AnneElizabeth Posted May 30, 2004 Share Posted May 30, 2004 My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 months. He;s great and we love each other very much. The second day we were dating, I found out that he smoked pot. I told him I really didnt want to get involved with him if he was doing it. He took a day, thought about it, and said he would quit. Several months go by and I find out he never stopped. He was just leading me to believe that he had because he i guess wasn't ready to stop and didn't want to include me in that part of his life because he knew it would hurt me. I was pretty upset because he has lied to me several times (like having to go out of town for certain reasons) when he was just saying that to have an excuse to go hang out with his buddy and drink/smoke. This only happened maybe 3 times...but thats pretty crappy in my opinion. Things started to get really serious after christmas...i actually felt like he was really and truly in love with me...which he was. He came clean in Feb. after I found it in his room. He said he would stop and if he did smoke, he would tell me about it. So a little time goes by, March rolls around and he smokes to destress about a major test he failed...ok so what? Well, he didn't tell me...and then he lied to my face when i asked him about it. I found out from his friend that it happened a couple of weeks later and I was so hurt that he broke his promise. He cried and I know he was genuinely sorry. I know he wanted to tell me but he fears he is going to hurt/dissapoint me..which isn't the case...i just want the truth. I thought things had totally changed!! We are living apart for the summer because we are both in college and live in seperate towns...he came this weekend and I asked him if he had smoked..he said yes. That infuriated me because our deal was that he would tell me WHEN he smoked...not later on if I asked. Yes, I know it was AMAZING for him to tell me the truth then, but i don't think he would have ever told me if I wouldnt have asked...and this is NOT the way our deal was supposed to work. I'm just really hurt right now because I wonder if he has any respect for our relationship. This is THE ONLY problem we have. I know he's going through that phase right now, but its lasted a little long (he's been doing this a year longer than we've been together) and he has cut down a lot since then says his friend...i totally believe him too because he hated that my BF lied to me so many times, so he tells me if he does something i should know about to keep me in the know. So, sometimes i feel like i am just blowing this out of proportion...his smoking has never interfered with our relationship. We spend all of our time together, and even when he lied to go hang out with his friends, i feel like he was doing it to keep from hurting me (I'd rather hang with my buddies than you tonight). Now that he knows i don't expect him to be around 24/7 he's totally upfront with me about where he is. Please give me your insight on this. I love him more than anything!! I just don't know if i'm making a big deal out of nothing just because I hate smoking pot SO much, or maybe I'm right? Sorry this is so long!!! Your replies are much needed and appreciated!! Link to post Share on other sites
zoomer Posted May 30, 2004 Share Posted May 30, 2004 Making a big deal? NO WAY! My opinion, if he lies to you about that to keep from hurting your feelings, he will lie about other things to keep from "hurting you". Above all, he is jeapordizing you. If he was to have some "pot" on him while your with him and officials find it...for some reason..guess what? Your just as guilty and will be charged as well as he. Secondly, if you plan a future with this man, how would you feel if / when you have children and they see this activity? Too much at risk! How old is he? Age could be another factor. He should realize that there comes a time to grow up. This is all easily said I know...but I have a friend who went through the same with her hubby and after promises and more promises..she found out he never really stopped. They now have a child and are divorced over the drug issue! He is still active and responsibility never kicked in with him. What a shame that is. Don't want to see you go through the same is all. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted May 31, 2004 Share Posted May 31, 2004 Hmm. I certainly wouldn't give up on him just b/c of this pot issue. I personally think it depends on how much he smokes. A joint a month is no big deal; a joint a day is a problem. It's great that he's been cutting down!! As for making him tell you whenever he smokes... he ain;t gonna do that... he KNOWs u'r gonna be upset to hear it... imagine how hard it is for him to bring it up. It's good enough that he tells you if you ask, I think. Anyway - many people smoke up in college and stop later. So, my main qn is - how much does he smoke? my 2c, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
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