Contacting your ex after a period of time to tell them how much they hurt you?

[MIK1000]

Anyone ever done this?

 

It's been 4 months since she totally screwed me over. I've kept NC a part from giving her blunt answers on the two seperate occasions that she contacted me.

 

She broke my heart while she was away travelling for 3 months and so I don't know if she really know hows much she hurt me. Even though I don't want her back, it still eats away at me that she was able to treat me like that and it bugs me that she will never know the extent of the agony and feel a justifiable amount of guilt for it.

 

Has anyone ever sent a message after a period of time for these reasons? I probably won't do it, but I'm curious.

[mike588]

Anyone ever done this?

 

It's been 4 months since she totally screwed me over. I've kept NC a part from giving her blunt answers on the two seperate occasions that she contacted me.

 

She broke my heart while she was away travelling for 3 months and so I don't know if she really know hows much she hurt me. Even though I don't want her back, it still eats away at me that she was able to treat me like that and it bugs me that she will never know the extent of the agony and feel a justifiable amount of guilt for it.

 

Has anyone ever sent a message after a period of time for these reasons? I probably won't do it, but I'm curious.

 

Don't do it! You'll look weak and pathetic..I'm sure she knows she hurt you and you don't need to remind her. I almost did the same and I'm so glad I didn't....she knew she wrecked me and doesn't need reminded.

[perfectlyflawed459]

Listen to mike588! Do NOT I repeat DO NOT send her any sort of message like that. It will not make things better or make her realize anything. Just let it go. I know that is easier said than done but you will be so thankful that you did later on down the road. Like Mike said, she is probably aware that she hurt you and trust me, karma is a B I T C H! It will catch up to her someday in some way, shape, or form.

[ScienceGal]

Do not send anything! You will not gain anything, trust me.

[radiodarcy]

i agree with the previous posters. please don't do this. i did it and while it was emotional purging at first. the effect quickly wore off. and i felt like a fool.

 

you'd just be giving her the upper hand. retain your dignity and stick to NC.

[smokey bear]

Go for it, if it makes you feel better go for it.

 

The way i see it, if we dont tell these dumpers that what they do hurts people then they will continue to do it.

 

If a family or friend disrespected or hurt you, you would tell them wouldnt you, so they wouldnt do it again, thats how people learn is it not, so what difference is an ex.

[MIK1000]

Definitely not going to do then lol. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have anyway but it still bugs me.

 

The fact that the break up happened while she way away from home and I never got so much as a phone call to talk about it, means that I got very little closure as the last time we were together everything was rosy and she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. Obviously the love wasn't as deep as either of us thought though.

 

She lives round the corner from me, we are going to run in to one another every now and again, it happened last week and I just blanked her.

 

I'm certain that the NC has bothered her since she got back, because I think she expected me to be pining over her and trying to see her, where as I simply cut her out of my life. She has done a couple of things to try and get a reaction out of me, and I haven't given her one.

 

My urge to contact her to make her feel guilt is just another side effect of being a part from her when the break up occured I suppose.

[ZimboGon]

Definitely not going to do then lol. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have anyway but it still bugs me.

 

The fact that the break up happened while she way away from home and I never got so much as a phone call to talk about it, means that I got very little closure as the last time we were together everything was rosy and she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. Obviously the love wasn't as deep as either of us thought though.

 

She lives round the corner from me, we are going to run in to one another every now and again, it happened last week and I just blanked her.

 

I'm certain that the NC has bothered her since she got back, because I think she expected me to be pining over her and trying to see her, where as I simply cut her out of my life. She has done a couple of things to try and get a reaction out of me, and I haven't given her one.

 

My urge to contact her to make her feel guilt is just another side effect of being a part from her when the break up occured I suppose.

 

Send her a message and that is no longer the case.

[lilyblue]

I think about doing this sometimes too. Regarding the suggestion that it would make the dumpee look weak, I don't think that's what I would think about the dumpee if I was the dumper. Would other people? I'm sure we've all had people we have broken up with come back to us and maybe tell us how they felt. Did you interpret this as a weakness?

[ZimboGon]

I think about doing this sometimes too. Regarding the suggestion that it would make the dumpee look weak, I don't think that's what I would think about the dumpee if I was the dumper. Would other people? I'm sure we've all had people we have broken up with come back to us and maybe tell us how they felt. Did you interpret this as a weakness?

 

Depends. I'm the kind of guy who only breaks up with a person if i don't love them anymore. Chances are, if that happens i don't look back. 4 months later, hearing from my ex about how much i hurt her? I would be like, pfffft. I moved on, sorry you haven't? I would interpret it as weakness that they are still holding on.

[MIK1000]

Depends. I'm the kind of guy who only breaks up with a person if i don't love them anymore. Chances are, if that happens i don't look back. 4 months later, hearing from my ex about how much i hurt her? I would be like, pfffft. I moved on, sorry you haven't? I would interpret it as weakness that they are still holding on.

 

I think it's a bit different if they ****ed you over though, I think if you conveyed the message correctly, you could put across like "I don't care about you anymore, but I want you to know what a bad thing you did".

 

I'm still not going to do it anymore though. Mainly because I can't be arced playing games or giving myself deeper emotional involvement.

[Mcnulty]

Good man, definitely dont do it. They screwed us over as you said, don't give them the satisfaction...keep your dignity intact and grab life as it comes at you...do not look back...she/they aren't worth the steam off our piss!!!

 

If I saw my ex...I wont, I'd do the same...blank her...she treat me like dog**** and doesn't deserve acknowledgement...just misery...though hearing about my ex ex, karma didn't get her...2 years on, moved in with him living the life of reilly I hear...big show of my ass to both my exes.

[Sugarkane]

What about when dumpers contact you months, even years later? Isn't that being weak also?!

[proteinshake25]

I just did. You can read my thread on it. It felt very liberating to write it out, as she had been contacting my brother, and I felt she must be crazy to feel that innocent to do that. So I remindded her of what she did and told her to cut all communication with me or my family. She responded, was not apologetic at all, and tried to shift the guilt on me. I just ignored it, she's so filled with hate to keep starting conflict.

[Sugarkane]

I just did. You can read my thread on it. It felt very liberating to write it out, as she had been contacting my brother, and I felt she must be crazy to feel that innocent to do that. So I remindded her of what she did and told her to cut all communication with me or my family. She responded, was not apologetic at all, and tried to shift the guilt on me. I just ignored it, she's so filled with hate to keep starting conflict.

 

Typical dumper behavior. Putting the blame on you.

[M2155]

I just did. You can read my thread on it. It felt very liberating to write it out, as she had been contacting my brother, and I felt she must be crazy to feel that innocent to do that. So I remindded her of what she did and told her to cut all communication with me or my family. She responded, was not apologetic at all, and tried to shift the guilt on me. I just ignored it, she's so filled with hate to keep starting conflict.

 

Thats exactly the likely outcome-not always but this would make me mad. Not worth it. They don't accept/feel as guilty as you want them to. There is nothing to gain in telling someone this. It's different with family because you still have a relationship. It's different when someone contacts you years later because the feelings are gone. If you are feeling the need to do this, your feelings are not long gone. Vent, complain, but I'd suggest definitely not doing it.

 

I have never been in quite this situation but I can imagine if someone comes at me four months later (be different if it as 4 days or maybe even a couple weeks) and tells me how much I hurt him, I'm going to weasel myself out of that conversation as quickly as possible and not call you because I don't want to talk about your pain from the past. Then I'm going to tell all my girlfriends you are still affected by me. Just a perspective;)

Edited December 19, 2011 by M2155

[fiat500]

Yeah, as a dumpee you never want to contact an ex just to tell them how much they've hurt you. It's not your responsibility. And for all the other reasons people have stated: it makes you look pathetic and won't be appreciated at all. In fact, it's very awkward and annoying to them. You will either sound like a major or minor idiot by doing so. Remember since you were dumped why would they care if they hurt you or not? They don't care.

 

I agree that dumpers are aware of how much they've hurt you or if they're not, they will become aware eventually so they don't need any help with being reminded.

[Rorschach64]

Unfortunately confronting a guilty party in these situations will only result in them either casting blame on you for very real things or, hell, even fake crap. If you want them to realise that they did something horrible to you they have to realise it on their own, because you going up to them and confronting them will only be viewed as a hostile act.

 

Sure you may get a slight reprieve and an ego boost from telling your ex off but in the end it will wear off because you will start fuming over what she said or didn't say.

 

Best to stick to NC and try to forgive her internally to a degree...hate and anger only begets more hate and anger.

[Teuen101]

well said !

[BoredAgain]

Unfortunately confronting a guilty party in these situations will only result in them either casting blame on you for very real things or, hell, even fake crap. If you want them to realise that they did something horrible to you they have to realise it on their own, because you going up to them and confronting them will only be viewed as a hostile act.

 

Sure you may get a slight reprieve and an ego boost from telling your ex off but in the end it will wear off because you will start fuming over what she said or didn't say.

 

Best to stick to NC and try to forgive her internally to a degree...hate and anger only begets more hate and anger.

 

I completely agree with this.

 

The desire to to tell an ex how much they hurt you is really just a desire to make them feel guilty. That has a big chance of backfiring, making the Ex simply angry with you.

 

Seriously, what's the best outcome for the situation? She'll break down crying, agree that she was horrible, and tell you that she wants to get back together to fix things? That's never going to happen. More than likely, you'd come out of the situation feeling worse.