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Absence makes the heart grow fonder vs Out of sight out of mind?

Glove_slap

By Glove_slap
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Glove_slap Established Member

Glove_slap

Posted
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Absence makes the heart grow fonder - Applies to Dumpee

Out of sight out of mind - Applies to Dumper

 

Agree or disagree?

smudge21 Established Member

smudge21

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Depends on situation, for example. A few years back I was the dumper (yes, boo me) as I'd simply fallen out of love. I'd tried to make it work, but was only lying to her and myself. I ended it. Felt bad, but afterwards it was clear it was the right thing to do. Now I know she felt worse than me and after a few teary moments, she went NC on me... but that was fine as my feelings had gone and I'd mentally moved on long before then. So the fact she was out of sight didn't affect me in the slightest.

 

Now obviously karma hit like a bitch this year when I was the dumpee to a different girl. The thing is, the roles were totally reversed and I still had the feelings whereas she didn't. So therefore when she was out of my life, my feelings for her got stronger, yet for her (just like me previously) it made things easier.

 

However, that's not a rule, just my experience. I do believe that when a relationship is forced apart (cheating etc) then there are still feelings there, and therefore both sides can miss the other. But when the relationship due to those feelings going, then absence isn't going to make one bit of difference.

Zabs Established Member

Zabs

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DEpends what the reason for the BU.. but my ex..(confirmed as of yesterday) is trying to get me under manners!:laugh: That is what this whole sorry 'charade' has been about..all 18 months of it!:lmao:

 

Not sure if I am just laughing or in delirium!:lmao::lmao:

 

ANyway, in that case, out of sight out of mind? Definitely not! I huess if there was absoluteNC from his part from dot..then perhaps so..but NC was never about breaking for good (for him)

 

Other situations, say absolute NC since the BU..The hardest, most selfish person I think would still find it difficult over the holidays...but probably for reasons of guilt..ego if they are on their own..probably not ego if they are with someone because the void conceivably would be filled...but some ego's know no bounds..and if a person is getting on with their life after being dumped...I guess it is not out of the realms of possibility the dumper could resent that person?

 

Absence makes the heart growfonder? Again...depends on the situation. With my child's Father, I don't think of any happy times as they were outnumbered by the bad...like a pleasure /pain equation...the pain lasting considerably longer at that! But at the same speed, especially around the holiday, you can get to thinking...it weren't all that bad....but for a fair answer I guess the individual concerned would do well to write a list of qualities about their ex...see how they measure up.. Long ass answer...but I tried Glove!:D

 

Much love,

 

Zabs xx

mike588 Established Member

mike588

Posted
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Absence makes the heart grow fonder - Applies to Dumpee

Out of sight out of mind - Applies to Dumper

 

Agree or disagree?

 

I agree....depends on the situation. If you were a rebound I would'nt expect them to miss you/make the heart grow fonder because they never developed a deep emotional connection with you...their heart was elsewhere.

 

I would say in this case (rebound) it's ..Out of sight out of mind..not that they have forgotten you/think or care about you but are relieved that your not contacting them.

TheDovic Established Member

TheDovic

Posted
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Absence makes the heart grow fonder - Applies to Dumpee

Out of sight out of mind - Applies to Dumper

 

Agree or disagree?

 

I'm a dumpee and I know when I'm not speaking to my ex I'm a mess, so I do agree with the first point... although at the same time when we're in contact it's hell too because I'm constantly overanalysing everything she says looking for some sign she wants me back!

 

I think "absense makes the heart grow fonder" can also apply to the dumper too though as everytime I go nc on my ex she goes mental trying to contact me!

 

Out of sight out of mind can also apply to either dumper or dumpee too. It really depends on the couple. My ex and I seem to need to be in each other's lives, and out of sight out of mind has not been the case for either of us!

Philosoraptor Established Member

Philosoraptor

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To most people it bounces back and forth between. I realized early that with absense I ignored her faults and idolized her. Bad idea.

immitable Established Member

immitable

Posted
Posted
Absence makes the heart grow fonder - Applies to Dumpee

Out of sight out of mind - Applies to Dumper

 

Agree or disagree?

 

Absence makes the heart grow fonder - Applies to Dumpee,

not really, I think it is quite opposite, if you are maintaining NC you tend to, slowly but surely forget and let go.

 

Out of sight out of mind - Applies to Dumper

if they never loved you (if there was never love involved than who cares), than it's true

mike588 Established Member

mike588

Posted
Posted
Absence makes the heart grow fonder - Applies to Dumpee,

not really, I think it is quite opposite, if you are maintaining NC you tend to, slowly but surely forget and let go.

 

Out of sight out of mind - Applies to Dumper

if they never loved you (if there was never love involved than who cares), than it's true

 

I understand if your in a very SHORT relationship they may not have developed a "love" for you....but what about LTRs?

YouNeverKnow86 Established Member

YouNeverKnow86

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I understand if your in a very SHORT relationship they may not have developed a "love" for you....but what about LTRs?

 

 

You know what is weird, I know a few people that were in short term relationships that actually ended up getting back together later on. Both times the dumper wanted to give it another go to see if they made the right decision.

 

I think regret/doubting a decision is possible after a short term relationship. I feel many dumpers don't come back after a long term relationship because they felt like the relationship ran its course.

 

So once again it all depends on the situation whether it is long term or short term relationships......

 

Think about it.......many love stories are built on short term flings that are later reignited aka "The Notebook."

headsashed Established Member

headsashed

Posted
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out of sight out of mind,well she isnt int my sight but she definately is on my mind lol,but that will end in due course im sure.

 

Absence makes the heart grow fonder,funnily enough i think this is true,my feelings for my ex seem to grow stronger when we were apart for so long,ive no idea why.

 

Im the dumpee in this situation and things came out of the blue for me so maybe thats why my answers are what they are. As for my ex the dumper,ive no idea what she thinks or feels,id like to think she thinks and misses me,but i highly doubt that.

immitable Established Member

immitable

Posted
Posted
You know what is weird, I know a few people that were in short term relationships that actually ended up getting back together later on. Both times the dumper wanted to give it another go to see if they made the right decision.

 

I think regret/doubting a decision is possible after a short term relationship. I feel many dumpers don't come back after a long term relationship because they felt like the relationship ran its course.

 

So once again it all depends on the situation whether it is long term or short term relationships......

 

Think about it.......many love stories are built on short term flings that are later reignited aka "The Notebook."

 

Disagree,

 

how would you then explain exs going back to their exs, I mean the rebound guy/girl getting dumped for the ex?

You can't compete with the history.

mike588 Established Member

mike588

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Disagree,

 

how would you then explain exs going back to their exs, I mean the rebound guy/girl getting dumped for the ex?

You can't compete with the history.

 

Gotta agree with that....you know my story and I surely didn't compete with their history. But what happens when an ex. gos back to an ex. and it doesn't workout?

 

As you being a rebound dumpee with a history....let's say over 3,,, 5 months? (relationship) then what? they seek you out because there is a history with you..the dumpee?

immitable Established Member

immitable

Posted
Posted
Gotta agree with that....you know my story and I surely didn't compete with their history. But what happens when an ex. gos back to an ex. and it doesn't workout?

 

As you being a rebound dumpee with a history....let's say over 3,,, 5 months? (relationship) then what? they seek you out because there is a history with you..the dumpee?

 

I know Mike and you sprang to my mind when I wrote this, you know what they say it ain't over till the fat lady sings, best of luck to you :)

YouNeverKnow86 Established Member

YouNeverKnow86

Posted
Posted
Disagree,

 

how would you then explain exs going back to their exs, I mean the rebound guy/girl getting dumped for the ex?

You can't compete with the history.

 

Well it is all relative to a situation.......In the one situation I am talking about the girl left her 2-3 month relationship for her previous ex and then realized it was a mistake. She went back to my friend 2 years later and have been together since.

 

The other one was a mess in which the female dumper wasn't ready for a relationship, the breakup was bad, and a few years later my friend/her got back together.

 

It all depends on the situation. I just think maybe female dumpers are more inclined to come back in short term situations then long term situations. It goes with the theory that in long term they have had time to think about breaking up so they know the relationship ran its course. In short term breakups they did it more on a whim.

Melrapuo Established Member

Melrapuo

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I believe its hard to generalize anything, really. Thats why people use the terms "sometimes" "maybe" "possibly" "chances are" in terms of describing what could happen in the future. Honestly, you don't know.

 

 

Both instances could happen. Absense DOES make the heart grow fonder. Out of sight, out of mind? Maybe if the dumper was being harassed by the dumpee, or was being mistreated. I consider that a form of just ignoring someone. If thats what happens, it happens.

 

There's no clear-cut way in explaining how relationships are going to work. I like to think of it as gambling. A lot of people go into a casino hoping to win. And how many do? Less than 50%. THAT'S a fact. Now is that the same with all casinos? Yea, pretty much. Are there ones where people win less in some places, and win more in others? I'm sure statistics will show that this probably happens, too. Is there a way to improve your odds? Only if you understand what your doing. However, there are no guarantees. If there were, everyone would win big at casinos.

 

Don't try and limit yourself to the black and white. No relationship is the same. People have been dumped, told that their SO was no longer in love with them, and never heard from them again. Others have been dumped, told the same thing, and over time they eventually got back together.

 

All you can do is better yourself. Fix the faults that you have, and focus on you. Its all you've got.

 

O, and just to comment, the length of the relationship does, in fact, factor into the effects of this. However, I think its also about how strong the connection was between two people, and if both parties still, at some point, long for each other.

Lil1 Established Member

Lil1

Posted
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In my dating experience it has never been out of sight out of mind. I always remember the best of each ex. I wouldn't exactly say that absence has made my heart grow fonder but I've definitely forgiven and forgotten the bad times. There's no point in holding on to all that negativity when there's so much to look forward to! ;)

PoppyLove89 Established Member

PoppyLove89

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I think for those dumpers who aren't sure whether they've made the right decision or those who know they'll regret the break-up but are currently so wrapped up in their 'new, exciting single' life, it is most definitely a case of 'out of sight, out of mind'. Or at least they try and avoid their feelings for as long as possible in the hopes that one way the love/regret/guilt/longing will eventually disappear. It doesn't mean they'll get back in touch though if their emotions do catch up with them, it just means it's something they'll have to live with.

 

For me personally, out of sight, out of mind helps a lot in getting over my ex. It's easier when I don't think about him and I feel he doesn't exist...it's easier than thinking of him and the nasty person he's become.

ZimboGon Established Member

ZimboGon

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I'm a dumpee. Out of sight of out mind all the way man. 5 weeks since the BU, and i feel great. Living my life, having fun and bettering myself all the way. However, i would love for her to come back its not totally controlling my life. I have a strong belief that once she realizes what life is like without me, she will come crawling back, so absence makes the heart grow fonder for her.

 

I was in control of our relationship for the first year, and then she took me for granted and used me and i lost my confidence and lost my 'balls' pretty much and did whatever i could to win her back. The only way i'd take her back is for her to stoop as low as i did, throwing all of my pride and dignity and everything i had for her.

 

So, once again, dumpees go with out of site out of mind. Makes us happier :D

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Glove_slap Established Member

Glove_slap

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Posted
I'm a dumpee. Out of sight of out mind all the way man. 5 weeks since the BU, and i feel great. Living my life, having fun and bettering myself all the way. However, i would love for her to come back its not totally controlling my life. I have a strong belief that once she realizes what life is like without me, she will come crawling back, so absence makes the heart grow fonder for her.

 

I was in control of our relationship for the first year, and then she took me for granted and used me and i lost my confidence and lost my 'balls' pretty much and did whatever i could to win her back. The only way i'd take her back is for her to stoop as low as i did, throwing all of my pride and dignity and everything i had for her.

 

So, once again, dumpees go with out of site out of mind. Makes us happier :D

 

Hope things go as great as they are going!

ZimboGon Established Member

ZimboGon

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Why thank you sir. And if they don't, and she doesn't come back... Well, i'll only grow stronger from that.

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