zoomer Posted May 30, 2004 Share Posted May 30, 2004 This is weird ....but here goes: My grandmother died last year and shortly thereafter, I found out that she had been writing letters to my exhusband of 7-8 years ago...and his current wife....saying all kinds of lies about me, my family, my children.... I wouldn't have believed it until my ex-husband was ever so gracious in providing me with a copy of them. No doubt it was her handwriting. And the lies are just unbelievable...things that don't even make sense as to why she would lie... She said things like "haven't heard from the boys in several months" this letter was dated two days after they "my boys" had spent the entire weekend at her house cleaning her yard for her...yard work. And yes she was of good state of mind...she knew on her death bed....who everyone was, even folks she hadn't seen in years. When we were making arrangements etc, I saw in her phone directory pad she kept my ex's new address, wife's info, etc...birthdays etc..... She's always been known for communicating with ex's in the family and constantly stirring trouble...I knew that but dismissed it because afterall, she is my grandmother and I tried to get along... I knew that she was sending my ex cards throughout the year....Christmas cards, birthday cards, etc..... HOWEVER, my parents divorced three years ago after 40 years of marriage. My mom ALWAYS was good to her..(She is my dad's mother) well, after their divorce...because my dad "didn't want to be married anymore" she never, ever contacted my mom again...no card, no phone call, nothing. My mother did contact her to tell her how sorry she was for the situation and that she would always love them. No response...and never again. They were married 40 years. I am a grandchild...married to the ex for 9 years...Why did she feel the need to communicate with him and not my mom... Why did she feel the need to keep sending this a**h*** cards, etc....knowing that he mistreated his own children...she knew that! BUT...my mom Never got a card one, letter, nothing.... Okay, I'll try to end this thing...after her death..I was given a lot of her personal items and then found out about the letters. I boxed all her crap up and took it to my sister and told her I didn't want anything of hers because I now know for sure what kind of person she is and I want nothing of hers. Still don't understand and can't forgive her!!! Any insight would be nice. How can you hate someone after they've died? Shouldn't hate...but really mad. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted May 30, 2004 Share Posted May 30, 2004 Just because someone can manage some things like remembering people doesn't mean that person is fully functional. For whatever reason, your grandmother may have been trying to ingratiate herself with the new wife by speaking against you. People do stupid things for stupid reasons. She sounds to me like someone that thinks family loyalty is prime - meaning 'loyalty' to the 'official' family - and that being nice to exes was disloyal. Attribute her actions to poor judgment. Not every human behaves well, and she was one who did not. No point in being mad - she was who she was, however misguided that may have been. You don't have to deal with her anymore, so let it go and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
capitald Posted May 30, 2004 Share Posted May 30, 2004 Let me offer a perspective of sanity. Your grandmother didn't see herself as doing any wrong. What you see as lies is just how she sees things. Perhaps they are lies but those that spout bs also usually believe it too. Its as they say the best liars are those that have themselves fooled or are lying to themselves. This is IMO so true!!! Even the professional con-man for example believes that he is doing good, but he is the biggest fool on earth. Realize that the way she saw the world wasn't the right way. It was a deluded and dissillusioned one. If she would do things to hurt you than thats not right. She is intruding on the first rule of ethics ala' Socrates, namely, "it is better to do suffer harm than to do harm." You need to forgive her for her lack of understanding and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zoomer Posted May 30, 2004 Author Share Posted May 30, 2004 I know I need to move on and let it go...I have tried....but seems every time I turn around people are making her out to be a blooming angel....people tend to do that after one is gone... Forgetting all the bad things they did when they were here... Not meaning you should hold on to bad things..I know better. It's just that when the family all gets together they speak so highly of her and oh, how they miss her, etc., and it really ticks me. I just have to bite my tongue and go on.. Thanks for the insight and I will just have to put it to rest! Hard to do is all. Returning her things made me feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
capitald Posted May 30, 2004 Share Posted May 30, 2004 You can't make everyone face the facts, you are only responsible for you. Don't take gossip too seriously. Sometimes people just want to get others wrapped up in intensity. They might be doing it because they know it annoys you, but once you show it won't annoy you, then there goes their power. Link to post Share on other sites
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