Paulie's Therapy

[Paulie]

I go to a shrink once a week. I started going many years ago for depression. I wanna share some comforting advice that I get (at $$150 a freakin' visit) from my shrink to people on this site.

 

I'm still really in pain about my freakin' breakup with my ex about 2 mos. ago. I don't talk about it here anymore, ('cause I'm trying to move on)...just in my therapy.

 

Every week, after my visit, maybe I'll share a little thing here or there that I find to be insightful, or useful, so here goes...

 

Alot of the pain I have comes from the expectations of the future that I had for this poor excuse of a girl. The great sex bonded us, and I truly loved her. She turned out to be an entirely different person than the person I THOUGHT SHE WAS. In a sense, I was in love with an illusion. She just wasn't what I thought she was.

 

My shrink told me a parable, which I'll do my best to re-tell, but I'm sur I'll f##k it up. Here goes...

 

Basically, I'm personified as an eagle, learning to fly. The mother eagle (I don't know, maybe my good nature) lifts me up into the sky, and tells me to glide wherever I want...the world is mine. Just don't go to a specific region in the South. Of course, temptation looms, and I go.

 

By the time I get there, night has fallen, and It's pitch black. I land, and find myself in the presence of an incredible woman...beautiful, sensuous, sexy, etc.. We have passionate sex all night long. I feel passionate toward this woman, and have very strong feeling for her. I wake up the next morning, roll over, and see a pile of bones. (In essence, I had made love to an illusion).

 

The point is twofold:

 

1. The relationship is DEAD...to breath life into a dead spirit is wrong, and is...dead.

 

2. What I thought was...wasn't.

 

OK, I know this may sound kinda wacko, but I found it very comforting, and true. Hopefully when I share things in the future, I can get the story straight. Sorry. I hope everybody at least sees what I'm getting at here, though.

 

Paulie

[Tony T]

I don't think this is wacko at all. It is a great parable.

 

I think many of us suffer under various illusions at various times of our life. As a matter of fact, illusions can trap us a great deal of the time if we are predisposed because we are the ones that create our own illusions.

 

Let's face it, reality sucks sometimes. It is far more expedient to create a nice, wonderful illusion than to face a harsh reality.

 

Unfortunately, we must eventually face that reality and sometimes it's not very pretty. Realizing that what we once considered a great romance or friendship was just a pile of bones (or kaka) can really hurt. Hopefully, one day we learn to see just what is real and what is illusory.

 

An even more difficult concept to understand is that reality can change. There can be real, honest love and caring for a period of time. But because we are imperfect, fallible and everchanging creatures, those things can change...and at times even emerge in their opposites. That is scary but it's something we have to face.

 

Thanks for the insight and I'm really happy you are making progress in your therapy.

[someone]

right on

I don't think this is wacko at all. It is a great parable. I think many of us suffer under various illusions at various times of our life. As a matter of fact, illusions can trap us a great deal of the time if we are predisposed because we are the ones that create our own illusions. Let's face it, reality sucks sometimes. It is far more expedient to create a nice, wonderful illusion than to face a harsh reality. Unfortunately, we must eventually face that reality and sometimes it's not very pretty. Realizing that what we once considered a great romance or friendship was just a pile of bones (or kaka) can really hurt. Hopefully, one day we learn to see just what is real and what is illusory. An even more difficult concept to understand is that reality can change. There can be real, honest love and caring for a period of time. But because we are imperfect, fallible and everchanging creatures, those things can change...and at times even emerge in their opposites. That is scary but it's something we have to face. Thanks for the insight and I'm really happy you are making progress in your therapy.

[angela]

Dear Paulie,

 

I am so glad that you are getting the help you need. Depression is a terrible thing and it makes life's everyday trials compounded. I have fought depression for the last 10 years and I know that it has made my last two breakups almost unbearable. I got through them with therapy and I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. Bye,Angela

I go to a shrink once a week. I started going many years ago for depression. I wanna share some comforting advice that I get (at $$150 a freakin' visit) from my shrink to people on this site.

 

I'm still really in pain about my freakin' breakup with my ex about 2 mos. ago. I don't talk about it here anymore, ('cause I'm trying to move on)...just in my therapy. Every week, after my visit, maybe I'll share a little thing here or there that I find to be insightful, or useful, so here goes... Alot of the pain I have comes from the expectations of the future that I had for this poor excuse of a girl. The great sex bonded us, and I truly loved her. She turned out to be an entirely different person than the person I THOUGHT SHE WAS. In a sense, I was in love with an illusion. She just wasn't what I thought she was. My shrink told me a parable, which I'll do my best to re-tell, but I'm sur I'll f##k it up. Here goes... Basically, I'm personified as an eagle, learning to fly. The mother eagle (I don't know, maybe my good nature) lifts me up into the sky, and tells me to glide wherever I want...the world is mine. Just don't go to a specific region in the South. Of course, temptation looms, and I go. By the time I get there, night has fallen, and It's pitch black. I land, and find myself in the presence of an incredible woman...beautiful, sensuous, sexy, etc.. We have passionate sex all night long. I feel passionate toward this woman, and have very strong feeling for her. I wake up the next morning, roll over, and see a pile of bones. (In essence, I had made love to an illusion).

 

The point is twofold: 1. The relationship is DEAD...to breath life into a dead spirit is wrong, and is...dead. 2. What I thought was...wasn't. OK, I know this may sound kinda wacko, but I found it very comforting, and true. Hopefully when I share things in the future, I can get the story straight. Sorry. I hope everybody at least sees what I'm getting at here, though. Paulie

[Taressa]

Hi Paulie,

 

You don't sound whacko to me, not even a bit.

 

You know, I've decided now (a little too late) to listen to the advice of my parents & others and not have sex until after I'm married. The bond I develop with the sex is my illusion... wakening to bones just once was far too many times for me.

 

You know what else? I've always heard that the first step to healing is showing concern for others. I think you're on your way. Thanks for looking out for us and sharing the parable.

 

Hoping the best for you,

 

Taressa

[Deejette]

We suffer so much because we create these illusions and then they die because the person we are projecting them on can't live up to them. Dating can be like that: Two illusions interacting with each other, wearing their party faces. When the reality hits, we are hurt and angry at the person for letting us down.

 

So much of our own sense of self-worth is tied into this illusory relationship. We feel personally rejected, insulted, furious. Love can turn to hate and we wonder how we could have been such fools. But the dream is so charming and compelling, we revisit it and are saddened that the reality intervened.

 

I like the image of a pile of bones. That is helpful to me in getting over the man I had to break up with recently. I had projected all kinds of wonderful things onto him, because he was handsome and dressed well, wrote beautiful letters and seemed so unjustly put-upon by the world. But he was a weak, passive mess. His height (6'5") gave the appearance of strength and manhood. I couldn't stand the wishy-washy guy that he kept revealing himself to be. I lied to myself. He is is adorable, so sweet.

 

And my life would have been a living hell if I hooked up with him. As with some dangerous drug that makes you feel great initially, I had to withdraw from him because I could see my life going down the tubes with his huge problems that took over everything.

 

So thanks, Paulie, for sharing that insight with us!

right on