How do you beat depression?

[RecordProducer]

I know, it's a million dollar question. I don't even quite understand why I am depressed. It started when I was married due to the marital problems at the time. But it continued on and off after the separation. I also have a problem accepting my second divorce (a year ago), although I have no idea why: the marriage was horrible and I'm still young (mid-30s) and attractive, plus finishing grad school. I guess I am angry at my ex for treating me like shyt during and after the marriage AND for dumping me. I so want to go back in time and dump him. Plus, he is almost two decades older than me. Now he's dating some brainless, low class gold digger with recent shoplifting convictions. They deserve each other. But I don't trust her to be around my kids. I have a very good people radar and I have a feeling that she's up to no good, which also fills me with fear fueling my depression. I do have a feeling that he's not in love with her and he's not going to marry her, but if he does marry her - the thought that he would be worth more to her dead than alive scares the crap out of me.

 

I would like to have a partner in my life, and I actually think not having one is the biggest source of my depression. I hate that I am not settled in my life. I am also tired of taking care of everything by myself. And I am tired of waiting for happiness (love, career, etc.) to happen. Also, the past few months have been really tough in that a chain of bad things were happening. But, I don't think I have real reasons to be depressed. Sure, I am more depressed when I drink, but I am on and off depressed when I don't drink, too.

 

I do plan on seeing a counselor. Should I go to a psychologist or a psychiatrist? Has anyone tried hypnosis for depression? I am very much against anti-depresants, but they did help my father a few years ago and he only took them for a few months or so. I want to turn 180 and become a happy person regardless of all the crap in life. I would like to be able like those people who suddenly find Jesus and become blissfully happy. I want something to click in my head. I am tired of being afraid of the future, I am tired of that sinking feeling and of feeling guilty, ashamed and angry.

 

Why do we need so much to feel happy? There's so much pain and misery in this world - I feel so stupid and spoiled to feel miserable when not much bad is going on in my life. It's just that some of the good is missing.

Edited December 23, 2011 by RecordProducer

[Philosoraptor]

One thing that stands out to me is that you said you are waiting for things to get better. I'm not familiar with your story but there is no need to wait around. If you're not out there attacking life then you need to be. Time heals nothing, it's what you do with that time that matters. I also believe that one needs to be happy and content with themselves in order to be truly happy as no one but yourself can make your truly happy. A person can add to happiness but can not in itself create.

 

I was also against medication for a long time. The first one I took made me worse but then I ended up on another months later. It's a very low dose, and I'm not even sure it does anything, but I've noticed clearer thinking and not going off the deep end. Honestly I'd start with a psychologist as they will not push drugs on you, but if they notice things not getting better they may recommend seeing someone for medication.

 

Good luck on your journey. I wish you the best.

[Lostinlife4now]

Hi Record Producer!

 

Oh My do I know the feeling! Start with a psychologist first...You need to change your Mindset...We all have bad things happen in our life.....I lost a son a few years ago....ain't nothing worse in life than that...BUT I do get up everyday HAPPY with the thought of I have my health....I have GREAT friends, I Have no money....but I am content within myself. You just have to set your mind to the positive side.

 

As far as being alone...yes it is hard being single in this crazy world we live in...but you sound very smart (a graduate degree) dammmm all I wanted to do was go to community college but didn't have the money for it...

 

I know you fear for your children, that sounds a little startling...keep your eyes open on that one...Always trust your GUT feeling.....

 

Watch the alcohol it can be a depressant all on it's own......

 

If you need anything or would like to vent please pm me ...I would love to hear from you..

 

Merry Christmas and the New Year will be much better.....

[El Brujo]

There's no chemical that can cure depression... you have to figure out what's making you depressed and change it.

 

Stuck in a lousy job? Start a new one and tell your old boss to take a hike (also works if you're broke).

 

Lonely? Join a Meetup group for people who enjoy the same things you do.

 

Bored? Take up a new hobby.

 

In any event, stop brooding. Yeah, I'm lonely, I'm working at a dead-end clerical job, I drive a beat-up truck that's 20 years old, and I've blown a lot of my inheritance money... but I've also started 3 new businesses, I haven't lost the house, I stopped worrying about what others think of me, and I'm physically healthier than I was a couple of years ago.

 

I pulled out of my depressive slump 8 years ago, and you can too if you stop feeling sorry for yourself.

[RecordProducer]

Oh My do I know the feeling! Start with a psychologist first...You need to change your Mindset...

I was reading some article and the author said all anger comes from unmet expectations. Well, we are taught to treat people the way we want to be treated - this encourages people to treat you like shyt - then we are taught to not allow people to treat us with less than 100% respect, but when they treat us with zero respect, we must curb our anger. No, we must somehow let them know that they can't do it to us. And they still will do it because they can. Because unless you somehow show them that they will suffer for treating you like crap, they are absolutely motivated to fire all their anger at you. Sure, the know-it-alls say "Don't pay attention to what other people do or say!" If I could afford to not pay attention to them, you really think I would?

 

It does sound like a relief though to have low expectations. And considering that people love to exceed low expectations, you're actually better off not expecting anything. Same for other expectations. I had some great events in my life when I lowered my expectations, both professional and personal. Some things were coming to me on a silver plate when I expected absolutely nothing.

 

I lost a son a few years ago....ain't nothing worse in life than that...

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. May I ask, how old was he? Do you have other children?

 

all I wanted to do was go to community college but didn't have the money for it...

You still can. There are grants for college and student loans available. It's a good investment. There are also career school that last a year or two. Plus with today's online learning, possibilities are great. Of course, I am not telling you anything that you don't already know. I went to grad school because I had the spoiled pincess syndrome: I figured I am too lazy and too old to start from zero and work my way up, it pays more to spend a couple years in school and become a professional.

 

...Always trust your GUT feeling.....

I do, but the problem is that we humans are analytical and our minds tell us that what the gut is saying is impossible or at least improbable. We supress the gut feeling. And that's because people always ask you to rationalize everything. And the gut feeling works against all odds sometimes.

Watch the alcohol it can be a depressant all on it's own......

I know.

Merry Christmas and the New Year will be much better.....

My New Year's resolution: no expectations and so, no resolutions! Seriously, the harder we try the more stress we inject in our lives. In fact, the resolution thing is all about 'I don't feel like doing it, but I must - and I know I won't do it, so I'll make it a resolution so I can feel like I failed myself miserably.' No, I'm not saying we should continue with bad habits or not pursue improvement, but I think those things wouldcome naturally to us (the motivation and strength) if we're not so hard on ourselves. People put terrible pressure on other people all the time. You know, I promised myself that I would give my best in school, but no matter what grades I got, I would not stress over it. It was an easy decision because it felt like a treat. The result was stress-free learning. Edited December 23, 2011 by RecordProducer

[carhill]

Do you want help?

 

Are you open to personal change?

 

The answers to those questions, along with the critical component of 'why', will describe the path taken next.

 

What is one change you can make today? It doesn't have to be a big one. Giant redwoods grow from small seeds.

[snug.bunny]

Hey RP, I believe the answer to your question first depends on what type of Depression you have (refer to: http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/depression-types)

 

Once that is properly diagnosed by a Professional, it will give you a better idea of how to properly treat it.

 

A Psychiatrist is a medical doctor, a Psychologist isn't. So, if it is decided that you require medication, the Psychiatrist will prescribe it for you. You should probably also look up the differences between the two to get a better understanding of the two.

 

A good starting point would be to meet with your Primary Doctor (General Practitioner) and explain some of your symptoms and ask him for a general opinion and perhaps a referral. They'll probably run some tests on you such as blood work and a physical. Depending on how long you've been going to your Primary Doctor, they are aware of your medical history as well as family medical history (if not, they have to obtain it from you) and all those things need to be looked at/considered.

[RecordProducer]

Thanks for the info, Snug.Bunny.

 

Do you want help?

Yup.

 

Are you open to personal change?

Yes.

 

What is one change you can make today? It doesn't have to be a big one. Giant redwoods grow from small seeds.

I am sure I can think of something creative to make my ex's day miserable. But, that wouldn't be much of a change.

Edited December 23, 2011 by RecordProducer

[snug.bunny]

You're welcome. Sorry you're having a rough time, feel better and try to enjoy the Holidays....Fa la la laaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!

[carhill]

Personal change has nothing to do with AS. That's the past. What's in front of you is the future. What is a change you can make today which affects your future in a positive way? Think of it as your Christmas present to yourself.

 

Good evening from the beach.

[Seneca]

Very helpful responses from everyone...

 

I was trying to think of my own helpful response. Instead, a question came to mind...

 

They say our emotions are based on our thoughts. Our thoughts our within our mind. And our mind is the ONLY thing that we can control in our life.

 

So it's reasonable to say that we CAN choose to be happy.

 

So if it is a choice...

 

What if we had a calendar showing the days of the month. We can then choose to be happy for six days of the week. And then plan one day to be depressed.

 

For every happy day - which will be marked with a . The rule is we have to have happy positive thoughts throughout the day. From the time you wake up to the time you sleep.

 

And for that one depressing day which is marked with . We get up in the morning start feeling sorry for ourself and continue through the day moping about.

 

Do you think this would be a logical way to beat depression?

[betterdeal]

Hi, RecordProducer,

 

Here's the things I've tried (with my entirely subjective rating out of 5) that I found helpful:

 

- Aromatherapy (3)

- Massage (4)

- Yoga (5)

- Antidepressants (3)

- Hypnotherapy (5)

- Talk therapy (4)

- Positive self-talk (3)

- Meditation (3)

- Assertiveness training (5)

- Singing (4)

- CBT (4)

- Accepting support and kindness from friends and family (5)

- Taking a break (resting at home) (5)

- Gardening (3)

- Walking (4)

- Change jobs (5)

 

I started hoping for an epiphany; a light-bulb moment and for everything to be fine thereafter. While there have been epiphanies along the way, it's been a process, a journey, rather than a destination. I also think that a major benefit of many of the activities I've taken part in has been meeting kind, friendly, caring people.

 

As a sensitive, intelligent, beautiful soul, this is a very interesting time in your life. There's a mountain to climb, and the journey starts in the foothills, one step at a time. Keep your eye on the ground in front of you, but take a peek at the summit from time to time, and to look at how far you've progressed since the start of the journey. It has already started. It started when you decided to change things for the better.

 

Have a big metaphorical hug from me, and a pat on the back for getting off to a cracking start on your new path.

[Eve]

Prayer and music which touched me helped me the most.

 

Personally I don't think there is an easy way out. Depression is an expression.

 

Stick close to those who can hear you. Find them. Yeah, I reckon it is about being able to keep exchanging and growing.

 

Just know that you are precious and no one has to be there to prove this.

 

You just are.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[KathyM]

Five top ways to beat depression:

 

1. Make a difference in someone's life that is less fortunate than yourself. Volunteer your time to help someone who needs you.

 

2. Count your blessings. You may not have everything you want, but there are certainly things you can be grateful for.

 

3. Make a plan of action to change what you want to be different in your life, and put it in writing. Take steps every day to accomplish those goals.

 

4. Focus on redirecting your thoughts to the positive and taking positive action in your life. Don't allow yourself to engage in negative or defeating thoughts or behavior.

 

5. Do something good for yourself, at least once a day, even if it is just a small thing. Reward yourself. Pamper yourself. Be good to yourself. Even if there's something not right in your life right now, there is always pleasure to be had in some form.

[carhill]

I beat a multi-year depression around 20 years ago by committing a substantial amount of my time to volunteering with organizations I identified with, as well as heading off to the nether regions of Africa for a month. Moving outside myself to embrace the wider planet and possibilities. I believe moving outside of self is key. The world and life owes me nothing. Every good fortune is a gift greatly valued.

[RecordProducer]

They say our emotions are based on our thoughts. Our thoughts our within our mind. And our mind is the ONLY thing that we can control in our life.

I do believe it's all in our minds. In the past few days I've rested a lot, watched TV, posted here, and tried to think positive. It helped a lot but I'm not yet where I would like to be: completely at peace.

 

What if we had a calendar showing the days of the month. We can then choose to be happy for six days of the week. And then plan one day to be depressed.

...

Do you think this would be a logical way to beat depression?

Your post made me smile, does that count?

No, we don't want to be miserable one day per week.The wholepoint is to always be in a stable emotional state even if we're sad when we have to be.

I started hoping for an epiphany; a light-bulb moment and for everything to be fine thereafter. While there have been epiphanies along the way, it's been a process, a journey, rather than a destination.

For me the destination will be when I happily fall in love. I've always been happy when in love and miserable when single or in a bad relationship.

 

I also think that a major benefit of many of the activities I've taken part in has been meeting kind, friendly, caring people.

We live in a society where people easily discard you as "has issues" or "insecure" or "negative" or too this or too that. There's always a bad name for everything you are. And it's completely for other people's benefit: they want someone upbeat enough but not too successful around them so they can feel better about themselves. When I'm depressed, I try to stay away from people. It has turned out to be the right choice because whenever I made myself search for people to lean on in those times, I was hurt by them at some point even more than had I gone through it alone. When you're vulnerable no one wants to be around you; they might even use your vulnerability to their advantage.

 

As a sensitive, intelligent, beautiful soul, this is a very interesting time in your life. There's a mountain to climb, and the journey starts in the foothills, one step at a time. Keep your eye on the ground in front of you, but take a peek at the summit from time to time, and to look at how far you've progressed since the start of the journey. It has already started. It started when you decided to change things for the better.

The journey started for me when I moved to the US and my marriage became crappy soon thereafter. It did end and I went through hell, enrolled in grad school (finishing it this spring)... but I'm tired. I'm tired of all the pain I endured and of wasting precious time and nerves on the wrong people. I want to live for today, not for tomorrow. And I don't even know what tomorrow brings.

 

Have a big metaphorical hug from me, and a pat on the back for getting off to a cracking start on your new path.

Thanks for your thoughtful post and the hug.

 

Prayer and music which touched me helped me the most.

Prayer helps me too - and I am not even religious!

 

Depression is an expression.

I like this.

 

1. Make a difference in someone's life that is less fortunate than yourself. Volunteer your time to help someone who needs you.

I do it all the time. I am glad for the people I help, but it doesn't add to my own happiness. I do it so they can be happier - not me.

 

2.

Count your blessings. You may not have everything you want, but there are certainly things you can be grateful for.

I am totally aware that we're lucky to live the lives we live - and that makes me feel even more stupid about being depressed. Our whole society is, in fact, poisoned; everybody talks about power and success and confidence and making the best choices and decisions and being great, balanced, healthy, having self-control and discipline.... How can you live with those standards? If you're not all of it, people discard you. Everything is measured through results. It's all or nothing. You're either a success or a loser. You're either the one that everybody wants or the one that nobody wants. It just pisses me off that everything has norms. Under the pretext of "values" the society imposes frames in which you have to fit - or fail.

 

Just look around, everything is standardized. I am tired of being what other people want me to be. I am tired of being judged. And if you wonder, judged for what? Not much - because I try to fit in and be what everyone expects from everyone else to be. I don't even know anymore who I am.

 

3. Make a plan of action to change what you want to be different in your life, and put it in writing. Take steps every day to accomplish those goals.

See, stuf like this just puts additional pressure on my mind; and I know it's necessary in order to move on from point A to point B.

4. Focus on redirecting your thoughts to the positive and taking positive action in your life. Don't allow yourself to engage in negative or defeating thoughts or behavior.

This is helpful. I try to fantasize about the future. And I try to rest now after a very hard semester.

 

Thanks a lot, everyone, for your wonderful posts. They're really helpful. I'm sorry if I sound stubborn or defensive, but I do digest all your thoughts and advice.

[betterdeal]

For me the destination will be when I happily fall in love. I've always been happy when in love and miserable when single or in a bad relationship.

 

That will be a milestone. The start of a new journey begins there.

 

Depression is a natural state; one that provided an evolutionary advantage. When resources are scarce, such as in winter or a drought, lying around, not doing much, waiting for spring time or the rains is a good tactic to conserve energy. Grizzlies are deeply depressed this time of year.

 

I agree with you that the medicalization of normal mental states has been a blessing and a curse. What was once called "shy" is seen by some as social anxiety; a condition to be corrected, normalized. But it is only their opinion, not some universal truth. The Medicalization of Everyday Life is a book on the subject that I quite fancy reading.

 

http://www.amazon.com/Medicalization-Everyday-Life-Selected-Essays/dp/0815608675/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1324896809&sr=8-1

 

Too often the words change but the framework they represent remains the same: evil, bad, sinful, inappropriate, unhealthy, all interchangeable when someone with a little knowledge gets hold of a new concept and grafts it onto their old view of reality.

 

But equal to this long tradition of people trying to normalise everyone else is a long tradition of other people de-constructing the rules from within. To every action there is a reaction.

[Ruby Slippers]

I like this quote: "It is easier to act yourself into a better way of feeling than to feel yourself into a better way of action."

 

The idea is to take some positive action, no matter how small, even if you don't feel better. Keep doing this, and eventually your feelings will catch up to your actions. Then you build upon that, until all your actions and the activities of your life are all positive and productive.

 

It works for me, most of the time.

[RecordProducer]

I like this quote: "It is easier to act yourself into a better way of feeling than to feel yourself into a better way of action."

 

The idea is to take some positive action, no matter how small, even if you don't feel better. Keep doing this, and eventually your feelings will catch up to your actions. Then you build upon that, until all your actions and the activities of your life are all positive and productive.

This is GREAT!!! I LOVE this! This is exactly what I am going to try. Thanks, Ruby.

[oldguy]

Get the depression under control & then see what resolves itself once you do. If medication is the source of relief, it most likely is not the end all answer. You will need to continue to search for that, weather it's emotional, psychological or organic, meaning your body needs some nutrient it isn't getting or rejecting something it is getting. But get help today, my guess is many of the problems you mention will resolve themselves, even the ex's latest girl friend, or at least the intensity of your concerns

 

If not, at least you will be dealing with those concerns without depression interfering.

 

When I mentioned "medication" I was referring to antidepressants not self medication

Edited December 29, 2011 by oldguy

[RecordProducer]

Get the depression under control & then see what resolves itself once you do. If medication is the source of relief, it most likely is not the end all answer. You will need to continue to search for that, weather it's emotional, psychological or organic, meaning your body needs some nutrient it isn't getting or rejecting something it is getting. But get help today, my guess is many of the problems you mention will resolve themselves, even the ex's latest girl friend, or at least the intensity of your concerns

 

If not, at least you will be dealing with those concerns without depression interfering.

 

When I mentioned "medication" I was referring to antidepressants not self medication

Hahah!

I too feel like there's an answer. I am also prone to this type of feelinigs: sadness, loneliness... but only for a good reason. I am tired of living in the future and living with the past pain.

[snug.bunny]

Hahah!

I too feel like there's an answer. I am also prone to this type of feelinigs: sadness, loneliness... but only for a good reason. I am tired of living in the future and living with the past pain.

 

Hope you're feeling better RP.

 

Here's a video for you (something I listen to when I need to unwind and just feel a sense of release).

 

[RecordProducer]

Thanks for the song, I have her album. Love it.

 

I do feel much better and one of the reasons is this: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t311583/

 

Edited December 31, 2011 by RecordProducer

[snug.bunny]

Thanks for the song, I have her album. Love it.

 

I do feel much better and one of the reasons is this: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t311583/

 

 

Hahaha, lurvvvv it! I can definitely apply that to a former boss.

[gaius]

Find a younger guy who isn't so intimidated by your mind and success and have some fun.