Is there any dumper that didn't jump straight into another relationship?

[Sugarkane]

It's rare that they don't. I think slot of these People could be boyfriend/ girlfriendholics. They can never be single.

[chados]

its not rare.. but its not rare that they do either, but often i believe its younger immature people..

[BoredAgain]

Yeah, it's been pretty common in my past relationships too. I can't imagine that it's a very comfortable new relationship, but maybe somebody out in LS land with some first-hand experience can explain.

[chados]

by experience, if theres any feelings from the past relationship, or if they start comparing the new guy or girl with their ex and they liked the ex better, it wont last long, a few months maybe... if theres not that much feelings involved then it could last forever

[YouNeverKnow86]

There was no other girl involved both times I was the dumper. I just wasn't feeling the relationships anymore so I ended it. I didn't get into a relationship with anyone else...........In fact I didn't get into another relationship after both until 2 years later for each.

[motive2002]

Having been the dumper on some occasions.. I can honestly say that sometimes there was something else just coming up... (when I was younger). Other times it was just broken and needed to end.

 

Don't let the idea of your ex not having something else immediately lined up give you false hope. Whether or not they jumped into something else, it's broken. Only thing left to do is move on.

[69ways]

Mine is still single 11 months later

[ZimboGon]

Yeah, it's been pretty common in my past relationships too. I can't imagine that it's a very comfortable new relationship, but maybe somebody out in LS land with some first-hand experience can explain.

 

You're probably looking for a dumper, but here is my experience as a dumpee.

 

My ex left got him him 5 days after our relationship ended. Since her friends are my friends, and they don't approve of what she did to me, they inform me of everything that happened. The guy is pretty much just like me, but less attractive and has VERY low self-esteem(i'm pretty opposite in the whole confident department, im way too cocky). He pretty much follows her wherever she goes like a lost puppy, and they don't even seem to be dating even though they are officially. He was her emotional doormat WHILE she and i were still dating, and i think that is still the only case. Lately they said she is even embarrassed by him.

 

So yeah, we broke up and she was distraught and he was the only one there to lend support. Smooth move downgrading, ex.

[fiat500]

People who jump right into relationships after a breakup have these qualities:

 

-can't/don't take responsibility for their problems and never fix them

 

-blame the other person for the relationship failing

 

-are looking for the 'perfect' relationship in which it's the honeymoon phase all the time (doesn't exist)

 

-doesn't know how to be in relationships

 

-suck at being boyfriends/girlfriends

 

-leapfrog from rebound to rebound

 

-don't know how to care for anyone but themselves

 

-can't be single in fear of being alone or having to face the fact that they are sh*tty people OR having to acknowledge their OWN flaws

[Glove_slap]

People who jump right into relationships after a breakup have these qualities:

 

-can't/don't take responsibility for their problems and never fix them

 

-blame the other person for the relationship failing

 

-are looking for the 'perfect' relationship in which it's the honeymoon phase all the time (doesn't exist)

 

-doesn't know how to be in relationships

 

-suck at being boyfriends/girlfriends

 

-leapfrog from rebound to rebound

 

-don't know how to care for anyone but themselves

 

-can't be single in fear of being alone or having to face the fact that they are sh*tty people OR having to acknowledge their OWN flaws

 

Agreed for the most people

[Casablanca]

I've been the dumper a fair share of times and never had anything else lined up afterwards. Typically I would say the dumper is in a better position to start a new relationship than the dumpee.

 

One time I did start dating someone a little under a month later, it was a friend who confessed her feelings for me (she had had these for over 3 years). I agreed, it lasted a while, but it wasnt me initiating.

 

Everyone who has dumped me, as far as I know did not start a relationship anytime soon after me, maybe a few months

 

Now I have been the home wrecker twice, but I never instigated it; I told them both that they needed to end it with their SO before we start anything. But they both told me their feelings and brought up the idea of us dating. (one was mutual who I really liked but didnt say anything b/c she had a bf...the other one was a surprise, my friend I mentioned that confessed her feelings. I had to think about it for a week or so)

[JFReyes]

People who jump right into relationships after a breakup have these qualities:

 

-can't/don't take responsibility for their problems and never fix them

 

-blame the other person for the relationship failing

 

-are looking for the 'perfect' relationship in which it's the honeymoon phase all the time (doesn't exist)

 

-doesn't know how to be in relationships

 

-suck at being boyfriends/girlfriends

 

-leapfrog from rebound to rebound

 

-don't know how to care for anyone but themselves

 

-can't be single in fear of being alone or having to face the fact that they are sh*tty people OR having to acknowledge their OWN flaws

 

This is an example of the holier-than-thou, I-know-it-all-and-you-don't-know-anything, generic opinions that are sometimes passed as wisdom in these forums. Caveat emptor...

[fiat500]

This is an example of the holier-than-thou, I-know-it-all-and-you-don't-know-anything, generic opinions that are sometimes passed as wisdom in these forums. Caveat emptor...

 

Um I never said my opinion was fact. I'm speaking from my experience. I've gone years in between relationships to figure out my own flaws and fix them, so thank you. I don't 'coddle dumpees.' I respond to dumpees who were dumped in the same way I was: by an immature person who's usually young or in college or around my own age group.

 

Obviously my experiences are not relatable to most people on here who had amicable break-ups or who were broken up with in a respectable manner with good reason.

 

Sugarkane was dumped in the same manner as I was. I'm talking about the early 20s or 20 somethings who are still in the partying stage and who actually blame the dumpee for the breakup. How would I know this? Because the dumper actually TELLS the dumpee it's the dumpee's fault and then go on and date a new person within a few weeks to one month. They don't wait months. It's usually lined up. THAT is the exception. Oh and it's usually a pattern for the dumper as well. SO I am not ASSUMING that all DUMPERS do this. They don't. So don't assume that i'm 'holier than thou'

Edited December 26, 2011 by fiat500

[fiat500]

I've been replying to Sugarkane's posts for a while because we share the same circumstances of how we were broken up with. My replies to her posts are more terse because it's been over a year for both of us and I don't know how else to get it through to her that YES, HER DUMPER was cruel and the REMORSE she wants him to show will probably never come but she still has to move on.

 

She's been posting threads about wanting dumpers to feel remorse since last year and I understand her want for reconciliation/closure with a man she deeply cared about who left while putting all the failure of the relationship on her because IT HAPPENED TO ME as well. I know where the pain, anger, and futile hope is coming from. Some people have to eventually let go and forget about reconciliation.

 

Some dumpees obsess over wanting reconciliation that will never happen. THIS IS WHY I REPLY TO HER POSTS LIKE THIS. I don't appreciate the attacks or assumption that I think I'm better when you don't know the story behind my posts, how they relate, and how far back I'm going with this.

 

Obviously there are people who will get apologies from exes. But there are people who do actually get dumped by real a**holes. And I'm not talking about your average break up like you keep assuming I do.

Edited December 26, 2011 by fiat500

[stunned8165]

People who jump right into relationships after a breakup have these qualities:

 

-can't/don't take responsibility for their problems and never fix them

 

-blame the other person for the relationship failing

 

-are looking for the 'perfect' relationship in which it's the honeymoon phase all the time (doesn't exist)

 

-doesn't know how to be in relationships

 

-suck at being boyfriends/girlfriends

 

-leapfrog from rebound to rebound

 

-don't know how to care for anyone but themselves

 

-can't be single in fear of being alone or having to face the fact that they are sh*tty people OR having to acknowledge their OWN flaws

 

I'll mostly agree.

 

Low self worth, "empty love tanks" (from child hood and past failed relationships, addictions, etc) This is the pattern of my ex. She told me so herself. I wish I was smart enough to stay away the first two times I walked in the begining seeing the red flags. But, I gave her the benefit of doubt. Then I got burned. Most of us who are mature, will learn from our mistakes. Most of the leap froggers won't until it's too late. The sad part is when children are involved such as my case.

[Sugarkane]

It came off that way though. You make assumptions/assertions that these people are somewhat sh*tty people, or riddled with flaws. That comes across as a holier than thou attitude. Just because someone dumps someone then moves on with someone else quickly does not a sh*tty person make.

 

So it's okay to treat people like ****e, dump and verbally abuse people by text coz you can't keep your dick in your pants? Maybe instead of judging you should actually read how this Ahole dumped me. How would you like to be dumped and verbally abused by text, after a year for no reason?

[Sugarkane]

I don't know why a lot of you think it's ok to treat people like crap for.

[Sugarkane]

And Is it ok to cheat on people coz ur a coward?

[stunned8165]

And Is it ok to cheat on people coz ur a coward?

 

 

Sugar, I was cheated on in the worste way. Read my original thread. And I will agree with you that it's cowardly not to be honest with the dumpee. Mine had an emotional afair before leaving which hurts worse than the physical part. As for me I DID all the right things inculding what wilson was talking about in another thread of "riding the waves" or something like that. I WAS understanding of the difficulty of being a single Mom with two young children. She was angry for making those mistakes and had me convinced that she was over the anger. But appearently she wasn't. She had a difficult time dealing with them. But there are reasons for that too.

 

But my point is, NO, they don't have the right to treat us like that. They are a bad person for "HOW" they did it. It would much easier with a sit down and honesty. But to just be deceiptful, lie, and betray you and not allow you any closure? They suck.

[fificremefarben]

Sugar, I was cheated on in the worste way. Read my original thread. And I will agree with you that it's cowardly not to be honest with the dumpee. Mine had an emotional afair before leaving which hurts worse than the physical part. As for me I DID all the right things inculding what wilson was talking about in another thread of "riding the waves" or something like that. I WAS understanding of the difficulty of being a single Mom with two young children. She was angry for making those mistakes and had me convinced that she was over the anger. But appearently she wasn't. She had a difficult time dealing with them. But there are reasons for that too.

 

But my point is, NO, they don't have the right to treat us like that. They are a bad person for "HOW" they did it. It would much easier with a sit down and honesty. But to just be deceiptful, lie, and betray you and not allow you any closure? They suck.

 

 

Sugar and Stunned, I totally agree. It is NOT okay to treat people like that, especially if it was a long term relationship. Although on a base level, you shouldn't treat anyone like that, I think particularly with long term relationships, that you should have built up more respect for the person you were with than to end things in a ****ty way.

 

My ex gave me various reasons for the breakup, none of which justified the breakup of a 4 year relationship. He didn't admit until a month later VIA text message that he'd actually left me for someone else. I was stunned. I'd had no idea there was anyone else. I asked him to meet me so that we could talk about it in person, rather than by text message...I thought he at least owed me that after 4 years. It would have helped me to get closure and move on. Instead, he texted back "We have nothing to talk about" and, since than, has not spoken to me.

 

That's how he ended it ater 4 years (and 14 collective years of friendship). It's just disgusting. To think he had so little respect for me after all that time to just cut and run like that. He didn't even apologise for the lying, the cheating etc...he just walked out. If he'd been honest and tactful about this other woman (e.g telling me that he'd had feelings for someone else), I would still have been crushed but I'd still have had respect for him for having the guts to being mature about it and sitting me down to explain it. Now, any respect I had for him has gone. He's just scum.

 

Some might say that, actually, he did me a favour by getting out of my life because it will help me to move on faster. I disagree. I've found these last 5 months incredibly difficult because he just dumped some information on me...and I had to sift through and process it myself without any answers to any of my questions. How is that fair? How can you expect someone to move on when they don't have all of the facts?

 

Rant over. lol.

[Randybrandt]

My ex didn't even have the courtesy of calling it quits. I found out she was cheating and in a relationship with this man for a month! A month! She was still dating me while she was dating him. She hadn't even broken up with me and she was already shagging another man. I cannot believe how cold hearted my ex is.

 

QUOTE=fiat500;3780585]People who jump right into relationships after a breakup have these qualities:

 

-can't/don't take responsibility for their problems and never fix them

 

-blame the other person for the relationship failing

 

-are looking for the 'perfect' relationship in which it's the honeymoon phase all the time (doesn't exist)

 

-doesn't know how to be in relationships

 

-suck at being boyfriends/girlfriends

All of those describes my ex to a T.

-leapfrog from rebound to rebound

 

-don't know how to care for anyone but themselves

 

-can't be single in fear of being alone or having to face the fact that they are sh*tty people OR having to acknowledge their OWN flaws

All of those described my Ex to a T.

Edited December 27, 2011 by Randybrandt

[BigDumbFoot]

Well, my ex sure as hell did find another person to jump into bed with almost immediately afterwords. We were together for almost 7 years and she went right into the next relationship without any kind of time to herself. What goes through these peoples' heads? Do they really think they can sustain a relationship with someone new if they can't even spend time by themselves?

[solobeary]

People who jump right into relationships after a breakup have these qualities:

 

-can't/don't take responsibility for their problems and never fix them

 

-blame the other person for the relationship failing

 

-are looking for the 'perfect' relationship in which it's the honeymoon phase all the time (doesn't exist)

 

-doesn't know how to be in relationships

 

-suck at being boyfriends/girlfriends

 

-leapfrog from rebound to rebound

 

-don't know how to care for anyone but themselves

 

-can't be single in fear of being alone or having to face the fact that they are sh*tty people OR having to acknowledge their OWN flaws

 

Good for you, fiat, for standing up for yourself. It's pretty obvious you aren't saying that all dumpers are evil, or all dumpees are saints. It's just that a certain subset of dumpees, who do it in a really selfish and hurtful way, really **** up some kind-hearted dumpees with their actions, and they end up on loveshack feeling awful and trying to understand what happened.

 

I've dumped someone that I was in love with before, because I knew the relationship would never work because we were really young and the dumpee was really emotionally volatile and had a really different personality to me and it was more like lust or passion that sustainable, long-term love. I dumped them as soon as I knew it wasn't going to work. I was honest about my feelings, it sucked for both of us for a while, we moved on (and are now friends).

 

My ex who dumped me, on the other hand, always made me feel insecure (I could never put my finger on why but just a feeling I couldn't shake, despite how much I loved him and how good he was in some ways), and it got worse months before the end of the relationship. He started flirting with a "friend" from his past who he had nothing in common with other than the fact she was really into him, he started complaining about me to other people, he criticised me a lot, then he booked a holiday overseas to go hiking, called me every day and told me how he'd seen the wrong of his ways and really loved me and was going to change, then called me on skype one day and told me he'd kissed someone else (a different girl to the one he was flirting with, the first female who'd shown an interest in him on his hike pretty much) and we had to break up and he was going to stay longer on his holiday. We lived together, so he expected me to sit at home surrounded by his stuff while he ****ed another girl. He only came back to move out when I told him I was going to call his dad and tell him to come and pick up his stuff or I'll throw it out (he's terrified of his dad).

 

He had SO many opportunities to be honest with me and dump me for months, a few times I even said to him "is this your way of breaking up with me?" and he said "no, I'm just stressed about work blablabla". He didn't sump me in a respectful way, because of all the things fiat describes. He took advantage of my love and that feels awful. It is reasonable to be angry at him for that. Though of course I am trying to move on and let go of the anger for my own sake, learn from this experience, and just forget about him.

[wilsonx]

People who jump right into relationships after a breakup have these qualities:

 

-can't/don't take responsibility for their problems and never fix them

 

-blame the other person for the relationship failing

 

-are looking for the 'perfect' relationship in which it's the honeymoon phase all the time (doesn't exist)

 

-doesn't know how to be in relationships

 

-suck at being boyfriends/girlfriends

 

-leapfrog from rebound to rebound

 

-don't know how to care for anyone but themselves

 

-can't be single in fear of being alone or having to face the fact that they are sh*tty people OR having to acknowledge their OWN flaws

 

I am playing devils advocate on this thread. I have read most of the posters stories here and lets just say, the relationship ended for whatever reasons. Everyone is STILL blaming their ex's, still. Not one person on this thread is perfect, hate to say it, not one person on this forum is perfect.

 

Who you date is a reflection of who you are. Water seeks its own level. So when you bad mouth your ex's, you are actually bad mouthing yourself as well too. This is where you all have the opportunity to grow up.

 

What fiat posted and I am quoting, I can see in every person on this forum including myself, this list, I can see it in myself. Read this list, this list pertains to every single one of us.

 

Quit being selfish egocentric assclowns and realize i can point out every one of these flaws in every poster on this board including myself except for a handful of posters. The ones of you full of hate and resentment, this list applies to you. Everything on it is true. Fix these qualities and go out and try again

[wilsonx]

It came off that way though. You make assumptions/assertions that these people are somewhat sh*tty people, or riddled with flaws. That comes across as a holier than thou attitude. Just because someone dumps someone then moves on with someone else quickly does not a sh*tty person make.

 

I agree with this person 100%