dream2nite Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Am I being completely naive by thinking somone I love that has quit drinking for me before could do that again? This person quit drinking for me and was taking anabuse and doing okay. I left and he started drinking again until a DUI and he was court ordered to quit or face jail. During that time (1 yr.) he did very well while I would still drink around him. I left and he started drinking again as soon as his court thing was up. We love each other very deep despite all that has happened between us. I feel If I had another chance with him he would stop for me again, especially now that I'm stronger and realize that I shouldn't drink around him and don't need to. He's with someone right now and I know he's with her because she was someone to hang out with and didn't know his history with alcohol. I feel like if he ever does stop for whatever reason, he'll realize she's only filling a void from what we shared. I love him and really believe that if there is ever a way for us to work back into each others lives like before, he would quit. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 I do not believe that an addict or alcoholic can really give up their addiction for another person. I think my ex husband did that "for" me. It turned out to be a terrible burden for me, and he ended up back on drugs and destroying a lot in the process. A person has to be able to face things like a break up without drinking or using if they have real sobriety. Obviously this man is not there. Besides, the whole thing sounds messed up. He is already in another relationship, whether you think it's a good one or not. If you REALLY love this man, let go of the whole thing. He will get sober if he needs to do that, and THEN you will see if there is any chance for the two of you. But I think you should really let go. Link to post Share on other sites
Clep Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 My guy is an alcoholic. He left our family three times before finally getting sober this last time. He has now been sober for three years. My experiences in dealing with an A is that they can quit for someone else, but cannot do that long term. They have to quit for themselves and then it will be truly meaningful. When I was in the same type of position you are in, I went to Al-anon. It aided in transforming my thoughts and focus. I was also able to aid in my A getting treatment for long term happiness for myself and him. It wasn't the way I had envisioned, but it was effective. Maybe give it a try. It certainly can't hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 If you REALLY love this man, let go of the whole thing. He will get sober if he needs to do that, and THEN you will see if there is any chance for the two of you. But I think you should really let go. Cosigned and AlAnon can be a great support in reconciling that. If who he is today is unhealthy for you, that. Tomorrow is another day. Today he is with another woman. That's today's reality. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
screwup Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 Yeah, he will need to quit for himself. I have some experience with that myself. I was a really heavy drinker for a couple years. I would usually be 4-6 shots up before I got to work, drink throughout my shift, then when I got home drink until I passed out. I didn't think I had a problem because I wasn't violent, not getting DUIs, doing well at work and had a great girlfriend. I didn't think about quitting at all. Eventually the girlfriend left me and instead of sitting around being depressed and drinking, I decided I wanted to make my life better. I act like such a jerk when I'm wasted and not going to let alcohol destroy another relationship for me. I'm in a pretty rough spot with life right now, so the desire to get bombed every day is stronger than ever, but I realize it will fix nothing and likely only make things worse. If I quit for someone else, I'm sure I'd fall back into my old routine really fast right now. Her leaving was the best and worst thing to happen to me. At the rate I was drinking, I'd probably be dead by the time I'm 40. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 No, he can't quit for you. It won't last. At all. My husband quit for Menander even married me to stay sober. I didn't find this out until much later (last year). What a painful painful disaster our marriage has been. Eventually you will do something or bs something that upsets him. His sobriety cannot be married to his contentment with you. One is bound to mess the other right up. Link to post Share on other sites
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