bikinibeach Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 My boyfriend met a girl at a photo shoot (the photographer, his friend, had wanted me to come but I was sick). It turns out they are both interested in the same VERY specific field of science. She gave him her business card and he added her on facebook. Her profile and pictures indicate that she is very attractive and likes myspace duck-pout type shots. Nothing overly provocative though. Also, she is engaged. So there was this event that my boyfriend and I were going to attend that she was going to as well so I would have met her...except I was sick...again (I had legitimate health issues at the time). He was disappointed that I couldn't go and tending to me in bed...but he wanted to attend the meeting. He texted her if she was going (he had also tweeted her earlier that day with no response) and when the reply came back, he almost jumped out his skin to get ready to run out the door, and leave me home sick and miserable. I made a bitchy comment that I'd never seen him so excited to go somewhere in his life (not proud but I couldn't help it) and he decided not to go (we talked it over, I felt bad and he did too). Today he told me that she had texted him to meet for coffee a week ago and he didn't reply. Neither of us knows how to handle this situation! I trust him but he has a way of being so interested in other people, it can easily make someone think he likes them (guys too!! it's just his personality). I'm sure it's all innocent but I have a bad/weird feeling about it/her. He is gathering people around him who are interested in this field of work and regularly has coffee dates with a guy friend who he recently met in the same field. Obviously I have NO problem with that. This is almost exactly the same situation except with an attractive woman. We have a wonderful relationship, friendship and soul connection. In fact we are leaving for a Carribean vacation with his family tomorrow But this has thrown us for a loop. Are my feeling irrational? How to handle acquiring NEW opposite sex friends when you're in relationship? Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
wezol Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 My boyfriend met a girl at a photo shoot (the photographer, his friend, had wanted me to come but I was sick). It turns out they are both interested in the same VERY specific field of science. She gave him her business card and he added her on facebook. Her profile and pictures indicate that she is very attractive and likes myspace duck-pout type shots. Nothing overly provocative though. Also, she is engaged. So there was this event that my boyfriend and I were going to attend that she was going to as well so I would have met her...except I was sick...again (I had legitimate health issues at the time). He was disappointed that I couldn't go and tending to me in bed...but he wanted to attend the meeting. He texted her if she was going (he had also tweeted her earlier that day with no response) and when the reply came back, he almost jumped out his skin to get ready to run out the door, and leave me home sick and miserable. I made a bitchy comment that I'd never seen him so excited to go somewhere in his life (not proud but I couldn't help it) and he decided not to go (we talked it over, I felt bad and he did too). Today he told me that she had texted him to meet for coffee a week ago and he didn't reply. Neither of us knows how to handle this situation! I trust him but he has a way of being so interested in other people, it can easily make someone think he likes them (guys too!! it's just his personality). I'm sure it's all innocent but I have a bad/weird feeling about it/her. He is gathering people around him who are interested in this field of work and regularly has coffee dates with a guy friend who he recently met in the same field. Obviously I have NO problem with that. This is almost exactly the same situation except with an attractive woman. We have a wonderful relationship, friendship and soul connection. In fact we are leaving for a Carribean vacation with his family tomorrow But this has thrown us for a loop. Are my feeling irrational? How to handle acquiring NEW opposite sex friends when you're in relationship? Thanks! You making a comment and him deciding not to go was not a good idea on both parts. Sounds like you may be over reacting a little, just let it all go. If something does end up happening between the two of them, you'll know it. But right now, the signs aren't there. It'd be one thing if he didn't want you to go with him to these events, but that's not the case, you were just sick and couldn't attend. As far as the coffee thing, why don't ya'll both go for coffee with her? Having her as a friend could work out for the both of ya'll. If they are interested in the exact same field of study, then she could be a great source for references or job opportunities. So many jobs are all about who you know. So if he gets a great job by going through someone or a business she knew was hiring, the financial situation would benefit the both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
cdm369 Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 The part that is concerning to me is his noticeable excitement after finding out she was going. That's not good. Reguardles of what people think you have the right to set up reasonable personal boundaries to protect yourself from being hurt emotionally. Good people make mistakes all the time because they put themselves in bad situations. The best way to avoid a "heat of the moment" situation is to not put yourself in a situation. Talk to him. Link to post Share on other sites
make me believe Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 (edited) I don't think that people should acquire new opposite sex "friends" while in a relationship. Sorry but if he persues a friendship with this girl I think it has potential to end in trouble. IMO your relationship needs to come first and you should both protect it from potentially bad situations. I'm not saying your boyfriend is going to cheat with this girl or is planning on doing anything inappropriate, BUT I'm saying that this is often how things start. With "innocent" friendships that morph into something not so innocent the more time they spend together. I think you two should meet her (and her fiance) for coffee together. Make her a friend of the relationship, not just a friend of your boyfriend. He was disappointed that I couldn't go and tending to me in bed...but he wanted to attend the meeting. He texted her if she was going (he had also tweeted her earlier that day with no response) and when the reply came back, he almost jumped out his skin to get ready to run out the door, and leave me home sick and miserable. I made a bitchy comment that I'd never seen him so excited to go somewhere in his life (not proud but I couldn't help it) and he decided not to go (we talked it over, I felt bad and he did too). I don't understand this part. Why couldn't he have attended the meeting without you OR her? Why did he suddenly decide to attend without you once he found out she was going? He could have gone to it without texting her first and without basing his decision on what she was doing. Edited December 23, 2011 by make me believe Link to post Share on other sites
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