Is there any dumper that didn't jump straight into another relationship?

[solobeary]

I am playing devils advocate on this thread. I have read most of the posters stories here and lets just say, the relationship ended for whatever reasons. Everyone is STILL blaming their ex's, still. Not one person on this thread is perfect, hate to say it, not one person on this forum is perfect.

 

Who you date is a reflection of who you are. Water seeks its own level. So when you bad mouth your ex's, you are actually bad mouthing yourself as well too. This is where you all have the opportunity to grow up.

 

What fiat posted and I am quoting, I can see in every person on this forum including myself, this list, I can see it in myself. Read this list, this list pertains to every single one of us.

 

Quit being selfish egocentric assclowns and realize i can point out every one of these flaws in every poster on this board including myself except for a handful of posters. The ones of you full of hate and resentment, this list applies to you. Everything on it is true. Fix these qualities and go out and try again

 

Yes, of course. It's the burden of being human. Everyone, other than perhaps a few monks, are insecure, wanting of approval, scared of being abandoned, not able to recognise let alone accept our own flaws and limitations, our insignificance, our mortality, etc.. We cope with that as best we can. Some cope by taking it out on others, some cope by clinging to others (the fatal flaw of many of us on here, me included), some cling to alcohol, a job, etc., some learn to cope in a healthy, realistic way.

 

I agree that we can't just blame our exes. I am very willing to admit I did a lot wrong in the relationship, and I have a long way to grow as a person. That doesn't mean I don't get disappointed/angry sometimes about how disrespectfully I was treated by him. And, of course, much of that anger is directed at myself for continuing with and contributing to the situation as long as I did.

 

I'm not going to post on here as my most mature self all of the time, or "fake it until I make it" by pretending to be more mature and less emotional than I am. I love this place because I know I can come here to vent. I love that people "call each other out" on things, too. The whole point of loveshack is that you can post here whilst you're "riding the wave" of emotions. All of the posters who might write something that in isolation seems hateful or resenting are not necessarily "full of hate and resentment", that generalisation is a big leap to make from isolated comments (though, as you say, you are playing devil's advocate). Hopefully with time each user's posts will get more healthy and realistic, if not, you can count on someone to call them out.

[witchychick]

well,my ex wasnt on facebook for awhile so he didnt change his relationship status til recently,and he changed it to single so I guess he isn't in a relationship since me and he dumped me

[fiat500]

I am playing devils advocate on this thread. I have read most of the posters stories here and lets just say, the relationship ended for whatever reasons. Everyone is STILL blaming their ex's, still. Not one person on this thread is perfect, hate to say it, not one person on this forum is perfect.

 

Who you date is a reflection of who you are. Water seeks its own level. So when you bad mouth your ex's, you are actually bad mouthing yourself as well too. This is where you all have the opportunity to grow up.

 

What fiat posted and I am quoting, I can see in every person on this forum including myself, this list, I can see it in myself. Read this list, this list pertains to every single one of us.

 

Quit being selfish egocentric assclowns and realize i can point out every one of these flaws in every poster on this board including myself except for a handful of posters. The ones of you full of hate and resentment, this list applies to you. Everything on it is true. Fix these qualities and go out and try again

 

WAIT. WHAT?

 

I don't blame my ex for anything. In my previous post I said I go months to years without dating to reflect on the failed relationship and to fix whatever problems I have had. I also cared about my ex so dating is not an option for me right away.

 

The friends you keep, the people you choose to talk to, the brand of toothpaste you use, the food you eat, and the way you wipe your @ss is also a reflection of who you are. So that statement is pretty broad and you can't pinpoint anything specific to any person.

 

I dated my ex for nine months and toward the end he popped up with little surprises and quirks about his personality that I didn't even know about. A lot of people are taken by surprise at the end of a relationship. Okay you say the person you date is a reflection on yourself so by that logic, then we should have known that an ex is going to dump us the way they do. Since we attract what we are. This is where I disagree with you. My ex lied to me and presented himself in a way that was untrue to how he really was. In some relationships, opposites attract. Sure your significant other may be a reflection on you WHEN YOU'RE MARRIED, but not when you're dating and you're just getting to know the person.

 

You say my list applies to everyone. No it doesn't. I wouldn't dump someone the way my ex dumped me and immediately jump to another person after that because I had someone already lined up or I fear being alone. I am loyal to a f##king fault. Once I decide to be with someone, that's it for me. I still have friends that go all the way back to when I was 13. I also like being alone AND REFLECTING. One of my flaws is putting people first before my own needs when I'm in a relationship and being a doormat. I am working on a balance.

 

No one is saying the dumpee is perfect and I never said I was perfect. So you can get the hell off me about that already. Holy f**king sh*t.

 

All I did was reply to the OP's topic. Sugarkane specifically. SUGARKANE. I did not make a generalized topic and post as fact. I am only drawing an accurate correlation to her and my exes specifically. And that is fact.

 

Let me repeat this: THAT LIST RELATES TO MY EX AND HER EX ONLY. NOT EVERYONE ELSE'S.

 

I cared about my ex deeply and I'm allowed to f**king feel angry with the way he dumped me. I really cared about him. Do I hate him? No. Do I blame him for my problems? NO.

 

Stop twisting my post around and seeing what you want to see.

Edited December 27, 2011 by fiat500

[YouNeverKnow86]

WAIT. WHAT?

 

I don't blame my ex for anything. In my previous post I said I go months to years without dating to reflect on the failed relationship and to fix whatever problems I have had. I also cared about my ex so dating is not an option for me right away.

 

The friends you keep, the people you choose to talk to, the brand of toothpaste you use, the food you eat, and the way you wipe your @ss is also a reflection of who you are. So that statement is pretty broad and you can't pinpoint anything specific to any person.

 

I dated my ex for nine months and toward the end he popped up with little surprises and quirks about his personality that I didn't even know about. A lot of people are taken by surprise at the end of a relationship. Okay you say the person you date is a reflection on yourself so by that logic, then we should have known that an ex is going to dump us the way they do. Since we attract what we are. This is where I disagree with you. My ex lied to me and presented himself in a way that was untrue to how he really was. In some relationships, opposites attract. Sure your significant other may be a reflection on you WHEN YOU'RE MARRIED, but not when you're dating and you're just getting to know the person.

 

You say my list applies to everyone. No it doesn't. I wouldn't dump someone the way my ex dumped me and immediately jump to another person after that because I had someone already lined up or I fear being alone. I am loyal to a f##king fault. Once I decide to be with someone, that's it for me. I still have friends that go all the way back to when I was 13. I also like being alone AND REFLECTING. One of my flaws is putting people first before my own needs when I'm in a relationship and being a doormat. I am working on a balance.

 

No one is saying the dumpee is perfect and I never said I was perfect. So you can get the hell off me about that already. Holy f**king sh*t.

 

All I did was reply to the OP's topic. Sugarkane specifically. SUGARKANE. I did not make a generalized topic and post as fact. I am only drawing an accurate correlation to her and my exes specifically. And that is fact.

 

Let me repeat this: THAT LIST RELATES TO MY EX AND HER EX ONLY. NOT EVERYONE ELSE'S.

 

I cared about my ex deeply and I'm allowed to f**king feel angry with the way he dumped me. I really cared about him. Do I hate him? No. Do I blame him for my problems? NO.

 

Stop twisting my post around and seeing what you want to see.

 

Fiat,

 

Don't listen to Wilson all he does is twist posts and bases nothing off of facts. He knows nothing about us but yet tries to twist our words, he does the same things to me. He is an immature 30 year old that does nothing with his life besides post 2,000 messages about love and complaining out his ex. Do you see something wrong here? He obviously has no life outside of this website, no wonder why his ex left him. I hate being mean but he is getting a little ridiculous.

 

I can relate to you about the bold part I highlighted. My ex presented herself as a reflection of me in the beginning of the relationship to get my acceptance. She turned into a complete different person at the end of the relationship/breakup and even admitted she is a b-i-t-c-h. Friends also told me afterwords this was who she really was, unfortunately I only saw this nice girl for 3 months (short term relationship) when in fact she isn't all that. I never got to see the real her because the relationship wasn't long enough.

[chados]

i can tell you this, i would gladly see my ex with another man, if its around 2-3 months after the breakup, because it will probably not last. if you want them back, its actually better then if they dont. they got no time to deal with the past relationship and will just walk into a trap. if they stay single for a long time, they cant know whats out there.

[Sugarkane]

I'm nothing like my ex, nor would I ever want to be. I dont get off treating others like crap, I'm not a sociopath and I'm not a coward. I'm not perfect but I would NEVER do what my ex did. I'm not a do gooder, I'm just bit an Ahole who cheats.

[Sugarkane]

The ex doesnt even have the balls to face me.

[CopingGal]

I was the dumper and I did not jump into a relationship at all. The only thing I want to do is heal. I want to have a relationship with myself and get my head together. That's it. It's been 5 months. I probably need more than twice that time to heal.