EyeAlone Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 I've always been told to keep myself busy after a breakup to distract and begin to rebuild myself. I understand why that advice is given because as they say, "idle hands are the devil's playground," which can also be attributed to a bored and idle mind. But can it be taken too far? I've been extremely busy at work; we're talking consecutive 14-15 hour days. Needless to say when I get home, I eat dinner and crash in bed. It just hit me earlier today that I've been so busy that I haven't thought about my ex recently. There's just no time to pity myself and miss him. I think that's fantastic. Out of all my breakups, this has been the least painful so far because back then I had more free time to mope and cry. Now my mind is too occupied. I think it's fantastic in the short-term because I'm avoiding the acute pain of a breakup. But I'm beginning to feel concerned. I'm not going to be this busy all the time. In fact, tomorrow will be the last day with crappy hours until a few months from now. I'm worried that the pain is going to hit me all at once because I haven't properly grieved. That's the last thing I want right now. Does anyone have any experience with this? Should I be setting time aside to address the breakup? Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 Usually keepping busy is the healthiest way to get over someone. The only reason is, I think...because it takes a long time to get over someone, and it takes alot of factors. You have to rebuild yourself, gain confidence, keep your mind off your ex, try new things, meet new people, change life, just basically live. Its better brain stimulation. You cant forget about someone sitting at home waiting for the pain to pass. Getting high and rebounds is a couple of the ways people try to forget, but that never works, that just postpones the grief. That doesnt stimulate the brain. Actually rebounds is trying to act your way out of the grief, and that never works. I know a woman right now who JUST lost her husband of 10 years. Shes not a mess, but she cant sleep at night. She has all kinds of random thoughts that float through her head that she has no one to share them with anymore. So right now, she is clubbing constantly with her sister to occupy herself. But every night, when she gets home to bed, she hurts all over again. But she cant sit at home all day, she HAS to do something. Its the only way to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 Keeping busy is important as it stops you from dwelling, but avoiding all feelings will lead to a crash later. I learned to accept the feelings when they came through but not to let them linger. Link to post Share on other sites
smokey bear Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 Its not healthy and it doesnt work, i tried it. Keep yourself as busy but set aside time everyday to reflect on it and feel the feelings or they will resurface at some point Link to post Share on other sites
perfectlyflawed459 Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 Its not healthy and it doesnt work, i tried it. Keep yourself as busy but set aside time everyday to reflect on it and feel the feelings or they will resurface at some point I do this. I think about it everyday and it does help me come to terms with it more. I was trying too hard at first. I went out on dates and such but none of those guys connected with me the way my ex did and it only left me feeling worse. I do miss my ex greatly, but it hurts less and less each day. It also helps to remember that NC doesn't necessarily mean "forever." You just kind of have to get back together with yourself and remember that you are valuable and beautiful. Regain that confidence that attracted them in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
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