Words

[Hazyhead]

When I first came to LS with my A troubles two years ago, wallowing in my woes and dealing with promises that had been made to me that lead me to believe I would have that life with MM, so many posters gave me fantastic words of advice and wisdom. Through them I was able to see the truth. The reason for starting this thread is that so much of that advice came back to the same core point: they were just words.

 

I read so many threads now although I don't post as much as I used to... still coming to terms and gaining strength I guess. In so many of these threads posters talk about words that they are told during the A: how MPs are in the marriage for the kids; there's no physical relationship; the connection with them is the strongest they've ever known; they'll leave just as soon as X, Y, Z... etc. It frustrates me sometimes to see so many people hurting over the same empty promises, moreso because that person was once me.

 

Bottom line: words mean nothing without action. Think about it - what does that person actually do to build the possibility of a life together aside from talk about it?

 

For those struggling, you deserve more. You deserve actions. Don't settle for any less.

 

Happy holidays, all.

[skywriter]

Hazyhead,

 

I like you, try to do alot more reading and soul searching nowadays. I just want to learn and relearn my lesson over and over. I wanna remind myself of how vulnerable I was and to never ever allow my heart to be so trusting again. I was ignorant.

 

It's interesting to me, that, as you say ,words without meaning, are meaningless words. One of the last conversations between myself and the MM was about just this subject.

 

He told me, I can't explain myself to you, I can only show you how I feel.

What's he shown me lately, well, he's now been calling a friend girl of mine and trying some his same ole lines on her.

 

Interesting......

Edited December 21, 2011 by skywriter

[RickFox]

It ain't just words from men to women, it's the words and lack of action from women to men as well. The old adage is true.

[Hazyhead]

Hazyhead,

 

I like you, try to do alot more reading and soul searching nowadays. I just want to learn and relearn my lesson over and over. I wanna remind myself of how vulnerable I was and to never ever allow my heart to be so trusting again. I was ignorant.

 

It's interesting to me, that, as you say ,words without meaning, are meaningless words. One of the last conversations between myself and the MM was about just this subject.

 

He told me, I can't explain myself to you, I can only show you how I feel.

What's he shown me lately, well, he's now been calling a friend girl of mine and trying some his same ole lines on her.

 

Interesting......

 

Poor girl!

 

It ain't just words from men to women, it's the words and lack of action from women to men as well. The old adage is true.

 

Sorry, Rick, absolutely.

[jj33]

Hey Hazy, merry Christmas darlin. Words.... even actions I still get actions that mean nothing. Invitiations gifts. Thank you for the gifts, and wiggle out of the invitations.

 

But time does heal all. I no longer feel the urge to strangle him for being such a [insert derogatory term here]

[YellowShark]

Words are nothing without deeds. If your MM/MW says something but the deeds never back up the words, you are sooooooo being played. I mean really, if you *ARE* "the strongest connection they've ever known" then one would think that they would move mountains to be with you.

 

Otherwise you're just a port in a storm, and probably not the only one. That is why hooking up with a married person is the first red flag waving.

[East7]

Otherwise you're just a port in a storm, and probably not the only one. That is why hooking up with a married person is the first red flag waving.

 

This is a brilliant statement..!

 

Hazy, I feel the same way as you.

 

I was told amazing beautiful words by my xMW that overcame everything I was told before...Love poetries, sweet texts, cards, gifts..you name it ! Still no actions, no divorce or separation..Her waffling between guilt, indecisiveness and this *love* for me.

 

Like many here, I loved and trusted her forgetting the big red flag waving just close to my nose (like YS said).

[Confused4Now]

This is a brilliant statement..!

 

Hazy, I feel the same way as you.

 

I was told amazing beautiful words by my xMW that overcame everything I was told before...Love poetries, sweet texts, cards, gifts..you name it ! Still no actions, no divorce or separation..Her waffling between guilt, indecisiveness and this *love* for me.

 

Like many here, I loved and trusted her forgetting the big red flag waving just close to my nose (like YS said).

This I can relate to...If I could get a nickle for all the words that were said I'd feel like I won the Lotto. In the end it matters not. It's all about ACTIONS.

[RickFox]

Words are nothing without deeds. If your MM/MW says something but the deeds never back up the words, you are sooooooo being played. I mean really, if you *ARE* "the strongest connection they've ever known" then one would think that they would move mountains to be with you.

 

Otherwise you're just a port in a storm, and probably not the only one. That is why hooking up with a married person is the first red flag waving.

 

Man oh man, "the strongest connection they've ever known" truer words I never saw/heard. And I bought it, hook, line and sinker...real at the time or not, actions....so much more than words in the grand scheme of things.

[Thunderbolt]

Couldn't agree more with this thread.

 

Sometimes I can't understand how I believed all the bs the xMM fed me. But, I gotta admit, at the time it felt so true. It's easy to look back and realize how stupid I was. Hindsight's 20/20. There's nothing anyone could've told me back then to make me change my mind about him. I thought he was so amazing and I believed everything he told me. He was so damn convincing and I truly believed we'd walk this world together. Nothing is a guarantee in this lifetime. I'm just making sure that I learn from the mistakes and poor choices I've made. Unfortunately, I had to learn the hard way. Like I just said, I don't think there's anything anyone could've said to change mind regarding the R with xMM. I loved him so much and believed all the words he told me. Nobody had ever spoken to me the way he did. I now understand that if something seems too good to be true, it probably is. I always thought my situation was different than everyone else's. I'm in a much better place, but this "live and learn" situation I've experienced has definitely left it's mark and will continue doing so for a long time. I wish I could have a do over

[goldengirl86]

too true, words are just words. my exmm never really could say too me that he was in the marraige for the kids or that they never had sex, because according to both her and him they did it practically every night of the week ( considering i was a V, im pretty sure she was afar better lover than me). And two days afer declaring he loved me he did leave her, well she kicked him out after he told her and he said he wanted to be with me. However, his reasons for going back to her included trying to make it work for the kids and she loved him alot, and in all fairness he loved her too and i would never have believed him if he told me otherwise, though i never did get the whole his feelings for both of us where 50/50 and loving us equaly though in different ways. And considering he is and has treated me like crap the only conclusion i can draw is he acually hates my guts and loves to know that im suffering and heartbroken. In retrospect he had more to lsoe if he did not stay with her, though technically now they are not toegther well there is an AVDO placed by the police against him saying he cannot see/ contact herr, though considering they did not respect there childrens lives i doubt they would respect the law.

 

Sometimes however, people do actualy mean what they say but there just to chicken to actually back this up my actions.

[YellowShark]

Couldn't agree more with this thread.

 

Sometimes I can't understand how I believed all the bs the xMM fed me. But, I gotta admit, at the time it felt so true. It's easy to look back and realize how stupid I was. Hindsight's 20/20. There's nothing anyone could've told me back then to make me change my mind about him. I thought he was so amazing and I believed everything he told me.

 

The first thing that should have gone through your mind, and anyone else's in your position is... "Wait a sec, this guy is married... and he is throwing the people closest to him under a bus to have an affair..."

 

If that is not a red flag, and a good indication of character, I dunno what is ... regardless of the flowery language he uses to seduce you.

Edited December 24, 2011 by YellowShark

[Hazyhead]

Hey Hazy, merry Christmas darlin. Words.... even actions I still get actions that mean nothing. Invitiations gifts. Thank you for the gifts, and wiggle out of the invitations.

 

But time does heal all. I no longer feel the urge to strangle him for being such a [insert derogatory term here]

 

Hey you! (Sorry this is a late response. Uhm... merry Christmas ) I'm so pleased about how far you've come, JJ. Knew you would. Actions - my xMM never really had to many, even living on his own; more a lack of really. Just waiting for time, but I'll get there

 

Words are nothing without deeds. If your MM/MW says something but the deeds never back up the words, you are sooooooo being played. I mean really, if you *ARE* "the strongest connection they've ever known" then one would think that they would move mountains to be with you.

 

Otherwise you're just a port in a storm, and probably not the only one. That is why hooking up with a married person is the first red flag waving.

.

 

'a port in a storm'. I like that YS, thank you. There were a lot of things he said that we're not backed up with what should be relevant actions if the words were true.

 

This is a brilliant statement..!

 

Hazy, I feel the same way as you.

 

I was told amazing beautiful words by my xMW that overcame everything I was told before...Love poetries, sweet texts, cards, gifts..you name it ! Still no actions, no divorce or separation..Her waffling between guilt, indecisiveness and this *love* for me.

 

Like many here, I loved and trusted her forgetting the big red flag waving just close to my nose (like YS said).

 

But you never quite forget the red flag, do you? It's there in the background but your love for them and desire for what they say to be true overwhelms it. I ignored it for so long. Fool! Anyway, we're there now, and wiser to the waffle

 

Couldn't agree more with this thread.

 

Sometimes I can't understand how I believed all the bs the xMM fed me. But, I gotta admit, at the time it felt so true. It's easy to look back and realize how stupid I was. Hindsight's 20/20. There's nothing anyone could've told me back then to make me change my mind about him. I thought he was so amazing and I believed everything he told me. He was so damn convincing and I truly believed we'd walk this world together. Nothing is a guarantee in this lifetime. I'm just making sure that I learn from the mistakes and poor choices I've made. Unfortunately, I had to learn the hard way. Like I just said, I don't think there's anything anyone could've said to change mind regarding the R with xMM. I loved him so much and believed all the words he told me. Nobody had ever spoken to me the way he did. I now understand that if something seems too good to be true, it probably is. I always thought my situation was different than everyone else's. I'm in a much better place, but this "live and learn" situation I've experienced has definitely left it's mark and will continue doing so for a long time. I wish I could have a do over

 

Somebody else will come along, Thunder, make no mistake. Don't be so harsh on yourself; I think you're doing really well. Learning is the best gift, and I guess we have that to take away from all the mess. New year, new start - make it great

 

too true, words are just words. my exmm never really could say too me that he was in the marraige for the kids or that they never had sex, because according to both her and him they did it practically every night of the week ( considering i was a V, im pretty sure she was afar better lover than me). And two days afer declaring he loved me he did leave her, well she kicked him out after he told her and he said he wanted to be with me. However, his reasons for going back to her included trying to make it work for the kids and she loved him alot, and in all fairness he loved her too and i would never have believed him if he told me otherwise, though i never did get the whole his feelings for both of us where 50/50 and loving us equaly though in different ways. And considering he is and has treated me like crap the only conclusion i can draw is he acually hates my guts and loves to know that im suffering and heartbroken. In retrospect he had more to lsoe if he did not stay with her, though technically now they are not toegther well there is an AVDO placed by the police against him saying he cannot see/ contact herr, though considering they did not respect there childrens lives i doubt they would respect the law.

 

Sometimes however, people do actualy mean what they say but there just to chicken to actually back this up my actions.

 

I'm pretty sure he won't hate your guts, but you need to not care what he thinks. It doesn't matter unless you want to continue with his game. What do you want Goldengirl? Is it what he offers you? If its not then put it behind you. Love yourself.

[LilMissMovinOn]

When I first came to LS with my A troubles two years ago, wallowing in my woes and dealing with promises that had been made to me that lead me to believe I would have that life with MM, so many posters gave me fantastic words of advice and wisdom. Through them I was able to see the truth. The reason for starting this thread is that so much of that advice came back to the same core point: they were just words.

 

I read so many threads now although I don't post as much as I used to... still coming to terms and gaining strength I guess. In so many of these threads posters talk about words that they are told during the A: how MPs are in the marriage for the kids; there's no physical relationship; the connection with them is the strongest they've ever known; they'll leave just as soon as X, Y, Z... etc. It frustrates me sometimes to see so many people hurting over the same empty promises, moreso because that person was once me.

 

Bottom line: words mean nothing without action. Think about it - what does that person actually do to build the possibility of a life together aside from talk about it?

 

For those struggling, you deserve more. You deserve actions. Don't settle for any less.

 

Happy holidays, all.

 

Glad to hear yr healing is going so well hazyhead. U speak with great compassion, kindness & wisdom & I like tht

 

As for 'just words' I couln't agree more. My xWS (unmarried) never made any promises abt leaving his defacto as I didn't know he was still with her but he did crap on abt how he was gunna go to rehab..which didnt eventuate until 18 MTHS LATER (me all the while in another state w him travelling reg to see me & me in b.tween freaking out entire time he was gunna O.D any minute)...Thts partly y we had a cpl of periods of a mth or 2 of N.C during time we were involved...after ea new round of emotional abuse (sparked by him hiding secret r.ship w supposed ex & me calling him out on stuff tht didnt add up but never knowinng why. then him responding w the dreaded silent treatment) I kept saying well if yr not going to rehab, I'm sorry but there's nothing more I can do to help you... when he did finally go to rehan his ruse b.tween myself & his 'supposed ex de facto' fell apart wen I made enquiries to find out more abt wot on earth was going on w him.. so glad I did this & wish I'd done it sooner..I did try but initial attempts to get in touch w B.S was unsuccessful...

 

Look at what a person's feet r doing I say...what comes outta their the mouths is often sadly, too unreliable (esp where players r concerned!)

 

Hav a great day !

Edited January 9, 2012 by LilMissMovinOn