When friends only have good intentions...

[AlisaMarie]

So last night my friend came over and she happens to be friends on Facebook with my ex's girlfriend. I can't call her his new girlfriend because she has been in and out of his life throughout the past year... she posed problems for us that I am getting closer to realizing wasn't all of her fault. He was to blame.

 

My friend was so quick to tell me that the are now Facebook official and pulled it up on her phone to show me all of his cute posts and how into each other they are. I truly laughed because I just saw the sicko patterns in the behavior that he did to me. The whole honeymoon phase and the "over doing it." It's easy to get swept off your feet by someone with BPD... and he's clearly selling himself to her. Anyway... I really felt healed and over it because it did seem like a joke. I also asked my friend to please not show me things anymore. I don't want to know.

 

This morning, I woke up in complete distress. I feel the loss all over again and feel like I am so easily replaced. I know it's a facade and this other girl is going to be very disappointed in a short amount of time- or not because he is the king of gasllighting... but I feel a sharp knife in my heart right now and I don't know what to do. Any advice would be wonderful.

[Popehappycat]

What was the point in showing you? Was it an "oh boy, look at these suckers" thing, or is she just clueless? In either case, a tall glass of STFU would do well. My good friends knew better than to mention my ex after we split, and I stopped talking to the ones who didn't get it.

 

I don't like to use the word trauma to describe breakups, but they can definitely cut deep and leave lasting scars. They also plant seeds that can sprout from the most insignificant occurrence. I can't offer a solution, but I can tell you it's normal and it'll pass. Breakups are in our head, it's emotional turmoil we deal with and you just rekindled a few latent emotions from your episode. Though I would advise to skip the speculation into your ex's relationship. It's just more undue attention you're paying to him and it's counterproductive to truly healing. In my opinion, you're not over it until you honestly just don't care anymore, and people who wait for the karma bus to hit their ex, criticize their current relationship or speculate about their motives aren't over it and are lying to themselves. But that's just me.

[AlisaMarie]

What was the point in showing you? Was it an "oh boy, look at these suckers" thing, or is she just clueless? In either case, a tall glass of STFU would do well. My good friends knew better than to mention my ex after we split, and I stopped talking to the ones who didn't get it.

 

I don't like to use the word trauma to describe breakups, but they can definitely cut deep and leave lasting scars. They also plant seeds that can sprout from the most insignificant occurrence. I can't offer a solution, but I can tell you it's normal and it'll pass. Breakups are in our head, it's emotional turmoil we deal with and you just rekindled a few latent emotions from your episode. Though I would advise to skip the speculation into your ex's relationship. It's just more undue attention you're paying to him and it's counterproductive to truly healing. In my opinion, you're not over it until you honestly just don't care anymore, and people who wait for the karma bus to hit their ex, criticize their current relationship or speculate about their motives aren't over it and are lying to themselves. But that's just me.

I don't know what she was thinking, but people love drama so that's how I am looking at it. I am not over it, of course. I am hurt... but no longer devastated. I would like to say that I hope he is truly happy but I am not there yet. By no means to I wish him misery even though he put me through emotional and physical hell for two years. At this point, I am more disappointed with myself, whom let this relationship go as far as it did.