How do I not be single this time next year?

[somedude81]

You realize my heart stopped when I read that, right?

It's OK babe. They'd realize soon anyways when you come down their chimneys tonight.

 

[Dust]

You realize my heart stopped when I read that, right?

 

Thats a good one! Do you have nude photos floating around that we should know of?

 

Back to his internet profile... you need to put romantic stuff in the profile. Bio should be "I'm a genie in a bottle baby, gotta rub me the right way honey" keep it short and simple. Interests should be something like "living life full full frottle" Then their should also be a disclaimer on his profile "I'm only interested in beautiful women"

 

Remember when you message the women be agressive. Feel free to do what ever goes best. Some girls will want to hear "I'll be the Jack Dawson to your Rose" others would rather hear "I'll be the Skelleton king to your Sally."

 

You're going to need his address too cause you'll want to be sending girls his way... lets hope you don't end up sending a murderer his way... Just be like "I'm home alone watching Home Alone, come join me" He can put his hands down her pants after that scene where Kevin finds Buds gf's pic...

[PlumPrincess]

Are you guys really going to use that shirtless picture as a profile picture?

 

I don't think every male has to look like a fashion model with a sixpack, in fact, I don't really care that much about sixpacks, but if your physique is average, then I find a shirtless picture without a hint of irony to be sort of embarrassing. I'd definitely not message a guy who did that, because I would think he is not very realistic, with respect to himself and his expectations about the women he can get.

[somedude81]

Are you guys really going to use that shirtless picture as a profile picture?

 

I don't think every male has to look like a fashion model with a sixpack, in fact, I don't really care that much about sixpacks, but if your physique is average, then I find a shirtless picture without a hint of irony to be sort of embarrassing. I'd definitely not message a guy who did that, because I would think he is not very realistic, with respect to himself and his expectations about the women he can get.

Heh, that was just the three of us playing around last night. Also, I just happened to have a shirtless pic of me that I took a few years ago.

[jobaba]

One shirtless pic coming up

 

As far as your body, you're going to have to add mass and cuts to turn it into an advantage. As is, it's just a normal, fit body, not a detractor, but nothing that will help you.

 

As far as the rest of it, the most important thing is just playing numbers and going out there and getting your rejections.

 

Yes, tons of women won't date men under 5'10". So you're going to have to go through those girls to get to the ones that will give you a chance.

 

Once you get to one who will give you a chance ... pour on the confidence.

[somedude81]

Not every rejection has to do with you, but I think I read in this thread that some girls don't know it's a date when you go out with them or you're friends with them first and want something more. I'm not saying this doesn't work or anything but I would make my intentions clear from the start and if any girl isn't interested, I wouldn't invest time in her.

Yeah, I know it's a bad idea to spend time with girls that I know are not interested. But I do it because I was lonely and wanted female companionship. Since I've never had a girlfriend, female friends are the only girls that I can spend time with. Then I end up falling for them, whether I want to or not.

 

As for myself, I just don't take it personally. I've been blown off before and I just laugh. Some girls aren't just attracted and that's fine. Sometimes it is me and I usually know when it's me, like when I've said something stupid and that's okay too

 

It is hard not to take it personally, especially after multiple rejections. That's why you're posting here now, looking for a new approach.

I just can't not take it personally any more. Hell, I could probably get a crush on a lesbian and feel hurt when she rejects me, thinking it's all about me........

 

 

This particular feedback was excellent because it let me know why I was rejected previously several times. I appreciated her honesty and thanked her for it. And on top of that, she gave me positive feedback and said my approach was excellent and fun and it was different to what she usually gets i.e. guys calling her and wolf-whistling. She was hot too and she knew she could have me if she wanted to, which was the issue.

 

However, what I realise is sometimes girls say what they want but are attracted to something else or are with someone who doesn't have it. Like you see on this forum, a lot of the crap gets called out. Sometimes it makes sense and it's logical but often what sounds ideal doesn't always work. Most of the time I find the advice that works best is counter-intuitive.

 

Maybe you can try to get feedback from these girls? I mean, if it she's rejected you, there's no harm in asking.

That was great how you got that.

 

I've never gotten feedback from women at all about what I was doing wrong. And I'm sure that's a big reason why I'm still single after all these years and still making stupid mistakes because I simply don't know better.

Talk about yourself, something interesting you've done, something that makes her think 'man, I really want to get to know this guy more'. Of course let her talk to, but give her something to ask about you, something that makes her curious.

I don't think I've ever done something that interesting.

 

There really isn't anything I can say about myself or something that happened which can impress a girl.

 

Women would go out with if you don't give them the chance to know you. Flirt with them, make it fun banter, tease her a little, playfully push her a bit. You've got things going for, you're a prize catch but I think you're down on yourself too much sometimes. If you go in with the mind set 'why would she even go out with me', you're doomed to fail.

I do all that and they still reject me. Maybe my flirting wasn't seen as flirting?

The girls I approached after I was attracted to somewhat and I got dates with them (one after 2 minutes of conversation). That wasn't because I was good, just these girls happen to be attracted to me.

What am I supposed to do when girls aren't attracted to me? Is there anything I can do?

I just saw this on a friends status and thought I would share it with you.

Hope it helps!

 

Take time when you're SINGLE to work on things you want to improve on. Lack of relationship status or attention shouldn't distract you. So in other words..... Get yourself right! If you are NOT HAPPY with YOU or YOUR LIFE YOU CAN'T MAKE SOMEONE ELSE HAPPY. Learn to Love you 1st

The thing is, I really don't know what I can improve on that would have any effect.

 

The things that I think are holding me back are basically unchangeable. At least that's how I see it.

This could be a problem. I've been on dates with guys who barely talked, and it was boring as hell. You need to be an active participant in the conversation, otherwise she'll never know how funny and interesting you are. Sitting there silently, forcing her to carry the entire conversation by herself, is not the way to go. No wonder you've never been able to get a second date!

No, I don't force her to carry the entire conversation. I asks questions of her, give my two cents then say something which makes her want to talk more.

 

I do make jokes and say some things about myself, but most of the conversation is about her and the girl always talks a lot more than I do. And I can tell that she enjoys herself.

 

I think my biggest problem is that I never talk about "adult" topics with girls. So we just stay on a friendship level.

[somedude81]

As far as your body, you're going to have to add mass and cuts to turn it into an advantage. As is, it's just a normal, fit body, not a detractor, but nothing that will help you.

 

As far as the rest of it, the most important thing is just playing numbers and going out there and getting your rejections.

 

Yes, tons of women won't date men under 5'10". So you're going to have to go through those girls to get to the ones that will give you a chance.

 

Once you get to one who will give you a chance ... pour on the confidence.

I've tried to add mass but it just didn't really work. At least I'm not really skinny.

 

Also, I've been really depressed these past few months so I haven't really been working out. Just no energy. I'm going to put more effort into hitting the gym when school starts again.

 

I don't see playing the numbers as something that I can do and it would cause more harm than good. I really don't think I can handle getting repeated rejections.

 

Getting a chance from a girl would be a godsend. There is a side of me that I really want to show to a special lady but I've never been able to

[jobaba]

 

I don't see playing the numbers as something that I can do and it would cause more harm than good. I really don't think I can handle getting repeated rejections.

 

 

You must.

 

Guys like you and I have no choice. If trying to meet a woman over the course of life's daily events hasn't worked in the past 15 years, what makes you think it will work in the next 15.

 

You MUST be aggressive.

[somedude81]

You must.

 

Guys like you and I have no choice. If trying to meet a woman over the course of life's daily events hasn't worked in the past 15 years, what makes you think it will work in the next 15.

 

You MUST be aggressive.

No, I think that once I'm actually in a conversation with women, I don't talk about the right things or I don't act the right way.

 

If I don't change that, I could approach a thousand women and get rejected by all of them without ever knowing what I'm doing wrong.

 

There isn't any point in doing repeated blind-casts.

[jobaba]

No, I think that once I'm actually in a conversation with women, I don't talk about the right things or I don't act the right way.

 

If I don't change that, I could approach a thousand women and get rejected by all of them without ever knowing what I'm doing wrong.

 

There isn't any point in doing repeated blind-casts.

 

No SD. That is completely untrue.

 

If I could I would introduce you to one of my friends here. He's a quiet, sullen, socially retarded guy who is overweight. He dresses horribly and combs his hair uneven and his apartment is a horrendous pigsty. If you met him you'd question how he ever could get a girl.

 

But he's gotten a few girls and now has a steady GF.

 

He did it by being rejected by multiple girls and having an "I don't give a sh@t" confidence. Eventually a woman gave him a chance and he didn't turn her off by being a wuss.

 

Judging by your posts, you are an eloquent guy and have more going on than him.

 

Don't get me wrong. Continue to work on yourself, but the main things you have to change are your level of aggression and confidence. You can have a woman today.

 

I was similarly friendzoned by a woman earlier this year. Right now, and I don't mean this in the wrong way (I do like her) I have a woman wrapped around my finger.

 

Play the numbers and don't be a wuss. It works.

[somedude81]

No SD. That is completely untrue.

 

If I could I would introduce you to one of my friends here. He's a quiet, sullen, socially retarded guy who is overweight. He dresses horribly and combs his hair uneven and his apartment is a horrendous pigsty. If you met him you'd question how he ever could get a girl.

 

But he's gotten a few girls and now has a steady GF.

 

He did it by being rejected by multiple girls and having an "I don't give a sh@t" confidence. Eventually a woman gave him a chance and he didn't turn her off by being a wuss.

 

Judging by your posts, you are an eloquent guy and have more going on than him.

 

Don't get me wrong. Continue to work on yourself, but the main things you have to change are your level of aggression and confidence. You can have a woman today.

 

I was similarly friendzoned by a woman earlier this year. Right now, and I don't mean this in the wrong way (I do like her) I have a woman wrapped around my finger.

 

Play the numbers and don't be a wuss. It works.

How the hell did you manage that, turning around a friendzone?

 

PS: my confidence sucks because of my life experiences. I've never the luxury of baseless confidence.

[jobaba]

How the hell did you manage that, turning around a friendzone?

 

PS: my confidence sucks because of my life experiences. I've never the luxury of baseless confidence.

 

I didn't turn it around. It's a different woman. The difference wasn't me. It was the woman. With the second woman, I just had to make sure I didn't screw up when she gave me the chance. With the first woman, I had no chance in this lifetime to get her to like me.

 

Don't listen to all the BS from the women here who say that women can tell in real life if you lack inner confidence and are a bitter man deep inside. Artificially inflate your confidence with a dose of attitude and cockiness and hit the pavement.

[Cypress25]

I don't think I've ever done something that interesting.

 

There really isn't anything I can say about myself or something that happened which can impress a girl.

 

If you don't think you're interesting, why would girls think you're interesting? There's a reason you never get beyond a first date, and it's not because you're short. It's because you present yourself as a dull person with nothing interesting to say. That needs to change.

 

No, I don't force her to carry the entire conversation. I asks questions of her, give my two cents then say something which makes her want to talk more.

 

I do make jokes and say some things about myself, but most of the conversation is about her and the girl always talks a lot more than I do. And I can tell that she enjoys herself.

 

I stand by my assessment that this is a problem. The girl always talks more than you because she's trying to fill the silence. You're basically just interviewing her, but if it's a date, the two of you should be interviewing each other. Let her get to know you, show her that you have a personality, talk about your interests and hobbies.

 

I think that once I'm actually in a conversation with women, I don't talk about the right things or I don't act the right way.

 

Exactly. No one wants to go on a date with a guy who says as little as possible and just lets the girl talk. That's not a conversation, that's a one-sided interview. It's boring and awkward for the girl, and it leaves her with the impression that you have no personality. You're going to have to be a lot more engaged and animated during dates if you want to pique a woman's interest.

 

Or you could keep doing the same thing, expecting different results. Let me know how that goes.

[somedude81]

I didn't turn it around. It's a different woman. The difference wasn't me. It was the woman. With the second woman, I just had to make sure I didn't screw up when she gave me the chance. With the first woman, I had no chance in this lifetime to get her to like me.

Hmm, that's different then.

 

You got lucky and didn't screw it up.

 

Don't listen to all the BS from the women here who say that women can tell in real life if you lack inner confidence and are a bitter man deep inside. Artificially inflate your confidence with a dose of attitude and cockiness and hit the pavement.

Yeah I think its all nonsense. If I'm having a good time with a girl, there is no way she's going to know that I don't love myself or something.

If you don't think you're interesting, why would girls think you're interesting? There's a reason you never get beyond a first date, and it's not because you're short. It's because you present yourself as a dull person with nothing interesting to say. That needs to change.

Why do I have to be interesting?

 

Isn't it good enough that we have fun and have things in common? Why do I have to impress her?

I stand by my assessment that this is a problem. The girl always talks more than you because she's trying to fill the silence. You're basically just interviewing her, but if it's a date, the two of you should be interviewing each other. Let her get to know you, show her that you have a personality, talk about your interests and hobbies.

 

Exactly. No one wants to go on a date with a guy who says as little as possible and just lets the girl talk. That's not a conversation, that's a one-sided interview. It's boring and awkward for the girl, and it leaves her with the impression that you have no personality. You're going to have to be a lot more engaged and animated during dates if you want to pique a woman's interest.

I guess it could be seen as an interview of sorts. But I can easily tell when a girl is enjoying herself. The last thing I'm doing is just sitting there nodding my head forcing her to keep everything.

 

One common thing is that girls rarely ask questions about me. Do I just start talking about myself? One thing that I've kept hearing is that girls don't like when guys keep talking, not letting her be a part of the conversation.

 

Ugh, anybody want to go on a trial date with me to see how I am and post feedback and impressions.

 

We don't have to go past third if you don't want to

[somedude81]

Ugh, just got the official "save the date" card for my younger cousins wedding. His little sister got married a few months ago and I was there without a date. I felt like absolute sh*t.

 

He's getting married in June. I really do not want to go if I'm single. Would it be an OK thing to not go because of that? I'll just make up some excuse of why I couldn't go.

[Dust]

Ugh, just got the official "save the date" card for my younger cousins wedding. His little sister got married a few months ago and I was there without a date. I felt like absolute sh*t.

 

He's getting married in June. I really do not want to go if I'm single. Would it be an OK thing to not go because of that? I'll just make up some excuse of why I couldn't go.

 

As usual poor poor somedude feeling sorry for his life... Did you ever think that this could be an oportunity? It gives you motivation! Also it's an excuse to meet a girl. You could invite a girl you like as your date, or if you go single theres a chance other single girls will be there...

 

Either way get over it as usual you sound like a girl. Action, be a man of action.

[Cracker Jack]

It's in June. You could actually have a woman by then. Also, what Dust said.

 

Anyway, try to chill with the depressing thoughts, man. This topic is supposed to be about changing your current situation, and you're already thinking of a way to excuse yourself from a wedding that's not even close to taking place because of the possible lack of a date.

 

That doesn't help matters at all. It just keeps you in the same abyss you're trying so desperately to escape from.

[counterman]

Yeah, I know it's a bad idea to spend time with girls that I know are not interested. But I do it because I was lonely and wanted female companionship. Since I've never had a girlfriend, female friends are the only girls that I can spend time with. Then I end up falling for them, whether I want to or not.

 

It's all good, I want female companionship but for some reason they never work out. When the girl realises I have absolutely no interest in dating her, she stops putting in effort or if the girl meets another guy who she dates, then she forgets about it. So, I tend to stick with guy friends. Spend enough time with a girl that you're attracted to, then you would fall for them whether you like it or not... and it's harder to take that rejection from someone you've had emotional investment in.

 

If you approach a random girl you find attractive, talk to her for 5 to 10 minutes and she rejects you, that's much easier to take. One, because she's a stranger, why should she matter to you? Two, you have no emotional investment in her.

 

Not saying that you shouldn't have female friends. Why not do both and have more options?

 

I just can't not take it personally any more. Hell, I could probably get a crush on a lesbian and feel hurt when she rejects me, thinking it's all about me........

 

:lmao:

 

That was great how you got that.

 

I've never gotten feedback from women at all about what I was doing wrong. And I'm sure that's a big reason why I'm still single after all these years and still making stupid mistakes because I simply don't know better.

 

Perhaps you should start asking for feedback. I figured that if a girl rejects me, what else do I have to lose? Might as well make the most of it and ask for feedback and her opinions on how she would like to be approached. It's much better than doing the exact same thing and getting angry because it's not working and wondering why it's not.

 

I don't think I've ever done something that interesting.

 

There really isn't anything I can say about myself or something that happened which can impress a girl.

 

As for stories you can tell, you can talk about anything you're passionate about. If the girl dismisses it or finds it boring, then maybe she isn't for you. But there's lots you can talk about... places you've been too, hobbies you take, what you study, something you're interested in that you're planning on pursuing. Sometimes it's how you say it.

 

What am I supposed to do when girls aren't attracted to me? Is there anything I can do?

 

If a girl isn't attracted to you, then there's not much you can do to change that. The best thing you can do is put your best foot forward in your personal appearance and your first impression.

 

Some girls before I've even said a word would have rejected me already, just because they don't like the way I look. That's fair, what can you do? Just like how you won't like every girl that would approach you.

 

I do all that and they still reject me. Maybe my flirting wasn't seen as flirting?

 

After you do all that in your first interaction, there's gotta be escalation the next time you meet her. So, the way it usually goes is you approach her, flirt a bit, ask her out. Then on the date, you kiss her.

 

If you've flirted, teased her and bring in some sexual innuendo and ask her out, it doesn't guarantee you'll get a date but what it does is you make it clear what you want; you're the man.

 

Ugh, just got the official "save the date" card for my younger cousins wedding. His little sister got married a few months ago and I was there without a date. I felt like absolute sh*t.

 

He's getting married in June. I really do not want to go if I'm single. Would it be an OK thing to not go because of that? I'll just make up some excuse of why I couldn't go.

 

C'mon, are you serious? It's a relative's wedding! You must go. Use it as a chance to meet other girls. And you have 6 months until the wedding, by then you would have approached a thousand girls one could possibly be your date.

 

By the way, don't you know how to dance? Grab a cute girl sitting by herself and dance with her.

[PlumPrincess]

You can't hide your whiny attitude from anybody else in real life. You think you can, but you can't. I thought when I want to be viewed as nice, people will think I'm nice. Well, the truth is, they will see me as nice, but they will also see that there is a part of me that is not nice. You can't mask your personality unless you're some psychopath or sociopath.

 

I remember I had this conversation with a girl last year. It was like 10 minute chitchat on the way to a party. At the end she told me that I was really blunt and I was like, "Uhm, how the hell does she know that?" I perceived the conversation as mindless small talk, we didn't talk about anything I felt strongly about, nothing. But that was the impression she got from me and many other people would agree with her.

[Imageiko]

As much as you'll probably disagree and put a spin on it your negative attitude alone is holding you back. Your seriously wondering why you have to present yourself as interesting to girls?

 

You probably aren't as hard up as you project yourself on here which means that you can change your attitude which will lead to more success with women.

 

 

Ugh, just got the official "save the date" card for my younger cousins wedding. His little sister got married a few months ago and I was there without a date. I felt like absolute sh*t.

 

He's getting married in June. I really do not want to go if I'm single. Would it be an OK thing to not go because of that? I'll just make up some excuse of why I couldn't go.

 

This is not a bad thing! Talk about the negative view point again. Weddings are probably the best place to meet girls. Single girls at weddings are the most open to being approached and it's probably the easiest venue to have success.

 

Take this as an opportunity for a fresh start. Work on improving your attitude before then and go there a happy and confident person. If you're there smiling and having a good time I'd be shocked if you didn't have some sort of success with a women.

 

That would require a big change in how you look at your life and how you think about yourself day to day. As much as you say you want to change, do you really? Some people deep down are more comfortable being unhappy so they can whine and complain.

[Cypress25]

Why do I have to be interesting?

 

Because if you're not interesting, you're boring. Why would anyone want to date a boring person?

 

Isn't it good enough that we have fun and have things in common? Why do I have to impress her?

 

You don't have to impress her, but you do have to make a good impression on her. Do you see the difference? You don't have to be Superman, but you do have to show her that you're worth dating. It's not good enough that you have things in common. She probably has things in common with a lot of people. If there's nothing interesting about you, then she's not having as much fun as you think.

 

One common thing is that girls rarely ask questions about me. Do I just start talking about myself? One thing that I've kept hearing is that girls don't like when guys keep talking, not letting her be a part of the conversation.

 

The girl should ask questions about you, but if she doesn't, it's perfectly fine to just start talking about yourself. Don't monopolize the conversation, but you can respond to what she's saying by relating it to yourself. That's how people connect. Once you tell her a little bit about yourself, she'll probably start asking follow-up questions. If you never say anything about yourself, she won't know what to ask. And she'll think there's nothing to know about you.

[somedude81]

That's something I've been wondering about for a long time. Do people actually use the word date?

 

Lets say I meet a girl in one of my classes and want to get to know her better. How would I invite her to spend time with me?

Nobody addressed this question so I want to bring it up again.

 

What is the actual process to go from complete strangers who are in a class together to somebody I can go on a date with, and she knows that it's a date, not some hangout she'd do with her gay friend?

[jobaba]

Nobody addressed this question so I want to bring it up again.

 

What is the actual process to go from complete strangers who are in a class together to somebody I can go on a date with, and she knows that it's a date, not some hangout she'd do with her gay friend?

 

Ask her for her phone number, then ask her on a date, and then try and kiss her on that date.

 

Simple as that...

[somedude81]

Define, ask her on a date.

 

How would you actually do it in the situation I described.

[Lonely Ronin]

Get, her alone for a few moments, and say:

 

"Hey, are you doing anything Friday night? I'd like to take you out for dinner & maybe a movie."

 

Don't give her time to answer the question part, just continue into the statement. The bold part is what signifies a date!