At a crossroad with teenage boyfriend of 2 1/2 years

[MollyBloom]

Hello,

 

Thanks for reading. I posted this under "Dating", then decided that it needed to be here as well.

I know that my post is long, but it's (hopefully) equally interesting.

 

I am 17 years old and I have been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. We met on a cruise, and we have an international long-distance relationship (I am American, he is Welsh). Since our initial week together, we have been able to "meet up" for 1-2 week periods three times, and I will see him for two weeks in July. I've been to his home, I get along famously with his family, and they love me too. My boyfriend and I talk several times a week on the telephone or through AIM.

 

I really don't know where to go from here. I love my boyfriend, but I have heard so much about people in comitted relationships at this age "missing out", and this has frightened me. I don't know if it would be fair to him (or appropriate) to take a break in our "perfect" relationship for the sake of exploration. I had several flings before I met him, but I was young 13-15, so I do not know the extent to which they count. I am my boyfriend's first girlfriend, first kiss, etc. When I bring up the possibility of him dating someone else to be sure than I am "the one", he adamantly protests the idea. We have both invested a lot in our relationship, and the subject of marriage has even come up a few times.

 

My boyfriend has spoke of coming to college next year in the States, so there is a possibility that we will have an extended time together in the near future. I have not told him this because I consider it an ultimatum, but if he doesn't come to school here, I do not see how our relationship can continue. We have both sacrificed too much to be put through several more years of this.

 

I honestly don't know what to do. Please understand that, although we are young, my boyfriend and I have deep emotional bonds. We've been through a lot. With that said, I am going to college this fall (one year before him), and I know that temptation will be everywhere. Early on in my relationship with my boyfriend, I cheated by kissing another guy, and I realized that I would never take that route again. I consider myself a cute girl, and I know that I will want to flirt and have fun. I find myself writing emotional, love-filled letters to him, but then I'll daydream about how much fun it would be to hit the dating scene with a few South Carolina boys.

 

What are your opinions of my situation? Any advice, reccomendations or even points to ponder will be SO greatly appreciated.

 

Thanks so much,

 

 

MollyBloom

[carlos81]

Well I just posted my own long distance relationship post earlier today. I'm 22 and have been in a 3 year long distance relationship (different continents) with occasional visits. I've just finished college and the only thing I can tell you comes from my experience.

 

First of all as you undoubtedly know...long distance is rough & tough. For the both of us in our relationship it was only a matter of time before one or other was unfaithful. We stayed faithful for two years But between 2-3 years things went into whack. I too had friends telling me that I was missing out by being so exclusive, she too had friends that were edging her. I'd go out she'd go out alcohol would become involved...as is typical in college, and when you're far away and miss someone a lot sometimes you are in the need for affection.

 

It sounds like you two are really taken by each other but I will tell you something that I have seen from people around me. I've seen people together dating since High School and all of a sudden when some real hot guy or real hot girl begins to turn the heat on night after night one can give in.

 

To be quite honest with you, a long distance relationship can be perfectly fine depending on your needs & wants. If you miss having someone's affection, someone to talk and fall asleep with every night, to go out with and hang out you may want to explore other options. However if you feel that you're perfectly happy the way you are that seeing each other occasionally is fine and that you have no NEED to be with any other guys then I would say go for it.

 

I've learnt that as long as both people are happy and interest in the relationship remains high things should be fine. So I guess in conclusion I can only tell you , Don't explore for the sake of exploring but rather if you have an urge to explore and date other guys then you should maybe declare an Open relationship or something of the sort till you guys can finally be together. One of the worst things about Long Distance in my experience has been infidelity issues, trust and above all if you decide to date other men you should let him know. Even if it would get him upset even if it would get you upset...

 

Hope this helps as an opinion!

[MollyBloom]

Thank you so much for your post, Carlos. I think that I'm learning that if we don't make a formal arrangement to "explore", there will almost surely be infidelity issues, probably first with me and then later with him. I want a chance to relax around guys and have the possibility of a relationship grown out of friendship. It's not that I'm actively looking for someone else, but I don't want to have to feel so conscious about having a boyfriend. I already feel bad enough about the staring contests that the produce boy from Publix and I have. I know that when I am sure that I've found the right guy, I will be completely steadfast and committed with everything that I am. But how can I invest that much energy and emotion without knowing for sure?