darkmoon Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 they can be horrible to my brother, particularly his wife's daughter's bullying though he has a major on-going painful illness, and I have seen his wife turn him against our side of the family step by step over time. I like to see him on his own to avoid giving her side of the family the chance to appraise me; scant information means they have nothing much to go on His wife is bossy, acts like she's seriously in charge of us all, and expects everbody to obey her - so I am expecting, as usual, my brother to be drawn into insisting that I attend her daughter's Christmas dinner They are using Christmas to paint over wrong deeds and to bitch about me as usual Link to post Share on other sites
setsenia Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 Looks like you got yourself some evil ones. Thankfully, as of this year, I am in-law free for the holidays. Ever since my husband's father passed away, that side of the family usually does their own thing with their own families. Since his mom's family is so big and spread out, we usually just saw his mom/stepdad for dinner and presents. And his mother and stepfather decided not to speak to us after getting offended over facebook. So we usually just see my family and his grandparents on his dad's side after Christmas. Since his family is so big and/or spread out, there was never really a whole lot of gift giving involved, so that also gives my wallet a break. Whatever occasion we saw my mother in law and stepfather in law, they would hardly speak to us or ask us how we're doing, which pretty much felt like a waste of time every time we saw them, even though we hardly saw them often. I tried to make the best of it with my inlaws, but if they make you feel horrible, it might be best to avoid them as much as you are able. Link to post Share on other sites
Author darkmoon Posted December 19, 2011 Author Share Posted December 19, 2011 wonder how many others there are like this Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 A lot of extended families have at least some members who don't get along with each other. Fact of life, unfortunately. It would be nice to be able to celebrate a holiday and focus on the true meaning of a holiday without getting into negative discussions about everything people don't like about someone else. I think you just have to bite the bullet, and try to be polite, and if the conversation shifts to something negative or an attack against someone, you redirect it and refuse to engage in such a conversation. For example, if your in-law is harping on you, you should refocus the conversation on something positive, such as if they are criticizing your choice of employment, then you say "That's not a topic I want to discuss at our holiday celebration. Let's talk about the positive, and the reason we are celebrating today." Stopping inappropriate conversations and redirecting them into something positive is the key to getting along with these types of relatives. We've had to stop my mother from going on about my sister's X husband at family gatherings. State your unwillingness to talk about a subject if it is brought up, and then redirect the conversation to something more positive. That's the way to get along with your relatives over the holidays, or at any family gathering. Link to post Share on other sites
Author darkmoon Posted December 20, 2011 Author Share Posted December 20, 2011 she does it behind my back; the less she sees me the less she can destroy, i don't care if people disagree, but thanks all the same Link to post Share on other sites
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