wow123 Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 I received almost the same exact message as you (hope you are well yada yada). I also remained no contact for the same exact reason as you. She didn't say anything I wanted to hear (miss you, love you etc.) It's amazing how similar our situations are. I'm hoping we're doing the right thing by ignoring them. Mine ex is also with someone else like yours. Unreal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phillyg123 Posted December 20, 2011 Author Share Posted December 20, 2011 Yeah lol I saw that WOW123. Whats strange is Bear gave you different advice than he gave me. I dont mean any disrespect Bear and I do appreciate your insight. I suppose both of your suggestions are good ones at the end of the day. Feel free to message me if your having a weak day or anything WOW123 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phillyg123 Posted December 28, 2011 Author Share Posted December 28, 2011 hey wow123, any update on your situation? Link to post Share on other sites
perfectlyflawed459 Posted December 28, 2011 Share Posted December 28, 2011 I mean it sounds like she misses you. I know it is best to keep your defenses up, but as a girl, I really think she might genuinely miss you. I mean she has reached out multiple occassions now. She probably won't jump the gun and profess any love or anything because she is trying to gage if you may still possibly feel the same way. As a girl, I know I wouldn't say anything too special until I felt that the guy missed me back ya know? Just text her back something simple. Everyone is going to say otherwise, but you are regaining the power here in my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
ZimboGon Posted December 28, 2011 Share Posted December 28, 2011 ^Agreed. If you truly care, reply and leave the door open. You are lucky. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phillyg123 Posted December 28, 2011 Author Share Posted December 28, 2011 I fail to see how I am lucky but appreciate your insight. Even if she does miss me and if I were to send her a simple message and it end up with reconciliation how could I get back with her? She was in bed with another man... I could never forgive her for that so what would be the point in replying at all? Link to post Share on other sites
ZimboGon Posted December 28, 2011 Share Posted December 28, 2011 I fail to see how I am lucky but appreciate your insight. Even if she does miss me and if I were to send her a simple message and it end up with reconciliation how could I get back with her? She was in bed with another man... I could never forgive her for that so what would be the point in replying at all? Well, that is your own struggle you have to go through. If you really do have this pent up anger towards her and you can't forgive, then absolutely do not contact her at all. Its no point involving both of your feelings if you don't feel you can forgive. But remember, people could change, and if you truly loved someone you know you can do it again. But do what is best for you. If she really hurt you, don't even humor her. You don't even need to be polite, you can just ignore her. Move forward, if she hasn't too bad. But then again, take what i say with a grain of salt. I'm an optimist and i pretty much forgive anyone instantly. My girlfriend strung me along with another guy for 3 weeks until i finally caught them in bed together. I didn't explode, i left silently and composed the situation, the reasons on both parts, went NC and only after 6 weeks i have come to forgive her. Eh, so that is why i say you are lucky. I'm still waiting on that text from her so we can try again, but she's with that other guy at the moment. I wish you luck with whatever you do Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phillyg123 Posted December 29, 2011 Author Share Posted December 29, 2011 feeling very weak right now and missing her even though i shouldnt. considering texting her or checking her facebook or something. would really appreciate some words of wisdom right now that would suggest that i shouldnt... Link to post Share on other sites
TearyEyedPride Posted December 29, 2011 Share Posted December 29, 2011 feeling very weak right now and missing her even though i shouldnt. considering texting her or checking her facebook or something. would really appreciate some words of wisdom right now that would suggest that i shouldnt... Reading your post it sounds like you don't want her back because she slept with someone else. So if that's still in the back of your mind preventing you from moving forward with her, then definitely don't reply. Just think of her cuddling and smiling with someone else in that case. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phillyg123 Posted December 29, 2011 Author Share Posted December 29, 2011 thanks tearyeyedpride. Although I do appreciate everyones insight over the last couple weeks for some reason I do seem to have had a lot of people posting that I should text her and break NC. In myself I know that I could never forgive her for getting with that other guy so there really is no future but it is just so hard because I still love her and have very strong feelings for her. Its like I am fighting with myself all the time, like inner turmoil over what I want and know I cant have. I guess I am really just looking for some support from you guys to stay strong and not reply to her texts, as even if she does miss me and wants to get back together I just couldnt which breaks my heart... Link to post Share on other sites
perfectlyflawed459 Posted December 29, 2011 Share Posted December 29, 2011 If that is why you refuse to talk to her, then you should allow yourself to let go of that grudge. I know that is hard and that thought of her being with someone hurts :/ but it is not healthy to hold grudges against people. No one is perfect and honestly, I do not think that is the best reason to shun someone out of your life just because they made one mistake. I mean if she slept with him while you were together, then I would understand more, but if she was single, then unfortunately anything she did was fair game. Sucks, but it is the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
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