Author Phillyg123 Posted January 16, 2012 Author Share Posted January 16, 2012 Something like this in an email perhaps? Dear X, It has been a long time since we have spoken and I apologise for not getting back to you on my birthday and in December when you messaged me. I don't know why you insist on keeping in touch with me, perhaps you are just curious, or you are looking for me to relieve any guilt you have about how everything ended, or perhaps you are missing me and looking to rekindle what we had. I hold no ill will towards you for what happened and have come to realize that I am as much to blame for everything that happened. If you have moved on and are happy you need to stop contacting me so that I too can do the same. I want you to know that I still think about you but I am not interested in being your friend. If it is reconcilliation of our relationship that you seek then maybe there is a chance for us but you need to lay it out on the table what you want. Love X Link to post Share on other sites
Chs Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 I think that's a very bad email to send. It's really too emotional and too demanding of her, especially after you ignored her last couple of attempts to contact you. The "i don't know why you insist on keeping contact with me" sounds pretty untrue, as it's now been at least 2-3 weeks since she did actually contact you? She didn't reach out because she wanted to reconciliate, because then she sure wouldn't have stopped after 2 innocent texts that you didn't respond to. If you absolutely need to reach out to her do it in a light tone. Apologize for not responding to her, and try asking her how she has been or something along that. But no ultimatum and no long message, and definetly don't end it with "Love" Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phillyg123 Posted January 16, 2012 Author Share Posted January 16, 2012 So is the consensus that she doesnt want to reconcile and me contacting her in any fashion would be a huge mistake? Link to post Share on other sites
CaliBabe Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 She is the one who ruined things, therefore she should be the one reaching out to YOU asking for reconciliation. She needs to put in the work not you. If you do go back asking for reconciliation after she did YOU wrong, then you will come off as desparate. I am currently in the same situation as your Philly. My ex has been leaving small breadcrumbs here and there. The most recent one being around the holidays asking if we could talk. I haven'r heard from him in weeks. Although I do want to hear from him and ultimately want to reconcile, I know that I cannot make that contact. He has to. It will mean that much more. Be strong. If you two are meant to be she will make her way without force. Let it come naturally. If you two love eachother then time will not mean anything... A month from now, two months from now, it will not make a difference if she wants to come back to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phillyg123 Posted January 16, 2012 Author Share Posted January 16, 2012 Thank you Cali, it means so much to know someone else is in the same situation and you have given me the strength I needed to continue nc. You are 100 % right and I wish she would contact me for recon but right now she hasnt made enough of an effort. Please stay in touch so that I can remain strong Link to post Share on other sites
CaliBabe Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Philly, Knowing that I can help someone else or give someone else strength is why I come here. To help others as others have helped me. To put this in perspective Philly, I was with this man for 6 years. SIX! And he is the love of my life. We have separated for 8 months and I think about him everyday. Although I refuse to put my life on hold. I have dated other people and it has made me realize what I had with him. We have been very strict NC so as you can imagine, the contact I got from him was heart stopping. BUT. I need to remain strong. If I show any kind of weakness I run the possibility of getting my heart stomped on and I will not allow that to happen. Although I love him very much, I love myself more. We know that these people we love so dearly are capable of leaving us, so do not make yourself completely vunerable. Keep your head held high as the prize that you are. Be strong! I am sending positive vibes your way. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 So is the consensus that she doesnt want to reconcile and me contacting her in any fashion would be a huge mistake? Dude, everything in your post about the texts SCREAMED at me saying, "Friend zone". Apparently the guilt is getting to her and she can't stand the fact that there's someone in the world that doesn't like her. If you respond back with, " Hey, how ya doing?" Then you two could go on with idol chit chat for a while. Then, she can convince herself that the break up was meant to happen and you two are cool with each other. Easing her own guilt about the break up. It's breadcrumbs...nothing more than to try an lure you into the "friend zone". I hope you were up-beat and presented yourself as happy when ypu saw your Ex's best friend! Because you know that she's going to take great pleasure in tell your Ex that she ran into you. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliBabe Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Agree with Chi. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phillyg123 Posted January 16, 2012 Author Share Posted January 16, 2012 It really cuts deep that you say she just thinks of me as a friend. This girl said this was the best relationship she had ever been in. I just can't accept that she could only think of me as a friend after everything.. How can she not be feeling the same way I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 It really cuts deep that you say she just thinks of me as a friend. This girl said this was the best relationship she had ever been in. I just can't accept that she could only think of me as a friend after everything.. How can she not be feeling the same way I do? Because the majority of women tend to leave the relationship emotionally long before they actually leave physically. They usually decide that the relationship is over and they pick their time to actually pull the trigger. That's probably why she had no problem jumping into a new relationship right after the break up with you. She already mourned the loss of the relationship WHILE she was still in the relationship with you. Therefore, it was easy to turn off those feelings for you. Were those feelings still there? Probably. But, they may not have been that intense to feel guilty about it at the time. Now, that she's had time to reflect and the "honeymoon" stage of her new relationship is over. She's starting to feel guilty on how she jilted you. The sad thing about women is that when they decided on something, then they are set on what they believe and it's nearly impossible to get them to change their minds. She decided the relationship is over. Therefore, she decided she made the right choice for herself. For her to admit that she was wrong to break up with you would be admitting that she was wrong. And no women ever wants to admit they were wrong!!!! It would be a safe assumption that if you were to get back in contact with her, she would try to put you in the friend zone. But, would say that she doesn't want a romantic relationship with you RIGHT NOW. Then, maybe give you some crap about not knowing what the future holds. Essentially, keeping you on the hook clinging on to false hope. Best thing for you to do is go NC. Heal and work on yourself. You'll get through this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phillyg123 Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 Sadly I agree with you chi, its just so hard to accept... I have decided to stay no contact after everyones advice. Perhaps she will want to recon, perhaps she won't, but If its meant to happen then the amount of time that passes is unimportant and it is her that should make it happen, not me, even though I wish it could be me. I can't hang around waiting though, I need to get on with my life and if that day does where she does beg me to take her back then I will have a decision to make, until that day comes there is no decision to make unfortunately... At the moment I think she is contacting me out of a combination of guilt and missing me but she obviously doesn't miss me that much to make a considerable effort so there is no decision to be made on my part. Once again I thank you for all your responses and I hope you don't mind if I continue to post when I am feeling weak so that strong people like yourselves can get my head straight again. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 I hope you don't mind if I continue to post when I am feeling weak so that strong people like yourselves can get my head straight again. Dude, ABSOLUTELY!!!! Post all you want. If you need a peptalk, people are here. If you need someone to talk you out of contacting her, post and people will talk you out of it. Or if you get angry at the situation and you need to vent. People will listen. Trust me, even though it may be a little strange getting support through a forum, but people actually care and (I think I can speak for most) people are here for you. NOW! What you need to be doing is improving on yourself. Go get a gym membership and start pushing some weight, or running your ass off on the treadmill. It's a great way to work out your frustrations and giving your a ripped bod!! Then, get a new haircut; a new hairstyle. Buy a new wardrobe. Start looking sharp, this helps your confidence and self-esteem. Go back to school. Finish that degree, or if you have one; then go to grad school! This helps you to, not only further you in life, but it helps to keep your mind pre-occupied. THEN!!! Get a hobby that you're interested in. Save up money to go on a trip to someplace you've always wanted to go...just do it. If you ever wanted to see Paris...go! If you ever wanted to go whitewater rafting in West Virgina...go! If you ever wanted to lay in a hammock between two palm tree's in the Bahamas, or see the Fjords of Norway, or the cliffs of Dover...whatever!!! JUST GO!!!! There's a big world out there and life is too short to waste it sitting still. Plus, you never know who you'll meet along the way! Maybe the RIGHT girl for you! WHO KNOWS! But, one thing is for certain, you'll NEVER know unless you put yourself out there! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phillyg123 Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 Thankyou for all the support, I genuinely mean it. It sounds crazy but this forum is the only thing keeping me sane right now. I am already hitting the gym every day and working out, losing weight and trying desperately to make new friends. Lost all my friends through the break up you see. I already have a degree and have a good job making good coin, i went on holiday over xmas and new year to escape from the city and am going to vegas in a few weeks for training for work so Im doing all the right things. The problem is that even with all of that I still find myself sitting alone sometimes and the only thing that can help is time, alas it has only been 4 months now.. Maybe Im just one of those people for which it takes 8 months or maybe I just need to meet someone else, just gonna have to wait for time... Link to post Share on other sites
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