Robs not coping log!

[rob_h]

So here goes, god it hurts like I never thought possible. My wie had an affair with a younger guy 2 years ago. I was the bad guy because I knew it was going on but was constantly being called paranoid, by both her and my best friends, they couldn't see what I could. Anyway I found the things no husband want to find eventually and we separated, all be it for no more than a month. I loved my wife and actually found it very easy to forgive and forget.

 

Now the pain. 8 weeks ago I returned home earlier than my wife expected after being away for a few days to find him in my bed with her. I lost it, although knew yet again something was going on because of the way my wife was being, the usual flags, and blaming me for things I couldn't see we're there. Anyway the worst thing I have ever seen in my life and gues I'm likely to, they walked past me hand in hand, got in his car and drove away. That was the last time I saw my wife of 10 years.

 

The guys is 24 and we are both approaching 30. He is 100% a spit of me when I was that age before the mortgage and responsibilities of life and having to grow up.

 

She quit her job the very next day and moved 300 miles away leaving me, her friends and family.

 

We were happy or so I thought 2 months ago before it happened but I guess she was planning for a long time.

 

So they are now living together, believe it or not engaged and shouting about what a wonderful Christmas they are having while I'm contemplating doing things to myself I didn't think I was the sort of person to do. All in the space of 8 weeks.

 

I'm distraught, my life has ended, everything I work for, breath for and fight for has been a lie for so long. I guess I was really the lie and not him for the last 2 years of my life. She has brushed our life aside and is living as though it didn't exist. I remain in the home, currently redecorating to help with the pain while she has not even collected her belongings, spoke about the mortgage or made any effort to sort out the grown up stuff. I guess she's living outside of reality.

 

I don't think I have cried for 10 years but at the moment it's every day, I loved her so much, I know what she has put me through and done but I like to think it makes me a good person that I still love my wife even after what she has done.

 

I havnt filed for divorce yet, I have told her I have, I don't know if I'm ready or even if I want to divorce her and give her the easy way out, I may wait until I'm ready and make them wait.

 

I made the fatal mistake of looking through her frigging Facebook the other day which just ripped my insides out, how can they be engaged, it's pathetic and god hurts worse than I knew existed.

 

How on earth do you get through. I've now gone no contact for 2 days after sending her a goodbye because I knew I had to I knew I could never look at her bloody fb again and just had to write a goodbye and thank you for our life and i guess start to come to terms and try to move on. Did all the usual soft stuff, what she means to me asked why, I even apologised for my faults like a plonker but she couldn't even acknowledge the email and the goodbye. The time of year is also killing me, imagining them putting up the tree, and everything we used to do arrrrgggghhhh how could she do it.

 

Any words I can read would be so appreciated to help me, I've been reading the thread for the 8 weeks or so it's been happening and trying to come to terms but my god it's going to take a long time, I feel so sick and have lost all will to live through the pain anymore, why and how can I still love her? If you got this far thanks for taking the time, it's so so hard to know the woman I planned my life for could want to hurt me so much, but I guess she didn't actually want to hurt me because she had to think of me to hurt me,

 

I love her with all me heart I know I mean nothing to her 3 months ago we were celebrating our anniversary. Now I feel like I can't carry on. Cheers for taking the time

 

Rob

[Thieves]

Now the pain. 8 weeks ago I returned home earlier than my wife expected after being away for a few days to find him in my bed with her. I lost it, although knew yet again something was going on because of the way my wife was being, the usual flags, and blaming me for things I couldn't see we're there. Anyway the worst thing I have ever seen in my life and gues I'm likely to, they walked past me hand in hand, got in his car and drove away. That was the last time I saw my wife of 10 years.

 

The guys is 24 and we are both approaching 30. He is 100% a spit of me when I was that age before the mortgage and responsibilities of life and having to grow up.

 

She quit her job the very next day and moved 300 miles away leaving me, her friends and family.

 

Wow.

 

Rob, before I get into my whole 'spiel', I just want to say that I am so sorry for what has happened to you and that you've found yourself in this situation. I read a lot of threads on several different relationships on these boards, and though what you're going through isn't something that I've personally experienced myself, I do have to say that -- for some vaguely unknown reason -- yours truly struck a chord within me. It's literally amazing how much pain another person is able to cause you and, even moreso, the deceitful ways that they manage to do that. To slowly see another side of the person you believed you knew so well become revealed, and dealing with all of the questions afterwards of whether what you had was real or not... it takes a lot of energy and strength out of you, that much I do know from experience.

 

Rob, I realize that you're going through so much pain at the moment that it's extremely difficult to even grasp the concept of being happy or content again, as I can't imagine building a life with someone who I trust so much, and then having it crumble before my eyes in not much time at all. But I just want to remind you that no matter how much suffering you're going through now... you can take something valuable from this in the end, and you can learn to live again. Yes, it's very unfortunate that something like this does happen to quite a few other people in the world, but the point is it does happen and we all have to recognize it as one of those sad, unsavory parts of life. When it comes down to it, most relationships that we have (sadly) tend to end, some for reasons that are more painful than others. But the good thing you can extract from knowing this, is that you're not at all alone, and quite a few people in the world who have experienced this before have managed to pick themselves up again after such a traumatic loss. They've learned how to continue on with their lives, just like I know you will. Now, it may take a long while to get to that point, yet I'm sure if you speak to some of these people, they'll be able to tell you that the pain really does make you stronger.

[rob_h]

Thanks for your reply I appriciate it and need it. My family and friends are great but not their fault they don't realise the pain I'm in, I'm the one usually giving the advise, everyone thinks in so strong but I'm in a mess and hurting.

 

I wonder if I'm still young at 28 and will get over it, I've had so much go on in my 20's but I thought I had my life made. Had my wife, career house, not a palace but our home. I believe in marriage so much and the vows I made I wife I just can't compute how someone can think that little of you after 10 years together. I say 10 years but they must have been planning it for 2 years at least so I guess I was the lie and not him.

 

My confidence went when they first had the affair I realise that now and that's probably why as she says I changed but I think she made me change. She hurt me so much and drained my soul out of me the first time but I actually didn't see it, I couldn't put my finger on why I wasnt the confident cocky bloke I used to be and that's what she found attractive, but I now know it was down to her. I'd still give my life for her tomorrow, she's my wife and I promised her this I can't get my head around the face I don't have the option to any more. 7 weeks later and I could honestly say it feels like it happened 5 minutes ago. I've had deaths in my family and she held my hand through the funeral not even 4 months ago and now she's gone. Am I supposed to love her still how can I still love her. It's not the lifestyle I miss it's my wife and it's killing me inside. This is the only time I have ever said this sort of thing which I think may be a cause of the problem, I was a proud man who loved that people thought I was strong but in reality I needed someone I needed my wife but I couldn't communicate with her, I couldn't reach out and cry into her shoulder when I knew I was loosing her. Dear diary, I guess it help getting my feeling written down and not swimming around my head

[2.50 a gallon]

Thirty years ago, I went through something similar. I caught my wife kissing a pretty boy guard at her work place over the lunch hour on our six month anniversay. I was red hot mad, and lucky for them there was a chain link fence between us, so I could not get at them, but that did not stop my yelling at the top of my lungs what I thought of her, in gutter language, embarrasing her in front of her co-workers and letting her know it was unsafe for her to come home that night.

 

Being new to the area, and claiming she had no place to go, and wanting to rub my face in it she went home with her pretty boy guard.

 

That weekend, our neighbor whom we shared a bedroom wall with at our duplex, invited her and some of her married male co-workers over for a BBQ. Naturally she had to come by, supposedly to visit with our cats, but to actually rub her new affair in my face. Being a smart man, I got out of the apartment, and walked down to the nearest bar. However after closing time they were still partying next door, and I got to her them whoop and holler as she being very drunk, stripped for them

 

Yes I loved her very much, I was in my 30's and this was that woman who was supposed to be the mother of my future children. It tore me up to see my ballons of dreams of my future to be popped so easily. And even though I loved her I knew I could never trust her again, and even though it looked as if there was no hope for the future, I forced myself to move on in life. I was so low for awhile, the question was not whether I would ever be happy again, but whether I might someday possible laugh again.

 

Now to add to this, we had just moved from our home town so she could take a position with a fortune 500 company. All of my friends and family were over a thousand miles away. I had no friends.

 

The second weekend after the separation, in order to get out of the house, I took our two kittens to the local park. It hurt like hell for awhile, watching all of the couples, and then this roller blader did a bumble in front of us, and the next thing I know she was playing with my kittens, the kittens turned out to be a draw, and the next gal who stopped had her husband with her and before I knew it they had given me a beer, and a friendship was starting. They invited me over to where their friends were BBQing and before the day was up I was on the way to forming a whole new family of friends. Some of whom, 30 years later I sent a Christmas card to last week

 

In short, for the next week of two until the holidays are over, just live through this and then get out of the house and start a new life. Force yourself to be appear to be happy in public.

[2.50 a gallon]

This will be the 3rd post to you. With the second I got the dreaded this is a duplicate you have already posted error message, which means that I can not post for the next hour.

 

What I tried to say, was I forced myself to being happy in public. And within 6 months I looked up from my black hole of despair to a pretty face asking me to come out and play

 

With the passage of time I regained my sex life. In fact it was so great that I began to wonder why I ever got married.

 

A couple of years before I turned 50 I met my current GF. My first thoughts of her were "There is a face I could kiss good morning for the rest of my life", and "Look at them legs."

 

From her looks I thought she was in her early 20's and I was disappointed that she was way too young for me and totally out of my league. It turned out she was just about to turn 40.

 

She might be totally out of my league, in the looks department, but she is totally mine. We have now been together for over 16 years.

 

And she is the nicest, kindest, most giving woman I have ever met. And I am not alone, as anybody who knows her says the samething.

 

I am retired, meaning I am over 65, and she still has a couple of years before she hits 60. She nightly takes take of her skin, and easily looks 20 plus years younger. She watches her weight, last year after Christmas she noticed that she had gained a few pounds over the holiday, and with out fanfare or telling me, she proceeded to diet back to 120. She has long legs and even though she is a grandmother of a teenager she still looks great in a bikinni. Eye Candy

 

A rule of thumb, Cheaters cheat down, and the betrayed spouse eventually find somebody better.

 

It is true in my case. Last year I found a photo of my Ex on the net. Fate was nice to me! She is a now a sour pussed over 200 pounder.

 

While I get to live out my retirement age with one of the sweetest gals on the planet

 

Divorce is the best thing that ever happened to me

[rob_h]

Thanks for the kind words, I really do appriciate it. Today I think I'm lowering her from the pedestal I'd put her on and realising just what it is she has done to me and I suppose my family. The woman I married was lost years ago she is not that same woman, I have to remember this! Big works Christmas doo tonight, I must make the effort to be sociable and work on some of my charm for self confidence.

 

I will get through today and not contact her, why would I contact someone that doesn't want to be contacted anyway I'll keep telling myself this.

 

Our dog misses his mum and that hurts but again I guess he meant nothing to her either to leave and not ask how he is.

 

The redecorating is going well, it's a good stress reliever but I wish I could show it to her and for her to say wow

 

Big old day in front of me, she's still down a my plus one for the Christmas party, sucks