older men and younger women

[Katy743]

Hi ya all!

 

It's been very interesting to read messages and all the feedback. I just wanted to know if there are any women out there who are in a relationship with an older man with an age gap of more than 10yrs? There is someone I really like who is going to be 45yrs old next month. I'm only 30yrs old and my birthday is next year! What types of obstacles do you encounter in this relationship and how do you tackle them? I really do like him, and we were taking things slow, but we're starting to show we have intimate feelings for each other. The thing I like most about him is we can talk for hours! We talk about anything and everything and we laugh alot too! I keep thinking, what if we fall in love and later on he thinks I'm not mature enough? I don't know if this is relevant, but he's a police officer and I work in a school setting, but I'm not a teacher yet!

[Tony T]

Your situation is ideal. There are no obstacles unless you make them yourself. The only risk I see here is that when he is 100 and you are 85, he may feel you are too old for him and seek a younger chick. (LOL)

 

Everything about your relationship looks positive and fulfilling. Go for it.

 

If you want children, have them fairly soon. Your clock is ticking and he may not want young children in his mid 50s.

 

As far as the question of maturity, people learn and grow all their lives. You will soon reach his level of maturity as you spend more time with him. He has not questioned that so far and he is unlikely to. It's not like you are 18...you are a grown woman and by some years.

 

Sounds like an absolute winner to me. You and you alone are the only person in the world who can make this decision based on how you feel about him and the interactions you have.

 

I still hope some ladies who may be with older men post some perspectives here but I wanted to put my two cents in.

 

I think this is great. You worry too much!!!

[Jenna]

As for myself- I am not married to a older man- BUT- my best friend is and my parents have a HUGE age gap between them.

 

My best friend is 33 and her husband is 45. They have been together for 5 years- and married for 3- no problems thus far. She is really enjoying being with a man that has gone through his "play days" and is ready for a solid committment. He is mature-and responsible-and also a wonderful listener for her. They spend a lot of good quality time togther- and she had not experienced this with her first husband-who was closer to her age.

 

Now, my parents on the other hand- have 21 years between them!! I KNOW!!!IT'S CRAZY!

 

When they got together- 26 years ago-they were both recently divorce. My Dad (he adopted me after they married) had been married to an alcholic and my mother had been married to a....... well I'm not sure what you'd call him- he was in trouble with the law all the time for hot checks and con games-and he drank- and he would take off for weeks at a time..... and it goes on..... he is my biological father but I don't know him. Anyways- needless to say- they were both in need of some stability and seemed to find it in each other. My dad was 45 and my mom was 24 at the time they married- they had two more children right away (my brother and sister). My Dad worked our farm and mom stayed home with us. I think things went okay and they were both very happy- until the kids were grown and then my mom was ready to get out and live her life- but by this time- my dad was 65! He was ready to retire- rest and relax. Both of them were feeling what anyone else their age was- but not feeling what each other was feeling. THIS is when the age difference became a total disaster. I won't go into the details- but it wasn't pretty.

 

They were divorced- and then remarried- and now they are more miserable than before. My mom is now 52 and my dad is 73- and what seemed like "no big deal" 26 years ago- has turned into the biggest deal of their lives.

 

I do think that there is a point where the gap is too big- and it shows itself once people are left to deal with only each other- no kids- no jobs- just the two of them- trying to find something in common. All of the elements that were in common in their earlier years are gone- and they find themselves in completely different places in life.

 

In your case- I have to believe that you would be more like my friend- since the age difference isn't that big- and I wish you all the luck in the world. Hopefully if you can keep the lines of communication open- you will be able to get past any obsticles that you encounter.

 

Jenna

Your situation is ideal. There are no obstacles unless you make them yourself. The only risk I see here is that when he is 100 and you are 85, he may feel you are too old for him and seek a younger chick. (LOL) Everything about your relationship looks positive and fulfilling. Go for it. If you want children, have them fairly soon. Your clock is ticking and he may not want young children in his mid 50s. As far as the question of maturity, people learn and grow all their lives. You will soon reach his level of maturity as you spend more time with him. He has not questioned that so far and he is unlikely to. It's not like you are 18...you are a grown woman and by some years. Sounds like an absolute winner to me. You and you alone are the only person in the world who can make this decision based on how you feel about him and the interactions you have. I still hope some ladies who may be with older men post some perspectives here but I wanted to put my two cents in. I think this is great. You worry too much!!!

 

[Nina]

My parents have been married for 25 years and are 22 years apart. My Dad is 71 and My Mom is 49, now. They love each other immensely and still cuddle and hold hands, even though my DAd is of failing health.

 

She appreciates his maturity and stability, he appreciates her vivacity and charm. What separates people is individual personality, not age. Big age gaps are very customary in many european and asian countries. It's only the US that is so age-obsessed that has issues.

[angela]

Hi Katy,

 

I have been in a relationship for a long time with a man 20 years older than me. We are very happy. Sometimes people think I'm his daughter, but that dosn't matter to us. All that matters is that we're happy. My guy likes to talk to me too and I love that he feel comfortable enough to let me see his true feelings. He did'nt do that with his ex and he says it comes with age! I hope you will be as happy as we are. Just don't let other people's negativty

 

steal your cheer! Angela

Hi ya all! It's been very interesting to read messages and all the feedback. I just wanted to know if there are any women out there who are in a relationship with an older man with an age gap of more than 10yrs? There is someone I really like who is going to be 45yrs old next month. I'm only 30yrs old and my birthday is next year! What types of obstacles do you encounter in this relationship and how do you tackle them? I really do like him, and we were taking things slow, but we're starting to show we have intimate feelings for each other. The thing I like most about him is we can talk for hours! We talk about anything and everything and we laugh alot too! I keep thinking, what if we fall in love and later on he thinks I'm not mature enough? I don't know if this is relevant, but he's a police officer and I work in a school setting, but I'm not a teacher yet!

[Katy743]

Thank you Tony, Jenna, Nina and Angela!

 

The first thing I did this morning was look for replies to this thread. I laughed when I read the part about being 100 and 85 and me being too old at that point! It was funny, but I needed to hear a little humor. We both have children from previous relationships but neither of us will have any of our own together, but that's okay between us. What I love about this man is his thoughtfulness and appreciation for women who are moms and working wives. He hasn't mentioned anything about me working if we lived together but has hinted that he would love having me at the door when he arrives home from work. I have been a working mom and a housewife and I can get used to being either/or. I feel in my heart we would get along just fine and it seems that we already established good communication between us. I am shameless to admit my strong feelings I have for this man, and believe I will completely surrender my heart to, with that first kiss. Thank you all for posting such positive responses! Peace, Katy

[girl_20]

hi there,

 

I am 20 years old and am in a long-term relationship with my boyfriend who is 35. I must say that we have had our share of problems due to the age gap, but then again you are a mature woman and I am yet still learning. He is so much more mature than me (naturally), and yes it can cause problems. But we love each other a lot so we have been prepared to sort them out. Understanding each other is a must - so I have learned from him. I know that I will never get to his level, as there is 15 years age gap, but I hope we can make it. I think that your relationship is great. You don't seem to have any problems etc. so GO FOR IT DEFINITLY. Age is just a number after all, it's the heart and soul that counts.