musemaj11 Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 I think quite a few men (and some women!) on here have a very odd definition of what constitutes a 'high quality' man. When you ask a man why he considers himself 'high quality,' he will always, without fail, cite his appearance, clothing, social status, and money. He will sometimes point out that he lives alone or tell you about which school he attended. If he's being very generous, he might even throw in some interesting spots he's vacationed to and/or a rare skill or two he's learned. This, of course, is supposed to make a woman's panties super duper wet. You know, because he's oh so 'high quality.' That is the perfect description of a high quality man for 99% of female population in the entire world. Who are you trying to fool, woman? Link to post Share on other sites
GoodOnPaper Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 See, I think this is where people (men and women both) need to serious readjust their perception on 'successful' dating. It's not having millions of 'options.' From my perspective, I don't need millions of men to want me. I just need ONE. One amazing man who loves me. That's all. If I get that one, I'm a success. Plain and simple. This is understandable as you (and most women) can take having options for granted. When you can't, it casts an entirely different light on things. It creates a lot of pressure when you do manage to meet someone -- how amazing she needs to be to go down the relationship path is strongly influenced by the knowledge that the next first date is probably months or years away. I could have relaxed a lot more if I had had options -- with options, there is a much higher chance that "the one" would either be among the current options or, if not, I'd be confident that I would come across her at some point. I've also noticed that included in most happily-partnered LS women's descriptions of their SOs is that she believes he could get any woman he wanted. A lot of us really can't do that, so does that downgrade our "quality" even if we do manage to get into an LTR or marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 This is understandable as you (and most women) can take having options for granted. When you can't, it casts an entirely different light on things. It creates a lot of pressure when you do manage to meet someone -- how amazing she needs to be to go down the relationship path is strongly influenced by the knowledge that the next first date is probably months or years away. I could have relaxed a lot more if I had had options -- with options, there is a much higher chance that "the one" would either be among the current options or, if not, I'd be confident that I would come across her at some point. It's interesting how your perspective is the opposite from the other one presented here (as the "absolute") - that all men have all the options throughout their lifetimes, whereas all women only have significant options during a tiny window of their life - during their 20's. My perspective: Socially "gifted" and very attractive people have most of the options lifelong. Shy, awkward, sensitive, geeky, not beautiful, introverted, etc. people have more challenges lifelong. Such people also might have more barriers / boundaries to overcome for someone to get close to them than an extroverted person would. Social life in our teens and 20's is geared towards connecting with partners, we are at our prettiest (and vainest) and we are primed for that hormonally during that time, so options and opportunities are more plentiful. We change (I hope!) as we mature, and expect different things out of life and our relationships. Our social environments should be evolving. More of our peers are paired off and having families. Many of our peers are over the bar/ club scene. A lot of us are very focussed on our careers. If we married young, I believe that for that relationship to survive, both people have to grow and adjust to the changes. If we are single when we are older, I believe that the average, conscious person is looking for something much different than they were when they were 21. Sure, there are exceptions. So let's hope that the people who are suitable to each other actually end up meeting. Link to post Share on other sites
U1987 Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 See, I think this is where people (men and women both) need to serious readjust their perception on 'successful' dating. It's not having millions of 'options.' From my perspective, I don't need millions of men to want me. I just need ONE. One amazing man who loves me. That's all. If I get that one, I'm a success. Plain and simple. Yes, but that's not what I want. I want multiple casual partners, so how does your strategy help me? Link to post Share on other sites
choppedkittens Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 It's really a myth that most women don't like guys who are affectionate and good. I see that as different from "nice," though. Nice has a negative sound to me because I associate it with being kind out of policy rather than genuine feeling. I think of nice people as trying to please everyone and not having much integrity. Personally, I'm not into guys who are constantly bending over backwards to please strangers. I actually find that a turn off. What I like is a guy who is polite to strangers but also private and a bit guarded around them. Around those he's close to, including his family, close friends and SO he is warm and kind. I completely melt when I see a guy being sweet to his mother. I've dated and had relationships with guys who were cold, and my time with them felt totally empty. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 Yes, but that's not what I want. I want multiple casual partners, so how does your strategy help me? Um … this thread is supposed to be about "high quality men." You wanting multiple casual sex partners has nothing to do with "high quality", any way you look at it. Girls who want to screw around are not concerned with doing so with a "high quality man." As I have told you probably dozens of times before, they are interested in doing so with a man they find sexually irresistible, or in some cases with a man who is going to give them money or gifts in return. Unless she is too drunk or loaded to know what she's doing. Sure there are exceptions. You might encounter one or two in your quest. Not enough to provide you with "multiple casual sex partners." Sorry, not gonna happen for you. Have you ever been told or considered that you have problems receiving information and / or signals socially, or from other people in general? There seem to be so many disconnects. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 A lot of people have mistaken me for a doormat because I am a genuinely nice and friendly person. I can have a conversation with a complete stranger and get along great but that does not make me weak. Those who have tried to screw me over have seen how weak I am. I can be vicious when back into a corner. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 Thanks for that post KathyM! That makes me feel good b/c I'm a goal setting fanatic Brian Tracy is probably my favorite teacher on the topic... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hhaOFCj-tvQ Good video. I very much agree with everything that guy has to say. I'm a firm believer in setting goals for one's life and working to accomplish those goals. I actually made out a list of life goals and experiences I want to have, and I'm working on them. I decided I wanted to be a marriage and family therapist, because I think it would be rewarding to try to help people improve their marriages or save their marriages, so at middle age, I went back to college to gain the master's degree in that. I have my career goals, financial goals, altruistic goals, family goals, and new experiences I'd like to have, places I'd like to visit, etc., all written out on a master list, and feel like I'm on track for accomplishing what I want out of life. So I'm big on making lists to keep me focused, and I have smaller lists where I make daily goals which keeps me from wasting too much time and not accomplishing enough. I do agree with him that setting goals and working towards those goals is what separates successful people from those that are not. That was also an interesting point he had about making a list of every step that needs to be taken to accomplish each of one's goals, and put it in writing. I haven't taken it that far yet, but that was a good suggestion. I'll have to try that. Thanks for posting that. Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 I decided I wanted to be a marriage and family therapist, because I think it would be rewarding to try to help people improve their marriages or save their marriages, so at middle age, I went back to college to gain the master's degree in that. That's an awesome story Kathy! The power of goal setting! I liked when he said, "there are only two outcomes: you're either working to accomplish your own goals, or someone else's goals"...that hit me like a ton of bricks! Welcome for the vid, Merry Christmas Link to post Share on other sites
bunny05 Posted December 24, 2011 Share Posted December 24, 2011 Dasein, I agree with your general idea, but IMO some of those "femprivalages" would make sense if women gave us what they used to in return. Home cooked meals, a nurturing attitude, raising our offspring, managing our money wisely, showing undying devotion, etc. Unfortunately, things only seem to be going one way these days . Exactly. Men are expected to act like gentlemen, yet women are no longer expected to act like ladies. It's a shame. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted December 24, 2011 Share Posted December 24, 2011 That's an awesome story Kathy! The power of goal setting! I liked when he said, "there are only two outcomes: you're either working to accomplish your own goals, or someone else's goals"...that hit me like a ton of bricks! Welcome for the vid, Merry Christmas Merry Christmas to you too. Link to post Share on other sites
fitgirl Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 A fat guy can cheat too, its not some magic protection. Funny that your name on here is fitgirl and your partner is unfitboy. If he had everything you wanted then obviously in shape wasn't on that list. You seem to acknowledge though that it is on others. In the end you have to live your life not some one elses. Thats why you should just be happy and not start or promote a definition of high quality. Because that definition will go against what this thread claims is the defintion. jealous aren't you? my guy is fit to be my husband in 3 months. women decide what's a high quality man and not you. Link to post Share on other sites
fitgirl Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 Yes, but that's not what I want. I want multiple casual partners, so how does your strategy help me? ewwwwww. gross. what decent girl would want to share? Link to post Share on other sites
fitgirl Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 You, sir, are a smart man. Listening to a woman tell you what she wants in a man is like listing to a presidential candidate tell you what he's going to do if he gets elected. In both cases, you get a list of recycled cliches that the speaker believes he/she is supposed to say (but have little to do with the speaker's actual beliefs) Here's something for you all to ponder...Where is one more likely to find a man dating (or married to) a stunning beauty? Some super chic "celebrity chef" restaurant in Beverly Hills or your local soup kitchen? you, sir, wouldn't get a second look from me if i were single. ick. Link to post Share on other sites
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