Ever get the impression that many people don't like you?

[lemonlegs]

I'm a 20 year old female...and throughout my high school years, I was involved in some drama that never seemed to be resolved. Not that I care if these particular people like me or not, but I find that when one person dislikes me, they tend to have a large group of friends where I assume that that sentiment is shared. I feel that to be the case in many groups, and it usually is... still to this day, over boys/men.

 

Women are really stupid and fail to realize that it's usually the men causing the problems in the first place, NOT the other girl.

 

[carhill]

Anyone who's not 'popular' gets the message that not everyone likes them so, save for that rarefied strata of 'popular people', yeah it's pretty common to get such an impression.

 

Back in those days I figured about a dozen people liked me and the rest I didn't care whether they lived or died. Some of that dozen went on to be long-lived life friends. Who knows what happened to the rest? Who cares?

 

The one thing that a lot of years on the planet has taught me is that we each have a pathway in life and that life isn't a popularity contest and one doesn't win any prizes and we don't get out of it alive. Every day you focus on what other people think about you or say about you is a day lost on your own path. Make each day count.

[Philosoraptor]

I agree with carhill. I have quite a polarizing personality and people tend to strongly like me or strongly dislike me... not too many in the middle. When I was younger I also worried too much about what other people thought and let that affect me. I stopped awhile back and life is so much easier without having a care in the world of what other people may think. I live for myself and I love who I am. If you love who you are then it really doesn't matter what other people think.

[lemonlegs]

I think you are both right. I acknowledge the fact that I shouldn't care about what others think about me, especially people who I also do not like. Sometimes I tend to be really self-deprecating and often wonder things like that when in such a mood.

 

I think I'm similar in that way, Philosoraptor. I always thought of myself as a shy girl, but in the past few years, I've noticed that, especially around people I'm comfortable with, I can be really loud and obnoxious.

[The Outlaw]

It really shouldn't matter what others think or perceive you, but what you think of yourself. But I have gotten that impression from a few people here and there and that doesn't change how I think, act or feel about myself.

[Taramere]

I don't know that the people who I don't get along with dislike me so much as simply finding me a bit odd. I don't try to be odd, and I make what I think are reasonable efforts to adapt to my social surroundings...but if people are being rude to me or ignoring me then I'll tend to zone out; go into my own dreamworld. I suppose I can understand people thinking that's weird, but I think it would be more weird to put in effort to be liked by somebody who has decided on a whim that they don't like me.

 

If there's a solid reason for a conflict then I will put in a lot of effort to try to resolve the conflict. If some random person I don't have any particular views or feelings about has decided they don't like me, but might be prepared to change their mind if I kiss ass enough or spend hours laboriously trying to dismantle the barriers they've decided to construct then we're never going to get along.

 

Sometimes though, I've found with initially hostile people that they're actually quite nice people, but can seem unpleasant at first glance because of their own anxieties/shyness/insecurities. There was a secretary in a place I worked in who was like that. She was the first person I encountered, and just seemed like a thunderstruck ogre. My first thought was "Oh God, this one's taken an instant dislike to me."

 

I found out later that she was prone to anxiety attacks and wasn't good with new people, though she was very good at her job. I left her alone, generally, so as not to cause her further stress... but after a couple of weeks she started coming through to my office a lot and starting up chats. We ended up getting along well.

 

If a group of people dislike you because the group leader has dictated it be so, it's a group you really have to deal with (eg at work or at school) and it's causing you serious problems then I think the thing to do is ignore the hangers-on, and have your conflict only with the ringleader. The likelihood is that they're the only one who has any genuine issue with you, whereas the others will go whichever way the wind blows.