The Definition of a High Quality Man

[Janesays]

I think quite a few men (and some women!) on here have a very odd definition of what constitutes a 'high quality' man. When you ask a man why he considers himself 'high quality,' he will always, without fail, cite his appearance, clothing, social status, and money. He will sometimes point out that he lives alone or tell you about which school he attended. If he's being very generous, he might even throw in some interesting spots he's vacationed to and/or a rare skill or two he's learned. This, of course, is supposed to make a woman's panties super duper wet. You know, because he's oh so 'high quality.'

 

Sorry bro, that ain't it.

 

You want to know what a high quality man looks like? Well, let me show you one:

 

A high quality man volunteers his time as a big brother because he wants under privileged boys to have a strong male role model. He's the type of guy his friend who works third shift can call up at 3am for a ride because his car broke down. A high quality man will stop his car to catch a loose dog roaming the streets and spend the day looking for it's owner. He'll tip the pregnant server $20 'just because.' He mows his elderly neighbors lawn for her without her knowing because he knows how hard it is for her to ask for help. A high quality male remembers what your favorite flower is even though you only mentioned it in passing once 9 months ago. He's honest with you, even if what he says might hurt you, but he always speaks with compassion. A high quality man doesn't live outside his means, can plan for the future, and has a passion for something. In essence, he's the sort of guy who will take good care of you. Likewise, he's the sort of guy you want to take the very best care of yourself.

 

As far as what he's wearing? Who cares?!?!?!?!

[Emilia]

Sorry bro, that ain't it.

 

You want to know what a high quality man looks like? Well, let me show you one:

 

A high quality man volunteers his time as a big brother because he wants under privileged boys to have a strong male role model. He's the type of guy his friend who works third shift can call up at 3am for a ride because his car broke down. A high quality man will stop his car to catch a loose dog roaming the streets and spend the day looking for it's owner. He'll tip the pregnant server $20 'just because.' He mows his elderly neighbors lawn for her without her knowing because he knows how hard it is for her to ask for help. A high quality male remembers what your favorite flower is even though you only mentioned it in passing once 9 months ago. He's honest with you, even if what he says might hurt you, but he always speaks with compassion. A high quality man doesn't live outside his means, can plan for the future, and has a passion for something. In essence, he's the sort of guy who will take good care of you. Likewise, he's the sort of guy you want to take the very best care of yourself.

 

As far as what he's wearing? Who cares?!?!?!?!

 

Your definition describes a kind and reliable man but that doesn't make someone good quality necessarily. More like agreeable.

 

A good quality man doesn't lie just to be kind (like you said), he has integrity and he is true to himself at any cost. He has high expectations of others and has the same for himself. He has strong character and he is prepared to stand up for his beliefs whatever form that may take. I've only met a handful of these in my dating life unfortunately.

[EnigmaticClarity]

As far as what he's wearing? Who cares?!?!?!?!

 

Most women.

 

I get what you're saying, yet excluding what you're attempting to exclude from most womens' perception of "high quality" isn't realistic. They're often looking for all the things you include as "high quality" in ADDITION to the things you're attempting to exclude from it. Doesn't make them shallow, it makes them human.

 

You're also extending this from a thread about online dating profiles. Most of what you're listing can't be gleaned well from a profile--you get it from getting to know a guy over time. From the perspective of a profile, a guy is better served working on what you're trying to exclude from "high quality."

[Wolf18]

I doubt your definition of a high quality man gets any panties wet either. Quite a few of the things you listed apply to me, yet I know for a fact that 99 out of 100 times (and that's really optimistic), your high quality guy is going to get passed up for the guy who drives a BMW, looks and dresses certain way, has a bunch of pictures on his facebook surfing in Hawaii flashing that moronic "hang loose" hand gesture, spends most of his leisure time at the gym, has an attention span of about 15 seconds, and doesn't really notice some old lady who needs help getting on the bus because he's busy texting on his iPhone.

 

Of course, most women want BOTH , but if they have to pick, it's always going to be the latter.

 

Reality's gross, but it's still reality.

 

I don't know how old you are, but I can guarantee you no girls my age (early 20's) care about the things you list whatsoever. A lot of the traits you cite are traditional masculine ones, which women used to seek years ago because the goal of women back then was to have children (and men who have those sorts of traits make good fathers/protectors), however now women are liberated and just want to **** an object with exagerratedly broad shoulders and frost tipped hair.

[dasein]

A high quality man will stop his car to catch a loose dog roaming the streets and spend the day looking for it's owner. He'll tip the pregnant server $20 'just because.' He mows his elderly neighbors lawn for her without her knowing because he knows how hard it is for her to ask for help. A high quality male remembers what your favorite flower is even though you only mentioned it in passing once 9 months ago.

 

How many women do all of the above things? None I know. Moreover, it's telling that a couple of the above stick out as "doing more for women." Why should anyone tip a server more merely because she is pregnant? Does one ask male servers their financial condition or hardships to determine whether to give a larger tip? Why should a man mow an elderly woman's yard and not a man's? Aren't some men shut-ins also? Why should a man have to ferret out what a woman wants in terms of gifts? Why can't she simply tell him? Lots of your list smacks of femprivilege.

 

But whatever, your mistake is in misunderstanding what "quality man" means on a dating board as opposed to an ethics board. On a dating board, "quality man" means "a man who women respond favorably to," in other words, "what kind of man do women generally accept attention from and go on dates with?" and a man's clothing would definitely be one criterion in trying to define such a man.

Edited December 20, 2011 by dasein

[Wolf18]

Dasein, I agree with your general idea, but IMO some of those "femprivalages" would make sense if women gave us what they used to in return.

 

Home cooked meals, a nurturing attitude, raising our offspring, managing our money wisely, showing undying devotion, etc.

 

Unfortunately, things only seem to be going one way these days .

[Philosoraptor]

A high quality person can take care of themselves but does not let ego stand in his or her way. A high quality person also has good intentions with their actions and can be counted on to make the right decision when a decision needs to be made. .

 

Whether this person be male or female, a high quality person always tries their best with good intentions.

[jobaba]

I think quite a few men (and some women!) on here have a very odd definition of what constitutes a 'high quality' man. When you ask a man why he considers himself 'high quality,' he will always, without fail, cite his appearance, clothing, social status, and money. He will sometimes point out that he lives alone or tell you about which school he attended. If he's being very generous, he might even throw in some interesting spots he's vacationed to and/or a rare skill or two he's learned. This, of course, is supposed to make a woman's panties super duper wet. You know, because he's oh so 'high quality.'

 

Sorry bro, that ain't it.

 

You want to know what a high quality man looks like? Well, let me show you one:

 

A high quality man volunteers his time as a big brother because he wants under privileged boys to have a strong male role model. He's the type of guy his friend who works third shift can call up at 3am for a ride because his car broke down. A high quality man will stop his car to catch a loose dog roaming the streets and spend the day looking for it's owner. He'll tip the pregnant server $20 'just because.' He mows his elderly neighbors lawn for her without her knowing because he knows how hard it is for her to ask for help. A high quality male remembers what your favorite flower is even though you only mentioned it in passing once 9 months ago. He's honest with you, even if what he says might hurt you, but he always speaks with compassion. A high quality man doesn't live outside his means, can plan for the future, and has a passion for something. In essence, he's the sort of guy who will take good care of you. Likewise, he's the sort of guy you want to take the very best care of yourself.

 

As far as what he's wearing? Who cares?!?!?!?!

 

 

It might shock people to know this since I'm probably considered one of the 'bitter men' on this site, but...

 

I do that stuff. I volunteer at kitchens for the homeless and tutor children in lower income neighborhoods. I've done big brothers before, and have had and sought jobs doing non-profit, philanthropic work. Believe it or not, it's high competition for those low paying jobs. There's a LOT of 'save the world' people out there. I also signed up for the Peace Corps but decided not to go at the last second, because some friends told me it wasn't as fulfilling as reputed.

 

When I was in my teens and early 20s, I thought being a 'good guy' in that manner would help me get women. Media perpetuated fallacy. No woman has ever been attracted to me because of that stuff, and I've even been rejected by women who actively do that stuff, yet decided to otherwise date men who would never even dream of doing that volunteer type stuff. I've also been rejected by women who I've tutored with and there's threads about that same thing here too.

 

I still do that stuff, but don't even dream that it would help me with women. I think you give too much credit to others and how much they value a 'good man'.

 

It's good to hear at least one woman appreciates it though. Thumbs up Janesays!

[EnigmaticClarity]

It's good to hear at least one woman appreciates it though. Thumbs up Janesays!

 

I'm not ready to give her thumbs up until I determine for sure she's not saying one thing here yet realistically wants it ALL, not just the qualities she's listing. She's previously said she gets tons of contact from dating sites and has seemed unsympathetic to the challenge faced by the average male, so I'm guessing she's describing that she wants it all, a Mr. Perfect in mind, body, and soul. Which is totally fine--but it's not how she's representing her vision of a truly "high quality" man here in the thread.

[MaxNoob]

Kindness is so rarely listed as a requirement. I'm surprised when I see it mentioned, like in this Anne Hathaway quote:

 

"Kindness is really important to me in finding my own prince - so are patience and a sense of humor. Without those qualities he's no Prince Charming!"

[bean1]

When I first met my husband, all I knew about him was his job, that he liked to work out, and when I met him in person, he was a bit shorter than I imagined and wore a leather jacket... and that our first date was at a bar watching a hockey game because the tables were taken. Pretty superficial, isn't it????

 

A few years later I now know that he is an excellent husband and father to our son, and that I'm sure he'd rescue puppies from a burning building

 

But hey, that's life.

 

I am a good wife, a good mom, a very good cook, and like to stay at home and keep a clean house. Except when he met me, I was a girl who liked to work out, was a size 2, and had long hair. That's pretty much it.

 

Ideal dating is one thing, reality another

[Lovelybird]

I think quite a few men (and some women!) on here have a very odd definition of what constitutes a 'high quality' man. When you ask a man why he considers himself 'high quality,' he will always, without fail, cite his appearance, clothing, social status, and money. He will sometimes point out that he lives alone or tell you about which school he attended. If he's being very generous, he might even throw in some interesting spots he's vacationed to and/or a rare skill or two he's learned. This, of course, is supposed to make a woman's panties super duper wet. You know, because he's oh so 'high quality.'

 

Sorry bro, that ain't it.

 

You want to know what a high quality man looks like? Well, let me show you one:

 

A high quality man volunteers his time as a big brother because he wants under privileged boys to have a strong male role model. He's the type of guy his friend who works third shift can call up at 3am for a ride because his car broke down. A high quality man will stop his car to catch a loose dog roaming the streets and spend the day looking for it's owner. He'll tip the pregnant server $20 'just because.' He mows his elderly neighbors lawn for her without her knowing because he knows how hard it is for her to ask for help. A high quality male remembers what your favorite flower is even though you only mentioned it in passing once 9 months ago. He's honest with you, even if what he says might hurt you, but he always speaks with compassion. A high quality man doesn't live outside his means, can plan for the future, and has a passion for something. In essence, he's the sort of guy who will take good care of you. Likewise, he's the sort of guy you want to take the very best care of yourself.

 

As far as what he's wearing? Who cares?!?!?!?!

You need to marry him right away

[EnigmaticClarity]

Kindness is so rarely listed as a requirement. I'm surprised when I see it mentioned, like in this Anne Hathaway quote:

 

"Kindness is really important to me in finding my own prince - so are patience and a sense of humor. Without those qualities he's no Prince Charming!"

 

I assume women want it. Who would want someone who's an unkind puppy-kicker?

[Wolf18]

Nobody's a good, genuine, honorable man to get chicks. If that's your only purpose you are not a real man as you lack true altruism. If you don't have the looks/wealth to draw women in initially, you're not going to be getting any more oyster in your diet than you would if you were a selfish prick.

 

The only real short cut to getting women is ....:

 

It isn't difficult to find such men, either. Anne Kingston offers a selection of Web sites, from Writeaprisoner.com to Romantic Jailbabes.com. "Anti-death-penalty sites vie with Match.com," she says, "as places for women to meet men."

 

And the man doesn't have to be attractive. Henry Lee Lucas, a one-eyed serial killer who confessed to more than 300 murders, recanted, and confessed again, has had his share of female admirers. Despite his apparent sexual relationship with Ottis Toole, he's nevertheless compelling to some women as a potential mate. (One woman even came up with a plot to free him by posing as his supposedly murdered former girlfriend.)

 

 

 

Overweight, narcissistic and whiney, John Wayne Gacy, killer of 33 young men during homosexual encounters, married in prison as well.[/Quote]http://www.trutv.com/library/crime/criminal_mind/psychology/s_k_groupies/4.html

Edited December 20, 2011 by Wolf18

[oaks]

I think quite a few men (and some women!) on here have a very odd definition of what constitutes a 'high quality' man. When you ask a man why he considers himself 'high quality,' he will always, without fail, cite his appearance, clothing, social status, and money.

 

I think most high quality men (and women) won't go around claiming to be high quality, regardless of how they or you define it.

[KathyM]

I think a high quality man is someone who not only cares about others, but also cares about being the best he can be. He not only wants to spend time on altruistic things, but he wants to spend time on improving himself and making the most of himself. He's intelligent, and therefore pursues a challenging and rewarding career path. He has a lot of interests and enjoys doing a lot of different things, so he is also fun to be with. He takes care of his body by staying fit and working out, and doesn't abuse it. He cares about how he looks, and wants to present his best self to the world, so he is well groomed and well dressed. His manners are impeccable, he's kind, compassionate, and has a passion in life. He has skills, and is able to do a lot of things. He's a good communicator, and takes an interest in world events and things outside of himself. He's evolved spiritually. He knows what he wants out of life, and goes for it with a passion. That's my definition of a quality man.

[grkBoy]

Sorry to be the cynic, but all that "nice" "kind" stuff are the things women HOPE their selection of a male will have.

 

The looks, money, success, charm, etc...those are the things most women still REQUIRE.

 

So the guy who is a big brother, who saves puppies, who remembers your favorite flower and never lies to you...he's still friendzoned if he's not a certain height, build, and isn't making a certain income.

 

It's truth. It's why I keep speaking of how many women like the nice guy, but wish he came "packaged" differently.

 

 

As long as this carries on, men will still believe and follow that the idea of getting a woman is solely on looks and income. It's why those with the looks and income are hard to "tame"...because they have a plethora of options to jump around on.

[jobaba]

Sorry to be the cynic, but all that "nice" "kind" stuff are the things women HOPE their selection of a male will have.

 

The looks, money, success, charm, etc...those are the things most women still REQUIRE.

 

So the guy who is a big brother, who saves puppies, who remembers your favorite flower and never lies to you...he's still friendzoned if he's not a certain height, build, and isn't making a certain income.

 

It's truth. It's why I keep speaking of how many women like the nice guy, but wish he came "packaged" differently.

 

 

As long as this carries on, men will still believe and follow that the idea of getting a woman is solely on looks and income. It's why those with the looks and income are hard to "tame"...because they have a plethora of options to jump around on.

 

You are a wise man, Grkboy...

[Els]

I think most high quality men (and women) won't go around claiming to be high quality, regardless of how they or you define it.

 

I think this is a fairly good assessment.

[jobaba]

I doubt your definition of a high quality man gets any panties wet either. Quite a few of the things you listed apply to me, yet I know for a fact that 99 out of 100 times (and that's really optimistic), your high quality guy is going to get passed up for the guy who drives a BMW, looks and dresses certain way, has a bunch of pictures on his facebook surfing in Hawaii flashing that moronic "hang loose" hand gesture, spends most of his leisure time at the gym, has an attention span of about 15 seconds, and doesn't really notice some old lady who needs help getting on the bus because he's busy texting on his iPhone.

 

HAHAHA!

 

Your 'pretty boy' description actually matches someone I know (except for the BMW) and I pictured him as I read that. Funny sh@t.

 

And true...

[Dust]

Janesays your coudn't be more wrong. Women vote every day by who they decide to pay attention too. The rich guy who drives the nice car wins every time when up against some chump who spends all his free time mowing neighbors lawns and overtipping waitress who is already taken or atleast pregnant...

 

This post couldn't be more wrong.

[SteveC80]

Sorry to be the cynic, but all that "nice" "kind" stuff are the things women HOPE their selection of a male will have.

 

The looks, money, success, charm, etc...those are the things most women still REQUIRE.

 

So the guy who is a big brother, who saves puppies, who remembers your favorite flower and never lies to you...he's still friendzoned if he's not a certain height, build, and isn't making a certain income.

 

It's truth. It's why I keep speaking of how many women like the nice guy, but wish he came "packaged" differently.

 

 

As long as this carries on, men will still believe and follow that the idea of getting a woman is solely on looks and income. It's why those with the looks and income are hard to "tame"...because they have a plethora of options to jump around on.

 

 

I agree the op forgot to add must come in a chiseled package

 

It sounds good to say on paper but "being nice" is probably around the 46723237th most important thing to a women in a man

 

It's funny how every women who called me arrogant wheter to my face or to other people ended up sleeping with me

 

Women want raw masculine energy,sure beign nice makes them say awww hes sweet but it doesnt drop their panties dominance status and being head of your tribe/social circle gets them wet

Edited December 20, 2011 by SteveC80

[ThaWholigan]

Those traits listed are one area of quality in a spectrum of behaviours that a man can possess to be high quality. The things that you listed before those, are just on the other side of that spectrum.

 

A high quality man contains a balance of the two. Self-sacrificing behaviors and excessive niceness is not as appreciated by the opposite sex. Those behaviors must be supplemented by a strong sense of self, and that does involve appearance, social status, financial security etc. One key factor is that a high quality man will not talk about these things or refer to himself as high quality, as one area of being high quality in this current society is being able to engage people in conversation, hence social status being high.

 

grkBoy said:

 

Sorry to be the cynic, but all that "nice" "kind" stuff are the things women HOPE their selection of a male will have.

 

The looks, money, success, charm, etc...those are the things most women still REQUIRE.

 

So the guy who is a big brother, who saves puppies, who remembers your favorite flower and never lies to you...he's still friendzoned if he's not a certain height, build, and isn't making a certain income.

 

It's truth. It's why I keep speaking of how many women like the nice guy, but wish he came "packaged" differently.

 

 

As long as this carries on, men will still believe and follow that the idea of getting a woman is solely on looks and income. It's why those with the looks and income are hard to "tame"...because they have a plethora of options to jump around on.

 

Exactly. There needs to be a fusion of these elements, the nice gentleman and the hard bad boy rolled into one man.

[verhrzn]

Sorry to be the cynic, but all that "nice" "kind" stuff are the things women HOPE their selection of a male will have.

 

The looks, money, success, charm, etc...those are the things most women still REQUIRE.

 

So the guy who is a big brother, who saves puppies, who remembers your favorite flower and never lies to you...he's still friendzoned if he's not a certain height, build, and isn't making a certain income.

 

It's truth. It's why I keep speaking of how many women like the nice guy, but wish he came "packaged" differently.

 

 

As long as this carries on, men will still believe and follow that the idea of getting a woman is solely on looks and income. It's why those with the looks and income are hard to "tame"...because they have a plethora of options to jump around on.

 

But the amount required by each individual woman drastically differs.

 

For example, I could care less about looks, even less about "success" but care that he's financially independent. (Not rich. Just doesn't live with his parents, can support himself and doesn't have a mountain of debt.)

 

Charm is also a very vague thing to define. A guy who can make me laugh by being extra dorky or quirky is charming to me, but not necessarily to the woman standing next to me.

 

Like attracts like. If you want the woman with the most value (which to guys, pretty much means she's super hot and has a marginally decent personality) then you need to have equal value in order to attract her.

 

If you want a girl who isn't necessarily attracted to the typical trappings of value like wealth/Adonis looks, then you better be willing to overlook the fact that she doesn't have a lot of the traditional female trappings of value.

[Janesays]

I'm not ready to give her thumbs up until I determine for sure she's not saying one thing here yet realistically wants it ALL, not just the qualities she's listing. She's previously said she gets tons of contact from dating sites and has seemed unsympathetic to the challenge faced by the average male, so I'm guessing she's describing that she wants it all, a Mr. Perfect in mind, body, and soul. Which is totally fine--but it's not how she's representing her vision of a truly "high quality" man here in the thread.

 

 

I already have my 'high quality' man. And you can't say he was some alpha ladies man, either, because I took my man's virginity.....at 32 years of age.

 

I've never seen him wear anything but jeans and T-shirt, I have no idea what kind of car it is that he drives--- but it's not a luxury vehicle, he cuts his own hair, etc, etc, etc.

 

He's kind. That's what matters to me. He's kind, he's sincere, he treats me fantastically. He's got character. Money comes and goes. Looks fade. But character is forever.