Not looking forward to this upcoming situation. How to deal with It??

[hamster123]

For people who need bringing up to speed... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t310615/

 

This may sound quite pathetic to some people but how i'm feeling at the moment this isn't for me...

 

Anyway me and all my friends always go out on xmas eve, it's kind of tradition to go to the local pub. Everyone from around our area goes, and yes that means him and her. Now the reason I'm not looking forward to this night expecially is because xmas eve 2 years ago was when me and her were just starting out, and I actually ended up going back to hers that night, which was the first time we stayed together. Therefore xmas eve holds some weird sentimental value for me. He stayed at hers a few nights ago so I know they are still messing around, so to see them two flirting, and possibily even one of them staying at the others' house does not appeal to me one bit, especially on xmas eve.

 

So what would you do in my situation? I know what they did to me was horrible and for that I should avoid them and cut them out of my life. I need to do this to start healing and to detach myself from the situation so part of me thinks to not go out, just so I don't see them two at it and I dont feel horrible on xmas day. Then part of me thinks why should I let them dictate my life and what I want to do and where I want to go.

 

Like I said I realise this may seem quite pathetic, but I want to know what other people think I should do? In the new year I plan to cut all contact with them, but like I said xmas eve is tradition to go out and I dont want them and their horrible actions to affect me and what I want to do.

 

Thanks for reading!!

[smokey bear]

Start a new tradition that you can follow for years to come when your married and have kids, go to a salvation army or soup kitchen and help the homeless, Go to a midnight church service, go and visit old relatives that are alone this time of year, We have a local flee market thats open until 1am and i go every xmas eve just to feel the spirit and watch the shoppers doing there last bits of presents.

 

Do something thats going to make you feel good.

[melenkurion]

Christmas is a difficult time of year, with lots of links to memories past.

 

I understand it is a tradition, and I very much understand not wanting them to dictate your life in any way. However, realistically, if you see them together, it's going to upset you enormously and could put you in a bad way for Christmas, especially with the past memories. Perhaps this one year, find something fun to do with close friends, family. I'm not sure that the tradition is worth the risk to your happiness, this year. Next year, they'll be history in your head, with luck.

 

And yes, as smokey bear says, maybe starting a new tradition could be a good way of moving on.

[ScienceGal]

You do what is right for you, period.

 

If you're still too emotionally invested (sounds like you are), then don't go. I made the mistake of trying to force myself to go out (knowing my ex would be there). I called myself pathetic and weak. I held strong too, until I got home and I cried and cried. Forcing myself was the worst thing to do.

 

You're healing and doing what's best for you is the most important. Don't get down about it and call yourself names. And don't worry what anyone else thinks. Keep your head high and you'll be just fine.

[Chs]

Mate, just go out. It's really not that bad!

 

I met my now ex at new years eve last year, i have been fearing the day to come because i know i will be thinking about her and i can't imagine hooking up with another girl or seeing her around the town on new years.

 

I still love my ex alot, but i saw her at the club this weekend, a guy she kissed a few weeks back was there and i found out she already dumped him and saw her kissing this other guy she has a class with, and you know what?

It didn't feel near as bad as i thought it would, except from being a little repulsed it didn't touch me at all. Infact it moved me alot further in the process of getting over her! Just 2 weeks ago i was a mess, crying day in and out for over a month. And now after seeing those things i feared would hurt so much i barely have any emotions when thinking about her, except a little pity that it didn't work out.

Edited December 19, 2011 by Chs

[stitch702]

You know what, I was in your same position over the weekend. There was supposed to be this huge house party over the weekend to celebrate a friends birthday. They had rented out this 8 bedroom mansion with pool, dance floor, bar, and DJ. There were going to be a ton of girls and all my friends were going and encouraged me to go. However I found out my ex was going to be there too and that she was talking about how she was bringing this new guy with her. She told my buddies that this guy is so hot, good looking, and such a gentleman. Mind you, this is rebound number 3 for her since we broke up about 2 months ago. During this time, I've gone completely N/C. I no longer have the urge to beg/plead, cry, etc. I've worked very hard to get where I am feeling ok with everything. I was unsure how I would have felt if I saw her with another guy. I knew she would flaunt him if I was there...so I decided not to attend. Instead I went out with my cousins to a club and had a pretty good time.

 

The last I heard the party was pretty popping...AND she did flaunt him. She held his hand everywhere they went and she even went up to introduce him to ALL my friends AND my sister...so in my honest opinion I'm glad I didn't go...and all my buddies said it was kind of a low blow to do what she did. She even asked where I was at and how come I didn't come and they told her I had another party to go too...I am truly blessed to have such good friends.

 

Here's the thing...she broke up with me and told me to move on and I am moving on....but I'm going to move on with MY TERMS. My terms are to use N/C until I am fully in control of myself. I know what is going to affect me and what isn't. Right now I feel that if I saw her it would devestate me...and i do not want to put myself in that position. I've finally reached that mindset where I would like to focus on me and focus on my studies so I can pass my board exams (nclex). I'm not going to jeapordize my feelings by having some snobby ex try to get a ruse out of me.

 

I know some people may say don't let your ex dictate your happiness. Well that's true, but only YOU know how you are going to act. If you have any doubts whatsoever that you may not be able to handle it, then don't go. Why put yourself in a position you don't want to be. Don't worry what other people will think if you don't attend. Come up with an excuse like you had another party to attend too or you had a date or something. I'm pretty sure they will respect you for your decision.

[Thieves]

Here's the thing...she broke up with me and told me to move on and I am moving on....but I'm going to move on with MY TERMS. My terms are to use N/C until I am fully in control of myself. I know what is going to affect me and what isn't. Right now I feel that if I saw her it would devestate me...and i do not want to put myself in that position.

 

Hm... after reading through the thread, I'd have to say that I agree the most with Stich and his story.

 

Hamster, one of the most important things to know after a break-up is to know, like Stitch said, what is going to hurt you and affect you, and what isn't. If you have even the slightest hunch that spending Christmas Eve as usual (since it's tradition) and possibly seeing her there is going to affect you in a way that will hurt the progress you're trying to make, then by all means, don't go.

 

ScienceGal tried it herself, and apparently it didn't end up working out too well. So personally? I'd say don't risk it at the moment. Perhaps later on, when you've healed a bit more and have grown a little stronger from all of this, then you can try and get back into the groove of things. But why throw yourself back into the 'shark tank' now, so to speak, if you feel you're not ready?

 

There's nothing wrong with not going and protecting yourself from being hurt like that. It's not really letting your ex 'dictate' your life either, it's just, as said, protecting yourself -- which you have the right to do, and is a very smart, mature thing to do as well. So I agree, try to find something else that could be just as fun to do on that night, or start a new tradition yourself to really start breaking away from your ex.

[hamster123]

Thanks for the replies guys. I've had a big think about it and decided to stay in with my family on xmas eve, and to be honest, I'm kinda looking forward to it.

 

The way I see things is like this...She made the wrong decision, and tried to back track by asking me for another go with her. I rejected her for a valid reason which she agreed with, therefore she is not part of my life anymore and whatever she gets up to is her own business. I've decided to live my own life rather than hers as well. It's her loss and she knows it!